


Light as Air

by Maria_de_Salinas



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Femslash, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Good Narcissa Black Malfoy, Minor Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Minor Severus Snape/Regulus Black, POV Narcissa Black Malfoy, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Sexual Tension, The Black Family is Dysfunctional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 90,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22370851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maria_de_Salinas/pseuds/Maria_de_Salinas
Summary: Narcissa is the perfect Black-proud, high-achieving, protective of her family's secrets. But being the perfect Black comes at a cost, and Narcissa has built so many walls around herself that no one really knows the person behind them.Marlene McKinnon-loud, big-hearted, and imperfect-knows just how to knock those walls down.But as war breaks out around them, Narcissa must choose sides-and it could cost her everything.***COMPLETE***
Relationships: Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Narcissa Black Malfoy & Andromeda Black Tonks, Narcissa Black Malfoy/Marlene McKinnon, Regulus Black & Narcissa Black Malfoy
Comments: 41
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This version of Marlene McKinnon might be a bit different than the version found in other Marauder-era fics. I've made her the same age as Narcissa and I've put her in Hufflepuff, because I liked the dynamic it created between them, and Hufflepuff is the best.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to comment and let me know what you think :)

Narcissa pulled her cloak tightly around herself, clutching the letter in her other hand. She barely noticed the bright moonlight or the bare branches of the trees in the Forbidden Forest or the flock of crows that flew up when she walked by, circling in the air before landing back down on the grass. All her thoughts were with the letter, and Andromeda. 

There were enough rooms in the Black house for her and her sisters to have their own , but she and Andy had shared one anyway, so they could have extra time to talk and play before they went to sleep. They used to drape a sheet over their chairs and Andromeda would make a light appear with magic and they would there and tell each other stories, trying to see who scare each other the most. Andromeda scared her so badly one night, with a story about a werewolf, that Narcissa had to sleep with the lights on. Bella gave her shit about it when they told her the next morning, but Andromeda had stood up for her, like she always did.

Once the two of them found an abandoned barn while they were out walking in the fields beyond their estate. They ran up to get a close look, and Andromeda tugged at Narcissa's sleeve. 

"Let's go inside," she said. Before Narcissa could answer, Andromeda had grabbed the sleeve of her robes and was pulling her towards it.

The barn door creaked loudly into the silence, and Narcissa tensed a little, imagining that someone was inside it, ready to jump out at them. It was dim except for a few shafts of light coming in through the cracks in the roof.

Andromeda looked all around the barn. "Let's climb up to the hayloft," she whispered.

Narcissa had no idea why she'd followed her; maybe it was because she didn't want to look scared, or maybe it was because she could never say no to her. The ladder looked like it was about to fall apart. The wood was peeling and Narcissa got a sliver in her finger. She silently cursed Andromeda all the way up.

They looked down and saw a deep pile of sawdust. Andromeda stepped to the edge. 

"What are you doing?" Narcissa's voice was tight.

"It's deep enough jump in," Andromeda said. "Jump with me Cissy."

"No," she said. She backed away, but Andromeda came over to her and took her hand. It was warm on hers.

"It's alright. Just close your eyes." Narcissa walked to the edge, took a deep breath, and closed them. Her stomach was tight and she was shaking.

"On the count of three then. One, two, three..."

She was free, she was the air and the sky and the light. The sawdust was so soft, it hardly felt like she was landing at all. They jumped over and over again. Narcissa remembered it like she had just been there. 

Narcissa didn't really know where she was going now; her feet were moving and she wasn't seeing anything. She thought vaguely of making her way to the gates, so she could Apparate to wherever Andromeda was and talk some sense into her, though what she would say, she didn't know.

A piercing howl hit her ears. 

"Get down!"

Someone had grabbed her around the waist, but whoever it was overbalanced and the two of them fell the the ground. Narcissa looked into the face of a girl who was looking back at her, eyes wide. The girl's arms were wrapped tightly around her and their faces were so close Narcissa could feel her breath. Some part of her, some small, strange part of her, wanted to stay there, with the girl's soft body pressed against her, her face close. But she pushed it away, the force of her anger propelling her as she broke away from her and stood up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The girl didn't say anything to this, just tugged at Narcissa's robes. She'd crouched behind a fir tree. "Get down! Now!" Narcissa knew what the howling was, and her muscles tightened, but she stayed where she was.

"Didn't you hear that howling?" The girl sounded slightly hysterical. "Greyback is out there."

"Greyback wouldn't dare attack me."

The girl's eyes were wide and she was breathing fast, but she raised an eyebrow. "What, Greyback is a close personal friend of yours?"

Narcissa glared down at her. "Don't you know who I am?"

"Well, yeah," the girl said. "You're Narcissa Black, right?" The girl was looking at her a bit strangely, and it was obvious she didn't have a clue how high in status her family was, nor did she seem to think it important.

There was shouting from somewhere in the grounds; Narcissa turned to see Dumbledore striding towards the forest with his wand drawn, followed by Professor McGonagall and the oaf Hagrid.

"Well," said the girl, her voice shaking a little. "I reckon it's safe now." She stood up slowly, unsteady on her feet, and held out her hand. "I'm Marlene McKinnon," she said. Narcissa kept her hands at her sides and said nothing.

The girl looked at her, a question in her eyes. "Aren't you going to thank me?"

"What on earth do you mean? What do I have to thank you for?"

"I was trying to save your life wasn't I? I heard Greyback was on the loose and I saw you leave the castle, so I followed you. You were walking right towards the forest." The girl gave a quick nod in the direction of the forest, and Narcissa saw that it wasn't more than a hundred yards away. 

"So are you going to thank me or what?"

Narcissa glanced at the badge on the girl's robes. "You're a Hufflepuff aren't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

Narcissa didn't say what she was thinking, that only a Hufflepuff would be so naive as to expect any thanks from her, and looked the girl over. She was stocky and her robes were wrinkled and strands of auburn hair were coming loose from her slapdash-looking ponytail. Narcissa recognized the name, McKinnon. The girl wasn't a Mudblood, but it was obvious she had no sense of dignity or pride. Narcissa turned on her heel and walked back to the castle.

Just before she reached out to grab the handle of the front doors, she turned her head to look back at the grounds. The girl had her arms crossed over her chest and was looking away from her, and Narcissa thought with some satisfaction that she looked insulted.

She made her way down to the dungeons absently, her feet carrying her there. Just as she reached the stone wall where the entrance to the common room was concealed she felt a hand on her arm.

"Where did you disappear to?" Lucius was standing in front of her, looking down into her face.

"Nowhere," she said.

"You weren't out in the grounds, I hope? People are saying Greyback is out there."

"No." For some reason she did not want to tell him what had happened.

Lucius looked at her closely. "Something wrong?"

Narcissa glanced away from him. She didn't feel like telling him now. 

"What's that you've got there?" 

"Nothing."

He snatched the letter out of her hand. Narcissa held her breath and waited as he read it. 

"Good lord," he said softly. "She's throwing her life away." He handed the letter back to her. "Was it a wizarding ceremony?"

"It must have been. I don't think she'd stoop that low." 

Lucius locked eyes with her, and an understanding passed between them. Marriage contracts in the wizarding world were sealed with powerful magic, and very difficult to break-something Narcissa was often grateful for, or her own parents would have broken it off years ago, and she'd have been left at the mercy of her mother.

Lucius pulled her close, and she rested her head on his chest. It was hard and smelled clean, like soap and cologne. "I hope you're not too upset over it," he said into her hair. "You're better off without her." 

"I know," she murmured into his robes. She supposed it was true. But she didn't really believe it. 

He held her for awhile, then they turned to the stone wall. " _Fortuna_ ," she muttered. 

As she made her way across the room her friend Aster Parkinson got up to meet her, kissing her on the cheek. Narcissa had seen the way people kept their distance in the Muggle world, as though surrounded by glass walls, and she was grateful for this easy affection, even if it was hard for her to reciprocate. "Something wrong Cissy?" she asked.

"Well...why don't we go sit down." Aster followed her to the black leather sofa by the fire, where they always sat. Lucius sat down near them, beside a small, dirty-haired second-year named Severus whom he'd taken under his wing. Narcissa found it endearing, the way he cared for the boy. Just the other night Lucius been teaching him to play wizard chess, and she wanted to wrap her arms around him.

Aster sat next to Narcissa, so close that they were touching. Narcissa was sitting on the edge, playing with the folds of her robes and not looking at anyone. "It's just...Andromeda has run off with a Mudblood," she said. "They eloped. About a week ago."

She felt Aster looking at her, and knew she was shocked. "You're joking?"

"I wish I were. I'm sure mother's having a fit right now. She'll be disowned, obviously." Narcissa could see it in her mind, her mother standing in front of the family tapestry and stamping out Andromeda's picture like it was some hideous insect.

The three of them were quiet for a moment. Then she heard a small voice. 

"Is it bad? To marry a...Mudblood?"

Narcissa turned and saw Severus looking at her, an earnest, serious expression on his face. She stopped herself saying anything sharp; she felt sorry for the boy. 

"It's very bad," spoke up Lucius. "Unless you think diluting our magic isn't bad?" The boy didn't say anything, but gave the smallest shake of the head.

"Can you imagine if they have children?" said Narcissa. "The poor things will likely end up Squibs." She stared into the fire without really seeing it. "I just don't know how she could be so selfish." She put a hand to the bridge of her nose and started rubbing it. Aster took her other hand and squeezed it.

"I think I'll go to bed," Narcissa said, standing up. Lucius nodded to her, and Aster got up and followed her to the dormitory.

Narcissa sat back on her bed, and Aster sat down besider her. Her stomach fluttered as Aster put an arm around her, and she tried to convince herself that it was nothing more than nerves, stress over what had just happened. It was accepted, in their world, what she was trying so hard not to feel, but she was a Black. She was above it. 

"I'm sorry, Cissy." 

Narcissa wanted to lay her head on Aster's shoulder, to sink down into the bed with her head on Aster's chest, but she kept it upright and didn't look at her. "I'll be fine," she said. 

"You sure?"

Narcissa turned to look at her. "I'm sure," she said.

Aster squeezed her hand. "'Night, Cissy."

"Goodnight."

She closed the green velvet hangings around her bed, then changed into her nightdress and pulled the covers over herself, drawing them in tight. As she fell asleep a thought came to her, one of those unconcious, unwanted thoughts, of that girl's arms around her as they fell to the ground, her face close to hers. She pushed it away.


	2. Chapter 2

The corridor was deserted, but Narcissa looked both ways just to be sure before following Lucius into the empty classroom. She'd barely closed the door behind them when Lucius pulled her close to him, backing her up against the blackboard and pressing his lips to hers.

"You're horrible, you know that?" she said, smiling a little as he pulled away and began to kiss her neck. "My robes are going to be covered in chalk dust now."

Lucius laughed against her skin. "You'll never look at this blackboard the same way again." He began sucking at her neck and she let him, even though she didn't like it all that much. After awhile his hands started creeping up her abdomen, and just as they reached her chest he pressed them with her own. "Maybe we should stop for now," she said.

He kept his hands on her chest, kept himself pressed against her, and she wasn't sure he was going to. His breathing was fast and shallow.

"Such a tease, Narissa," he said, but he sounded more amused than annoyed, and she relaxed a little as he pulled himself away from her.

There were beads of sweat on her forehead, and her hair was a little wet as she pushed it back from her face. The corridors were empty, and they made their way through them as quietly as they could in case Filch was lurking around.

"I think I'll pop into the lavaratory," she said. "You go on ahead." Lucius gave her a little smile over his shoulder, then made his way down the corridor.

The walls above the sinks were covered with tall gilded mirrors and Narcissa stopped in front of one them to examine her reflection. Her face was still flushed and she had a deep red mark on her neck, like she thought she would, and she wondered whether or not she should cover it up, or use a charm to make it disappear. It stuck out and looked garish but she knew the other Slytherin girls would envy her for it, the way they envied her when Lucius put his arms around her in the common room and walked the corridors with her with his hand in hers. She decided to let it show.

She didn't know just how late it was, but she knew it was too late, and she was hurrying through a second-floor corridor when she heard shuffling footsteps and disgruntled muttering. Filch.

She spun around, looking for a place to hide, and when she spotted a broom closet only a few steps away she yanked the door open and closed it behind her as quietly as she could. There was a second of silence after the door snapped, but it was broken by a loud smacking sound that nearly made her jump.

" _Lumos_." By the dim blue-white light of the wand, Narcissa could make out jars of cleaning supplies and mops and, for some reason, a bear trap. She turned around and had to stop herself shouting; it was the girl, Maureen or whatever her name was, chewing loudly on a licorice wand. Of all the people she could be stuck in a broom closet with, it would have to be her.

"What are you doing here?" Narcissa hissed.

"Well you're a friendly one, aren't you?" the girl said. She took a bite of her licorice wand. "I was putting frogspawn soap in the girl's toilets."

Narcissa was sure she'd seen the girl in one of her classes, so she must have been a seventh-year. "Aren't you a little old for that sort of thing?"

The girl shrugged, then looked at her. She had a bit of licorice stuck to her teeth. "Did you ever think of seeing a Healer?" she asked.

"What are you on about? See a Healer for what?"

"Well someone has to remove that stick that's jammed up your arse-"

"How dare you?" Narcissa was standing over her and shouting, completely forgetting about Filch. There was a cold draught and a burst of light, and he was standing there in the open door.

"Well, well, we are in trouble aren't we? Thought you'd go sneaking off after hours, did you? Wanted to have a little snog in the broom closet?"

Narcissa was outraged. "We were not snogging! I don't even know her!"

"Sure you weren't," he said in a tone that suggested that he didn't believe it for a second. "Come with me."

Narcissa crossed her arms but didn't say anything. She'd long since learned that the caretaker made no disinctions based on status; he hated everyone equally. The three of them made their way down the marble staircase to a room off the Entrance Hall, small and dingy and cramped. Narcissa sniffed and made a face; it smelled of dead fish.

Filch took some parchment out of a drawer in his desk. "What are your names?"

"Marlene McKinnon."

Narcissa looked over at the girl, who was still chewing on her licorice wand. She couldn't believe she'd given Filch her actual name. She'd had every intention of naming Dolores Umbridge or one of the other Slytherin girls she didn't like, but that silly girl would probably call her out on it, and she was reminded of why she couldn't stand Hufflepuffs. "Narcissa Black."

He scratched out their names on the parchment. "You'll both be hearing from your Heads of House about this," he said, narrowing his eyes at them.

Narcissa was standing beside his desk with her arms crossed. "May we go now, please?"

Filch fingered the manacles on his desk a moment, as though longing to put their feet in them and hang them on the wall, then gave his head a stiff jerk towards the door. Narcissa turned and left, walking quickly to get away from Marlene, but she heard her fast footfalls behind her.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you before," she said. "I mean, it's sort of true, but I still shouldn't have said it." Narcissa just looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

Marlene seemed completely unfazed by it. She eyed Narcissa's robes and smiled a crooked smile. "A prefect, sneaking out after hours, I like that. You've got a little wild side, haven't you?"

Narcissa couldn't believe her nerve. "Why are you still talking to me?"

The girl's smile faltered a little, but her eyes were still laughing and it intrigued her, which only made her angrier. "Sorry," the girl said. "I was just trying to be friendly."

Narcissa turned and started walking away.

"You've got a love bite on your neck by the way, did you know?"

Narcissa whipped around and opened her mouth to say something sharp, then closed it and made her way down the dungeon steps. But when she reached the entrance to the common room she lifted the collar of her robes and covered her neck.

***

Narcissa was hoping Professor Slughorn wouldn't say anything about the note from Filch; he'd always liked her and let her get away with things. The next day, while she was sitting with Aster in the common room working on a Transfiguration essay, she was surprised to see a second-year standing in front of her, holding a note.

"I was told to give you this," she said. Narcissa scanned it. It was from Slughorn.

"You wished to see me sir?" she said when she'd walked into his office.

"Ah, Miss Black, yes, please take a seat," said Slughorn.

She sank down into a soft velvet armchair. "Crystallized pineapple?" he asked, holding out a bowl. She took a few and thanked him.

"Well, it seems I got a note about you from Filch." Narcissa kept looking straight ahead and tried to pretend she didn't have any idea what he was talking about.

"I must say I'm a little surprised at you, Miss Black. Leaving the common room after hours, and you a prefect." She felt him looking at her. He cleared his throat. "You know," he said, "I think it's lovely that you've got a lady friend. You don't need to go sneaking off into broom closets."

Narcissa's face was hot. "She is not my lady friend," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "We just happened to be in the same broom closet."

"Ah yes, I see," he said, and she could tell he didn't believe her. "Well, I hate to do this Miss Black, but I'm afraid I am going to have to issue you a detention. I'm not supposed to play favourites, you know." Narcissa thought this was a bit rich, considering his favourites had their own club, which she happened to be in.

"Professor Sprout mentioned that she needs someone to prune the Shrivelfigs, they're taking over the greenhouse, apparently. So I told her you'd give her a hand. Seven o'clock tonight, in greenhouse three."

"Yes sir."

Narcissa was tense the rest of the day, alert for any whisper of a rumour about what had happened, but no one seemed to be looking at her differently, and at lunch when she glanced over at the Hufflepuff table none of them were turning to look at her. Perhaps the girl had kept her mouth shut for a change.

She showed up at the greenhouse promptly at seven and found Professor Sprout waiting for her in the entrance.

"Good evening, Miss Black," she said, looking absurdly cheerful for someone who was supervising a detention. "You'll be pruning Shrivelfigs, you remember how to do that, I'm sure?" Narcissa gave a small nod. "Excellent." She handed her some garden shears. "Let me know if you need anything."

Narcissa made her way towards a plant that was nearly as tall as she was and gently gripped a leaf between her fingers. They were beautiful, these. Narcissa loved the smell damp earth and flowers and leaves, and she dreamed of having a garden of her own someday, filled with shrubs and trees and many-coloured blossoms that she'd care for herself. She was not sorry to have to do her detention in the greenhouse. Until she heard that voice.

"You're doing this detention too? That's dead funny."

Narcissa whipped around and grimaced. The girl was standing there, pruning shears in hand, chewing what appeared to be bubblegum. Narcissa turned back around without saying anything to her and began cutting at a branch with her garden shears.

"You're cutting that too high, you've got to cut below the node. And diagonally, not straight."

Narcissa could feel her face growing hot; she never could remember just exactly where to cut. She hesitated, still gripping the branch in her garden shears, trying to find the node so she could look like she knew what she was doing and the girl would leave her alone.

"I can give you hand if you like. Herbology was the only subject I got an Outstanding on, I'm useless at most other things, completely bombed Transfiguration. Once during class I Vanished McGonagall's desk by accident, she just about had a fit, it was so funny." Narcissa didn't think there was anything funny about this at all. She could feel the girl looking at her. "How many O.W.Ls did you get then?"

"Ten. Nine Outstandings." Narcissa hoped this would intimidate her into silence.

The girl raised her eyebrows. "Well, I reckon you don't need my help." She walked over to another Shrivelfig, and Narcissa began cutting at branches with her shears.

After awhile she could feel the girl watching her. She came over and stood behind Narcissa, reaching out to touch a small bulge on the branch.  
"You want to cut it right there," she said softly. Narcissa could feel the girl's breath on her face, her body just brushing against hers, and shivered. "Angle your shears a bit, and try cutting it now." Narcissa angled her shears and cut at the place she'd pointed to. "That's good," she said. "Just keep going like that, it'll help it grow taller."

Narcissa didn't thank her, but the girl didn't seem to be expecting it. She went back to her Shrivelfig and started working again.

Narcissa made a few more cuts, but after awhile she found herself glancing over at Marlene. She was bent over the branches, gently running her fingers along them as though they were speaking, and she was listening to them, and humming softly to herself. Strands of her auburn hair were falling over her face and she looked almost pretty. Narcissa tried to push the thought of her away as she worked, but she couldn't.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Narcissa had already finished her breakfast and was bent over her parchment, labeling a diagram of Fluxweed she'd drawn, and not paying much attention to what Lucius and his friends were talking about, until she caught a few words that made her look up.

"More Muggles disappearing..."

Lucius was reading a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ as he ate his cornflakes. "Beggars and vagrants, mostly. It's no great loss." One of his friends snorted. 

Narcissa sat up and tapped her quill against the parchment. "Is it-him?"

Lucius folded up the paper and took a bite of cereal, completely at ease, as though he'd just been reading weather reports. "Most likely."

Narcissa didn't know what to think of this. Her mother called him the Dark Lord, and spoke of him hushed, reverent tones, as though he were a fragile vapour and speaking his name too loudly would make him vanish. He was their champion, she said, their saviour, the one who would make everything right. But her father wasn't so sure. There was something about him he didn't quite trust.

"Do you suppose he's the real thing?" said Lucius's friend Tarquin, who was sitting on his other side.

"It seems that way," said Lucius. "Let's hope so, or the wizarding world will go to the dogs. Mudblood Ministers, Squib's rights, all that bollocks."

Narcissa was quiet a moment, thinking. "What exactly is it that he's trying to do?" she asked.

"The same thing our families have been trying to do for years," said Lucius. "Keep us in power. Keep our bloodlines pure. Keep the wrong sort from getting too much influence."

"But how, exactly?"

Lucius shrugged. "Does it really matter?"

"I suppose not," said Narcissa, looking down and playing with her robes. She thought of Andromeda and hoped she wasn't in any danger. 

"Think of it this way," said Lucius. "If the entire country were being threatened with disaster, and all you had to do to stop it was get rid of a few people, wouldn't you do it?"

"I don't-I suppose so."

Lucius took a swig of pumpkin juice. "Exactly," he said. "That's more or less what he is doing. In the long run it will be better for everyone." 

She supposed it all made sense, in a way. She knew how disastrous it would be if the Mudbloods took over and yet, something about it made her uneasy. She glanced across the table, where her cousin Regulus was sitting with Severus and their other friends. They were leaning forwards a little, listening to Lucius, taking in every word. 

"Except your analogy fails on one important point," said Tarquin. "They're animals. They have no moral equivalance with us." He picked up a bottle of pumpkin juice and drank most of it in one gulp before setting it down on the table. "How'd Puddlemere do last night?"

"Flattened by Montrose," said Lucius. "250 to 70." 

The talk turned to Quidditch then, as it often did. Narcissa was restless and couldn't focus. When Lucius and the others had finished breakfast she rolled up her diagram without having finished it, and went back to the common room to get the things she'd need for her first class, Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Marlene seemed to be everywhere in the weeks after their detention. Narcissa would pass her in the corridors and hear her voice in the courtyard and catch her looking at her from the Hufflepuff table at dinner. She was in the same Defense Against the Dark Arts class and Narcissa could hear her loud, obnoxious voice the moment she walked into the room. 

She was careful not to look at her and focused all of her attention on the front where Professor Morton was sitting at his desk, though she rather wished he wasn't. He had a habit of sticking his wand down the front of his robes and scratching himself with it. She was glad he at least knew what he was doing. He was the seventh DADA teacher they'd had in as many years, and the only one who was competent. Her first year, the teacher had let them play gobstones and fly paper aeroplanes while she did the crossword in the _Daily Prophet_.

"I'll take your essays," he said after they'd all sat down, flicking his wand and directing the flying parchment towards desk. "Right then, so we're going to continue with duelling today, but with one crucial difference. I would like you to take different partners than the ones you are accustomed to. There are as many styles of duelling as there are people, so it's helpful switch things up now and then. So," he said, clapping his hands together, "I'm going to divide you up randomly. Mr. Travers, you'll be with Mr. Willoughby." Tarquin smiled. Willoughby had done so poorly the year before he'd almost failed the class.

The boy looked a little pale as he walked to the front of the room and shook Tarquin's hand. They drew their wands and began circling each other, and within seconds there was a flash of light and the boy doubled over, clutching at his swollen face.

"That's enough!" Professor Morton walked over to them and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Hospital wing, Mr. Willoughby," he said, not unkindly. "Madam Pomfrey will patch you up." He turned to Tarquin. "That was out of line, Travers. Ten points from Slytherin."

Tarquin was smirking as he made his way back his desk. She expected Lucius to chide him, but instead he smiled just a little, and her stomach dropped. The Willoughby boy wasn't all that bright, but what Tarquin had done was cruel, and he was making the Slytherins look bad. 

"Miss Black? Did you hear me?" Narcissa whipped around and faced the front. Everyone was looking at her. "You're up next, with Miss McKinnon."

For a second Narcissa just sat there and stared up at the front of the room, where Marlene was already waiting, grinning at her with that crooked mouth and chewing bubblegum. Of course it would have to be her. She could have sworn she was under some kind of curse. Narcissa tried not to look at her as she made her way up to the front, but they'd have to make eye contact to duel. 

"Shake hands," said Professor Morton. 

"I'll try to go easy on you," said Marlene as they shook hands, not bothering to keep her voice down. Narcissa narrowed her eyes at her. She happened to be a duelling champion.

"Right then. On the count of three. One, two, three-"

They raised their wands, circling each other. Marlene had bent her knees a little and her eyes had a teasing look. Narcissa all keyed-up for some reason, so keyed-up that all her senses were heightened and everything felt loud. She knew the hex was coming before Marlene even flicked her wand. The force of her Shield Charm nearly knocked Marlene backwards, but she righted herself and raised her wand again. Narcissa deflected the hex with another Shield Charm.

Her wand hand was shaking a little, but she raised it high and flicked it towards Marlene, concentrating on the incantation with her mind, but although she hadn't said it aloud, Marlene seemed to know it was coming. Her stocky figure had a strange grace as she pivoted away. 

They kept on circling each other, raising their arms and looking right into each other's eyes and shooting and dodging hexes, seeming to read each other's thoughts. No sooner had Narcissa thought the incantation than Marlene dodged it, and the strength of Narcissa's Shield Charm blocked every hex Marlene sent at her. 

They were moving faster now, and Narcissa was sweating and Marlene's eyes were fierce and her skin was flushed and her hair was flying loose around her face. She was breathing hard and her chest was rising and falling rapidly and Narcissa could see how full it was. She was bloody _gorgeous_ -but no, what on earth could she be thinking?

Her legs gave way and she fell to the stone floor. 

" _Finite_." Marlene knelt down beside her. "I'll help you up," she said. Before Narcissa could answer she felt a soft, warm hand press against her own and she wondered why she was so fluttery. Her legs were a little shaky as she stood up.

"Better not get so distracted next time," whispered Marlene. Narcissa wasn't sure what she was on about but she was so shaky she couldn't bring herself to glare at her.

"Oh, excellent, both of you!" Professor Morton was beaming as he addressed the class. "See, this is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about." He turned to them. "You should partner each other more often."

"I think that's a great idea, Professor," said Marlene, with a sideways look at Narcissa, who gripped her wand so tightly she was surprised it didn't break.

Narcissa walked back to her desk with her head high and hoped no one was looking at her. She was one of the best duellers in their year; she'd won competitions. And now she'd just been beaten in front of half the seventh-years by a Hufflepuff who'd failed half her O.W.L.s. 

That keyed-up, fluttery feeling just woudn't go away as she watched the rest of the duellers, and she didn't know why. Embarassment at having lost in front of the whole class, probably. She felt someone watching at her and turned to see Marlene looking at her with those laughing eyes and supposed she was gloating. Narcissa raised an eyebrow at her, but all Marlene did was smile and turn to face the front again.

Narcissa packed away her books the moment Professor Morton dismissed them and hurried away with her friends before Marlene had a chance to catch up with her and say something annoying, and to her relief she didn't see her again that day.

Her teachers had piled her with homework, and as soon as she was finished eating dinner she and Aster went back to the common room and spread their books and parchment out on the table.

"You weren't exactly on form today, Narcissa," said Tarquin as he sat down next to Aster. 

"You'll keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you, Travers," said Lucius smoothly, putting an arm around her. "That's my girlfriend you're criticizing." Narcissa looked up at him and smiled. Lucius nuzzled the side of her face. "I'm sure it was just a fluke. That girl's no match for you." 

"I used to take Care of Magical Creatures with her," said Tarquin. "She tried to pick up a fire crab from the wrong end and got set on fire." 

"I heard she nearly blew up the Potions classroom her fourth year," said another one of Narcissa's friends, who was sitting nearby. Narcissa looked down and gripped her quill tightly, and she didn't know why. 

She set her quill back to the parchment and tried to concentrate, but she was distracted. She went to bed later without having made much progress.

***

Narcissa loved Tuesdays and Thursdays. She had a free period first thing so she could have a bit of lie-in if she needed it, or sit in the common room and get some work done, and after that was Herbology.

Her friends thought Herbology was soft and Sprout a pushover and they were going to have professional gardeners anyway, so none of them had continued on to N.E.W.T level with her. She supposed those things were true enough. But she loved it.

She knew Marlene was in the same class, but she always worked with the other Hufflepuffs on the other side of the greenhouse, so Narcissa didn't have to see her. She went straight to her usual spot and didn't look at her as she passed.

Professor Sprout spent most of the class lecturing them on Snargaluffs, and Narcissa was bent over her parchment, copying down every word, and it seemed as though hardly any time had passed when Sprout dismissed them. Narcissa put rolled up her parchment and stowed it in her bag with her books. Her bag was so heavy with them that the strap dug into her shoulders and she had to adjust it.

She was just making her way outside when she heard that voice saying her name and she cringed like it was metal scraping against metal. 

"I just wanted to tell you you're a cracking dueller, even if you do get distracted a bit easily," said Marlene. Narcissa narrowed her eyes but Marlene just ploughed on as though she hadn't even noticed. "I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk with me?"

Narcissa just looked at her with her mouth slightly open. The girl had to be one of the thickest people she'd ever met. Not once had she ever given the slightest indication that she felt anything but disdain for her.

And she then she realized the meaning of all her little jabs about getting distracted, and the truth slammed into her like she'd flown into a solid wall. _Marlene had caught her staring_.

Her face was burning, but she stood with her back straight and her head high. "I would really rather not," she said. 

"Oh, yeah, that's-I just thought I'd ask," said Marlene, and Narcissa was shocked to see that she was blushing a little. There was a very awkward silence.

"Well, I'll see you around then," said Marlene. Narcissa didn't say anything, just started walking away.

"Narcissa." 

She turned to look at Marlene, and saw that her expression was softer, more serious.

"I just wanted you to know that it's okay. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling."

Narcissa raised an eyebrow, then glanced down and adjusted the strap on her bag. "You haven't told anyone, have you?"

Marlene shook her head. "No. I haven't." 

Narcissa gave her a skeptical look, but Marlene's eyes were so earnest that her expression softened. The girl had the loudest mouth of anyone she'd met, but she knew, somehow, that she could trust her. 

Narcissa glanced around. Most of their classmates had reached the courtyard and the grounds were nearly empty. "Are you headed back to the castle?" she said.

"Yeah, I am."

"I suppose I may as well walk with you," said Narcissa, keeping her voice cool, distant. To her relief the girl didn't grin at her or give her any teasing remarks, just looked straight ahead and started walking. They fell in step together as they made their way to the courtyard.

"You like Herbology?" Marlene asked as they stepped around a large puddle.

"It's alright, I suppose."

"I've always loved it, even before I started Hogwarts. I used to spend hours playing in my parents' garden."

Narcissa had spent half her childhood playing in her family's garden; it had been her refuge whenever the walls in the house were closing in on her. But she didn't say this, and they soon found themselves on the steps leading up to the courtyard.

"I should go find my friends," said Narcissa.

"Yeah, me too." Marlene brushed a strand of hair from her face. "I'll see you Thursday then."

Narcissa gave her a small nod and walked away, surprised to find she didn't hate the idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I've got another couple of chapters finished, so I'm making good progress. I have every intention of finishing this thing, it's been so much fun to write.


	4. Chapter 4

The ceiling of the Great Hall was a cold white when Narcissa went down to breakfast, and it made her colder just to look at it. She pulled her cloak out of her robes and wrapped it around her shoulders to keep warm. The castle had become so draughty that she'd started wearing it just about every day.

She wasn't expecting any letters and didn't look up when the owls swooped in with the morning mail. A barn owl nearly knocked over her porridge bowl but she just tapped its head with her finger and kept eating.

"I think you've got something," said Lucius, through a mouthful of toast.

Narcissa took the letter it had clutched in its beak, and she knew by the return address that Andromeda had sent it. There was no way she was going to open it here, surrounded by people. She tucked it into her robes and picked up her spoon as though nothing had happened, but she couldn't bring herself to eat anything and just swirled her porridge around the bowl. She knew Lucius and Aster were watching her and wondering who the letter was from.

"It's a letter from Mother. I think I'll send her a reply before Herbology," she said, making it clear by her tone of voice that they were not to follow her. They must have understood, because they stayed in their seats as she left.

She made her way up the marble staircase, not really paying attention to anything, letting her feet carry her. The corridor leading to the Owlery was empty, so she sat against the stone wall and slit open the letter.

_My Dear Cissy,_

_I'm writing this late at night, because I can't sleep. I keep thinking about you. I'm sure by now you've heard what happened from mother. Please don't think too badly of me. I never dreamed I'd do something like this, but I had to. I just couldn't give up Ted. He is so wonderful, Cissy. I know you would like him if you gave him a chance._

_I know this can't be easy for you to hear, but our parents were wrong about a lot of things. Don't believe what they tell you about Muggle-borns, Cissy. I think Ted might be as talented as I am, and that's saying something._

_Mother has cut off all contact with me. I've had a letter from father, but I have a feeling mother will put a stop to that soon. If you were to contact me, she wouldn't have to know. I hope very much to hear from you. I miss you so much. Please remember what I've said._

_Love always,_

_Andromeda_

Narcissa hadn't really believed it at first, when her mother had written her. But there could be no doubt about it now; she knew Andromeda's hands had made those tall, thin words.

She should have seen it coming. Andromeda had always been reckless that way, mouthing off to their mother, sneaking magazines with pictures of long-haired Muggle boys, setting off Dungbombs in Malfoy Manor and Grimmauld Place whenever there were parties there. Narcissa liked to join her sometimes, reading Muggle magazines with her under their blanket tent and even throwing a Dungbomb or two. Those houses got so quiet and dark sometimes, full of strange shadows that scared her, but Andromeda had been colour and sound and light.

Narcissa rubbed the bridge of her nose with her fingers and screwed her eyes shut, every muscle of her face stretched tight. But she wasn't about to cry, she hadn't cried since she was little. She was a Black, and Black women were stronger than that.

She took deep, steadying breaths and rubbed at her nose until the thing that was coming had stopped. Only when she was sure of it did she stand up and make her way back to the common room. Lucius and Aster and a few of their other friends were there, looking over their homework. 

"Everything all right?" Aster whispered to her as she sat down. Lucius was watching her. 

"I'm fine," she said, in what she hoped was an offhand sort of voice.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said, with a glance at the other Slytherins sitting nearby. She didn't know how much they knew about it, but she didn't want to draw any attention to herself, or for them to know she was upset. She pulled out her books and parchment and started working, to keep her mind off things, and she didn't stop until it was time for her to go to Herbology. 

"Right then," Sprout said as they all settled in. Narcissa noticed that she had a large dirt streak across her robes and wondered if she ever washed. "We'll be extracting Snargaluff pods today. This is a job best done in pairs, so you'll need to partner up."

Narcissa's stomach tightened as she glanced around; there were a few other Slytherins, four half-bloods she'd never spent any time with, but they'd partnered up already. She had Lucius and her friends to partner up with in her other classes, but she always worked alone here. She spotted a girl from Gryffindor who didn't seem to have a partner and tried to catch her eye, but the girl turned away from her and locked eyes with Professor Sprout, who went over to help her. Narcissa wanted to run right out of the greenhouse

"Mind if I join you?" 

Marlene was standing right behind her. Narcissa gave her a small nod, but her face was burning and she hoped no one noticed.

Professor Sprout was speaking again. "Now, watch me while I demonstrate the technique. The vines can be a bit prickly, so you'll want to wear gloves for this." 

Naricssa would rather have been learning to care for Flutterby bushes, but she supposed the Snargaluffs had a strange charm about them, with their swaying vines and gnarled branches. She slipped on her dragonhide gloves and when Sprout was finished demonstrating Marlene looked their Snargaluff over. "Do you want try it first or should I?" she said.

"You can do it."

Marlene rolled up her sleeves and slipped on a pair of work gloves. The moment her hands touched the stump the sharp vines shot out of it, but it didn't seem to faze her at all. "Right, so you might want to try tying some of those vines together," she said. Narcissa grabbed hold of a few and tied them tight, surprised and relieved to find that Marlene wasn't giving her sideways looks or knowing smiles or teasing remarks. She was completely absorbed in her work.

When she was finished Narcissa took her turn, extracting the pod as quickly as she could and holding it up to her face to get a closer look. There was something strangely beautiful about it. 

"You know what I think?" said Marlene.

"What's that?"

"I think you really love this class."

Narcissa cracked the pod open over the bowl and didn't look at her. "And what makes you think that?"

"Because most people would find this disgusting and you look like you're having the time of your life."

She was uncanny, the way she seemed to see right through her. Only Andromeda knew how much she loved Herbology. But her face was still hot and her muscles were tense and the whole thing was horribly awkward-here she was, working with a girl she wasn't supposed to like, who'd caught her staring, who was only working with her because no one else wanted to.

"If it's all the same to you I'd rather just get this done and not talk," she said sharply.

Marlene's smile faltered, and Narcissa's stomach clenched a little when the smile went out of her eyes and she saw a flash of hurt or confusion or something like it. "I didn't mean that," she said. She glanced around and lowered her voice as though afraid someone might hear her. "I do love it." 

The smile was back in Marlene's eyes. "Thought so. Do you grow anything?" 

Narcissa tied more vines together as Marlene reached into the Snargaluff. "I have a Mimbulus Mimbletonia."

"You serious? Those are really rare, aren't they?"

"They are," said Narcissa as she let go of the Snargaluff vines. She drummed her fingers on the table and glanced at Marlene. She'd always wanted to show it off to her friends, but none of them had ever shown the slightest bit of interest in it. "I could show it to you sometime if you'd like," she said.

"I'd love to see it." Marlene put the pod into a bowl. "I've got heaps of potted plants growing on my bedside table," she said. "The other girls in my dormitory are always giving me shit about it because they sort of take over. This one time, the tentacles on my Flitterbloom plant started crawling over the girl next to me while she was sleeping and she woke up screaming. It was dead funny." 

Narcissa supposed it might have been funny if it had happened to Dolores Umbridge or someone else she couldn't stand, but still, she was thankful Marlene wasn't in her dormitory. She broke open her pod over the bowl and was just tying more vines together when she thought she sensed someone watching her and she turned to see a pair of Ravenclaw girls who were standing nearby. 

"Look who the ice queen is working with," one of them said, raising an eyebrow. "What, no one else could stand you?"

Narcissa glared at her and immediately regretted it. She'd had that nickname ever since her second year, and it was like trap she couldn't climb out of. The more people used it, the more reserved she became, and the more reserved she became, the more people used it. Her face was hot again and she squeezed the vine in her hand so tightly a piece of it broke off.

Marlene was watching her, a pod in her hand. She glanced around the greenhouse and lowered her voice. "Watch this," she said. With an expertise that suggested a lot of experience flinging objects at people, she lobbed the pod at the Ravenclaw girl. The moment it hit her it burst open, covering her skin with green goo, and the girl shrieked and clutched at the tentacles that were sprouting from her face.

"Snargaluff pods are not a weapon!" Professor Sprout hurried over to the girl, red-faced and flustered, and looked straight at Marlene. "Did you throw this?"

"Sorry, Professor, it slipped," said Marlene, with a sideways look at Narcissa. She thought Professor Sprout might have said something, but she didn't hear what it was. She was rubbing her face and trying her hardest not to laugh, but her abdomen was shaking, and before she could stop it a tiny, high-pitched squeak escaped her mouth.

Marlene was smirking at her. "Just let it out, Narcissa, I know you think it's funny."

"What on earth did you do that for?" Narcissa was trying to sound reproachful, but she could barely get the words out. She gave an undignified snort and Marlene started to laugh with her and the two of them just stood there like fools until Professor Sprout walked up to them.

"A little less laughing, a little more working, girls," she said, eyeing them suspiciously. "I've got to take Miss Fawcett up to the hospital wing." This made them laugh even harder.

Marlene wiped her eyes. "I reckon we ought to get back to work," she said, and they turned back to their Snargaluff, breaking out into laughter at odd moments.

Narcissa had to admit that they made a good team, working quickly and efficiently, and they were one of the first pairs to extract all their pods. When the lesson was over, Marlene fell in step beside her as she made her way out of the greenhouse, and Narcissa was surprised to find that she didn't mind very much. She would have never admitted it to anyone, but she was touched that Marlene would stick up for her the way she had, even if the way she'd done it was completely ridiculous. 

"You know, what that girl called you there...that was really unfair," said Marlene.

Narcissa was a bit surprised by this. She knew just how cold she'd always been towards her. "Thank you," she said. When she looked back at Marlene her eyes were smiling, and Narcissa was giddy and a little keyed-up. Nerves, probably; she had a test coming up in Ancient Runes. 

"You know, I've got a nickname myself," said Marlene. "Motormouth, my friends call me. You know, because I talk too much."

Narcissa wasn't really sure what to say to this. Her nickname seemed to fit her all too well. "I hate that nickname," she said suddenly, without really thinking. "Ice queen, I mean.

"You know, I don't think it suits you, really" said Marlene. "I saw the way you were laughing back there."

"Did you see the looks on everyone's faces?"

"Yeah, she won't live that one down. Maybe she'll get a nickname. Tentacle face or something." 

Narcissa let out another snort and Marlene laughed at her.

"I don't normally do that when I laugh, you know," said Narcissa.

"I don't believe that for a second."

"Yes, well, you have the loudest laugh I've ever heard. Anyone could hear you a mile off."

"True enough, but I don't sound like a horse when I laugh." Narcissa opened her mouth to say something sharp but closed it when she saw that Marlene was smiling at her. Narcissa glanced away, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face

They'd reached the courtyard, and without really thinking about it Narcissa paused there at the same time Marlene did. She wasn't sure what to say. 

"Well, that was fun," said Marlene. "We should work together again next lesson."

"I suppose we could," said Narcissa. She paused, glancing around the courtyard. It didn't look like anyone she knew was nearby. "Thank you," she said. "For saving my life a few weeks ago. Or trying to, anyway."

Marlene gave her another crooked smile. She smiled with her whole face, and her eyes were always laughing. "Of course," she said. "See you next week."

"See you." Narcissa turned and made her way into the castle and down to the dungeons, surprised to find that some of her heaviness had left her.

Lucius was waiting for her in the common room. She had a free period before Ancient Runes, and he put his arm around her as she sat down on the sofa beside him.

"Herbology a bore, as usual?" he said into her ear.

"It was dreadfully dull." But she smiled a little as he pulled her closer, at the memory of it.

***

The warmth of the greenhouses was a relief after waking up in the draughty castle, and Narcissa pulled off her cloak and stowed it in her robes as she made her way over to Marlene. 

"All right?" said Marlene.

Narcissa nodded. "Yourself?"

"I'm good," she said, grinning. Narcissa's insides were all fluttery again.

"Everyone here?" Professor Sprout looked around the greenhouse. "Right then, we'll be learning about Fluxweed today. Can anyone tell me what it's used for?"

Marlene's hand shot up. "It has powerful healing properties," she said. "It's also used in Polyjuice Potion."

"Excellent, take five points for Hufflepuff."

"This is the only class where I actually earn points for Hufflepuff," Marlene whispered. Narcissa wasn't sure whether to be amused or not and just looked at Professor Sprout.

"Now," Sprout went on, "these are extremely tricky to grow from seed, but given how useful they are it's a good skill to know. We'll be spending the next few weeks on it, and it's likely to show up on your N.E.W.T, so you'll want to pay attention."

Narcissa watched as Professor Sprout demontrated the correct way to plant the seedlings, and when Sprout gave the go-ahead, she and Marlene slit open the seed packets and pinched the tiny seedlings in their fingers. They were so small and fragile they were difficult to even see. She wondered how they'd ever take hold and grow. 

"We'll want to be careful with these," said Marlene in the soft tone she used when she was working in the greenhouse, so unlike her usual voice. With the very tips of her fingers, she placed the seeds into the soil, and Narcissa did the same with hers. 

Marlene tapped her wand over the seed tray. " _Aguamenti_." Nothing happened. "I always have trouble with that one."

"Let me," Narcissa said. " _Aguamenti_." A small jet of water shot out of the wand. She let out just enough to soak the seedlings. 

Once all the seeds were in Professor Sprout lectured them awhile and they were quiet, taking notes. When the bell rang Marlene nodded to a group of Hufflepuffs that must have been her friends, gesturing them to go on. "Do you want to go for a walk with me?" she said. "I have a free period." 

Narcissa paused with one hand on the work table. She really shouldn't have wanted to go anywhere with her, but she did. She couldn't really explain it, but she felt different when Marlene was around. She didn't have to worry so much about doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing or revealing too much about herself. She could almost forget she was a Black.   


"I suppose so," she said. When she'd gathered up her books and parchment and quills they walked out of the greenhouses together and made their way deeper into the grounds.

Narcissa glanced around to be sure they were alone. "I want to make it clear that I'm going with you as a friend. Nothing more."

"Of course," said Marlene, so emphatically that Narcissa was reassured. 

Marlene started walking towards the lake. "I think it's going to snow soon," she said. "The air smells cold."

"The air smells cold? I didn't think cold was something you could smell."

"Oh, it is. Take a good whiff."

Narcissa took a deep breath. "I think you might be right," she said. "I wonder how I never noticed that before."

Narcissa kept breathing in the smell of cold air and before long they found themselves at the edge of the lake, stopping where the shore met the land. "So. Nine Outstandings," said Marlene. "You must have a full timetable."

"Yes, I'm going for seven N.E.W.Ts. How about you?"

"Four. Herbology, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Muggle Studies."

Narcissa raised an eyebrow. "Muggle Studies? What on earth are you taking that for?"

"I don't know, they're sort of fascinating aren't they? I mean, they're weird and everything, but some of the things they've got are brilliant. My mum, she's Muggle-born, she told me all about those gadgets they have. I think microwaves have to be one of the greatest things ever invented." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a licorice wand. "I'll tell you what I'd really like to do."

"What's that?"

"I'd really like to go to the-cinema, d'you call it? Get a big tub of popcorn and watch one of those Muggle films. I used to watch the television at my grandma's house, but I've never seen anything on the big screen."

Narcissa didn't really know what to make of all this. Marlene's mother was a Mudblood. That made Marlene one too, in the eyes of her mother and Lucius. She wrapped her cloak more tightly around herself and didn't say anything. 

"What are you so quiet about?" said Marlene. 

"Nothing."

"I know there's something. You like to keep it inside though, don't you?"

Narcissa glanced at Marlene, then looked back out over the water. "It's called being dignified," she said.

"Well, you are that. But I don't think that's all you are."

Narcissa turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"

Marlene looked right into her eyes. "I just mean that I think there's a lot going on in here," she said, putting a hand to her own chest. 

Narcissa looked away from her, but she was smiling a little. "You seem to think you have me pegged."

"Yeah, I reckon I do."

Narcissa watched as a heron landed gently on the water. "And you, you don't keep anything in, do you?" 

"I'm an open book, really."

"Yes, it's really no mystery what you're thinking, is it?"

"What do you suppose I'm thinking now?"

Marlene's voice was soft and serious, and Narcissa turned to face her. There was something in her eyes she didn't want to see. "I don't know," she said, turning back to the water.

"I was thinking how much I like being here with you."

That fluttery feeling was back and Narcissa shifted on her feet and stepped back. She didn't really regret going walking with Marlene, but she couldn't allow her in, and wished she would stop trying. "Yes, well. It's been nice but we should probably get back to the castle," she said. "I have an essay to finish."

"Yeah," said Marlene, and Narcissa thought she looked a little flushed. They turned towards the grounds and walked in silence for awhile, but it was a heavy silence.

"How's you're Mimbulus Mimbletonia doing?" Marlene said suddenly.

Narcissa was relieved at the distraction. "It's thriving," she said.

"Can I have a look at it?"

"I suppose so." 

When they reached the Entrance Hall, she Summoned it out of her dormitory and handed it to Marlene, who held it up and looked over the green, pulsating plant from every angle, giving it the lightest, gentlest touch with the tip of her finger, snatching it away and laughing when it made a little crooning noise. 

"Where'd you get this?" she asked.

"My family went on holiday in Assyria last summer. I found it in a wizarding bazaar in Mosul."

"It's amazing," she breathed. Narcissa gave her a little smile and leaned forwards to look at it with her. 

The putrid goo hit her face before she even knew Marlene had prodded it and she had to bite her lip to stop herself shouting at her. There were a few people in the Entrance Hall and she didn't even want to think about what they would say if they saw her standing there with Marlene and covered in Stinksap. 

"Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

Narcissa bit her lip and pulled out her wand. "Here, I'll take care of it." She waved her wand and the goo vanished, though she could have sworn the awful smell lingered. 

"You've got a bit on your face, I'll get it." Before Narcissa could say anything Marlene reached out and started to wipe her face with the sleeve of her robe, and her face was so close Narcissa could smell her, sweat and licorice and something flowery. She had the strangest urge to press her face against Marlene's and just breathe her in.

"Well, thanks for showing me this," said Marlene when she'd finished wiping her face. "And I'll be careful not to prod it too hard next time."

Narcissa just looked at her. Her hair was coming loose and her sleeve was covered in Stinksap and Narcissa knew she shouldn't be there. She wondered if there'd be a next time. 


	5. Chapter 5

Narcissa knew Regulus wanted to tell her something. He was sitting in his chair near the fire and he'd been leaning forward all evening and looking at her, and so she wasn't surprised when she heard his voice.

"Cissy?" 

She looked up from the parchment she'd been writing on. Regulus was standing there, his forehead creased, and she knew he was upset about something. 

"I've had a letter from mum," he said. "She says I'm not allowed to talk to Andromeda anymore."

Narcissa set down her quill and gestured for him to sit down beside her. Regulus was so small his feet didn't even touch the floor.

"Andromeda made a terrible mistake," she said. "She's dishonoured our family. You understand how serious that is, don't you?"

"Yeah, but...how can we just cut her off like that? I mean, she's still related to us, isn't she?"

Narcissa knew how he felt. They'd all grown up together, she and her sisters and Regulus and Sirius. Sometimes she and Andromeda would babysit for them, and Andromeda would sit them down on either side of her to tell them stories or make coloured bubbles fly out of the end of her wand. Narcissa didn't know what to say.

Lucius patted him on the back. "Your mother is trying to protect you," he said. "It's for the best." When Regulus sat back and didn't say anything he added, "You've still got Narcissa and Bellatrix."

Regulus looked up at her, his eyes too big in his thin face, and Narcissa gave him a little smile, hoping she could be enough for him somehow, because the thought of having Bellatrix around couldn't have been all that comforting. She used to jump out at him from behind doorways and scare the shit out of him. 

Narcissa couldn't focus anymore. She packed up her books and parchment. "I think I'll go to bed early," she said. Lucius gave her a quick kiss and went on talking with his friends.

She sank down into her bed, her head so full of Andromeda and Regulus and the things Lucius was saying she didn't think she had a hope in hell of untangling it all. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands against them, watching the flashes of light and trying not to think. She heard someone walking through the dormitory, and opened her eyes to see Aster sinking down onto her own bed. She pulled the eiderdown quilt around herself as though drawing comfort from it.

Narcissa sat up. "Is everything all right?" 

"Not really," said Aster. Narcissa got up and sat down on the edge of Aster's bed and Aster sat up, clutching her quilt to her chest. 

"My parents want me to marry Tarquin after I leave school. And..." She drew in a sharp breath. "I can't stand him, Cissy. He's-" she glanced around the dormitory and lowered her voice. "He's a complete tosser. He tried to trick two first-years into going into the Forbidden Forest the other day. I had to stop them going in. We had a row over it, he called me a wet blanket. And some other things that I don't really care to repeat."

"Do you think there's any chance they might change their minds?"

"I doubt it. Mum's probably got the invitations done up already." 

Narcissa felt deeply for her. She didn't know what she would do if she had to marry someone like Tarquin. He'd been Lucius's best friend since they were children, and she'd spent years watching him bully everyone around him. Lucius was decent, at least. Kind, even, when he wanted to be.

"Sometimes," said Aster, "I wish I could be more like you." 

"What do you mean?"

"I just mean...well, you can just roll with things, you know? Your feelings don't get in the way. You can just shut them down."

Narcissa looked down at the bed, tracing the stitches of the quilt with her fingers. "I suppose I'm rather good at that, aren't I?" she said.

"I didn't-I meant that as a compliment, you know. It's a good thing, trust me."

"I know." Narcissa took Aster's hand and looked into her eyes, which already had the tired resignation of someone much older. "I hope you'll be all right," she said. 

"I'll be fine. I'll work something out." 

Narcissa squeezed Aster's hand and stood up. "I think I fancy a walk. I've been studying so long." Aster nodded and lay back down on her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin.

Narcissa pulled her mitts out of her pocket and put them on as she walked up the dungeon stairs. She was already wearing her cloak; it was cold in the dungeons. She kept glancing all around her as she passed through the Entrance Hall, but hardly anyone was there.

She left through the front door and walked alongside the lake awhile, looking out over the dark water. A wind was picking up, and there were choppy waves lapping against the shore. As she was making her way back to the castle, she lingered in the courtyard, but no one came outside. She was sinking, and she fought it off, fought it as hard as she could, but she couldn't stop her disappointment.

She walked back inside, head bent against the wind. She knew exactly who it was she'd been hoping to see. She was so stupid, wanting to see her again, for enjoying her company. All her friends were cultured, well-connected, well-brought up. They took pride in their names and their appearance and their ambitions. The girl had nothing to offer her.

But when she thought about working with her in Herbology again, her steps became lighter and quicker.

***

A month had passed since Narcissa had gotten Andromeda's letter, and she took it out and read it so often it was becoming faded and worn. She kept it tucked in her robes, along with a photograph of her.

Lucius was busy with an essay, and she was just sitting and staring at the common room fire. She reached into her robes until she found what she was looking for, and pulled it out by its edges using the tips of her fingers, because it was already creased in places, she looked at it so much. Her six-year-old self was smiling up at her, gap-toothed and messy-haired, an arm around Andromeda and Bella as they sat on a beach towel. She stared at it a long time, hoping the image would somehow burn itself into her memory.

She was glad she'd thought to keep a few photographs of Andromeda, but she wished she'd saved all of them. She knew her mother would have ripped the rest to shreds by now, or stamped out Andromeda's face. 

"What's that you've got there?" said Lucius, looking up from the essay he was writing. Narcissa handed him the photograph. 

"I'd almost forgotten how adorable you were," he said, smiling. He handed it back to her. "You're not missing her, are you?"

Narcissa tucked the photograph into her robes. "Of course not," she said. She pulled out her parchment and quills, but she couldn't seem to focus on anything, and left for Herbology early, without having really accomplished much.

She'd been working with Marlene every lesson, and Marlene asked her to go walking with her afterwards so many times it had become routine, something they did without even thinking. They'd talked about their classes and their day-to-day lives and little things that annoyed them, the kinds of things she talked about with people she was just getting to know. Lately she'd told her more about her childhood, but she didn't say much about her family.

Narcissa was quiet as they made their way out of the greenhouses, and didn't realize they were at the edge of the lake until they'd stopped. She stood just where the water met the land and set her bag down, staring out over the mountains beyond. She knew Marlene was watching her.

"Something bothering you?" she said.

Marlene always seemed to know. Narcissa bit her lip and played the hem of her cloak between her mittened fingers. "If I tell you, you cannot tell anyone. Promise?"

"Promise."

"It's my sister, Andromeda. She...eloped. My parents don't approve of the match, and my mother's cut her off."

"That's harsh." 

Marlene seemed genuinely shocked, and Narcissa wasn't sure whether she was annoyed or refreshed by her ignorance of how things worked in her world. "I suppose," she said.

"Do you miss her?"

Narcissa watched a heron spread its wings and circle over the water. "All the time." 

"What if you just went and saw her? Can't you do that."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because she's brought shame on our family," said Narcissa. She dug the toe of her shoe into the ground. "And...if mother ever found out, she'd probably throw me out too, just for speaking to her."

Marlene's face was serious, and her eyes weren't laughing. Her voice was softer. "Does she have a bit of a temper, your mum?"

Narcissa wrapped her arms around herself and looked away from her. "This is getting rather personal," she said, a warning in her voice.

"I'm sorry," Marlene said. "I won't mention it again if it bothers you." 

They were quiet awhile, but it was a comfortable silence. She wanted to move closer to Marlene, close enough that they were touching, but she stayed where she was.

"I've always felt like I was a disappointment to my parents," said Marlene. "Not that they've ever come right out and said that or anything," she added, when Narcissa gave her a questioning look. "They're too nice for that. It's just...well, I know they wanted me to follow them into the Ministry. Maybe become an Auror, like my dad. But my marks were never good enough."

A cold wind had blown up, and Marlene wrapped her arms around her chest the way Narcissa had. "They're sort of like you, you know. Very dignified and all that. But I was always messing about, shooting my mouth off. I know they didn't like it."

Narcissa wasn't sure what to say. Her first instinct was to agree with her parents, but she knew how much this would hurt her. 

"You're brilliant at Herbology," she said. "Better than I am, even. Did you ever think of doing something with it?"

"Well," said Marlene, "I've always sort of wanted to work in a nursery. Have my own, even. I think I'd love it if I could work with plants all day and help people find just the right ones and breed new varieties and all that."

"That sounds perfect. You should do it."

"Maybe I will," said Marlene, smiling. "You could work there with me."

Narcissa looked away from her, but she was smiling a little too. "Maybe," she said.

"Only you'll have to learn how to prune Shrivelfigs properly."

"I think I've got the hang of it now, thank you."

"I'd hire you anyway, even if you didn't."

Narcissa raised her eyebrows. "Who says I'll be working for you?"

"Well, you could open your own nursey. But I'd really hate to put you out of business."

"You-" Narcissa glanced around and saw a chunk of snow lying near her foot. She picked it up and threw it at Marlene, hitting her square in the chest.

Marlene wiped the snow off. "You little git!" she said, but she was laughing. She scooped up a ball of snow with her mittened hands and pelted it at her. 

Narcissa dodged it and bent down to scoop another handful of snow at the same time Marlene did. Narcissa tried to pivot away but Marlene was too quick for her and it hit her in the face. 

"Oh, it's on," said Narcissa. She wiped the snow away and started hurling snowballs at her as hard and fast as she could, the two of them dodging and scooping and throwing. Narcissa's hair was flying loose and she was sweating and she didn't even care. She kept aiming at Marlene until one of her snowballs hit her right in the back of the neck. 

"Oh shit, that's cold!" said Marlene, laughing and trying to brush it off.

"Here, let me," said Narcissa. She reached down the back of her cloak to get a chunk of snow that had fallen there, brushing it away as well as she could, and as she leaned in she could smell Marlene's hair, earthy and oily and sweet. She breathed it in, bringing her face closer until her lips were touching it. 

Marlene turned her face towards her. All Narcissa could feel was her breath. Her lips were so close. Narcissa had to summon all her strength just to turn her face away.

She bent down to pick up her bag, which she'd set down by the side of the lake. "We've been out here awhile. We should really head back," she said, but she knew before the words had even left her mouth that Marlene wasn't going to just ignore had happened.

"Narcissa," she said. "Don't be afraid of what you're feeling. I feel the same way about you."

"It's not-you don't understand."

"Try me."

Narcissa bit her lip and pulled at the strap on her bag. "Look, Lucius and I are very serious about each other. We're probably going to be married before long. So, I really can't do this. Even if I wanted to, which I don't."

Marlene eyes were direct, penetrating, a look she could never hide from. "Do you love him?"

Narcissa looked right back at her, but she could only meet her eyes a second before glancing away. "Of course I love him." She thought Marlene looked skeptical. "You don't believe me."

"I didn't say that."

"But I know you don't."

Marlene's eyes were serious, earnest. "I just want you to be sure it's what you really want, that's all."

"Well, it is," said Narcissa, but she knew she sounded too defensive, too heated. Marlene didn't say anything to this, and she picked up her bag and they started walking back to the castle. 

Marlene stopped just as they reached the courtyard. "Look...I don't want things to be awkward between us. I really like having you as a friend. And...if that's all you ever are, that's okay."

Narcissa knew perfectly well that it wasn't okay, and that Marlene was going to try and chip away at her until she cracked. Narcissa had no intention of cracking. But she didn't want to lose her. 

"I really like having you as a friend too," she said. 

Marlene smiled at her with those warm eyes of hers and Narcissa wanted to go inside them and get lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, and for all the kudos! I appreciate all of you.


	6. Chapter 6

Narcissa was so busy that she liked those evenings she could just spend sitting in front of the fire in the common room surrounded by her friends, doing homework together or just talking. But that evening it felt too confining somehow, and she had the strangest feeling that she should be somewhere else. 

When there was a lull in the conversation, she stood up. "I think I’ll go to the library for a bit," she said. “I need something there.”

Aster gave her a questioning look. "Want me to come with you?" she said.

"No, I won't be long."

She wasn't sure if she wanted to go the library or not, and when she’d left the common room she wandered through corridors, glancing around but not really giving much thought to where she was going.

She was making her way down a first-floor corridor when she heard a familiar voice. Severus was coming out of the library with a red-haired girl she didn't know.

"You're the best in the year at Potions," he said, in a soft voice she'd never heard him use before. If she didn't know better she might have thought it was a different boy.

The girl gave him a teasing smile. "You really think I'm better than you, Sev?"

"Of course" he said, in an earnest way, as though he knew the girl didn't believe him. "I really-"

Severus must have sensed that Narcissa was watching him, because he glanced up at her and his face was turning red. Narcissa gave him just the smallest smile before looking away. She'd never thought of Severus fancying anyone, but there was no question that he adored this girl, whoever she was.

She didn't know why, but she had the sudden urge to go inside the library, as though she'd been heading for it all along. She started walking through the rows of shelves, and she'd just done a Silencing Charm on a book that was making rude remarks to her when she saw a head of dark red hair at a table just ahead of her. Before Narcissa could turn and start walking the other way Marlene caught her eye and stood up. Narcissa supposed she couldn't really pretend not to have seen her, so she stayed where she was. 

"Nice to see you," said Marlene, and Narcissa thought her smile was a bit too knowing. "Just having a look around?"

She was _gloating_. Narcissa stood a little taller and hoped her face wasn't getting red. "Yes, I just needed a few books," she said, but Marlene's eyes were laughing at her.

"Would you like to come join us?" she said. 

Narcissa’s first thought was to turn around and wipe the smirk right off her face, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "Well, I suppose I could, for a bit," she said, and followed Marlene to a table where three other people were sitting.

"This is my friend Narcissa," she said. A ripple of shock seemed to pass through them and Narcissa could tell they were trying not to lock eyes with each other.

Marlene introduced each of them in turn. "This is Alice Fortescue," she said, nodding to the smiling, round-faced young woman sitting next to her. Narcissa knew her; they were in the same duelling club. "This is Graeme Willoughby," said Marlene, and Narcissa recognized the boy Tarquin had duelled with in Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was giving her a cold look, and she thought she knew why. "And this," Marlene went on, nodding to a shy-looking girl, "is Violet Wentworth."

So two of them were Mudbloods. "It's nice to meet you all," said Narcissa as she sat down, a little uncertain. She'd scarcely ever spoken to any Mudbloods before, much less sat at the same table with them. She shifted in her seat a little and tried to look like she belonged there, but she hadn't brought any books with her and didn't know what to do with herself. 

"Can you take a look at my essay, Al?" said Marlene from beside her. Narcissa watched as Alice took the essay from her and started looking it over. 

"Alice is the best in the year at Defense Against the Dark Arts," she said to Narcissa. Narcissa wasn't surprised by this; she was an expert dueller. She gave Alice a small smile and Alice smiled back at her.

Narcissa heard the light, quick scratching of a quill and looked across the table at Violet, who was bent over her parchment. Its surface was covered in an intricate drawing of a Hippogriff, full of colour and detail. Violet tapped the parchment with her wand and it began to flap its wings. 

"Vi's an amazing artist," said Marlene. "She's sold a few of her drawings already."

"That's-" the word "unexpected" came to mind, but Narcissa wouldn't be so rude as to say it. "Impressive."

Violet looked up at them, a bit red in the face. "Thank you," she said, and Narcissa couldn't help but notice that she was rather adorable. 

Alice handed back Marlene's essay with a few corrections, and the four of them bent over their work again. Narcissa Summoned a book on runes from the shelves and tried to look occupied. 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Marlene had rested her hand on the table, not touching Narcissa's, but close enough that she kept thinking about it. She thought it’d be rough and callused, with dirt under the nails, but it was smooth and soft-looking and Narcissa saw that her nails were clean and carefully trimmed. Marlene's head moved up and Narcissa looked back down at her book, imagining the look on Marlene's face if she caught her staring again.

"What are you reading?" said Marlene, leaning over a little to get a look. Narcissa could smell her hair again. "This is why I never took Ancient Runes. I'd never get the hang of all those symbols."

To Narcissa's relief, she sat upright again. "But then again it might've been better than Care of Magical Creatures. I got a bad burn off a Fire Crab once, see?" Before Narcissa could object she pulled up the sleeve of her robes and showed Narcissa the burn mark. 

Madam Pince seemed to appear out of thin air. "This is a library," she said, narrowing her eyes at Marlene. "If you can't keep your voice down, kindly leave."

"Sorry," said Marlene, but she didn't look remotely abashed, and Narcissa had the feeling that getting kicked out of the library was a regular occurence for her. 

"Graeme was always the best at Care of Magical Creatures," she went on in a whisper. "He's planning to be a Magizooligist." 

Narcissa looked over at Graeme with interest, expecting him to say more about it, but he looked away from her. Marlene must have noticed, because she shifted in her seat a little and looked from one to the other.

They didn't say much after that, just kept on working, and when Madam Pince came by and told them it was time to go Narcissa Banished the book back to its shelf and they all stood up. 

As though they had some unspoken understanding, Marlene's friends started walking ahead of her and Marlene fell back with Narcissa. "I think they like you," she said. 

Narcissa gave her a small smile. "Two of them do, anyway."

"Well, some of the Slytherins give Graeme a hard time," said Marlene, sounding more serious. 

The silence went on so long Narcissa knew Marlene expected her to say something about it, but she didn’t. She wasn't about to criticize her own House, even if she didn't like some of the things they did.

"You're not friends with Travers, are you?" said Marlene. There was something almost accusatory in her voice, and Narcissa had wondered if she’d read something into her silence.

"No," said Narcissa, and this was true. She'd always thought he was a total prat. 

"But Lucius is."

"I don't agree with everything he does, you know." 

"No, but you're going with him." Narcissa thought she detected resentment in Marlene's voice.

"Yes, well, he happens to have a lot of good qualities," said Narcissa. She was getting defensive now, and she thought Marlene must sensed it because she didn't say anything, and there was a tense sort of silence as they made their way into the Entrance Hall.

“Well, it was nice running into you,” said Marlene. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Marlene’s eyes weren’t the same somehow, and Narcissa didn’t know why it bothered her. “See you,” she said.

Narcissa’s friends were all talking and laughing around the fire when she got back into the common room, but she didn’t feel much like sitting up with them. She went to her dormitory and sat down on her bed.

***

There were so many people in her N.E.W.T Charms class Narcissa didn't know them all, and she wondered how she could have gone as long as she did without noticing Marlene; she was hard to miss. She was chatting loudly away to her friends when Narcissa walked into the room, and Narcissa wondered if things were still the same between them. She caught Marlene's eye as she made her way to her seat and to her relief Marlene smiled and nodded.

Narcissa's friends were in Charms with her, as were Lucius and Tarquin, and she tensed a little, wondering if they had seen, but they didn't make any sign that they'd noticed. Marlene wasn't completely untouchable, but she wasn't the sort of person they'd ever want anything to do with.

Flitwick stepped onto his pile of books and faced the class. "Quiet, everyone!" he squeaked. There was some shuffling as people settled into their seats and then they fell silent. 

"We'll be learning how do to Atmospheric Charms today. These can be tricky, and they'll probaby show up on your N.E.W.T, so you'll want to pay close attention!" Narcissa noticed that everything seemed to be tricky and likely to show up on the N.E.W.T these days, but she really didn't mind the challenge.

Without uttering a word he put some sort of charm on the room, an Impervius Charm most likely, and then demonstrated the incantation and wand movements. When they had all practiced the incantation a few times the class queued along the side of the room to take turns at it, so they weren't all trying to make it rain at once. When Narcissa's turn came, she walked up to the front of the room with her back straight and her head high, as she always did, then raised her wand and flicked it downwards.

"Pluvia!" Nothing. She tried it again. " _Pluvia_!" Rain began to fall from somewhere above her.

Lucius put an arm around her waist when she'd rejoined the queue. "Well done," he said. She flushed and smiled.

Narcissa watched as Marlene stepped to the front of the room and raised her wand. She was surprised to find herself tensing.

" _Pluvia_." Nothing. " _Pluvia_." Still nothing. Narcissa looked out the window; she couldn't bring herself to watch her. She heard Tarquin snort from somewhere behind her and gripped her wand, fighting the urge to shoot a hex at him.

" _Pluvia_!" Feathers started to fall from the ceiling.

"That's quite all right, Miss McKinnon, keep practicing," said Flitwick. Narcissa shot her a quick look of sympathy as she tucked her wand into her robes. 

"I didn't know feathers were a form of precipitation, McKinnon," said Tarquin as she walked past them.

"I didn't know the Ministry allowed jackasses to carry wands, Travers," said Marlene. She flashed those laughing eyes at Narcissa, who raised an eyebrow at her, but her mouth twitched.

Marlene's friend Violet went up to the front, looking scared but determined. Narcissa watched as she took a deep breath and attempted the spell, but although she tried a few times, nothing at all happened, not even feathers from the ceiling. Face red, she walked towards the back of the queue, and Narcissa was surprised to find herself feeling sorry for her.

"Nice one, Mudblood," said Tarquin as she passed, loudly enough for the whole room to hear. Narcissa whipped around and gave him a reproachful look. What he'd said was true enough, and the girl's weak magic only to proved it, but it was hurtful and rude, and besides, there was an unspoken rule among Slytherins that the word was not to be used outside the privacy of their common room. They knew the damage it would do to their reputation, if they were to start using in openly in front of the entire school.

There was a flash of auburn hair as Marlene siezed the front of Tarquin's robes. "Watch your fucking mouth!" She let go so forcefully that Tarquin staggered backwards. "Apologize to her!"

The whole room was holding in its breath in shock. The only sound was Flitwick's footsteps as he ran across the room. Marlene was breathing hard and Tarquin was raising his wand. 

Flitwick placed himself between them, tiny arms outstretched. "Mr. Travers, there will be no such language used in this classroom!" he squeaked. "Miss McKinnon, that was out of line. Detention, both of you."

Narcissa couldn't bring herself to look at Marlene, and didn't know what her expression was, or if she was even looking at her. She was playing with fire, attacking Tarquin, and what was more, she'd made a complete fool out of herself. 

When the bell rang Narcissa made as though to ask Flitwick a question and told the others to go on. Marlene must have known what she was doing, because she stayed behind too. Narcissa waited while Flitwick shuffled a stack of parchment and put it into a briefcase, and when he'd left she glanced down the corridor to make sure there was no one around. 

"What was that all about?" Narcissa's voice was almost a whisper.

Marlene looked surprised, as though she hadn't been expecting her to say it. "Are you serious? You heard what he said. Or do you not have a problem with it?"

"Well, it was rude but-" Narcissa didn't know what to say to this. Muggle-born magic was weak, everyone knew that, and she used the word all the time without even thinking about it; it was just another word to her.

Marlene's mouth was open a little. "You don't, do you? You don't have a problem with that word."

"That's completely beside the point. You can't just go accosting people like that. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you looked?"

"Oh, but I suppose it's perfectly alright to go round calling people 'Mudblood', is it?" Marlene's eyes were flashing and strands of hair were flying around her head. "You and your friends probably do it all the time, don't you? Oh, but you look all dignified when you do it, so it's not so bad, is it?" Narcissa opened her mouth to argue back, but Marlene cut her off. 

"You know, everyone says all the Slytherins are vile, but I never believed it." Marlene squinted as though not sure she was really seeing her, and her voice changed. "I thought you were different."

This cut her, and she didn't know why. "That's completely unfair," she said, voice rising. "At least we take pride in who were are. You don't see us grabbing people and shouting at them."

Marlene stepped closer to her, face red. "No, you just look down on everyone who's different than you and call them horrible names. Not to mention all the other shit you Slytherins get up too when no one's watching."

"We don't get up to anything."

"You're so full of yourselves, all of you, going round acting like you own the place. And all your stupid traditions, marrying people you don't even love."

"How dare you-what would you know about it-"

"I know more than you think."

Narcissa glared at her, and Marlene glared back. She picked up her books and stormed out of the room.

Narcissa slung her bag over her shoulder and tucked her hands into the pockets of her robes to stop herself slamming them down on the desk. Her face was red and she was breathing hard and she didn't realize she had reached the entrance to the common room until it was standing right in front of her. She didn't want to go in. She walked right past it and wandered distractedly around the dungeon corridors.

Rude as it was, she couldn't understand why it would upset Marlene as much as it did, what Tarquin had said. She and her friends said things like that all the time, even if they did try to keep confined to the common room or their homes. It was harsh, that word, rather rude, but it was a word, not a curse. There only so much damage it could really do. Besides, they were outsiders, upstarts. They could destory everything.

And yet Marlene's mother was one, and Marlene...she wasn't terribly good at magic, to be sure and yet...Narcissa didn't like the thought of being at Hogwarts without her. 

But that was the problem, really. She'd let herself to get too attached to her. She needed to spend more time with her friends and Lucius and forget her, to stamp out all those feelings that were growing inside of her. She had no idea what she was talking about, about their marriages. Some of them did marry people they didn't love. Her own sister had done it. But she wasn't going to be one of them. 

She was a little more sure of herself as she walked back to the common room and sat down beside Lucius on the sofa. He put an arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Do you know anything about that McKinnon girl?" he said.

"Other than the fact that she's a filthy little blood-traitor," said Tarquin from beside him. The words cut her but she didn't flinch, or make any sign that disagreed.

"Not really, no," she said. It was true enough. She really hadn't known her very long.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't keep company with someone like her," said Lucius, kissing her hair. "You're much too beautiful." He pulled her closer and kissed her mouth, right there in front of the entire common room. She used to like this, knowing that everyone was watching her and wishing they could be her. But she pulled away.

“Something wrong?” said Lucius. He seemed taken aback, concerned.

“I’m not feeling well today, that’s all,” said Narcissa. “I think I need to lie down.” She stood up and made her way to the dormitory. Perhaps she’d feel better after a sleep. But her thoughts were full of Marlene; Marlene's hair flying around her as they duelled; Marlene flinging the Snargaluff pod at the Ravenclaw girl, Marlene humming softly to herself as she worked.

The two of them were still working on the same tray of Fluxweed seedlings in Herbology, but they didn't speak any more than they needed to the next day in class. Their seedlings were still a bit small.

Narcissa watched as Marlene looked them over, tapping her fingers on the work table. She didn't really want to leave for the holidays with all those bad feelings between them. She opened her mouth to say something, but Marlene didn't seem to have noticed.

"I think they need some more fertilizer," she said. She looked at Narcissa. "I'll get it. You probably don't want to dirty yourself."

Narcissa couldn't believe what she'd just heard. "Excuse me?"

Marlene flushed red and started to say something, but Narcissa cut her off. "I was just about to apologize, you know."

Marlene looked flustered. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Forget it," said Narcissa. 

"Narcissa-"

"I said forget it."

They worked in silence the rest of the class, and Narcissa left without looking back at her, but her eyes were stinging and she went straight to her dormitory and sank down on her bed.

She'd been thinking of asking Marlene if she was staying over the Christmas holidays, and she even had wild thoughts of staying there with her. But she supposed it didn't matter anyway; there was no question of her not going home. Her father would be disappointed and her mother would have a fit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to show some dysfunctional family dynamics, and there will be a brief depiction of Druella's abusive behaviour towards Narcissa and Cygnus. This will be towards the end, after the scene break.

The sitting room in the Black house was beautiful. Narcissa had conjured flowing shrubs and wreaths of pointsettias and a colony of fairies weaved in and out of the holly on the mantel. The only light came from the fire in the hearth and the soft coloured lights suspended all around them. 

Her mother was standing in front of the fireplace, ripping a letter to shreds. After she'd thrown the fragments into the fire she hurled her wine glass into the fireplace and watched it smash into pieces, chest heaving. "That ungrateful bitch!"

"For the love of Merlin, Druella, control yourself! It's Christmas." Narcissa hardly ever heard her father speak so sharply. His forehead was creased and he looked shocked. 

Her mother sat back down in her chair in front of the fire, next to her father's chair. Bella was sitting beside them, next to Narcissa, and Rodolphus was on the other side of the room, half in shadow. Andromeda's chair was empty.

Her mother was still breathing hard. "It would have been my first grandchild and she's _defiled_ it! I will never forgive her for this!"

"The child'll probably be unstable," said Bella, a glass of eggnog in her hand. "Or a Squib." She took a sip and smiled a little as their mother gasped in pain. She'd always enjoyed getting a rise out of her.

"Christmas crackers, anyone?" said her father in a rather loud voice. When no one said anything, he took one out of a box and gave it a tug. A flock of birds flew out, flying around the room a few times before nesting in the branches of one of the Flutterby bushes Narcissa had conjured. 

Narcissa took a cracker from her father and tugged; there was a puff of smoke and a mouse appeared. Narcissa scooped it up in her hand and patted it's head, shielding it from Bella, who was toying with her wand as though itching to snuff it.

Her father clapped his hands together. "Presents!" he said. He handed a small box to Narcissa. She slit the paper with her fingernail and opened the lid.

Lying on the lining of blue velvet was a necklace with a delicate silver chain. Narcissa picked it up with her fingers and prised open the heart-shaped locket to find a picture of her and Andromeda, arms around each other, their faces together. They were laughing.

Narcissa knew it was her father who had done this, so she wouldn't forget her. She told him with her eyes how much it meant to her, and he gave her a small nod, looking serious, and she knew he understood. She closed the locket without showing anyone else. Her mother was staring into the fire and hadn't noticed anything.

"Bella, you next," he said, handing her a larger box. Bella tore open the wrapping paper and lifted the lid. 

There was a short silence as she stared down at the box. When she pulled out what was inside it Narcissa saw it was a cot mobile with little moons and stars hanging from it, glowing with their own light. She found it pretty but Bella looked at with her eyes narrowed and held it with the very tips of her fingers as though it was covered in mould. Bellatrix hated small children. And large children, for that matter.

Their mother looked at her expectantly. "Well? What do you think? It'll look lovely in the baby's room, won't it?" 

Narcissa couldn't believe the depth of her mother's denial. She doubted whether Bella and Rodolphus even slept in the same bed.

"It's tacky," said Bella, setting it back down and taking a sip of her drink. Her mother made a sharp noise and looked at her with her mouth open

"Why don't we see if dinner's ready?" said her father, standing up. "Tilby?"

There was a crack and their elf appeared, an old tartan blanket wrapped around his waist. "You is calling me, sir?" 

"Dinner ready?"

"Just a few more minutes, sir," he said. 

"Thank you, Tilby. Carry on." The elf vanished. 

"Well," he said, looking round at them all, "why don't we freshen up and head to the dining room?"

Narcissa was all too happy to get out of there, and went upstairs to wash her hands and face at the ceramic basin in her room. She pinned her long hair to the top of her head and changed into new dress robes, a dark green that made her think of trees, and put the locket around her neck. When she entered the dining room her mother and father were sitting at opposite ends of the table and Bella and Rolophus weren't even sitting next to each other. She took a seat near her father.

For awhile there was no sound aside from the clinking of silverware against plates. Her mother was stabbing at her roast goose as though it had personally insulted her, lips pursed. 

"School going well then, Narcissa?" her father asked, cutting up a piece of goose. 

"Yes," she said. "Things are getting busy now, with N.E.W.Ts coming up."

"Well," said her father, "I've no doubt you'll do our family proud, Cissy."

"Somebody needs to," said Bella, smiling a little. "To make up for that dirty Squib grandchild-"

"Shut your mouth! Just shut up!" 

Her mother had half-risen from her seat, pounding the table and glaring at Bella, who looked completely unfazed. Narcissa wondered if there was something, anything, she could say to break the tension. Things weren't always like that. Bellatrix could be funny and full of life when she wanted to be, and there were times when her mother smiled and laughed.

"Bellatrix, that's enough," said her father. "Druella, _sit down_!" 

Slowly, her mother sat back down in her seat. Bella took a bite of her pudding as though nothing had happened.

Narcissa picked at her food, but she couldn't eat anything more, and after excusing herself she went upstairs to lie down awhile. She would need to save her energy for the Yuletide party that night.

It was a tradition in the wizarding world to throw lavish parties on Christmas night. The Malfoy's was the most extravagant, the biggest event of the season. When Narcissa was little she and Andromeda and the other children would race around the manor on toy brooms and play hide-and-seek and sneak into the great hall where all the adults were dancing and steal food. Just last year she and Andromeda had drunk too much cider and Andromeda had taken her by the hand and waltzed her around the room until they were laughing too hard to stand up.

The hall was hot and packed with people when they arrived there later that night. The five of them walked in together, heads high and backs straight, but Narcissa could see how strained her father's smile was and was determined to show herself at her best, to make him proud. 

She'd worn her best dress robes, a light blue floaty material that Andromeda and Bella picked out with her at Twilfitt and Tattings, because it brought out the blue of her eyes. She saw heads turning as she made her way through the crowds of people. She had always loved this, but now she crossed her arms over her chest and didn't look at anyone. 

There was a light tap on her shoulder and she turned to see Lucius in dress robes of deep navy. His eyes moved over her as he held out his hand. She laced the fingers of her right hand through his and rested the other on his shoulder as he put his other hand on the small of her back.

She'd known Lucius as long as she could remember. The two of them used to tear around Malfoy Manor with her sisters, sliding down bannisters, playing hide-and-seek, racing their brooms around the back garden. Once Bella insisted that they try to fly to Hogsmeade and they'd all gotten lost. 

She'd known perfectly well why their parents kept throwing them together like that, but it hadn't mattered. Lucius had grown to be good-looking and funny and she'd fancied him and he'd felt the same way about her. She loved it at first, all the kissing and touching. But she thought as time went on they'd talk more, and lately she'd been feeling as though he didn't really know her at all.

"Had a good Christmas?" His breath was on her ear.

"Yes," she said, because the truth was more than she wanted to think about just then.

The band was playing a waltz now, the same one she and Andromeda had danced to, and she stared over Lucius's shoulder and tried not to think about it too much. Lucius didn't seem to notice. He pulled her closer. 

He had that clean smell of aftershave and cologne and his shoulders were broad, and they seemed to float through the room. Thoughts kept coming to her, of how it would feel to dance like this with Marlene, to be in her arms, and she tried to push them away, but they kept coming back.

When the song was over she let go of his hand. "I think I'll get something to drink," she said. 

"Can I get it for you?"

"No, that's all right. I'll be back in a moment."

Narcissa made her way over to the drinks table and poured herself some cider. It was warm going down, and before long the muscles in her arms and legs and neck loosened and relaxed. The room was a whirl of colour and sound and the air was full of that party smell of perfume and alchohol and warm bodies and she thought the evening might not be a complete wash after all.

Regulus came up behind her, finger to his lips. She smiled as he poured frogspawn into the punch. It was the sort of thing she and her sisters used to do as children. His brother Sirius was nearby, spitting cherry pits at passing dancers. Narcissa gave him a reproachful look but didn't say anything. She supposed his mother would be after him for it before long.

She made her way back to Lucius, who was talking with a tall, dark-haired man.

"Narcissa, I don't think you've met my friend, Augustus Rookwood. He's a senior official in the Ministry."

This would explain why he and Lucius were friends. The man appeared to be at least ten years older. 

"Pleased to meet you," he said, taking her hand in his and kissing it lightly. His manner was polite, dignified, and she rather liked him. "Lucius tells me you're an excellent student." Narcissa gave Lucius a little smile.

"Perhaps you'll work for the Ministry someday," Rookwood went on. "We could certainly use minds like yours."

"She won't need to work a day in her life if she takes my name," said Lucius, smiling.

"Naturally, and yet she might find that she'd like to anyway," said Rookwood. He turned to her. "I'll put in a good word for you, if you wish." 

"Thank you," said Narcissa. "I appreciate it." He gave her a little bow and with a nod to Lucius disappeared into the crowd. 

Lucius held out his hand. "Dance?"

She smiled up at him as they started dancing. "Your friend is rather charming."

"Indeed," said Lucius. "I suppose it would explain why he's so well connected."

"Did you ever think of working for the Ministry?"

Lucius gave her an amused look. "And why would I want to do that?"

"I don't know, don't you think you'll be bored, sitting around this manor all day?"

"Well, if you're here with me we won't exactly be sitting, will we?"

Narcissa put her head on his shoulder and tried not to think. They spun around the room, but her troubled thoughts wouldn't go away. 

***

Narcissa had a long lie-in the morning after the party, exhausted and sore and slightly hung-over. She lay in bed going over every song, every dance, every longing look Lucius had given her, but it didn't make her feel the way it used to. She was getting hungry, so she sat up, shading her eyes with one hand, and dressed in plain black robes.

But when she walked down the stairs, she wished she hadn't. She could hear her mother shouting as soon as she reached the bottom.

"...always sticking up for her, as if she hasn't humiliated our entire family! You're too soft, you always were, you're nothing but a weakling!" Her voice was a hissing thing, full of venom.

"I'm a weakling am I? Just because I want to see my daughter and my grandchild-" Her father cried out and stumbled as a jet of light hit him. She ran into the room and saw him sitting on the floor. Her mother was standing over him with her wand raised.

Narcissa gasped. "Oh my God-" 

Her mother wheeled around. Her eyes were wide and she was shaking. She thrust the wand back into her robes. "Oh, I suppose you're going to take his side then, aren't you? Going the same way as your sister, you traitorous little bitch." 

Narcissa screwed up her face as her mother brushed past her and left the room.

When she was gone Narcissa knelt down beside her father and gently pulled him up."Thank you, Cissy," he said quietly. He sat down in a chair and she sat down on another chair next to him.

“Are you having a good holiday?” 

Narcissa could hear how anxious he was, and gave him the answer she knew he needed to hear. “Yes, it’s been very nice.”

"Good, good," he said, trying to believe her, she thought. "We'll do something special for your birthday next week. I'll arrange a Portkey. We'll go to Crete or someplace."

"I'd like that."

They were quiet awhile. "Don't take what she said to heart, Cissy."

"I won't," she said, because she knew he needed to hear that too.

"Narcissa," he said, very seriously. Narcissa turned from the fire and looked at him. "Make us proud, won't you?"

Narcissa understood. Her mother and sister were half-mad, and her other sister was gone. She nodded, and he gave her a little smile, and they sat there together a long time.


	8. Chapter 8

Narcissa sat with Lucius and Aster and a few of their other friends on the train back to Hogwarts. They were all chatting away about their holidays but she just stared out the window, hoping they wouldn't pay any attention to her. She watched the cities and villages they passed through, imagining the kind of people who lived there and the things they did, wondering if they were anything like her.

Aster nudged her. "You all right?" she mouthed. 

"I'm fine," she mouthed back.

She did her best to look as fine as she said she was, joining in the conversation and even laughing a few times, and she put on such a good show that Aster didn't question it again.

But she was so drained from it she didn't have anything left and all through classes the next day she just shut out everything around her. She was trying so hard to bury all the memories, all the shouting and the anger, but they kept surfacing. She didn't even know Professor Flitwick had dismissed them until Aster tapped her on the arm. She knew Marlene was watching her and hurried out of the room before she could catch her up.

The sky outside was nearly black by the time she was finished eating dinner, but she wrapped her cloak around herself and made her way out of the front doors anyway, so she could be alone and no one would know she was upset. She walked through the courtyard and sank down on the stone steps that led into the grounds, drawing her knees up to her chest and staring out over the trees. Every muscle in her face was tight.

"Narcissa?" She knew that voice, but didn't think she was really hearing it. The voice spoke again and when she turned around Marlene was standing there, robes rippling in the chilly wind. 

Narcissa glared at her. "What do you want?" 

"I saw you leave," she said. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Narcissa knew she'd been hoping for her all along, and she couldn't stand it, that she could be so bloody _weak_. She stared straight ahead and didn’t say anything. 

"What's wrong?" Marlene's voice was soft, but Narcissa wasn't about to give in. She wasn't going to give anything away, wasn't going to feel anything. 

“Mind if I sit here with you?”

Narcissa opened her mouth to say no, to tell her to just leave. But she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She gave her the smallest nod, and Marlene sat down beside her. 

“Listen," said Marlene, "I’m really sorry about what I said to you before the holiday."

Narcissa strained her face harder and Marlene moved closer to her, close enough that they were touching, and she didn't realize until then just how much she needed someone to just sit beside her like that.

"I didn't have a very good holiday," she said after awhile, trying to keep her voice from breaking. 

"Did something happen?"

"Well...it's just..." she let out a breath. "I've been taught my whole life to be so proud of being a Black and we're not...I don't know..." She sat up and clapped a hand to her face. "You didn't hear that. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's okay. I won't tell anyone, I promise." 

She was looking right into her eyes, and Narcissa knew she meant it. She put her hand back down on her lap, and Marlene laced her fingers through hers and pressed down. 

A thrill shot through her, but also a warmth, a sense of calm. She breathed deeply to steady and watched a hare make its way across the quiet grounds. Marlene didn't say anything, and she didn't need to. She was there.

She didn't know how long they sat there together when she stood up. "It's getting late," she said. "We should probably go inside." Marlene got up to walk with her and they made their way into the Entrance Hall.

When they'd reached the entrance to the dungeon steps, they stood and faced each other. "I'm sorry," said Narcissa. "About what happened. Before the holidays. I didn't like what he said to your friend."

"I'm glad to hear you say that. I'm sorry I got so upset with you."

"It's all right." Narcissa glanced down and adjusted her cloak. "Goodnight."

Marlene's voice was soft, her face serious. "Goodnight Narcissa."

She couldn't focus on her homework that night, and when she'd packed her books and parchment away she went to her dormitory and wrapped her body around her pillow, holding it close to her.

***

Narcissa was walking to breakfast the next morning with her friends, the five of them in a close pack, when she passed Marlene coming the other way in the Entrance Hall, and she could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to talk. 

They would sometimes catch each other coming and going in the castle, and Marlene would smile and Narcissa would nod to her, but her friends had never seen them talking together. With a glance back at them, she made her way over.

"I was just wondering how you're doing," said Marlene, and the concern in her voice made Narcissa warm inside.

"Better," she said. 

"Good. Let me know if you need to talk, all right?"

There were a lot of things Narcissa wasn't ready to tell her, or anyone, but just knowing she could was enough. "I will," she said. They locked eyes a moment, then Narcissa went to join her friends.

"What was that all about?" asked Aster as they sat down, but she sounded more curious than than anything.

"I've been working with Marlene McKinnon in Herbology," said Narcissa. "We've sort of become friends."

"Really?" said another of her friends, raising an eyebrow. "Why would you want anything to do with her?"

"You're being a bit rude, Acantha," said Aster. "That's Narcissa's business." She turned to Narcissa. "So why are you friends?" she asked in a low voice.

"I don't know...she's easy to talk to, I suppose."

"That's because she never shuts up," said Acantha. Narcissa stabbed at her fried tomatoes and didn't say anything. 

"Well, I think it's nice," said Aster, sounding a little uncertain. "As long as you don't, you know, get too close to her. I've heard all her family are blood-traitors."

"Are they?" said Narcissa absently, picking up her eggs with her fork and dropping them back on her plate. She wasn't sure she really cared anymore.

"Who are blood traitors?" asked Tarquin as he grabbed a plate of bacon and sat down. Lucius sat down next to Narcissa.

Aster glanced at Narcissa and didn't say anything, but nothing was going to stop Acantha opening her big mouth. "The McKinnons," she said. 

"What about them?" said Tarquin through a mouthful of bacon.

This time even Acantha kept quiet, but her eyes flickered towards Narcissa. "Nothing," she said. Narcissa saw a dark look cross his face but to her relief he didn't say any more about it and he and Lucius started talking about league standings.

She was hoping Tarquin would go back to simply ignoring Marlene, but he didn't. She saw the dark looks he'd give her as she walked passed, saw how he sneered at her, but Marlene gave as good as she got, and she'd sneer right back at him.

Narcissa and her friends were walking with Lucius and Tarquin through a first-floor corridor a later that week when she heard Marlene's voice from somewhere ahead of her, chatting away with her friends. Marlene stopped talking and grinned at her as she passed, mouthing the words "all right?" Narcissa gave her a quick nod and flashed a smile at her.

Tarquin narrowed his eyes at Marlene but his mouth was curled in a smile, and Narcissa knew it couldn't mean anything good. "What are you looking at, blood-traitor bitch?"

" _Shut up, Tarquin_!" 

Narcissa had shouted into his face, so loudly, so forcefully, that everyone turned to stare at her. The corridor was totally silent and her face was hot and she racked her brains trying to come up with something, anything that would stop her giving herself away. "You've already damaged our reputation," she said, looking him straight in the eye and trying to keep her voice even, though it was shaking. "Don't make it worse."

When she spoke, her friends listened, it was why she'd been made prefect. Tarquin's expression didn't soften any, but he turned away from Marlene and started walking again. Narcissa was careful not to look back at her.

Lucius squeezed her hand. "You can always be counted upon to keep us in line," he said, and she was grateful for that, but wondered if he really meant it.

Marlene caught Narcissa's eye the second she walked into the Charms classroom later that day. Narcissa smiled back at her, and didn't stop smiling when she turned to face Flitwick, who was standing on his pile of books and lecturing them about something or other. When he dismissed the class, Narcissa gestured for her friends to go on.

"Better go and get some fresh air on your break, girls," said Flitwick as he packed up his stack of parchment.

"We will, Professor," said Marlene. There was something in her eyes, something Narcissa hadn't seen before, and she wanted to stay there and run out of the classroom all at once.

"I saw the way you stuck up for me," she said, flashing that crooked smile that made Narcissa's breath come faster. "So I think it's safe to say you like me then?"

"I don't know about that," said Narcissa, brushing her hair back. "Maybe I just really hate Tarquin Travers."

"Oh, of course, you can't stand me, can you?" 

"Not in the slightest."

"Yeah, well, you're not half as dignified as you like to think you are," said Marlene, stepping closer and looking her over. "You've got a feisty little temper, don't you? You don't take any shit from anyone."

Narcissa bit at her lip and looked back at her. "You're damn right I don't." 

The words just flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. She let in a sharp breath, and Marlene's mouth opened a little and her eyes were laughing. Narcissa glanced down and adjusted the strap on her bag.

"Want to meet in the library tonight?" Marlene asked when she'd looked back up.

"Sure," said Narcissa. "Will your friends mind though? I mean, after what happened."

Marlene's voice became lower, more serious. "Well, actually, I was thinking it could be just us. I mean, if you want to." 

Something about the way she said it shocked her back into reality. She'd done it again, gotten carried away with herself and given Marlene the wrong idea. 

"Actually, if your friends wanted to join us, I really wouldn't mind." 

Marlene's eyes widened slightly. "Oh, yeah," she said. "That'd be fine. So...do you want to meet up with us at seven then?"

Narcissa turned towards the door. "I'll see you then," she said. She left the room without looking back at her.

***

Narcissa had some time to sit in the common room after dinner, and she noticed that Aster was quieter than usual. She was sitting beside Tarquin, and Narcissa could see how strained her face was, like she had a headache and was trying not to wince. 

As though there'd been some invisible signal, Tarquin and Lucius and Corban Yaxley and a few of their other friends stood up. Lucius nodded to Severus and Regulus and their friends.

"Where are you off to?" said Narcissa. 

Lucius smiled down at her. "Just off to do a little fraternal bonding." He bent down and put his mouth against her ear. "But I'll be back in time for prefect duty." 

When they'd gone, Aster moved along the sofa to sit next to her. She looked more relaxed, more herself. 

"They've got a little secret society going on," she said, and Narcissa could tell she thought the whole thing rather stupid. "They sneak off into empty classrooms and put on cloaks and pretend to be powerful but they're probably just turning first-years into iguanas or something."

"It's nice that they're including the younger boys at least."

"I suppose. I just hope Tarquin's not giving them too hard a time."There was an edge her voice, something like disdain. 

"How are things with you and Tarquin?"

Aster shrugged a little and stared into the fire. "Same as always."

"What if you just explained to your parents? I'm sure your mother would understand."

"Yeah, but it's not like they'll let me marry just anyone, will they? If it's not Tarquin, it'll just be someone worse, like Marius Crabbe or Rabastan Lestrange. This is just our lot, Cissy." She turned away from the fire to look at her. "You'd better just thank your lucky stars you've got someone decent."

"I know." They were quiet awhile. 

"I'm sorry about what Tarquin said today," said Aster.

Narcissa was taken aback by this. "You don't have to apologize for him." She remembering his sneering voice, and then she realized something. She leaned foward, lowering her voice. "Does he ever talk that way to you?"

Aster played with the folds in the lap of her robes, clenching and unclenching her hands. "Sometimes."

Narcissa wanted to squeeze those hands, put her arms around her even, but instead she looked Aster straight in the eye. "Don't believe a word he says. You don't deserve any of it." 

Aster unclenched her hands and rested them on her lap, and Narcissa hoped she knew how much she meant it. "Thanks Cissy," she said. They leaned back and sat watching the fire.

"That was nice of you, to stick up for your friend," said Aster. "You must really like her."

Narcissa couldn't quite meet her eye. "Well, we work together a lot in Herbology," she said. Aster was quiet and Narcissa could knew she was looking at her. "What?" 

"Nothing," said Aster, but Narcissa thought she was smiling. She looked up at the clock on the mantel and saw that it was nearly seven.

"I have to go, I'm meeting someone at the library," she said. 

"It wouldn't happen to be Marlene, would it?" said Aster, and her look was way too knowing for Narcissa's liking.

"Yes, well, we study together sometimes too. And there's nothing going on so stop looking at me like that."

She stood up before Aster could say anything more about it and had reached the common room entrance when she ran up to her, kissing her on the cheek. "Thanks for what you said to me before."

"Of course. If he ever speaks to you that way again tell him he'll have me to deal with."

Aster gave her a little smile, but then her expression turned serious. "Just, you know, be careful around her Cissy."

Narcissa understood. "I will," she said. 

She made her way to the library, ignoring the fluttering in her stomach, and Marlene flashed her a grin as she walked up to the table. She glanced around at her friends before she sat down, asking them without words if it was okay. Graeme's eyes flicked towards her, and Alice and Violet smiled, and she supposed they'd seen her sticking up for Marlene. She smiled a little as she sank into her seat. 

Marlene leaned over and whispered to her. "Would you mind having a look at my Charms essay?" she asked. Narcissa nodded and looked it over, making a correction here and there before handing it back to Marlene.

"Cheers," she whispered, and they both opened their books. 

Narcissa rested her left hand on the table, next to her book, like she often did, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Marlene do the same, so that there hands were almost touching. Narcissa almost snatched hers away, but Marlene didn't move any closer. She didn't give her sideways looks, didn't make any teasing remarks, and Narcissa understood. She would wait for her to make the first move, wait until she was ready. 

Narcissa didn't see how she ever would be. She enjoyed her friendship, she supposed, but it would never be anything more than that.


	9. Chapter 9

Narcissa tried hard not to see Marlene every day, but some weeks she came close to it, going for walks with her or just sitting somewhere and talking. She joined Marlene and her friends in the library a few evenings a week and she was starting to like them. She didn't even think of them as Mudbloods anymore, and wondered when she'd stopped. 

The snow melted, but as February turned to March the wind raged and seeped though the castle walls so that Narcissa kept wrapping her cloak around her wherever she went.

She was sitting down to breakfast with Aster one morning when a barn owl swooped down and landed right in front of her. She knew that owl, and the moment it stopped she snatched the letter out of its beak and tucked it into her robes. She stood up, and without a word to anyone she hurried out of the Great Hall, not stopping until she’d reached the courtyard

She sat down on the steps that led into the grounds, hands shaking a little, and slit it open so fast she tore a bit of the letter. 

Something fell out. Narcissa picked it up off the stones, trying not to look, but she couldn't unsee it.

A pink-haired baby was waving wildly at the camera, wriggling free of a yellow blanket. When Narcissa picked up the letter she could barely hold it steady.

_Dear Cissy,_

_I hope you aren't still upset with me. I don’t know if you still want to hear from me or not, but I just had to share our happy news._

_Our daughter was born on the 6th of March, beautiful and healthy. We’ve named her Nymphadora. I think she looks rather like Ted. Imagine our surprise when her hair started turning different colours the day she born. It looks as though we’ve got a Metamorphmagus in the family! She’s such an extraordinary child. I’ve enclosed a photograph of her so you can see for yourself._

_I'm doing fine, Ted's taking good care of us. I hope you are well. I know you're likely very busy with school, but I still very much hope to hear from you._

_Please tell father the good news._

_I love you,_

_Andromeda_

Narcissa tucked the letter and the photograph back into her robes and sat with her arms tucked under her chest, straining her face as hard as she could, but her eyes were blurry.

“Narcissa?” 

Marlene sat down next to her. “What happened?”

“It's Andromeda,” said Narcissa. "She's had a baby. A little girl." Marlene rested her head against hers and Narcissa knew she understood what this meant to her.

"I should be there," she said, voice breaking. "I always promised..."

Narcissa could feel Marlene's warmth beside her, and before she could think she turned and put her head on Marlene's shoulder, straining her face as hard as she could.

"You can cry now Narcissa," Marlene whispered into her hair. "It's just us."

"I don't need to." Narcissa screwed up her eyes but they were wet, and some small sound escaped from deep in her throat.

Marlene wrapped her arms around her, and she stopped fighting what was coming. And she was crying, sobbing into Marlene's shoulder as Marlene held her and stroked her hair, and everything she'd been holding in for so long was flooding out of her like a sea wall had broken inside her. When her eyes had dried and her breathing slowed, Narcissa stayed in her arms, and the rise and fall of Marlene's chest as she breathed were like waves carrying her away to someplace beautiful and warm. Narcissa's face was against her neck and she breathed her in, skin and and chewing gum and something sweet and flowery and she wanted to stay there for a thousand years and it wouldn't be long enough. 

She was so at peace she lost track of the time, but after awhile the wind picked up. The cold seemed to startle her back into reality as it hit her face and made its way under her cloak, and when she pulled away she sat up straight with her arms at her sides, aware of just how long she'd stayed in Marlene's arms. She didn't want her getting the wrong idea.

Marlene sat up beside her and Narcissa kneaded the robes in her lap. "Andromeda wrote to my parents a few months ago," she said. "She told them she was going to have a baby. And my mother...she got so angry. She said she'd never forgive her."

"That's awful," said Marlene. She locked eyes with Narcissa. "Why don't you write to her? I don't see how she'd ever find out."

"I'm scared to. I'm scared of what will happen if anyone finds out we're still close. It's easier just to try and forget her."

Marlene laid her hand over Narcissa's. "But you don't want to forget her, do you?"

"No."

Marlene laced her fingers through hers and squeezed, and Narcissa returned the pressure.

The sound of the bell hit her ears and saw students making their way outside for break. They didn't say anything as they made their way to the greenhouses for Herbology, but it was so peaceful just to walk alongside her.

When the class ended they put away their things and made their way through the grounds together, not even thinking about where they were going, stopping just beside the lake. Marlene stood right beside her, so close their arms were touching, and she was quiet. Loud as she was, she'd often wait and let Narcissa talk first whenever she was upset, and Narcissa liked that about her.

"I really appreciate what you did for me before," she said.

"Felt good to get it out, didn't it?"

"It did." Marlene smiled, and Narcissa glanced down and brushed her hair back from her face. They were quiet again, and Narcissa watched the waves lapping the shore.

"She does have a bit of a temper," she said. "My mother I mean." Marlene's fingers slipped through hers and she took a breath. "Growing up I just thought it was normal. But it scared me sometimes." Marlene squeezed her hand. "Andromeda used to get into bed with me. She'd tell me all these ridiculous stories until I'd start laughing. And then it didn't seem so awful." 

Narcissa stopped to look over the water. "We have this huge garden, you could practically get lost in it," she went on. "When I wanted to get away I'd go and stay there for hours and I just seemed to forget everything. I suppose that's when I fell in love with it."

"That's how I fell in love with it too," said Marlene. "I always found it so hard to still still, I was always getting into trouble. But when I'm out in nature, I don't know...I just feel calmer, do you know what I mean?" 

"I know exactly what you mean."

Marlene smiled at her, and she smiled back. Marlene's hand felt so good in hers it was all she could think about. She slackened her grip and Marlene let go.

Marlene looked like she wanted to say something, but she seemed to change her mind, and they were quiet again.

"So tell me something," she said after awhile. "Do you fly?"

"Sometimes," said Narcissa. She gave Marlene a sideways look. "I bloody love flying."

"Thought so. Why don't we meet down at the Quidditch pitch tonight, after the Hufflepuffs are done practice? We'll have the whole stadium to ourselves."

"Let's do it then." 

They walked back to the castle together, and things didn't seem so bad.

***

Narcissa had her own racing broom, a Cleansweep 6, though she didn't get a chance to fly it much anymore, she was so busy. She used to spend hours racing through the grounds with Bella and Andromeda, dodging and chasing each other, but she hadn't flown much since they'd left school.

She and Marlene clutched their broomsticks and watched as the tired and dirty Hufflepuff team made their way into the changing rooms. As soon as the pitch was empty they mounted their brooms and kicked off. 

The air was was cold, but it wasn't freezing, and it was so fresh and cool against her skin. She whooped and shrieked like she was five years old and didn't even care if anyone heard it. Marlene turned sharply right in front of her, almost knocking her off her broom. 

  
"You little git!" she said, laughing. She turned sharply to the right and flew right towards her as though to crash into her, but Marlene swerved out of the way. 

"You're going to have to be a bit quicker than that, Black." 

Narcissa pelted right towards her, but she swerved again, and swerving and diving and turning they chased each other all over the stadium. It was getting dark, but the moon was out, and they could see each other, blue-black blurs as they shot around the pitch. She was as light and free as the air. 

"Race you to the goalposts," Marlene shouted. Narcissa flew towards her and they hovered side-by-side in the air. "On the count of three, then. One, two, three-"

Narcissa couldn't remember the last time she'd flown so fast. Marlene stayed just ahead of her, but when they were a dozen yards or so from the goalposts Narcissa flattened herself over the broom handle and pulled ahead. 

"You got lucky that time," said Marlene, and Narcissa could tell she was grinning. 

They flew down to the pitch and dismounted, laughing and breathing hard, Narcissa letting go one of her undignified snorts. Marlene’s hair was damp against her face and she was flushed and red. Narcissa conjured a blanket and put a charm on them to keep them warm and they collapsed onto the ground and looked up at the night sky. 

"Isn't it fascinating to think about?" said Narcissa. "All those distant stars and planets?"

"Yeah, it is. I wonder if there are any people on those planets looking at our sun and saying the same thing?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if there were."

They stared up at the sky awhile.

"All my family are named after stars and constellations."

"Bellatrix and Andromeda," said Marlene. "But are you named after one? I don't remember any constellations named Narcissa. Not that I was really paying much attention in Astronomy, mind."

"No, you're right, there aren't any. I was named after a flower, actually."

"The daffodil flower," she said softly. "It suits you." 

Narcissa turned to look at her. “Does your name have a meaning?”

“Yeah. Star of the sea, I think.”

“I think it’s beautiful. It suits you perfectly.”

Marlene tapped her finger to Narcissa’s cheek and smiled. Narcissa smiled back at her, and they lay there a long time facing each other, Marlene chatting away. Narcissa had never realized how beautiful her voice was, her Scottish lilt rising and falling like music.

The wind picked up and clouds were covering the stars. Narcissa knew it was late, and wondered if she should do a Disillusionment Charm on them so they could get back inside without getting caught. They walked through the grounds without seeing anyone, but they’d just pulled open the door when they saw Filch standing there in his nightcap and dressing gown, scowling up at them. 

“Thought we’d sneak out in the grounds for a snog, did we? That’ll be another detention.”

Marlene grinned over at her. “See you in detention,” she said. 

“I can’t wait,” said Narcissa.

Marlene went down the steps to the Hufflepuff basement, and Narcissa made her way back to the common room, still smiling and clutching her broom, and it wasn't until she was almost at the entrance that she realized that Lucius and their friends were probably still awake. They liked to stay up sometimes, talking and watching the fire burn low. She had no idea what she was going to tell them.

She tried to get to the dormitory before they could see her, but Lucius stood up as she walked past.

"Where've you been?" There was something accusatory in his voice.

Narcissa kept her voice casual, offhand."Just thought I'd do a bit of flying."

"At this time of night? Alone?"

Narcissa knew it would make it worse if she lied. "No, with a friend of mine."

"All your friends are here."

"She's from another house," she said. She was keeping her voice low, but all their friends were looking at her, and she glanced around at them all, hoping they wouldn't ask any more questions. She didn't see how it was any of their business anyway.

"What friends do you have from another house?" 

Narcissa didn't say anything, and Lucius's eyes widened slightly as though understanding something. "It's not the McKinnon girl, is it?" 

Someone must have told him. Narcissa shot a look at Acantha, who looked right back at her, defiant. Aster looked worried and the rest of her friends derisive, as though Narcissa had betrayed them. Part of her wanted to shout to the whole common room that she'd been with Marlene, that if they didn't like it they could shove off. But she wasn't ready to lose them. She'd known most of them her whole life. 

"No," she said. "It's not her." Some of them glanced at each other and she could tell they didn't believe her.

"Then who is it?" said Lucius.

Narcissa stood up straighter and looked him in the eye. "Look, it's really none of your business. I can have friends from other houses."

"It is my business, you know what happens when you go hanging round with the wrong sort-"

Narcissa just wanted to get away. "We were just flying, all right?" she said, voice rising. "It's not as though I'm about to start campaigning for Mug-for Mudblood rights." 

She'd rushed through the last words, hoping none of them had noticed her slip, but it was so quiet she could tell they had. 

"I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed." She hurried away to her dormitory, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Aster get up and follow her.

Narcissa thrust her broom into her trunk and leaned against her headboard, knees drawn up to her chest. Aster sat down beside her.

"Are you all right?"

Narcissa let out an exasperated breath. "Why can't I do something as simple as go out with a friend without it being a problem?"

"I know, but...well, you were with Marlene, weren't you?"

"So what if I was?"

Aster looked startled. Narcissa hardly snapped at her like that. Her expression turned serious. "So it seems like the two of you are getting rather close." She glanced around to make sure no one was listening and lowered her voice. "Do you fancy her Cissy?"

"What? No." She wished she hadn't said it so quickly. But then, it was a personal question, and she hadn't been expecting it. 

Aster was quiet, and Narcissa wasn't sure she believed her. "I don't, all right?"

"Okay. I believe you." 

Narcissa rested her chin on her knees. "Why do we live like this?" 

Aster stared down at the bed. "I don't know.”

***

Narcissa was surprised when Professor Slughorn sent her to the greenhouse for her detention, and she was even more surprised to see Marlene standing there when she walked in. 

“This is quite the coincidence,” she said, and she couldn’t help smiling. She could finally spend some time with her without Lucius and her friends giving her hell over it. 

“Not really,” said Marlene. “I asked Professor Sprout if I could work in the greenhouses for my detention, and when she said yes I asked if you could work with me.”

That was so like her that Narcissa smiled again. "Well, I think it’ll be a bit more fun than that other detention we did."

“Yeah,” said Marlene, “And I can keep you from mutilating Sprout’s plants.”

Narcissa‘s mouth opened a little. “I was not mutilating them.”

“Seriously, Narcissa, you should've just grabbed your shears and start hacking them to bits, that’s more or less what you were doing.”

"You know what," said Narcissa, “just for that, I’m going to make you do all the work tonight." She leaned against a work table and crossing her arms as though to watch her.

Marlene grabbed a pot and started filling it with soil. "Oh right Narcissa, like you're really going to miss out on a chance to get elbow deep in fertilizer."

She had her there. Narcissa smiled and started filling a pot with soil. Sprout had put them to work re-potting Puffapod seedlings.

"This is only my second detention, you know," said Narcissa as she lifted a seedling from the tray.

"I find it a bit hard to believe you never broke any rules," said Marlene, who was lowering her seedling into the pot.

"I have," said Narcissa, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. "But I've always gotten away with it until now."

"Well, it's probably good for you that you're getting punished like the rest of us ordinary people."

Narcissa smirked at her. "How many detentions have you served, about fifty?"

"I think it's more like forty," said Marlene, and Narcissa laughed. 

They kept working, falling into a kind of rhythm. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they were quiet, but the silences were peaceful, comfortable. 

"Sometimes when I'm under a lot of stress," said Narcissa after they'd been quiet awhile, "I like to imagine I'm walking through a really beautiful garden. I can sort of see it in my mind, does that seem strange?"

"I don't think that sounds strange at all," said Marlene. "What does it look like?"

"Well, a walkway arched by a rose arbor leads to it. I've got daylilies and lavender and delphinium all around the border. There are flutterby bushes and umbrella flowers growing everywhere. And an orchard, full of fruit trees and strawberry beds."

Marlene looked up from her pot and rested her arms on the table, leaning in a little, and without really thinking about it Narcissa did the same. 

"Tell you what," said Marlene. "Whenever you're thinking about it, imagine me there with you. And I'll imagine I'm there too." 

Narcissa smiled. "It'll be our own little place then, just the two of us."

"Yeah." Marlene's voice was almost a whisper, and she was looked at Narcissa so intently she glanced away. Marlene stood up a little straighter and so did she.

"Erm, you've got a bit of soil on you," said Marlene, gesturing towards her forehead. Narcissa started to wipe at it. "A little to the left...here, I'll get it." She leaned forward and began to brush it off with the side of her hand. Narcissa could smell the licorice on her breath, the earthy scent of her hair. 

Narcissa leaned in and pressed her lips to her face and missed, then moved her mouth until she found what she was looking for, until she tfelt her full lips and tasted licorice, and Marlene's lips moved with hers, softly but so intensely Narcissa could feel how much she wanted it. She rested her hand on Narcissa's face and stroked it with her thumb.

Sometimes Narcissa would sit by herself in the dark. She'd go outside after and the light and the colours would be so bright, so brilliant, it was like she'd never seen before. Marlene was the light hitting her eyes after the dark. The first touch after years of being numb. Something was giving way, and she never wanted to stop. 

_What am I doing?_

She pulled away, flushed and breathless. "I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Yes you do," said Marlene softly. "You know exactly what you were thinking. Don't be afraid of this, Narcissa." 

She just didn't get it, she would never get it. She had no idea what it was to be trapped. "You don't understand."

"I do understand -"

"No, you don't," she said, so firmly that Marlene was quiet. She finished repotting her last seedlings, slamming them down so hard she bent the stems. "I'll see you later," she said, and she made her way out of the greenhouse without looking back at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I think this will end up being around 23 chapters, so I'm halfway done with it it, and it looks like I'm going to have a lot more time to work on it now. Take care everyone <3


	10. Chapter 10

Narcissa didn't know what it was about some people, the way they could walk into a room and just own everyone's attention. Presence, that's what her father had called it, when her Auntie Walburga would walk into a room and it was as though some of the air had been sucked out. The candles would flicker in an invisible wind whenever she passed by. 

Marlene had more presence than anyone Narcissa had ever met. She always knew when Marlene was in the same room. Her eyes kept flickering towards her in the Great Hall at breakfast, she heard her voice before she even walked into the classroom for Charms, saw her out of the corner of her eye. She was watching her, waiting for her chance to talk to her, but Narcissa wouldn't let her. She hurried out of classrooms and sat with her back to the Hufflepuff table at dinner and before her friends were even finished eating she got up and went back to the common room.

She pulled out her schoolwork but she couldn't focus, couldn't get anything done. After she'd read the same page four times she closed her book and went to lie down on her bed.

She looked around the dormitory, at the beds where her friends slept, at the things they kept on their nightstands, the photographs of family and friends. Narcissa was in a lot of them. She'd known them all since she was little. 

She looked at the tapestries on the walls, with their pictures of Merlin and Morgana and Salazar Slytherin and the legends she'd heard all her life. She and her sisters had sat beside their father and he'd tell them stories about them and do all kinds of funny voices. She imagined her father staring into the fire, completely alone, cut off from everyone he loved, knowing another daughter had been taken away from him.

She had so much to lose.

She overslept so late the next morning she had to run part of the way to the greenhouse for Herbology. She could hear Professor Sprout talking when she stopped to catch her breath at the entrance but she didn't want to go in. 

Marlene was waiting for her like she always was, and Narcissa could feel those eyes going right through her. She set her bag down and didn't look at her.

Professor Sprout spent most of the class lecturing them on Venomous Tentacula, but towards the end of the lesson she set them to work extracting the seeds, why Narcissa didn't know. She couldn't imagine anyone actually wanting to grow the bloody things.

"We'll have to distract it," said Marlene, pulling on her work gloves. and Narcissa made a small murmur of agreement, still not looking at her. 

Narcissa grabbed a handful of Chizpurfles and fed it to the plant while Marlene got to work extracting the seeds. It shot its shell at her face and she stunned it with a Severing Charm.

"Nice one," said Marlene without looking up.

Narcissa didn't say anything, and took their turns extracting seed pods. By the end of the lesson they had a small basketful.

"Looks good," said Marlene. "I think we'll get high marks for this."

Narcissa started putting her things away and didn't say anything.

"I know something's bothering you," said Marlene. "Why don't we go somewhere and talk."

Sprout dismissed them then, and there was shuffling and talking as people began to leave. "I really can't," said Narcissa. She slung her bag over her shoulder and made her way out of the greenhouse as fast as she could.

Marlene caught her up halfway to the castle, breathing hard. "Narcissa, please. Talk to me, don't just avoid me." 

Narcissa walked faster.

"Please, Narcissa, just tell me what's wrong." 

Narcissa whipped around and faced her. She couldn't believe she'd be so thick. "Isn't it obvious?" 

Her words were sharp, stinging, but Marlene didn't even seem to notice. Her eyes were soft, and she stepped closer to her, putting a hand to her arm. "You're afraid?"

Narcissa jerked her arm away. "Of course I'm afraid. Do you have any idea what would happen if I ended up with you? Did you not hear a word I said about what happened to my sister?"

"I know, but-"

"If you know then why did you go after me like this? How could you be so selfish?"

Marlene's eyes flashed. "Is that what you think this is? That I'm just using you?" 

"Maybe you are. Maybe you just wanted a challenge.”

"How could you think that?" Marlene’s face was red and her voice was strained, but Narcissa wanted it, wanted her angry. It would make things so much easier. 

Narcissa's voice rose. “Ever since I’ve met you you’ve been following me around and staring at me and trying to make me go out with you. You had to know I was off-limits.”

  
"I don't-"

Narcissa cut her off. “Well, you won, didn't you? You got me.” She threw her bookbag on the ground and stepped close to her. "Why don't you just kiss me right now?" Narcissa put her face close to hers, until their lips were almost touching and she could feel Marlene's breath. She lowered her voice. "Why don't you just go ahead and fuck me, so you can tell all your friends you fucked Narcissa Black, that's what you want isn't it?"

Marlene's breath came faster, and her eyes flicked down to her lips, but when they looked back into hers they were wet. 

"How could you say that?" Her voice was breaking. "How could you think that?"

Narcissa had never seen her look so hurt. She just stood there, breathing hard, and Narcissa thought she was going to turn around and walk away from her.

"Oh God, I'm sorry I didn't mean it-"

Marlene wrapped her arms around her, pressing her face against hers. “You know you mean so much more to me than that," she said into her hair. "I care about you so much. I want to be with you."

Narcissa felt something wet on her skin. She pulled away and brushed Marlene's eyes with her thumbs until they were dry. "I know you do." She rested her forehead against Marlene's. "I'm just so scared."

“I know. But I would help you. I would take care of you, I promise." She put her hands to Narcissa's face. "I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you."

  
Narcissa stayed with her face close to Marlene's, and when her breathing slowed she pulled away and looked at her. "I just need some more time," she said, trying to steady her voice. "To think things over."

Marlene took a breath. “Okay." 

Narcissa brushed her face again, wishing it could somehow take away the hurt she saw there, that it could take away her own. 

She pulled away and walked back to the castle, not stopping when she got to the common room, going straight to her dormitory, which was mercifully empty. 

She sank down into her bed, but she couldn’t lie still. She sat up, paced around the dormitory, sat back down, and stood up, a hundred images flashing in her mind, her father, her mother, her sisters, Marlene. She remembered those lips on hers, her arms, her soft touch, and wanted to be with her so badly it ached. 

She looked at her nightstand, at the Mimbulus Mimbletonia, remembering the way Marlene had run her hands along it. There was no one she could tell, no one who would understand, unless...

She sat back down on the bed again, playing the quilt between her fingers and glancing down at her schoolbag. She sat there a long time.

She always kept spare parchment in her schoolbag, along with her books. She pulled a roll of it out, then reached around in the bag for a quill. 

_Dear Andy,_

She paused with her quill over the parchment. There was so much she wanted to say.

_I hope this finds you well and happy. Congratulations on the new baby, she's perfect. I've never seen such a head of pink hair._

_I've missed you so much. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to write to you. I think about you all the time. Christmas wasn't the same without you._

_I think I'm beginning to understand how you feel about Ted. To tell you the truth, I've met someone. Her name is Marlene McKinnon, and I'm falling in love with her._

Narcissa stared down at those words she'd just written. They made it seem so real, what she'd been keeping inside so long. 

_But I'm so scared. You know how Mother and father are, they have their heart set on me marrying Lucius. I know how angry mother is going to get, but I think I'm more afraid of disappointing father. What if I never see him again? What if mother takes it out on him?_ _I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm on the edge of something, and I don't want to make a move, do you know what I mean?_ _I'm sorry to bother you with all this when you have a baby to care for, but I just had to tell someone._

She paused again, quill hovering over the parchment, thinking.

_Tell Ted hello from me. I should very much like to meet him._

_Love always,_

_Cissy_

She folded the letter up and sealed it, then made her way up to the owlery. 

***

Nearly a week had passed since Narcissa had sent the letter, and she could barely concentrate on her breakfast. She'd just lifted the spoon to her mouth the barn owl swooped down in front of her, making her slop milk down the front of her robes. She absently wiped her face with her sleeve and took the letter clutched to its beak. She could feel everyone watching her. She tucked the letter into her robes and tried to act like it was nothing.

She was relieved it was Saturday, so she didn't have to worry about making it to class on time, and the moment she was finished eating she went back to her dormitory and ripped open the letter.

_Dear Cissy,_

_You have no idea how happy it made me to hear from you. Don't worry about being a bother, you can send me ten letters a day if you want._

_I'm so happy you've met someone because you wanted to, and not because someone else made the decision for you. I know exactly what you are going through. I can't promise you it will be easy, but it will be worth it, believe me. I'm watching Ted rock Nymphadora to sleep as I write this and I don't even want to think about where I would be if I hadn't taken the chance._

_I understand your fears about father. I miss him so much, and I am so sorry that this hurt him. I still hold on to hope that he'll find a way out of all this and that we'll be together again. As for mother and Bella, well, I can only hope someday they'll understand._

_I am here for you, always._

_Love,_

_Andy_

Narcissa read over the letter twice, then held it close to her before tucking it into her bedside drawer.

She remembered when Bella had gotten engaged to Rololphus. His brother Rabastan was about the same age as Andromeda, so her parents had invited him over and left them alone together in the sitting room, to get acquainted, even though they knew each other from school and didn't like each other. When Narcissa and her parents returned a few hours later, Andromeda was lying across the sofa reading a Muggle magazine and Rabastan was pointing his wand at his mouth and trying to undo the tongue-tying hex she'd put on him. Narcissa wondered what her life would have been if they'd married. She thought of how happy was with Ted, of the life they were building together. She sat and thought for a long time.

She heard movement and sat up straighter as though she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't, but it was only Aster and she leaned back against the headboard and motioned for Aster to sit next to her. 

"Is everything all right?" said Aster as she settled into the bed next to her.

"I'm fine," said Narcissa. "I just have a lot on my mind lately." She played the folds of her robes between her fingers. "Do you ever wonder if our parents were wrong about some things?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know...that they put too much importance on us marrying the right sort of people. What if...the other sort aren't so bad?"

Aster stretched her legs out on the bed. "What, you mean Mudbloods?"

"Well, yes. What if they're like us?"

Aster jiggled her stocking feet a little, thinking. "Well, I have to admit the ones I've gotten to know are rather nice. But what's got you thinking about all this lately?"

Narcissa took a breath and looked at her. "I think I might break things off with Lucius," she said. 

"Are you serious? Why?"

"It's just...I care about him, but I don't think I ever really loved him. It just doesn't feel right, do you know what I mean?"

"But who else is there?" Aster's expression changed as though realizing something, and her mouth dropped open. "You're not thinking of going with her? With Marlene?"

Narcissa just smiled, her face getting warm, but Aster's expression was serious. "She seems nice and everything, but you know it can never work."

"Couldn't it? It worked for Andromeda."

"She got cut off, Cissy. I don't know if I'd call that a success."

"She seems happy to me," said Narcissa. Aster didn't say anything, just stared off into space, and Narcissa wondered if she was thinking of her own troubles. 

"Things still the same with Tarquin?"

Aster didn't look at her, just kept staring straight ahead. "Yeah."

Narcissa glanced around and lowered her voice. "What if you just broke things off with him? Just tell him you don't care to see him anymore?"

Aster sighed. "I've thought about it, but...well, can I tell you something?"

"Of course." 

"As much as I can't stand him, I feel a bit sorry for him, to be honest. Things aren't that great for him at home."

Narcissa was startled by this. Maybe her family wasn't the only one with dark secrets. Maybe all that pride they'd all been raised with was a cover for something. She sat awhile, thinking. "But...if you end up with him, won't it just be more of the same?"

"I suppose," said Aster. "But I'm not as brave as you, Cissy."

Narcissa took a finger and gently lifted Aster's chin. "Yes, you are," she said. 

Aster's eyes widened, and Narcissa knew how surprised she was, because Narcissa had surprised herself. 

"Thanks Cissy," she said softly. 

They sat there together awhile, not saying anything, not needing to.

"So tell me something," said Aster after awhile. "Were you ever attracted to me?"

Narcissa's face grew hot. "That's a bit personal." 

Aster smiled. "You were, weren't you?"

Narcissa picked up a pillow and whacked her in the face, and they started laughing.

"Marlene's been good for you I think," said Aster. 

Narcissa smiled. "She has."

***

Narcissa was a bit more sure of herself, of the path she was taking, but there was still one thing left to do, and she dreaded it so much she couldn't focus on anything the next day. She ate her dinner slowly, wishing she could stretch out time, make it stop for awhile. But all too soon she found herself sitting next to Lucius in the common room. Her stomach was tight and she was shaking. 

She'd been pulling away from him the last few months, and he sensed it, she knew he did. He'd been paying more attention to her lately, asking her to go places with him, buying her gifts, asking where she'd been. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew, had known for a long time, that it would come to this. She only hoped he wouldn't guess the real reason why. He'd tell everyone, her friends would turn their backs on her, her mother and Bella would find out. What they'd do then, Narcissa didn't know, and didn't want to think about.

Lucius stretched his legs out and put his arm around her the way he always did, but when he leaned in to kiss her, Narcissa pulled back. He sat back up and he was so quiet Narcissa knew he sensed what was about to happen.

"You've been standoffish lately," he said, looking at her closely. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just..." She glanced around and saw the others were shooting glances at them. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

He followed her out of the common room without saying anything, face firm and set, like he was steeling himself for the conversation they were about to have. Narcissa didn't say anything as they made their way through the Entrance Hall and up the marble staircase. 

Narcissa stopped in a deserted second-floor corridor. "Listen, Lucius," she said, trying to make her voice pleasing, earnest. "I care for you so much. But, I think..." she glanced up at a painting of a stern-looking schoolmistress with a birch rod in her hand. _Just out with it_ , she seemed to say.

"What do you think?"

"Well, it's just...we've been together so long and...perhaps we should take a break for awhile. Enjoy our last few months here.”

Lucius looked offended by this. “I thought we were enjoying it?”

“Well, we are but...” her voice wandered away and she couldn’t seem to get the rest of the words out.

“What is it Narcissa?” 

Narcissa let out a breath; Lucius already knew something was going on; she had to get it out and be done with it. “Well, perhaps we could...agree to see other people."

Lucius looked shocked, disbelieving. "Have you been seeing someone else?"

"Well, no. Not yet." Narcissa couldn't meet his eye when she said this, and hoped he wouldn't ask too many questions. 

"But you'd like to, is that it?" 

Narcissa could hear the hurt in his voice, and something else, anger maybe. The muscles in his jaw moved, the way they did when he was upset. She tensed and tried to make her voice as soft and gentle as she could. "Well...don't you think we should before we make a commitment?"

"Of course I don't." He put a hand to her face. "I love you, Narcissa, you know that."

Narcissa rather thought he was more in love with the idea of her, but she didn't say it. She glanced down and took another breath. "I just need a break. That's all." She looked back up at him. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to show him with her eyes that she meant it.

Lucius thrust a hand to the wall so suddenly Narcissa started a little, but he recovered himself and rested his head against it. "Who is it Narcissa?" 

"It's-no one. I just thought...if I did meet someone..."

"Who else is there?"

Narcissa knew what he meant. No other pureblood man came close to Lucius.

"I don't know," she said. "I just wanted to have the option, that's all."

Lucius was quiet a long time, his face to the wall. 

"If you insist," he said, straightening up. "I think you'll realize very quickly what you're missing." He looked at her closely. "And I might not take you back, you know."

Narcissa was startled by this. If things didn't work out with Marlene, and Lucius didn't take her back, then she'd have no one. 

He gave her a long, searching look and she looked back at him, at the white-blonde hair, the smooth jaw, the pale, clear skin, and for just a moment she wanted to run her hands along his face and through his hair like she'd done so many times, bury her face in his chest, go back to the way things were, when everything was familiar and safe. 

Then she thought of Marlene's soft body against her, stroking her hair, letting her cry. She thought of the way she knew her better than anyone else ever had. She gave Lucius one last long look and turned to walk back to the common room alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Take care and stay safe <3


	11. Chapter 11

Narcissa could hear all the voices in the Great Hall as soon as she was at the top of the dungeon steps. She'd never realized how bloody loud they all were, all those people talking at once, voices echoing off the stone walls. She stopped underneath a wall sconce shaped like a griffin and rested a hand on the stone, wondering if some of those voices were talking about her, picturing all those eyes on her. She took a shaky breath before she walked to the doorway, stomach tight.

She knew the heads turning towards her weren't just her paranoia making her imagine things. Someone had told her once that most of the time it was all in a person's head, when they thought people were watching them, only she used to hope it wasn't, because she'd liked for people to look at her. Now she wished they'd just turn away.

She sat down and flicked her eyes towards Lucius, who was bent over the table talking with Tarquin and Corban and she knew he'd seen her, knew he was doing his best not to look at her. She hoped he wasn't hurting too much. Lucius had always been good at hiding it, even from her. Sometimes when he was looking at her or Severus or talking about his mother she'd catch a glimpse of his real feelings, but then he'd always cover it up with that look of cool amusement he wore like a mask.

Her friends got so quiet she knew they'd just been talking about her. Aster squeezed her hand under the table, but Acantha didn't even try to cover it up, just raised an eyebrow and leaned towards her, voice low. 

"Have you lost your mind?"

Narcissa couldn't believe she'd make a scene right in the middle of breakfast. "Can we not talk about this right now?" she mouthed, glancing at Lucius, who still wasn't looking at her.

"What were you thinking?"

Narcissa opened her mouth to say something, what she wasn't really sure, but Aster got there first. "Just shut up for once, will you?"

Acantha's eyes widened and she turned and locked eyes with their other friends. Narcissa pushed her plate away and stood up, and Aster followed her out of the Great Hall.

"Thanks for sticking up for me," said Narcissa once they'd reached the quiet of the Entrance Hall.

"Of course," said Aster. She glanced around and lowered her voice. "This isn't going to be easy, you know."

"I know."

Aster looked her over, serious. "I just hope you know what you're getting into."

Narcissa didn't say anything. Her stomach was tight and she was stiff with nerves through her first class. She sat down next to Aster in their usual place in Charms, watching Marlene out of the corner of her eye.

Flitwick started lecturing them on Drought Charms, and Narcissa glanced over at Marlene, who was facing the front, watching Flitwick. She must have sensed Narcissa watching her, because she turned to look at her, a smile that started in her eyes and spread across her whole face, and there was something about knowing she didn't look at just anyone like that, that she was smiling like that for _her_ , that lit her up inside. She looked back at her, trying to tell her everything.

Aster kicked Narcissa under the table and she started and turned to see Tarquin watching her. He was like Lucius, his feelings never showed on his face, but he knew something was up, she could tell. He was like a dog catching a scent in the air. She kept her eyes on the front after that.

The day seemed to drag on forever. The second she was finished eating dinner she grabbed her books out of the common room and made her way to the library. Marlene was there with her friends and Narcissa smiled round at all of them as she sat down. She was sick of her own.

Marlene had a book open in front of her and she was resting her hand on the table the way she always did. Narcissa glanced around to see if Lucius or any of their friends were around, but they didn't seem to be. She brushed her hand against Marlene's, and Marlene's fingertips moved gently over hers, just touching her, making her shiver. She pressed down gently and laced her fingers through Narcissa's, and Narcissa returned the pressure, breath catching in her throat. Alice and Violet caught her eye and smiled at her and even Graeme gave her a little nod. 

When Madam Pince ushered them out and they all got up to leave, Marlene fell behind with Narcissa. They ducked into an empty classroom.

"I broke up with Lucius.”

"Did you really?" said Marlene, sounding giddy and keyed-up.

"Yes." Narcissa looked at her and couldn't stop smiling. She was finally alone with Marlene. 

Oh shit. She was finally alone with Marlene. 

She'd been so preoccupied with getting through her breakup with Lucius she hadn't thought about much else, but now all her old anxieties came rushing out. 

Marlene's hair was pulled back but strands of hair were coming loose and she was wearing a Muggle blouse that didn't fit her quite right and what if she did something totally rude and embarassing, like tell a dirty joke at a formal dinner or belch loudly or accidentally set Flitwick on fire during Charms? Then no one would let her forget that she, a _Black_ of all people, was going out with her.

But there was more to it than that, larger, deeper fears that lurked underneath. What if, after everything she'd gone through, after everything she'd given up, it was Marlene who didn't like her? What if she fell in love, and they went away somewhere, and Marlene saw that horrible scar across her chest-

"Something wrong?" Marlene's forehead was creased and she looked worried.

"I'm sorry, it's just..." she took a breath. "This has been such a huge change, and I'm still confused about a lot of things, and I was thinking... perhaps we could just keep on being friends for awhile."

Marlene looked taken aback, disappointed maybe. "Yeah, of course," she said. "Yeah, that's fine, I don't want to rush you or anything."

"I really appreciate that." She brushed a strand of hair back from her face and gave her a small smile. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Can't wait."

Narcissa squeezed her hand and left. 

She couldn't help smiling a little as she made her way to the common room, but the stone wall that hid the common room entrance was like a blast of cold water. She took a breath and tightened up her face and forced herself to look serious. 

Lucius was sitting up with some friends, Tarquin and Corban and Severus and Regulus, deep in conversation about something, or other, she didn't really care what. 

They were all watching her as she walked by, and she didn't care all that much. She sank down onto her bad and wrapped her arms around her pillow and thought about Marlene.

***

Narcissa was walking through the corridors alone a few days later when she thought she heard someone saying her name, and when she turned around Regulus was standing there, a bit winded. She smiled down at him. He'd grown taller over the past year but he still only came up to her chest. 

"Slughorn's having a party this Saturday," he said. "He wanted me to give you this." He handed her an envelope tied with a red ribbon. 

"Thank you," she said, taking it from him. She glanced around the corridor; no one they knew was around. "Listen, I heard from Andromeda. She's had a baby. A little girl named Nymphadora. Here," she said, pulling the photograph from her robes.

Regulus looked down at it and grinned in that jaunty way of his. "I've never seen a baby with pink hair before."

"She's a Metamorphmagus," said Narcissa. "She can change her appearance at will," she added, seeing Regulus's blank look.

"Wicked."

"Tell Sirius, won't you?"

"Yeah," he said, but his grin faded and Narcissa realized just how few times she'd seen them together at school.

"Do you still talk to him?" 

He shrugged. "I don't know. Sometimes." His voice was too cool, too flippant, the voice of a twelve-year old boy trying to cover up what he really felt. 

"Well...if you see him..."

"Yeah, I know. I'll see you later."

"See you."

She tucked the invitation into her robes and watched him walk away down the corridor, thin and gangly and jerky, like he didn't know what to do with all those limbs. 

She made her way to the Great Hall and ate quickly, not paying much attention to what her friends were saying, watching Marlene at the Hufflepuff table. When Marlene stood up Narcissa stood up too, and they made their way out of the castle to a bench near the lake, sitting close together and looking out over the grounds.

"You're much quieter than usual today," said Narcissa. 

"I'm having some trouble in Charms." Marlene's voice was flatter than usual. "I'm starting to think I'm not going to get a pass on my N.E.W.T. It's could be important if I ever want to do anything with Herbology."

Narcissa closed her hand over Marlene's. "I'll help you. I'll tutor you every night if you need it."

Marlene smiled. "That's the whole reason I'm friends with you, you know." Marlene began to stroke her hand with her thumb and Narcissa slackened her grip and put her hand at her side.

"Slughorn is having a party this weekend," Narcissa said in a rush, trying to cover up that sticky moment. 

"Are you saying you'd like me to come with you?"

"Well...I suppose we could go. As friends."

Marlene smiled a little and brushed a loose strand of hair from her face. "Yeah. Sounds great. I've been wanting to go to a Slughorn party for years."

"I think you'll enjoy it," said Narcissa. But she wasn't so sure about herself.   
  


*** 

Narcissa was standing in front of the tall mirror in the corner of the dormitory, Aster behind her buttoning up the back of her dress robes, the same floaty blue organza she'd worn to the Christmas party. Narcissa could see Aster's reflection looking her over.

"There," she said, smoothing out the fabric. "You look smashing."

Narcissa was flushed and her eyes were bright, but it felt like her insides were being squeezed and she'd barely eaten any dinner. 

"Are you nervous?" said Aster, and Narcissa supposed it must have been showing.

"I'm so nervous," said Narcissa. "We're just going as friends, but still. No one's really seen us together much."

"You go walking together a lot."

"I know, but that feels different somehow. There's hardly anyone around then."

Aster glanced around the dormitory and kept her voice low; there were a few girls lounging on their beds, talking and listening to the wireless. “Are you sure about this Cissy? Lucius and all the others are bound to be there, you know that.”

“I know. Maybe it’ll work out somehow.”

“I hope so,” said Aster but she sounded doubtful, and Narcissa decided to change the subject.

“Are you going?"

Aster Summoned a brush from her nightstand and ran it through Narcissa's hair before pinning it up. "Tarquin asked me, but I turned him down," she said through the pins in her mouth.

Narcissa turned around to look at her. "Are you breaking it off then?"

Aster paused with her brush over Narcissa's hair. "I don't know," she said. "I'm thinking about it." 

Narcissa squeezed her hand. "You'll be all right here?"

"I'll be just fine. It's about time I had a night in."

Narcissa's muscles were so tense as she walked up to the Entrance Hall she had trouble keeping her balance. But when she saw Marlene standing there waiting, smiling with her whole face, she forgot everything else.

She wearing robes of midnight blue satin that set off her hair and hugged her curves and showed her full figure in a way her school robes didn't. Narcissa just stared. 

"I'm up here Narcissa, honestly."

Narcissa's face burned. She just couldn't stop being obvious. "I'm sorry."

Marlene grinned.. "I was just joking, you know, you can stare all you want." She leaned in an whispered in Narcissa's ear. "You look gorgeous." 

They made their way to the corridor where Slughorn's office was, Narcissa making a conscious effort not to look too much at Marlene. All the younger students had gone back to their common rooms and the castle was quiet, but as soon as they turned into the corridor heard music and voices, and she stopped. 

"Maybe we should walk in seperately."

Marlene's smile faltered and for just a moment Narcissa thought she looked annoyed. "Yeah, alright," she said. "Do you want to go in first or should I?"

"I'll do it."

She used to love making an entrance at a party, knowing everyone's eyes were on her. Now she crossed her arms and looked away from everyone. Slughorn's office was loud and hot and smoky and there were so many people packed inside it that no one seemed to notice her. She looked across the room and saw Lucius talking with Tarquin and Acantha, but she wasn't sure if they'd seen her or not.

"Narcissa?" Narcissa turned around to face Marlene. "Are you all right?" 

Narcissa gave an absent nod. "I'm fine." she said, although she really wasn't.

Marlene glanced around and squeezed her hand. "Why don't I get us some drinks," she said, but she'd only taken a few steps when Slughorn came by, red-faced and buoyant, a glass of mead in hand. "Miss Black" he said, beaming. He looked at Marlene. "And...Miss Mackenzie, is it?" 

"McKinnon," said Marlene.

He squinted as though trying to get her into focus and pointed a stubby finger at her. "Ah, yes, now I remember, you nearly blew up the Potions classroom a few years ago, didn't you?" 

For a moment Narcissa thought he was going to say something insulting, but he threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, that was funny, covered the whole class in ageing potion, I thought I was at St. Oswald's."

He snapped his fingers and two glasses of mead appeared. He handed them to Narcissa and Marlene and raised his own glass. "Cheers!" he said, clinking glasses with each of them. Narcissa watched as Slughorn and Marlene threw back their heads and downed a good portion of their glasses. Slughorn gave Marlene an approving nod. "You've got good taste in friends, Miss Black," he said. He clapped her on the back and walked away. 

"Marlene?"

Narcissa turned to see Alice clutching the arm of Frank Longbottom, another Slug Club member she knew and liked. Alice let go and pulled Marlene into a one-armed hug. “You didn’t tell me you’d be here!”

“I thought I’d surprise you,” said Marlene.

Alice looked at Narcissa and smiled. “I’m glad you invited her,” she said. “It’ll be a lot more fun with her around.”

Frank made a mock indignant face. "And it's not fun with me around?"

Alice gave him a teasing smile. "Well, seeing as how you're not having fun unless a duel breaks out, not exactly,"

Frank just grinned and raised his glass and they all clinked them together. "To Slughorn parties," he said.

Narcissa took a drink; it was full and sweet and warm going down. After awhile her face became flushed and her tense muscles relaxed and things didn't seem so bad. They drank and talked together, Marlene the loudest of all, and even though most her stories were positively filthy she made Narcissa laugh so hard she slopped mead down her front. The band took up their instruments, and the room was filled with the sounds of lutes and mandolins. 

Frank held a hand out to Alice. "Dance?" Alice smiled and they disappeared into the crowd.

Marlene's dress robes were cut low and she imagined how soft her skin would feel when she pressed her lips against her neck, across her shoulders. But there was no way she was going to dance with her, in front of all these people.

They made their way through a crowd of people and stood against a tapestry-covered wall and watched the dancers. Narcissa thought Lucius's eyes flicked towards her a few times, but every time she looked at him he was talking with his friends.

Marlene was standing just behind her, so close Narcissa could feel her. Marlene's fingers brushed against hers and she slipped them through Narcissa's and her hand was so soft and so warm in hers she didn't want to let go, she wanted to be closer. She released her thumb and stroked Marlene's hand. 

Marlene pressed her hand before letting go and running her fingertips up and down the back of Narcissa's arms, making her shiver as her hands slid across her back, up the her shoulders, across her bare skin, and she half-closed her eyes with the pleasure of it, every nerve firing.

She slipped her own hand behind Marlene and slid it across her waist, around the curve of her hips. Marlene let in a sharp breath.

Her hands moved down the small of Narcissa's back, down her hips, across the back of her thigh, and it felt so good she was aching. But she couldn't, they were going too far, too fast. And it scared her.

She gasped and whipped around. "What are you doing?" 

Marlene was flushed and she looked startled. "I'm sorry, I just...I thought you'd like it..."

She did like it. That was the whole problem. She didn't say anything, just turned around and faced the crowd, pretending to watch the dancers.

She heard Marlene's voice from behind her. "Can we talk?"

  
Narcissa crossed her arms and didn't say anything.

"Please?"

She sounded almost hurt. Narcissa bit her lip. "Fine. But let's leave-"

"Seperately, yeah, I know."

Marlene made her way to the door and left, and a few minutes later, when her friends weren't looking, Narcissa followed her. 

Marlene was standing in an empty corridor, leaning against the stone wall, arms crossed. She straightened up and put her arms at her sides when she saw Narcissa.

"Listen," she said, "I'm sorry about what happened, I know you don't want to rush things-"

Narcissa stood a few feet away from her, arms crossed as though it could shield her from her own feelings. "I don't."

"I know, it's just...well, I sort of feel like maybe you do want to get closer. I get so many mixed messages from you."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just finding this really hard." 

Marlene's face softened. "I know you are."

Narcissa could smell the mead on her breath. Her eyes flickered to her lips. She remembered the way they felt on hers, full and smooth. 

She stood up straight, glancing all around the corridor.

"What's wrong?" Marlene looked as worried as Narcissa felt.

"Nothing," said Narcissa. She glanced around, but no one was there. "I just thought I heard something."

"Do you want to find an empty classroom or something?"

She did want to. She wanted to find someplace where they were alone and start something and never stop it and it scared the hell out of her.

"Why don't we go back to the party?"

Narcissa knew Marlene didn't want to, but she squeezed her hand and followed her, waiting until Narcissa was inside before joining her.

The band was still playing, the mead was still flowing, but Narcissa couldn't enjoy herself, and after awhile Marlene walked with her back to the dungeon corridor. Marlene was much quieter than usual.

Narcissa stopped near the common room entrance and looked at her. "Is something wrong?" 

"No," she said. She paused as though thinking. "It's just...I don't know, it feels like maybe you're embarassed to be seen with me."

Marlene had hit too close to the truth. She was afraid of what her friends and family would think, of course, but it wasn't just that. Whatever she'd done, whatever she'd accomplished, it never felt good enough to live up to her name. 

Marlene's face fell, and she seemed to know what she was thinking. "Are you embarassed to be seen with me?" 

"Of course not." But she'd said it too quickly.

"You can't hide this forever, you know."

"I know, I just-"

Narcissa froze. There were footfalls coming closer. She turned to see Tarquin coming down the stairs, an arm around Acantha. His eyes narrowed as they moved from one to the other.

Narcissa went back to the common room without looking at any of them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will have more dysfunctional family dynamics, and some borderline abusive behaviour towards Narcissa close to the end, after the second scene break.

The train was slowing down, making its way through London to King’s Cross, and Narcissa was sitting on the edge of her seat, tapping her fingers on the cushion and glancing all around the compartment, not really taking in what she was seeing. Their other friends wouldn’t sit with them, so it was just her and Aster, and she didn’t mind it as much as she thought she would. She liked that time between leaving somewhere and getting somewhere, that liminal space where she could just exist.

All she’d been able to think about was that morning with Marlene. The wind was cold but the sky was a brilliant blue and it was the perfect day for stealing away to some deserted spot with her and talking for hours the way they did sometimes.They'd sat together awhile that morning, but Marlene was a lot quieter than usual, and Narcissa knew she was still upset about what happened at Slughorn’s party.

“Cissy?”

Narcissa started a little. The train had stopped and Aster was gently squeezing her arm. She stood up, legs shaky.

Aster kissed her cheek. “Good luck, Cissy,” she said. “I’d tell you to have a good holiday, but...”

“I know,” said Narcissa. “I’ll be all right. I hope you have a good holiday at least.”

She made her way off the train, clutching her overnight bag so hard her hands were white. She’d told her parents not to worry about picking her up at the station, and made her way into the Muggle streets behind, to the nearest Apparition point, a deserted alleyway.

She took her time going up the front drive, looking out at the garden, where opening buds brushed the trees with green and lilies poked out of the ground. She stopped in front of the door, hoping they hadn’t seen her coming, and took a breath.

There was a brass knocker on the door in the shape of a serpent. Her hands were sweating and they slipped on the metal as she pulled out and knocked.

Her father opened the door, sweeping her up into a hug and clapping her on the back. As he pulled away Narcissa looked over his shoulder at her mother. Her eyes moved over her and her mouth was thin and tight. _She knew._

“Don’t unpack your things, Cissy,” she said as she gave Narcissa a perfunctory hug. “Auntie Walburga and Uncle Orion have invited us to spend Easter with them.”

Narcissa sighed with silent thanks. She was off the hook, for a few days at least. Her mother wouldn’t dare make a scene in front of her sister-in-law, maybe because Walburga could make a big enough scene for the two of them.

When her mother pulled away she saw her parents’ suitcase propped up against the stairs. Her father picked it up and they left through the front doors. Narcissa put her arms out, ready to spin in the air, but her father pulled his wand out of his robes.

“I thought we’d fly tonight,” he said. “I don’t much feel like Apparating.”

Narcissa understood. He loved to fly, just like she did. He Summoned the broom out of the shed, a luxury broom that shielded them from the rain and wind and cold outside air, and it was a peaceful ride, with the moonlight gilding the edges of the clouds and reflecting on the winding rivers below them. She looked down and imagined it was just her and Marlene, and they were flying someplace far away.

The scattered lights below them grew larger, brighter, more sprawling, and when the city of London shone below them her father began the descent and they landed in a quiet square where some tired-looking buildings leaned against each other, curtains drawn like closed eyes. Her mother had told her this square had been posh and maybe it had been, she didn’t know, but it wasn’t now. There was Muggle garbage stewn on the ground and broken glass and a skip with some words painted on it from those spray cans Muggles used. “Clapton is God,” whatever that meant.

Her father knocked on the door and a little elf bowed them into the house. Her mother and Walburga clasped hands and kissed each other on the cheek and her father patted Orion on the back rather awkwardly while Orion stood there looking mildly bored. An elf appeared around his legs.

“Kreacher will take Miss Cissy’s bag for her,” the elf said.

Narcissa smiled down at him. “Oh no, Kreacher, that’s all right. I’ll take it.”

“Miss Cissy is so noble, so kind. Kreacher will lead the way.” Kreacher hurried along ahead of her, showing her to her room. He was rather ugly but Narcissa had always liked him.

He led her to the guest bedroom she used to stay in with Andromeda, and Narcissa was startled to find someone sitting on the other bed.

“Bella?”

Bella looked up from the book she was reading. “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you.”

“We flew,” said Narcissa, setting down her bag. “Thank you Kreacher, you can go now.” The elf bowed and closed the door behind him.

Narcissa sank down on the other twin bed. Bella tossed her some Chocoballs from the open bag in front of her and Narcissa caught them. “Rodolphus with you?”

Bella poppled a chocolate into her mouth. “He’s away on business,” she said, and something about the gloating look in her eyes told Narcissa that he wasn’t off selling real estate.

Narcissa bit into a chocolate and tried not to think about it. “Remember when you and Andy and I found all the Easter sweets the day before? And Andy ate so many she was sick?”

Bella smiled a little. "She threw up all over my shoes."

Narcissa settled into the bed and leaned back against the headboard. Bella seemed relaxed, happy even, more like she used to, and Narcissa thought maybe she could get through to her.

"Do you miss her?" she said, her voice soft, encouraging.

Bella's face hardened but she looked down, playing the bag between her fingers. "No.”

Narcissa turned on her side and watched her. Bella had always been different from her and Andy, more like their mother. She'd do just about anything to make them laugh, she could come up with a brilliant comeback in a second, but she could change like a flash of lightening, laughter turning to screams of anger. Whenever things got too quiet Bella would be the one to start something, and she had a knack for knowing just which buttons to push.

But Bella loved them, Narcissa knew she did. Once, at the Malfoy's Christmas party, Tarquin and Corban had kept pulling Narcissa's hair and Bellatrix had turned their heads into pumpkins without even using a wand. But ever since she'd left school and married she'd been drifting away from them, becoming someone Narcissa barely knew, and she wondered if she could bring her back somehow.

"Be honest, Bella," she said softly. "It's just us."

Bella glanced up at her. "Maybe a bit." She set down the bag and started picking at the blankets, tracing them with her finger. "I used to be able to tell her things. Things I couldn't tell anyone else."

The hard lines on her face had smoothed over and there was something in her eyes, something like sadness. Narcissa got up and sat next to her.

"What kinds of things?" she said softly.

"Like how scared I was before I married Rodolphus." She picked at the blankets again. "I'd never slept with a man before. I fooled around a bit but..."

Narcissa leaned in closer. "What was it like?"

Bella raised her eyebrows and Narcissa was shocked to see she was actually turning red. She couldn’t remember the last time Bella had blushed like that. She smirked a little. "Disappointing,” she said. “He only lasted about two minutes."

They looked at each other and burst out laughing and in that moment they weren’t the daughters of Cygnus and Druella, scions of that noble and most ancient house of Black. They were just two sisters laughing together.

There was a snort from somewhere above them and Narcissa looked up to see Phineas Nigellus, who was in his portrait and appeared to be listening to their every word.

Narcissa raised an eyebrow."Have you been eavesdropping?"

"What, me, eavesdrop on my darling great-great-granddaughters?" said Phineas. 

"How much did you hear?"

"I may have heard a bit of it," he said evasively.

"Get out of it, you," said Bella, sounding half amused, half irritated.

Phineas sat up straighter and pulled his cloak tighter around himself, looking huffy. "Well, I can see when I'm not wanted," he said. "By all means carry on with your youthful chatter." He walked away to spend the night in the Headmaster's study at Hogwarts.

"Anyway," said Narcissa, still smiling. "Have you...I mean, do you still..."

"No," said Bella, and she wasn’t smiling now.

This didn’t surprise Narcissa, and she took a breath, steeling herself to ask the question she’d had ever since they were married. “Are you happy?”

Bella was quiet awhile, looking thoughtful. “That’s the wrong question though, isn’t it? I did what I was supposed to do. I made our parents proud, I did my part for the family.”

Narcissa read between the lines, heard what she was really saying. She wasn’t happy.

She spoke as softly as she could. "Can't you see why Andy would want something different?"

"That's just it, though, isn’t it? Why should she get to run off with whoever she wants, while I sacrificed, while I upheld the family honour?"

Narcissa didn't know what to say to that. "She misses you. I know she does."

Bella glanced down and didn't say anything.

"She loves you, Bella-"

"I don't care." Bellatrix sat up straighter, hair sticking out from her head from some sudden electricity. "I don't care what that selfish, that traitorous..." Bellatrix was tripping over her words, red in the face. "She married a fucking Mudblood, Cissy. She just ran off with him while we were left to pick up the pieces...to explain to everyone...”

"But maybe he's not so bad-"

Bella’s eyes flashed. "Don't tell me you're sticking up for her?"

Bella was breathing harder now, her body tense, bone-dry tinder ready to go up in flames with the tiniest spark, and Narcissa kept her voice calm, even, without heat. "Just hear me out-"

"I don't need to."

She was infuriating sometimes, the way no one could get through to her. Narcissa's voice was rising now, breaking. "How can you just shut her out?"

For just one moment Bella's eyes widened, and Narcissa saw the girl she'd once been, the one she knew. But something clouded them and she stood up.

"Look, just shut up about Andromeda. She's not family anymore." She looked straight at Narcissa. "Things are changing, Cissy. You don't want to go the same way as her, believe me."

Something about the way she said it made Narcissa's stomach tighten. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

But Bellatrix didn't answer. With a last long look at Narcissa, she got up and left the room.

Narcissa lay in bed a long time. The house got quiet, and after awhile she heard rustling as Bella got into the next bed. After awhile her breathing became deep and even, and there were no sounds except the strange rustlings and swishings she heard there at night, the ghosts of her ancestors maybe. She clutched her pillow to her chest, wishing so badly Marlene was beside her, wrapping her arms around her and stroking her hair as she fell asleep.

***

There were eight of them staying in Grimmauld place, but it was so large it didn't feel crowded, and Narcissa caught her father alone in the drawing room after lunch the next day. She sat down on the chair next to him and pulled the photograph out of her robes.

"Andromeda had her baby," she whispered. "They named her Nymphadora."

Her father took the photograph with the tips of his fingers, as though it were something fragile that might break if he gripped it too hard. He stared at it a long time, and when he looked back up at Narcissa his eyes were wet. "She's so beautiful," he said. He looked back down at the photograph. "Looks like she's a Metamorphmagus."

"That's what Andy said when she wrote to me."

"So her magic isn't weak then." He handed the photograph back to Narcissa. "I'm glad you're writing to her, Cissy."

Narcissa put the photograph in her pocket, and when she’d looked back up she saw movement out of the corner of her eye and felt the air being sucked out of the room. She turned to see her mother and aunt standing there, her mother looking straight at her, and Narcissa did her best to look as though nothing had happened.

She walked right past them, back to her room, and when she’d sat down on her bed she pulled her books out of her bag, thinking she might as well get some revision done. She worked through afternoon tea and didn’t come out until it was time for dinner.

Walburga had pulled out all the stops, like she always did whenever they came to visit, and the table was set with solid silver goblets and golden plates and crystal vases overflowing with flowers. Kreacher came bustling from the kitchen with silver dishes and when he lifted the lid there were puffs of smoke in the shape of serpents that writhed and twisted in the air before vanishing. Walburga sipped her goblet of wine with a smug sort of look on her face. Orion was reading the _Evening Prophet._

She raised her glass, and they all followed suit, Orion holding his out in front of the paper, still reading.

" _Toujours Pur_."

" _Toujours Pur_ ," they all said, Narcissa mumbling it. Her hands were shaking too badly to drink.

"So," said Walburga, setting down her goblet and cutting up a piece of roast lamb, "How many N.E.W.Ts are you going for Narcissa?"

"Seven," she said. Her mother and father smiled over at her.

"Seven. Hmm. I'm surprised it's not more."

Narcissa's fingers tightened around her fork and she saw her mother's face darken.

"Of course, I suppose you won't need them, once you're married to the Malfoy boy," Walburga went on, taking another sip of wine. "Unless Abraxas squanders his fortune on all those political schemes of his before then. I wasn't sorry to see that Mudblood Nobby Leach taken out, mind, but it's a wonder he didn't get caught."

Narcissa glanced over at her mother, and saw that her mouth was thin and tight and her face was red. Narcissa knew it was taking her everything she had to keep from slamming her fist on the table and shouting. She glanced at Bella. There was a smile playing on her lips and Narcissa prayed she didn't start anything. Sirius was scowling and shoving forkfuls of food into his mouth, and Regulus was eating quietly, swinging his legs a bit.

Sirius pushed his plate back and stood up.

"Where are your manners, Sirius?" said Walburga through a mouthful of roast lamb, jabbing her fork in his direction. "You ask to be excused."

"May I be excused?" said Sirius through clenched teeth.

"Yes, you may." She watched him as he left the room.

"So," said Narcissa's mother, smiling slightly, "how does he like being in Gryffindor?"

This time it was Walburga's mouth that was tight. "He likes it just fine," she said. "At least he's not in Hufflepuff, surrounded by blood-traitors and Mudbloods. But I suppose the Dark Lord will deal with them soon enough-"

Narcissa slammed her fork down and stood up so quickly she barely knew what she was doing. Everyone turned to look at her, even Orion, who had lowered his paper.

She glanced around at them all, trying to compose herself. "If you'll excuse me," she said. "I'm not feeling well."

She turned and left, not looking back at her mother. She knew she was watching her.

She paced up and down the length of the room, stomach tight. Her mother knew perfectly well why it upset her, so much, and the explosion was coming, she was sure of it. She wondered how it could have escaped her mind, that her mother would find out about it and the kind of hell she’d have to pay when it did.

She couldn't stand to be alone with her thoughts any more, and when she heard Regulus coming up the stairs she got up made her way to his room.

She tapped on his door. "Is it all right if I come in?"

"Yeah," came Regulus's muffled voice.

She stepped inside and Regulus standing on his bed, hanging a Slytherin banner on the wall. Narcissa looked around the room and she couldn't help smiling a little. She and Andy used to spend hours here, playing with him and reading him bedtime stories, but his toys were gone now, all except a toy broomstick propped up on the corner that he'd had since he was a toddler. She noticed some newspaper clippings on the wall and went to look at them.

Her stomach dropped like the floor had given way underneath her. Every single clipping was about the Dark Lord.

She didn't know what to think. Maybe it just what everyone said, that he was just trying to help them, make their world a better place. Perhaps he was only going after Muggles, the dangerous ones, the ones who started wars and filled the air with their smoke, and her aunt was just running her mouth off like she usually did.

"Regulus," she said when he'd finished putting up his banner. "Can I talk to you?"

He flopped down on his bed. "What about?" He must have noticed how serious she sounded, because he looked worried, as though he was in trouble for something.

She sat down on the bed next him. "What do you know about the Dark Lord?"

Regulus glanced up at her, and his eyes flicked to the wall where the newspaper clippings were tacked up. "Well, everyone says he's going to help us. You know, put everything right."

"Like what?"

Regulus's forehead creased; he seemed to be thinking hard. "Like...well, keeping us from being wiped out I suppose."

"You don't suppose...he wouldn't hurt anyone to do it, would he?"

Regulus looked over at the wall and shrugged. "I don't know."

Narcissa looked at him, searching him, trying to find the right words. "You wouldn't support him if he did, would you?"

Regulus still wasn't looking at her. "No, I suppose not."

"You know," she said slowly, "you don't have to believe everything they tell you. Your mother and father and your friends. They're not always right, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you don't think it was right to cut off Andromeda do you?"

Regulus shrugged a little, a nervous, jerky movement that was more like a twitch. "I suppose not."

He seemed so uncertain, but Narcissa decided to press on. "She's very happy now, you know. Ted-her husband-is a good person. And he's Muggle-born."

Regulus looked down and didn't say anything.

"Something wrong?"

"It's just-you tell me all this, but everybody else tells me something else. How am I supposed to know who's right?"

Narcissa understood how he felt. She felt the same way. She wished she could find a better way to explain it, but all she could do was put a hand to his shoulder and look into his eyes. "Just trust me."

Regulus looked back at her, and was just opening his mouth when there was a crack that nearly made her jump.

"Here is the apple crumble master wanted," said Kreacher, handing Regulus a plate.

Narcissa caught his eye and smiled. "You've been getting Kreacher to bring you extra pudding?"

Regulus grinned. "Yeah," he said.

Then he did something she'd never seen anyone do, not even her father. He set his dish down and knelt in front of Kreacher, patting him on the back. "Thanks," he said.

Kreacher's eyes were watery with tears. "Master is too kind to Kreacher!"

"Easy there, Kreacher," said Regulus, picking up his dish. "You don't want to make a scene, or mother'll find out."

The elf swallowed a big mouthful of air and nodded. With another crack of the air he was gone.

Narcissa went over to him and put a hand to his shoulder. "That was very good of you, you know.”

Regulus met her eye a second before glancing away. "Yeah," he said. He shifted a little. "Well, there's a programme I wanted to listen to on the wireless so..."

Narcissa would have liked to say more, but she took the hint. She stood up and made her way to the door, but just before she left she took one last glance at him. He had his back to her and was turning on the wireless with one hand, his dish in the other, hair sticking out at the top the way it had since he was little, ears still too big for his head.

But he was slipping away from her, just like Bella.

Narcissa sank back down on her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest, wishing it were Marlene. She didn't care just then, that she was loud and her hair was sometimes a mess and she didn't know who Circe was. She was the only one who would understand.

She’d never needed to talk to her more, but now all she could do now was write to her. She sat up and pulled out a parchment and quill. She could hear Walburga shouting at Sirius somewhere on the floor below.

What the hell was she doing, trying to impress these people?

_Dear Marlene,_

_I'm writing to you from my aunt and uncle's house in London. It's so dull here without you._

_How is the revision going? If you have any questions about anything, just send an owl and I'll try to help you._

Narcissa paused, tapping her quill on the parchment, thinking about what she would say if Marlene were there with her. And then everything she was thinking and feeling came pouring out of her.

_I'm in a house full of people but I feel like I'm all alone. I used to spend so much time with Bella and now it feels like I hardly know her any more. Like she's slipping away from me. I'm scared for Regulus. Things just aren't the same anymore._

_Being away from you has made me realize just how much you mean to me. I'm so sorry if it seems like I've been embarassed to be with you. I've been taught to be a certain way all my life and it's so hard to break but I'm starting to wonder what it's all for._

_When things are bad here I imagine we're in that garden together and you're in my arms. This bed is so lonely. I imagine you're lying beside me as I fall asleep. I can almost hear you breathing. I want to be with you._

A heat spread through her, picturing the way Marlene would look when she read those words, the flush and the crooked smile that would spread across her face. She wished so badly she could touch that face, brush her cheek with hers as she found her lips.

She tapped the quill against the parchment, wondering how to end the letter, hoping she hadn't said too much already. She cared for her, no question, more than she'd ever cared about anyone, but love was like jumping; once she was in the air she could never go back to where she was. She picked up her quill again.

_See you soon,_

_Narcissa._

She folded the letter up and made her way to the room her parents were staying in. Glancing all around her to make sure she was alone, she went to the dresser where her father's eagle owl was asleep with his head in his wing. She gave him a light tap.

"I've got a job for you, Aquila," she told him. "It's for someone very important, so take care of it." He nipped her finger in answer and clutched the letter in his beak. She watched him fly away.

***

Aquila didn't come back the next day, and the day after, she and her mother and father packed up to leave. She was just making her way down the stairs when she ran into Sirius. He stood straight, hands at his sides, braced for a fight, it seemed.

Narcissa held out her arms, but he just stood there, eyes narrowed. She'd barely spoken to him since he'd come to school and been put in Gryffindor, and she knew how strange it must have seemed, that she wanted to hug him goodbye. She locked eyes with him, trying to tell him without words what she felt, that she still loved him. His body relaxed and she put her arms around him.

"I'm sorry about everything," she said, close to his ear. Sirius was nearly as tall as she was now.

"Yeah. Thanks." He patted her lightly on the back a few times before they pulled away.

"Did Regulus tell you? About Andromeda?"

Sirius nodded.

"Look after him, won't you? I'm worried about him." Narcissa looked at him, trying to tell him with her eyes how important this was.

"Yeah. I will," he said, absently running his hands through his hair. Narcissa hoped he meant it.

Bella was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Narcissa wasn't sure what to say to her. They hadn't spoken much after that first night.

"It was good seeing you," she said. Bella gave her a small nod before turning to hug Walburga goodbye. Orion patted them all stiffly, looking as though he couldn't wait for them to leave. Bella didn’t look back at her.

Once they were home Narcissa went straight up to her room and lay down on her bed, not even coming down for dinner. She didn't know how long she'd been there before there was a tapping on the window. She jumped up and took the letter from the owl the second he flew into the room.

She'd just turned around when the door opened. Her mother was standing in the doorway, looking straight at her. Narcissa's heart pounded.

She walked into the room and glanced at the dresser where Aquila had perched, pecking at his feathers. "Why is Aquila with you?" Her voice was sharp, suspicious.

"He was just bringing me a letter."

"From whom?"

"Aster," said Narcissa without hesitating.

Her mother looked at her a moment, and Narcissa wasn't sure whether she believed her. She drew in a breath and pushed the letter up her sleeve with her thumb, praying her mother didn't see it.

Her mother's eyes flicked down to her hands and Narcissa's heart pounded. But she didn't say anything about it. She walked to a small table under the window, where there was a vase full of yellow flowers, and ran her fingers along the petals.

"We broke family tradition when we named you, you know," she said, and her voice was softer now. "We named you after one of our favourite flowers."

Her face was strained, but there was real sadness in her eyes. "I was the youngest daughter in my family," she said. "My mother never liked me as much as my older sister." She looked up at Narcissa, and her eyes were soft. "I didn't want things to be that way for you."

Narcissa hadn't known any of this. She looked back at her mother and didn't know what to say.

Her mother stepped to her and put her hands to her face. “Please, Cissy. I am begging you. Go back to Lucius. Go back to him and everything will be forgotten. We’re counting on you.”

Narcissa didn't say anything.

"Think of your father. He'll be heartbroken."

Narcissa swallowed hard and her mother’s eyes became wilder, fiercer.

"Answer me Cissy! Will you do it?"

"I-I don't know-"

Her mother grabbed her harder, so hard her hands hurt against her jaw. Her voice was sharper now. "You will. Or there will be consequences, do you understand me?"

Narcissa closed her eyes and took another breath. "Yes," she whispered, because it was the only way her mother would let go.

Her mother took a step back and the wild look was gone. Her eyes were bright. She put her arms around her. "I'm sorry Cissy. I'm sorry." Narcissa patted her lightly on the back, every muscle tense. She just wanted her to go away.

Her mother looked at her as she pulled away, a long, searching look. Then she left the room.

Narcissa waited until she heard her footsteps fading away down the stairs, then ripped open the letter.

_Dear Narcissa,_

_I miss you too, so much. I've been spending most of my days on revision but's incredibly dull and I keep thinking about you. I'm sorry that I got frustrated with you. I know how hard this is for you._

_I'm sorry you feel so alone. It's such an awful feeling when people you love drift away from you like that. I used to be really close to my brother growing up, but when he started at the Ministry he got really ambitious and I think he was alway a bit disappointed that I didn't try to be more like him. We don't talk as much anymore and it hurts. I know it's even worse for you._ _I hope things don't go too badly with your mum. I am always here for you, no matter what._

_I think about you every night too. I'm right there in that garden with you, in your arms. I wish you were here in my bed with me._

_I can't wait to see you my beautiful daffodil._

_Marlene_

Narcissa held the letter up to her face, breathing it in. She could have sworn it smelled like her.

She slipped into her nightgown and ran her hands along herself and imagined Marlene was lying next to her and tried to forget how impossible it all was.


	13. Chapter 13

  
Narcisssa hadn't eaten a thing on the train back to Hogwarts, and by the time they got back to the castle she was faint and her head was pounding. She'd heard there were ways of getting food from the kitchen, but she'd never done it, so she walked into the Great Hall with Aster and tried not to look at anyone.

They sat down near the end of the table, away from their old friends, but she could still see them, putting their heads together and glancing over at them. Lucius was just staring down at his food, and Narcissa felt a surge of guilt.

She bent lower over her plate, trying to shut everything else out, everything except Marlene, two tables away, who’d sat so she was facing her. Marlene caught her eye and the moment Narcissa stood up, she stood up with her.

They walked together through the Entrance Hall, out the doors and into the courtyard, behind the shelter of a stone pillar.

Something had changed between them, something big, and Narcissa knew by the way Marlene looked at her that she felt it too. She leaned in towards her and Narcissa slid her hands through her hair as they kissed, softly, slowly, savouring the feel of each other's lips, then faster, more intensely, Narcissa stroking the back of her neck and breathing in her skin and wishing she could stop herself being solid so she could seep underneath it and stay there.

"I missed you so much," said Marlene as she pulled away, brushing her lips against Narcissa's face.

"I missed you too," Narcissa whispered against her ear. "I thought about you all the time."

"So did I." Marlene stroked her face and rested her head against Narcissa's, looking into her eyes. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"I've fancied you for a really long time."

Narcissa smiled. "Have you really?"

"Really. I always thought you were so beautiful. Everyone always said how stuck up you were, but I saw you once, helping this first-year who was lost, and I knew there was more to you than that."

"So you don't still think I have a stick up my arse then?"

Marlene breathed out a giddy laugh. "I'm sorry about that."

Narcissa tapped Marlene's face. "It was sort of funny. Although I can't honestly say I've fancied you for a long time."

"I don't know about that,” Marlene whispered, her voice teasing. “I remember the way you stared at my chest while we were duelling."

Narcissa laughed, and Marlene stroked her cheek. "I sort of grew on you, didn't I?"

Narcissa put her hands to her face and kissed her deeply, slowly, running her tongue along her lips, and Marlene's mouth opened for her as she lifted her thigh and pressed it against Narcissa.

"Is this okay?" she whispered. 

"Yes," Narcissa breathed back.

Marlene put her lips back to Narcisa's and pressed against her again and it felt so good Narcissa couldn't stop herself moaning into her open mouth. 

Marlene pulled away, taking her hand and keeping her face close. "I know a place we can be alone," she said. "No one would see us." 

Marlene's skin was flushed and she looked so beautiful and Narcissa knew if she let her in that far there was way she'd be able to go back. And there were things, things she didn't want her to know, things she didn’t want her to see. She looked back at her and didn't say anything.

"Is something wrong?"

Narcissa let go of her hand. "I don't think I'm ready yet."

"It's okay. I didn't mean to rush you."

"No, you weren't."

“I don’t ever want to hurt you,” Marlene said softly, wrapping her arms around her. Narcissa put her head on her shoulder and let her hold her, but it only made her want her again, and she pulled away.

Marlene’s forehead creased, the way it did when she was worried about something. "You still want this, don't you?" Her voice was anxious, almost hurt.

"More than anything," said Narcissa. "But...I don't know...maybe we should slow things down a bit. Things are going to get so hectic anyway, with N.E.W.Ts coming up."

"Well, you're not wrong about that. I'm still worried about Charms."

"Why don't we go to the library right now? I'll help you."

Narcissa knew she wanted to stay there with her, where they could be alone, but she nodded and took Narcissa’s hand and they made their way back to the castle, stopping to watch an owl fly through the air or a hare leap across the grass, taking their time.

The sun was sinking behind the mountains and in the fading light she saw two figures sitting on the front steps, one in black robes, one in a Muggle jumper and jeans. Severus and the red-headed girl. They were sitting close together, the red-headed girl hugging her knees and chatting away as Severus watched her, hands gripping the steps, drinking in every word as though he'd never heard anything so fascinating in his life. 

Narcissa nudged Marlene, trying not to stare at them. "Do you know that girl?"

Marlene looked over at her, squinting a little. "I've seen her before, but I can't think of her name," she said. They made their way up the steps and into the Entrance Hall. "Wait," said Marlene. "It's Lily something...Evans, maybe."

Narcissa didn't recognize that name, Evans. Between that and her clothes she was sure the girl was Muggle-born-and yet Severus clearly adored her. Strange. 

They sat down and spread their books out in front of them but they didn't have much time together before Madam Pince whisked them out of the library. Narcissa sighed with relief when she saw that Lucius and his friends weren't in the common room.

"They're having another one of their meetings," said Aster as Narcissa sank down on the chair next her. She saw their old friends looking over at them and she tried her best to shut them out as she pulled out her Transfiguration book and started swapping revision questions with Aster. 

She was so absorbed in her work she barely noticed when Lucius and his friends came back into the common room and sank into the chairs and sofas near the fire. She and Aster were sitting some distance away, but she could still hear them.

"Look at Regulus," said Tarquin, in a mocking sort of voice. 

Narcissa's head jerked up from her book and she looked over at Regulus, who was sitting on one of the sofas, staring straight ahead of him without seeing anything. His face was pale and shining with sweat and he was twisting his hands in his lap. Severus was sitting next to him, waving his wand and muttering incantations under his breath, but there was something about his eyes, like he was trying to forget something and couldn't.

There was nothing she could do for him, not then, with everyone watching. She searched the corridors for him the next day, hoping to catch him alone, but it wasn't until he'd come into the common room to put his things away before dinner that she did.

"Is everything all right?" she asked.

Regulus looked up at her, confusion on his face. "Yeah," he said. "I'm fine."

Narcissa glanced around; the other Slytherins were coming and going, but no one seemed to be paying attention to them. 

"Did something happen? At your meeting?"

His guilty look told Narcissa everything. "How did you know about those?"

"Never mind that," said Narcissa, not wanting to get Aster into any trouble. "I want to know what happened that upset you."

Regulus shifted on his feet and glanced around before looking back at Narcissa. "It wasn't anything. We were just, you know, practicing spells and stuff," he said. 

Narcissa knew, somehow, that these weren't ordinary spells. "What specifically?"

Regulus swallowed hard. "Just...I don't know." He glanced towards the wall that concealed the entrance, where Severus and a boy named Barty were waiting. "My friends are waiting for me," he said. "I'll see you later."

Before she could say another word he’d gone over to join them, and Narcissa was so upset she could barely eat her dinner.

Marlene met up with her when she was finished, and they made their way to a deserted corridor and sat down on a bench. 

"What's wrong, Narcissa?"

Narcissa buried her head in Marlene's shoulder. "Just hold me."

Marlene's arms wrapped around her and she laid her head on her chest and tried to forget everything else.  


***

  
All that year the N.E.W.Ts had been an abstraction, a date on the calendar, but now that the Easter holidays were behind her it hit Narcissa that they were really going to happen, and she spent every second of her free time getting ready. She'd prop her books against the milk jug at breakfast, spread them out in front of her during her free periods, hold them open in her lap when she sat in the courtyard for break. 

When her lessons were done for the day she'd eat a quick dinner and join Marlene in the library, and when Madam Pince shooed them out they'd duck into empty classrooms and sit together until late into the night, bent over their books, stopping to kiss only once they were done, then racing back to their common rooms before Filch caught them. 

She'd fallen into a rhythem, and she was grateful for it because she didn't have time to think about anything else, to pay any attention to the whispers and glances from the other Slytherins or the strange absences of Lucius and his seventh-year friends from the common room. Some evenings they never came back in.

She went to bed early the night before the exams, letting her hair down and turning her pillow over to the cool side and making herself as comfortable as she could, but knowing how much she needed to sleep just made it harder, and it felt like hours before she finally drifted off. 

She met Marlene in the Entrance Hall before their first exam, Theory of Charms. Ignoring the dark looks and whispers from her old friends, she squeezed Marlene's hand and kissed her cheek. 

"You'll do well, I’m sure of it," she said. 

“Yeah. Maybe,” said Marlene, and it was so strange to see the shaky half-smile on her face. Narcissa had never seen her look so nervous about anything. 

"Good luck," she said as they were called into the Great Hall. She was rather shaky herself. It had never been so important for her to do well, to do something that would make her parents proud, if she wouldn't marry Lucius.

She’s studied so hard she knew most of the answers, and she breezed through the practical examination that afternoon. One exam down.

She waited for Marlene in the Entrance Hall, afraid to see the expression on her face. But when she walked out of the Great Hall she was grinning.

"I think I passed," she said. "I had a bit of trouble with the Water-Making Charm, I accidentally shot flames out of my wand and set Marchbanks' hat on fire, but otherwise it went ok."

That was so like her Narcissa tried not to laugh. She squeezed her hand. "I knew you would."

"Well," said Marlene when she’d let go, "I reckon we'd better get some more revision in."

They spent most of that day buried in their books, and the next two weeks passed by in a haze of revision. When she'd finished her last exam, Ancient Runes, those two weeks spent hunched over her books had left her wrung-out and drained, and after dinner she sprawled out by the lake with Marlene and Alice and Frank, who was tossing bits of bread to the giant squid. 

"What do you want to do when you leave here?" said Alice to Narcissa.

Narcissa had been so busy just getting through her exams she hadn't even thought about it. She just wanted time to stop, wanted to stay here by this lake forever so nothing would ever have to change, but time was pushing her on, like those dreams where she was running towards a cliff and couldn’t stop. She played a blade of grass between her fingers and looked out over the water. She could feel Marlene watching her.

"I don't know," she said.

Marlene stroked her hand with her thumb. "Why don't we both get jobs in a greenhouse? It'd be perfect. You'd love it."

And her parents would never let her hear the end of it. A Black, pruning shrubs in a greenhouse. Even her father would give her hell for it. "Maybe," she said. She looked at Alice, desperate to shift the conversation to someone else. "What do you want to do?"

Alice looked over at Frank. "We're going to become Aurors," she said. "Well, I hope to, if my marks are good enough."

"Don't be daft," said Frank, pride and affection all over his face. "You're one of the best in our year."

"I don't know. I always get so nervous before exams. I mean, I think I did well, but..."

Frank put an arm around her. "Don't stress over it," he said into her hair.

Marlene grinned over at Narcissa in an aren't-they-adorable kind of way, and they were, but Narcissa had to force herself to smile back.

Alice put her head on Frank's shoulder, and Frank stroked her hair and looked out over the lake. "I suppose it's going to be a dangerous job now, if the rumours I've heard are true."

Narcissa's stomach tightened. "What kinds of rumours?"

Frank turned to face her, and his usual smile was gone. He looked much older. "They say he's gaining followers. I reckon it's only a matter of time before he moves into the open."

He hadn't said his name, but she knew. She saw the newspaper clippings on Regulus's wall, heard the whispers of his name on her mother's lips. 

"All the more reason to fight him," said Alice, and she too, looked a lot more serious. "Maybe we can stop him now, before he gets too powerful."

"Well said," said Frank. He gave her a teasing smile. "You would've made a good Gryffindor."

"Yes, but I like to think a before I act, so I'm not sure I'd have fit in." 

Frank wrapped her in a bear hug and kissed her face as she laughed.

Narcissa felt Marlene watching her, and she wondered if she knew about her family, how they were on the verge of joining him. Maybe she was afraid Narcissa would join too.

But she put an arm around Narcissa and pulled her close, and Narcissa rested her head on her shoulder. The four of them sat there a long time, until the stars came out.

Alice and Frank stood up, hands clasped. "I think we'll turn in, then," said Frank, but he was grinning at Alice in a way that told Narcissa they were really off to find a quieter spot in the grounds. 

"There's no moon out," said Marlene when they'd left. "Perfect night for stargazing."

Narcissa smiled and put her face close to Marlene's. " _Je peux voir les étoiles dans tes yeux_ ," she whispered against her cheek.

Marlene smiled. "What's that mean?"

"I can see the stars in your eyes."

"That's beautiful. I didn't know you spoke French."

"I can speak three languages, actually.” She said it quietly, hoping she didn't sound like she was gloating. 

"I feel like a bit of a dolt compared to you. All I can speak is Pig Latin."

Narcissa stroked her face. "We had a tutor growing up and I _hated_ those lessons. One time Andy manged to get hold of a Niffler and we set him loose in the school room and it made such a mess we were able to sneak out."

Marlene laughed. "So you were a little rebel were you? I love it."

"But that's why I like being with you so much. I can tell you things like this. You see who I really am.

Marlene’s eyes were so intense and full of longing Narcissa's breath came faster.

She pulled Narcissa closer and slid her tongue deep into her mouth as Narcissa grasped the back of her head, and as though reading each other's thoughts Narcissa leaned back against the grass as Marlene lay beside her, running her hands along her back, across her waist, down her hips. Time stopped, and Marlene was all she saw, all she felt. 

When she'd pulled away she rested her forehead against Narcissa's. "Come away with me this summer."

Narcissa couldn'st stand to think about the future, even something weeks away . "Where?" she said, playing for time. 

Marlene stroked her face with her thumb. "Anywhere."

Narcissa didn't know what to say. She was quiet so long Marlene's face fell and her thumb stopped moving and rested on her temple.

"You don't want to?"

"It's not that, it's just..." Narcissa sat up and rubbed her face with her fingers.

  
Marlene sat up beside her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, it just always felt like this would never end," she said through her hands. "Like I'd just be here forever and everything would be safe. And now it's not."

"You're afraid of what's going to happen after we leave here, you mean?"

"Yes."

Marlene put her arms around her. "My parents work for the Ministry," she said into her hair. "We have a bit of money. We would help you."

"I know you would," she said, pulling her hands away from her face and burying her head in Marlene's shoulder.

She knew Marlene meant it, but it wasn't only finding a job and a place to live. There was something bigger, darker in the distance, black storm clouds gathering strength with every day that passed, coming closer. 

After awhile Narcissa raised her head to look at her. "I'll think about it, how does that sound?"

"Okay," she said, but Narcissa could tell something was wrong. She stared out at the water, then looked back at Narcissa. 

"You're not going to leave me when we're done here, are you?"

"Of course not. Don't think that."

She wasn't sure if Marlene believed her. She wasn't sure if she believed herself. 

"We're here now," said Narcissa, brushing back her hair. "Let's not worry about anything else."

Marlene pressed her lips to Narcissa's and they stayed there as the stars moved across the sky.

***

Narcissa pulled the jewelry box and the photographs off her nightstand and packed them away in a box she'd conjured. The sight of the bare wood was more than she could stand and there was a tightness in her middle when she sat down on the bed.

Aster came and sat down and put an arm around her. "It's so hard to believe we're never coming back."

"I know," said Narcissa. She looked around at the beds with their dark wooden posts and velvet hangings and thick duvets, at the empty nightstands and silk tapestries. 

"Remember when we all crowded onto my bed and played gobstones?”

Aster smiled. “We were so tiny then.”

Narcissa smiled back at her. “Remember last year, when you snuck in a bottle of Ogden’s and we stayed up half the night listening to the wireless? And Acantha threw up all over you?”

“Yeah, and we had to go to class the next morning. I thought I was going to die.”

Their smiles faded and for awhile they sat there and didn’t say anything. None of the other girls who'd sat on her bed that night were speaking to them anymore.

"Well, I suppose we'd better head down to breakfast."

With a last long look around the dormitory, Narcissa followed Aster into the common room.

Lucius was standing by the fireplace, looking around the common room. His jaw was set and he was grimacing as though he was in pain, and Narcissa wondered if he was feeling the same way she was. 

She stepped closer to him, and that’s when she saw he was rubbing his left forearm, as though he’d been cut or burned.

“Is everything all right?” she said.

Lucius dropped his arm and for just a second he looked startled, almost afraid. Then his face smoothed over as he slipped on his mask again.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he said, and Narcissa could hear the warning in his voice. Don’t look too hard, don’t get too close, don’t ask too many questions. They were all so easy, so open with their physical affection, they called Muggles prudes, but they put up so many walls around themselves it hardly mattered. They were fed the importance of keeping secrets, of upholding the family honour like nourishment, from the time they were children. But Narcissa didn’t want to leave things like this.

“Listen,” she said, voice earnest. “I’m sorry about everything.”

Lucius’s eyes were soft and searching as he looked back at her, and he took her hand in his. “If you were to come back to me, everything would be forgiven. We could just forget...”

Narcissa tensed. “Forget what?”

“You know.” Lucius’s forehead wrinkled as though he was too disgusted to say the words. Blood traitor.

Narcissa slackened her grip on his hand and he let go. “I don’t I can do that just now. I’m sorry.”

Lucius glanced around the common room and lowered his voice. “Cissa, listen to me.” He sounded earnest, scared, they way he had when they were children and Andy or Bella wanted to do something dangerous. “Even if you don’t come back to me, promise me you’ll stop this. You have no idea of the danger you’re in.”

“What do you mean? What danger?” 

Lucius didn’t say anything to this, just looked at her, and Narcissa’s heart beat faster. “You mean...him?”She looked at him closely, trying to get him into focus, as though not sure what she was seeing. “But I thought...you said he wouldn’t really hurt anyone.”

“He won’t, if they don’t get in his way, but if they resist...”

Narcissa stepped away from him. She wouldn’t listen to this. “I don’t believe you,” she said. “He’s just...it’s just some daft extremist trying to stir up trouble.”

“Cissa, listen-”

“I’ve heard enough.”

She turned and walked away from him, walked right out of the common room without looking back at it, and didn’t stop until she reached the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, where Aster was waiting for her. She picked up her spoon and it was only then she realized her hand was shaking.

Aster nudged her. “Are you all right?”

Narcissa gave an absent nod and stuck her spoon in her porridge bowl, swirling it around.

“You’d better eat quickly, the carriages’ll be leaving soon.”

Narcissa scooped up some porridge, letting it drip back into the bowl. 

The Great Hall was emptying around them, and when the staff stood up and made their way out she knew it was time to go. They made their way out slowly, taking in every banner, every tapestry, every stone. She could see her eleven-year-old self stepping up to be Sorted, all sharp skinny angles, as though the memory of her was a ghost that still lingered there.

She and Aster walked out onto the stone steps at the entrance to the castle, which were so packed with people Narcissa couldn’t see Marlene. She elbowed her way through the crowd and finally caught a glimpse of her as she was pushing past a group of Ravenclaws. 

Marlene put her face close to Narcissa’s, and Narcissa didn’t even care. They were leaving now.

“Will you stay here with me?” she whispered against her ear. 

Narcissa would take any second longer she could spend there with her. “Yes,” she said. “But what about our trunks? They’ll be on the train by now, I expect.”

“We’ll go to King’s Cross together later.”

Without another word, Narcissa took Marlene’s hand and they made their way through the crowds, out into the grounds, to a deserted spot on the other side of the castle where the walls blocked out the sound and Narcissa imagined it was spring and they were the only two people in the entire world. She put her hands to Marlene’s face and kissed her hard, so hard it left Marlene flushed and breathless when they pulled apart. 

“Have you thought about coming away with me?” 

Narcissa was tried not to think about the future at all. She wished time would just stop, that they could go someplace far away where no one knew them.

Someplace far away.

“I think...I would like to. But let’s get away from here, go to another country.”

That gorgeous crooked smile spread across her face. “Okay,” she breathed. Her expression turned softer, more serious, full of longing. “Do you want to go tonight?”

Narcissa was shaky and she didn’t know whether it was more from fear or excitement. “I promised my father I’d spend some time with him this summer,” she said, “but I why don’t I spend a week or two with him first? Then we’ll have the whole summer.”

Marlene stroked her face. “Sounds perfect.” She ran her hands through Narcissa’s hair and slid her tongue deep into her mouth and they stayed there until the sun began to sink behind the mountains.

Platform nine and three-quarters was nearly empty when Marlene and Narcissa got there. The only people there were a red-haired man and an auburn-haired woman who were walking about the platform, looking worried. 

The woman turned and saw them standing there. “There you are!” She pulled Marlene into a tight hug. “I was starting to think something had happened.” 

She pulled away and Marlene’s father wrapped his arms around Marlene, hugging her as tightly as her mother had and clapping her on the back.

“These are my parents, Robert and Greer McKinnon,” said Marlene when he’d pulled away.

Narcissa saw that they were wearing robes of flowing satin embroidered with stars and constellations. They stood with their back straight and their hands at their sides and Narcissa understood what Marlene meant, when she’d said she was very different from them. She held out her hand, and was surprised when her mother stretched her arm right past it and pulled her into a hug. 

“I’m so happy to meet you finally,” she said, squeezing her as tightly as if she were her own daughter, and Narcissa rested her head on her shoulder and she didn’t know why her eyes were getting wet. 

Her father clapped her shoulder. “I’ve got a bit of a bone to pick with you, Miss Black,” he said. Narcissa was startled, but then she saw that his eyes were laughing. They were just like Marlene’s. 

“Ever since our daughter met you, she won’t stop talking about you. Her last letter home must’ve been about four feet long. And she was already a big talker, mind.”

Narcissa turned and smiled at Marlene, who flashed her a teasing smile. “You don’t know they were good things,” she said. 

Her father laughed and clapped Narcissa on the back. “We’ll get those for you,” he said, taking hold of Narcissa’s trunk. Marlene’s mother took the other one, and they made their way out of the station to the Apparition point, the same deserted alley Narcissa had used at Christmas. 

Marlene pulled her into a hug. “Write to me, okay?” she said into her hair.

  
“I will.”

Marlene pulled away and looked into her eyes. “See you soon.”

Narcissa squeezed her hand. “See you.”

She watched Marlene and her parents vanish, and she couldn’t help smiling a little as she spun into the air.

But the ground seemed to drop from beneath her as soon as she’d stopped and the house came into view. She made her way up the drive slowly, and rapped the silver knocker, hands sweating.

Just like before, her father opened the door. But this time he wasn’t smiling. He looked shocked and unbelieving, and the sight of it made her want to turn around and run down the drive.

Her mother appeared over his shoulder, mouth thin and tight.

“We need to talk, Cissy.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be lots of domestic fluff in this chapter, and some baby!Tonks. There'll be a scene with some breastfeeding but it won't go into any detail. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Narcissa didn’t know how she did it, how she put one foot in front of the other and followed her mother and father down the hall, past the portraits of her ancestors, those stern-looking witches and wizards of the House of Black who seemed to be scolding her with every step.

“Sit down,” commanded her mother when they’d reached the sitting room.

Narcissa took a seat in a high-backed sofa while her parents settled themselves into chairs across from her. She straightened the cushions and didn’t look at them.

“I’ve been hearing some strange rumours about you,” her mother said.

This didn’t surprise Narcissa much. Pureblood society was small enough that everyone knew what everyone else was doing before they even did it.

“They say you’ve been seeing someone. A girl, by the name of McKinnon.”

Her mother grimaced at the name like she’d swallowed a mouthful of stinksap. Narcissa traced the embroidery on the pillows, playing for time.

“Did they?” she said. “Where do you suppose they got that idea?”

“Don’t you take that tone with me, Cissy,” her mother hissed. “I know perfectly well what’s going on.”

Narcissa looked at her lap and didn’t say anything.

“Now,” her mother went on, “it’s one thing to have a little fling when you’re at school, we’ve all had them, but now that you’re done we expect you to settle down with someone decent. Abraxas told me Lucius is willing to take you back.”

Narcissa glanced up at her, then looked back down at the pillow. There was a pattern of leaves on it that reminded her greenhouses at Hogwarts. “But what if I don’t want to marry Lucius?”

She couldn’t see her but she knew her mother had raised an eyebrow. “And why on earth wouldn’t you? You’ve known him since you were born, you like him.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I suppose there’s Rabastan or Travers or Yaxley, but I never had the impression that you liked any of them very well.”

She was right about that at least, she knew her that well. Narcissa couldn’t stand any of them. “It’s just...why do it at all?” she said. “Marry someone you don’t love? What does it matter?”

There was a very loud silence, and Narcissa looked up and saw her father and mother looking at each other as though she’d gone mad.

“What do you mean, what does it matter?” said her mother. “Our entire way of life depends on it.”

Narcissa made her voice pleasing and gentle. “But is that true? Squibs are so rare and...well, some Muggle-borns are rather talented.”

Her mother’s eyes widened in shock. “What are you talking about? Muggle-borns….what is this?”

“I just-”

“She’s been influencing you.” It wasn’t a question. It was an accusation.

“No, it’s just-”

Her mother slapped the end table beside her, a sharp, staccato sound that made Narcissa’s chest tight. “You see? You see what happens when you spend time with blood-traitors and filth-”

Narcissa sat straight. “She is not filth.” Her heart was pounding and the blood was rushing to her head and the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. “And they’re not weak, children of Muggle-borns. Andromeda’s baby is a Metamorphmagus.”

Her mother sat there, eyes wide, disbelieving. “How do you-have you been-”

“I’ve been writing to her. You tried to keep me from her and you failed. I’ve got a photograph of her baby and everything.”

Her mother's voice went dangerously low. “How dare you-how could you-” She set her jaw and stared her down. Her voice became lower, more dangerous. “One more letter, one word to her, or that...that blood-traitor, and you will be thrown out of this house and never allowed back in, do you understand me?”

Narcissa leaned forward in her seat, readying herself for a fight, but then she saw her father. His eyes were pleading with her Slowly, breathing hard, she leaned back. She gave a small nod to show she’d understood.

“Good,” said her mother, straightening up and brushing off her robes as though brushing off the conversation. “Now that we’ve cleared that up, why don’t you join us for dinner?”

The last thing she wanted was to sit at a table with them, but she was so hungry she was lightheaded, so she followed them into the dining room.

“So,” said her father when they’d sat down, in a voice that was far too cheerful, “do you know when your N.E.W.T results are coming?”

“In a few weeks,” said Narcissa quietly. It was so strange, having a normal conversation. But that’s how it always was in that family. Just sweep everything under the rug, carry on, nothing to see here.

“Good, good,” said her father. He watched as the elf seat some dishes of food on the table. “Thank you, Tilby,” he said. The elf bowed and stood along the wall, in case anyone needed anything.

Narcissa poured herself a glass of wine and took a long drink. It was delicious, a riesling, and she let it linger in her mouth as her mother droned on.

“Abraxas is having a solstice party this weekend,” she said, trying to sound casual but looking straight at Narcissa, who avoided her eye.

“Is he?” said Narcissa when she’d swallowed her wine.

“Yes. I told him all three of us were coming. Bella and Rodolphus will be there too, most likely.”

Narcissa couldn’t think of anything she wanted less, but if her mother noticed her lack of enthusiasm, she didn’t say anything. “Oh, and I got an owl from Mrs. Parkinson,” she went on. “Tarquin’s going to propose to Aster at the party. I expect they’ll be sending out the invitations soon.”

Narcissa dropped her soup spoon on the table. “What?”

Her mother looked at her sharply. “What’s wrong with you, child? I thought you’d be happy. The two of you can plan your weddings together, that’s how her mother and I became friends.”

Narcissa picked up her spoon and didn’t say anything. She had to stop it somehow, but how, she didn’t know. She took a few more sips of her soup and grabbed a dinner roll and went upstairs to her room, but she couldn’t sit down. She paced up and down the length of the room, went over to the window and looked out, wishing she could just jump off the ledge and fly off like an owl.

She didn’t know how long she’d been standing there when she heard her parent’s voices coming up the stairs. They were speaking in loud whispers, trying to keep her from hearing probably, but she heard them anyway. She walked to the door and pressed her ear against it.

“Maybe she just needs a bit more time, Ella,” her father was saying. “She’s got her whole life ahead of her. Why can’t we just let her have a bit of freedom, while she’s still young?”

“And what’s she done with her freedom? Going off with that blood-traitor slut-”

Narcissa pushed the door open and glared at them, face red, breathing hard, all that desperation that had been building up inside her propelling her like a loaded spring.

“How dare you!” Her voice was shaking but she looked her mother straight in the eye. “How dare you stand there and insult her like that.”

Her mother’s mouth opened. “Narcissa, what-”

The words were right on her lips, as though she’d been waiting to say them a long time. “I’m leaving. I’m not staying here with you,.”

Her mother put a hand on her shoulder, but Narcissa yanked it away and stormed back to her room, stuffing her clothes and hairbrush and makeup case and a few other things into her overnight bag. She slung it over her shoulder and pushed past them, down the stairs and into the front hall.

“You come back here right now, Cissy!”

Narcissa ignored her and grabbed the handle of the door. Then she heard the much gentler voice of her father.

“Cissy.”

He was pleading with her. Narcissa turned around to look at him. His eyes were bright. “Stay with us. Please. I’ll sort everything out.”

Narcissa looked back into his desperate face, breathing hard and screwing her eyes up tight. Her grip slackened and her hand slid off the door handle.

“So you’ve decided to stay?”

Narcissa started and turned around. Her mother was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking smug, triumphant, and the sight of it was more than she could stand. It wouldn’t end here, she knew that. She’d be pleasant for awhile, trying to lure Narcissa back in, but then it would start up again. The questions, the looks, the subtle digs. She’d watch her every move to make sure she wasn’t writing to Marlene.

She put her hand back on the door handle. “No,” she said. She looked at her father. “I’m so sorry.”

He just looked back at her, pale and sad, and his face was the last thing she saw before she closed the door.

***

She thrust out her arms and spun into the air, only one destination in mind because it was the only place left for her to go.

Their home was a cottage, smaller than she was expecting, but there were Flutterby bushes framing the door and daylilies growing everywhere and even in the dark Narcissa could see that the place was well cared for.

There was a simple brass knocker on the door and Narcissa paused, unsure what to do-what if the knocking woke the baby? But there was nothing else for it.

The door opened and a man stood there, barefoot and wearing striped pyjamas, and Narcissa was mortified that her first meeting with her brother-in-law had to happen when she’d woken him out of bed. And yet his eyes were kind and he was wearing the relaxed expression of someone who wasn’t really bothered by anything, not even his estranged sister-in-law showing up on his doorstep in the middle of the night.

“You must be Narcissa,” he said, looking her over. His voice sounded so familiar, but she was too flustered just then to remember where she'd heard it.

“I’m so sorry to come to you like this-”

Ted put his arms around her and clapped her on the back. “Don’t think of it,” he said as he let go. “’Dromeda’ll be thrilled.”

He took her overnight bag and ushered her inside. “Can I get you anything? Tea, a bite to eat?”

Narcissa saw that the kitchen was dark and all the dishes had been put away for the night, but she was still shaking and the thought of a hot cup to clutch was welcome. “Some tea would be wonderful, thank you.”

“Not at all, it’ll just be a second,” said Ted, flicking his wand and lighting the lamps in the kitchen. Narcissa sat down on the sofa and looked around the room.

Everything at the Black family homes had been opulent and dark-velvet curtains, heavy tapestries, gold chandeliers-but this place was light and simple. The walls were painted pale yellow and gauzy white curtains hung from the windows. There were Flitterblooms growing in pots and Narcissa saw an aphidistra growing in a pot on a tall brass table. It was as though Andy had tried to put as much distance as possible between herself and the places she’d grown up.

But then Narcissa saw the vases, beautiful ornate vases, with painted flowers and dragons and serpents, on end-tables and beside the fireplace and in the hall. Their mother had loved them, and Narcissa knew that in spite of everything, in spite of how she’d left them, part of her would always be a Black.

“Here you are,” said Ted, handing her a steaming mug. Narcissa clutched it in her hands and took a long sip, trying to steady her hands.

“Is everything all right?” Ted started to say, but there was a cry from upstairs and Narcissa looked up at the ceiling.

“Did I wake the baby?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Ted, waving it away with a hand. “Dora usually wakes up around this time anyway.”

Narcissa heard the creak of footsteps upstairs. Andy, going in to see her.

“Is it all right if I-” Narcissa gestured towards the stairs.

“’Course,” said Ted. “Go right up.”

Narcissa took a few more sips of her tea so Ted wouldn’t think her ungrateful, then went up the narrow staircase, heart beating fast. She heard the baby crying as she walked down the hall, and Andy’s sleepy voice, soft and low. She pushed open the door.

Andy started and the baby cried harder. “Cissy! You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”

Andy put an arm around her, the baby squished between them. “Oh God, it’s good to see you,” she said, half-laughing, half-crying.

“It’s good to see you too,” said Narcissa, putting her head to Andy’s.

The baby was screaming now, red in the face. “I’d better feed her,” said Andromeda. She sat down in a rocking chair and unbuttoned the front of her nightdress and put the baby to her chest. Nymphadora was crying so hard it took her a moment to latch on.

“What are you doing here?” said Andy, beginning to rock.

Narcissa gave her a meaningful look. “I had a row with mother and father.”

Andy looked back at her, face full of understanding. “About her? Marlene?”

Narcissa nodded. “They-mother-called her a horrible name and...I don’t know, I just lost it. I couldn’t stay there anymore.”

“Well, I don’t blame you in the slightest.” Andy rubbed the baby’s back. “You shouldn’t have to put up with her shit.”

Narcissa walked over to the wooden cot along the wall and rested against it. “I just feel so awful for leaving father like that though.”

“I know,” sighed Andy. “I’ve been thinking about that too. I just wish there were something...” Her voice trailed off and she looked up at Narcissa. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should’ve gotten you a seat. Here, hand me my wand, it’s just on the nighstand.”

Narcissa handed her the wand and Andy conjured a soft chair for her to sit on. Narcissa sank down into it. “She told me if I saw you or Marlene ever again I’d never be allowed back home.”

“Are you serious? Just for seeing us?”

“That’s what she said. I know sometimes she’s full of hot air but...I think she meant it this time.”

Andy switched Nymphadora to the other side. “You can stay here as long as you need too, Cissy. We have a guest bedroom you can stay in. And Marlene’s welcome here too.”

Narcissa looked over at her, trying to tell her with her eyes how much this meant to her. “Thank you so much.”

“Of course.”

Nymphadora’s head rolled back, sleepy and milk-drunk, and Andy kissed her and laid her back down in her cot.

“I’ll show you to it now,” she whispered, and Narcissa followed her down the hall.

The room was small and there was a chip in the plaster but there was a lamp glowing softly on the nightstand and the twin bed was covered in quilts and plump pillows. A fleeting thought came to her, that she’d have to make the bed bigger if Marlene ever came to visit, and it scared her as much as it excited her.

Ted had already brought up her overnight bag and set it at the foot of the bed. Andromeda gave her a quick hug. “See in the morning, Cissy,” she said.

Narcissa was so limp and wrung-out from the strain she’d been under she sank into bed and fell asleep without changing out of her dress robes.

***

She didn’t know where she was. There was too much sunlight coming in through the windows and a murmur of strange voices from downstairs. She groped around on the nightstand for her clock but there was nothing there but bare wood. A baby shrieked from somewhere downstairs and she remembered. She sank down into her pillows and smiled with relief.

She knew Andy wouldn’t mind if she had a long lie-in, but she was anxious to see her, and didn’t want to make a bad impression, so she took a quick bath and changed into a new set of robes.

Ted was standing at the stove in his pyjamas, flipping a fried egg with his wand. He gave it a flick and the egg sailed neatly onto a plate, and Narcissa was surprised and rather impressed that he hadn’t had to mutter a single incantation.

“Morning,” he said. “Breakfast’ll be ready in a few minutes. ‘Dromeda’s just in the sitting room with Dora.”

Narcissa walked into the sitting room to find Andy sitting on the floor with Nymphadora, who was rolling around on a blanket. Her hair was bright blue.

“Can she control her powers already?” said Narcissa, smiling and sitting down beside them.

“Yes, it’s extraordinary isn’t it? Her favourite is pink, but she seems partial to blue lately.”

Nymphadora rolled across the floor, right into the tall table that held the aphidistra. Andy scooped her up just as it toppled over.

“She’s a bit accident-prone,” she said, righting the table with her wand and clearing away the dirt. “We’ve already had to take her to St. Mungo’s when she knocked over a bottle of Swelling Solution and her head swelled to five times its size and I don’t know how many times she’s fallen off the bed…”

Nymphadora gave a chortling little laugh, as though she knew they were talking about her. Narcissa loved her already.

“It’s ready,” Ted called from the kitchen. Andy kissed the top of Nymphadora's head and set her down in a playpen near the entrance to the kitchen.

“Ted took holidays this week,” said Andy as she sat down and poured herself a glass of orange juice. “So you two will be able to get acquainted.”

Narcissa smiled over at him from across the table. “Where do you work?”

Ted had just opened his mouth to answer when there was a tapping at the kitchen window and Ted got up to open it.

It was Aquila, with a letter in his beak. He flew to Narcissa and dropped the letter on her plate.

Andy gave her a meaningful look. “From mother and father?”

Narcissa looked at the return address, just to be sure. “It looks that way.”

“Do you want to open it now?”

“No,” said Narcissa. She’d been having such a pleasant morning. She tucked the letter into her robes and tried her hardest not to think about it, but her chest was tight.

Andy glanced at Ted. “Narcissa was just asking what you do,” she said to Ted, trying to sound casual, to bring the conversation back to normal things.

“Right,” said Ted, and Narcissa knew he’d been worried too. “Well, I work for the Wizarding Wireless Network, actually"

Now Narcissa knew where she’d heard his voice. “You do the news programme, don’t you?”

“That’s right,” said Ted, and Andromeda beamed at him.

“He started out as an assistant, you know, when he was first out of Hogwarts. They promoted him just this last year.”

“Well, the witch who’d been doing it decided to go to Transylvania to do a documentary on vampires, and they needed a quick replacement,” said Ted modestly. Narcissa was beginning to wonder how she ever could have disliked him.

There was a tinking of shattered glass and Andromeda gasped and shot out of her chair. Nymphadora had somehow managed to get out of her playpen and had knocked over a vase. Andy held her in front of her and looked her all over for cuts and scratches, but she seemed completely unfazed by it. She gave a chortling little laugh and waved her arms.

Ted was grinning. "That's the third time this week she's managed to get out of her playpen. Only four months old and she's already outsmarting us."

"You're going to have your hands full," said Narcissa, smiling.

Ted stood up and gave Andy a kiss. "I'll take her while you finish your breakfast," he said to her. He took Nymphadora and lifted her up by the arms, blowing raspberries on her stomach as she shrieked and giggled.

Andy sat down again and Narcissa pushed her eggs around on her plate. "Do you...I mean...was it worth it?"

Andromeda set down her fork and looked at her, eyes were full of understanding. "There are things I miss," she said. "My old friends, all the old traditions, not having to worry about anything. I miss father so much, and Bella...But then I see this..." She glanced towards the sitting room. Nymphadora had rested her head on Ted’s shoulder as he walked the floor with her, and Narcissa understood just how she felt.

And if there was anyone who would understand her, it was Andy.

"Marlene wants me to go away with her this summer," said Narcissa, watching her closely for her reaction.

Andy smiled and leaned forward. "What did you say?"

"I told her I would. And I suppose if mother's throwing me out anyway..."

Andy reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "Is that what the letter's about, do you think?"

Narcissa had completely forgotten the letter in her pocket. "I don't know," she said, pulling it out of her robes. Muscles tight, she slit the envelope and read through it, and the air was sucked out of the room. She let it fall to the table and stared out the window.

"What did it say?"

"She says she'll forgive everything. But I have to come home now."

Andy sighed. "That is so like her."

Narcissa pushed back her plate and stood up. "I think I'm going to lie down for awhile."

"Of course."

Narcissa made her way past Ted and Nymphadora, who had fallen asleep against his shoulder, and climbed the narrow staircase to her room.

She still had a chance, still had a choice. She could still go back. She closed her eyes and saw her father and mother, her old friends, diamonds and silk, the halls and rooms of Malfoy Manor and her parents' estate. Andy's house was cozy in its own way, but it was strange to her, and so small, nothing like what she was used to. She could do what Andy had done, elope with Marlene...and then what? They'd be shut out from pureblood society for good, left to fend for themselves. Narcissa didn't know anything else.

She didn't know how long she'd been lying there when the bed sank and she looked up to see Andy sitting beside her. Narcissa rested her head on Andy's shoulder and Andy stroked her hair.

"I just don't know what to do."

They were quiet awhile, the only sound the creaking of the stairs as Ted came up with Nymphadora. There was a rustling as he put her in her cot, then a gurgling laugh.

"That child, I swear," said Andy. "The second you lay her down she wakes up."

Narcissa gave her a half-smile, and Andy was quiet again.

"Do you remember when we found that hayloft?" she said.

"And you made me climb up with you and jump off. I thought I was going to die."

"But you didn't."

Narcissa sat up and looked at her. "You’re obviously trying to tell me something."

Andy smoothed back her hair. "I just don't think this will be as bad as you're fearing, that's all."

"Maybe,” said Narcissa. But she really didn’t know.

Andy left to feed Nymphadora, and Narcissa sat and stared out the window. She didn’t know who to listen to, what to believe. All she knew she couldn’t stand the strain of that tightrope walk her life had become, that constant fear of making a wrong move and falling off the edge. She wanted to fall. She wanted to be free.

She lay there a long time, well after lunch had been served, and after she'd eaten a quick dinner she pulled a quill and some parchment out of her overnight bag and wrote two letters. The first was to Aster. The second was to Marlene.

Andy still had her old school owl, Perseus, who was asleep on her dresser. Narcissa tapped his beak to wake him, and after she’d tied the letters to his foot, she carried him to the window and watched him fly away.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really hope this chapter isn't too explicit for the M rating...I don't think it's quite as explicit as what you'd find in an E-rated fic, but it will get pretty steamy so I'm going to include a summary at the end for those who feel more comfortable skipping it. The steamy parts are towards the end.
> 
> I'm working on the last few chapters now, so the end is in sight :)

The more Narcisssa saw of Andy and Ted and Nymphadora, the more horrified she became at how close she’d come to shutting them out. Every morning she’d wake up and find Ted in the kitchen, fixing up breakfast, and Andy playing with Nymphadora. Sometimes after she’d woken from her nap Narcissa would go to her cot, and she’d smile and hold out her arms to her as though she’d known her since she was born. Narcissa would pick her up and hold her against her shoulder and didn’t mind in the slightest when Dora had a blowout all over her favourite day robes. 

Ted fixed her a big breakfast the day she was to leave, sausages and bacon and baked beans, and while Narcissa was waiting she laid down on her back in the sitting room and lifted Dora in the air. She shrieked with glee and Narcissa laughed with her.

“She’s going to miss you,” said Andy. 

“I’ll come visit her the moment I get back,” said Narcissa, kissing the tuft of pink hair at the top of her head. It was one of the softest things she’d ever felt. 

Narcissa would’ve liked to have stayed longer over breakfast, but Marlene had arranged a portkey, so as soon as she was done eating she packed up her things and smoothed the quilt over her bed. Andy and Ted and Nymphadora were waiting for her when she came downstairs, Ted holding Dora in his arms. 

She kissed Ted on the cheek. “It was so good meeting you,” she said, and she meant it. 

Ted clapped her on the back. “You too. You’re welcome here any time.”

Narcissa kissed the top of Dora’s head. “Stay out of trouble, you,” she said, and she could’ve sworn Dora was laughing at her.

“She won’t,” said Andy, laughing a bit. She pulled Narcissa into a tight hug. “Everything’s going to be all right, you know,” she whispered. Narcissa wanted so badly to believe her.

She picked up her overnight bag and with a last long look at them, left the house and spun in the air.

***

When Narcissa stopped spinning she found Marlene waiting for her outside her house. She flashed her a crooked grin.

“Hello you,” she said. 

Narcissa set down her bag and kissed her.

“Mum and dad are at work,” said Marlene when they’d pulled away, “but they send their love.”

A warmth filled Narcissa at the thought of Marlene’s parent’s saying something like that. “So they like me then?”

“Of course,” said Marlene, but she wasn’t meeting her eyes, and Narcissa wondered if it was really true.

“I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“They do,” she said, a bit too quickly. “It’s just...it’s really stupid.”

“What?”

“Well, you know…They're just worried is all, with all the rumours about your family. But don’t worry about it. I told them you’re not like that.”

Of course they did. Because she was a Black, before she was anything else. She wished she could erase her last name, become a blank slate, just Narcissa. And then she felt Marlene’s hand in hers, and the warmth spread through her whole body, because Marlene had always seen her for who she really was, when no one else did.

  
“Let’s not worry about that now,” she said softly. “It’s just about time.”

Narcissa looked down and saw their portkey, a dirty Wellington boot. After a second or two it began to glow.

“Got everything?”

Narcissa nodded, and together they bent down and took hold of the boot. She was jerked into darkness, and when she’d stopped and saw light again she smelled car exhaust and heard shouting and honking and saw they were standing in the middle of a dark alleyway, the buildings so high on either side of them they blocked out the sun.

She turned to Marlene. “What-?”

“Oh shit,” said Marlene, looking all around her. “We were supposed to come out in Tituba Lane, I thought.”

“Where’s-”

“The wizarding district. We’re in New York.”

Narcissa stared, her head swivelling in every directions as she tried to take it all in. She’d never ventured very far into Muggle London, and while she'd been to Paris and Rome, her family usually chose quiet, out-of-the-way places for their holidays, like Crete and Costa Rica. 

Marlene tugged at her arm. “Come on, we’d better get moving.”

“Just out of curiosity,” said Narcissa as they walked out of the alley elbowed their way through a the a throng of people packing the pavement, “why New York?”

“I came here with my parents once. It was a lot of fun.”

Narcissa thought she could feel people watching her watching her as they passed. “I didn’t bring any Muggle clothes,” she hissed.

“Look around Narcissa, I hardly think it matters.”

A man in a leopard-print suit and a ridiculous hat and about ten gold chains danging against his chest walked past them just then and Narcissa began to see what she meant.

They’d reached some sort of intersection, and Narcissa had just stepped off the pavement when Marlene grabbed her by the back of her robes. 

“What on earth-"

“You almost got hit,” said Marlene, her voice shaking as badly as it had the night she saved her from Greyback. “You have to wait for the walk signal,” she said. She nudged her and pointed to a sign across the street with “Don’t Walk” in flashing red letters. “It’ll change to ‘walk’ when it’s safe to go.”

Narcissa had to fight off the temptation to grab onto Marlene’s sleeve like a three-year-old and never let go. 

They walked for what felt like hours, passing street vendors and women in fur coats and flashing signs and all kinds of things she’d never even imagined before. Her feet were getting sore and she wished she’d thought to wear trainers instead of leather boots. But more than that, she was frightened. She had a hand around the wand in the pocket of her robes but didn’t dare use it, with so many Muggles around. 

“Do you have any idea where we are?” she said, as some sort of Muggle vehicle with flashing lights sped past.

Marlene glanced at a street sign, “West 43rd Street,” she murmured. “I don’t think it’s anywhere near here.”

But after another hour or so had passed they still hadn’t found it, and Narcissa was beginning to panic.

“Could you...I don’t know, get in touch with MCUSA?” she said.

“I could,” said Marlene slowly, “but I don't think we're really close to their headquarters, and I don't really know how to contact them or anything.”

A stab of something surged through her, annoyance or alarm she didn't know. “Didn’t you have all this arranged beforehand?”

  
“Well...not really,” said Marlene, in a much smaller voice than usual. “I sort of just…you know. Arranged the portkey.”

Narcissa stopped still in the middle of the pavement and stared at her. “You just arranged a portkey? Without making any plans at all?”

Marlene glanced down and rubbed the toe of her shoe in the pavement, but there was an edge to her voice. “Well…we were supposed to come out in Tituba Lane. How was I supposed to know this would happen?”

Narcissa couldn’t believe her. “Now what are we supposed to do?” she hissed. She was shaking.

Marlene looked frantically up and down the street. “I think that’s a hotel over there,” she said. “Why don’t we just stay there for now?”

“You do have Muggle money don’t you? American Muggle money? Because I don’t.”

“Yes. I’m not a complete idiot you know.”

Narcissa could hear the hurt underneath Marlene’s anger, but she didn’t much care just then.

Marlene led her across the street to a tall brick building with a sign hanging out front that said “Econo-Lodge.” It did not sound promising. 

They walked through the front doors and Narcissa smelled stale carpet and tobacco smoke and her eyes raked over the scene, to the bored-looking woman standing behind the wood-paneled counter to the cracked yellow chairs to the flickering black-and-white contraption propped up in a corner. 

“The moment we find Tituba Lane we are switching to a decent hotel,” said Narcissa under her breath. Marlene walked up to the counter without saying anything to her.

“We’d like a room please,” she said.

“That’ll be fifty dollars,” said the woman without looking up from the magazine she was reading, which had a shirtless man on the front cover. She had a thick American accent.

Marlene counted out three bills and the woman plopped a key on the counter.

“Could we have a map, please?” said Marlene when she’d taken the key. The woman thrust her hand towards a rack of maps and brochures that was tacked to the wall. Narcissa couldn’t believe she hadn’t even brought a map with her. 

“We’re in room 574,” said Marlene in a curt voice. “It must on the fifth floor then.” 

“How do we get up? I don’t see any stairs.”

Marlene walked the length of the hall, stopping in front of what looked like brown doors, only they didn’t open.

“I think we have to use this thing,” said Marlene. 

There was a dinging noise and the doors opened by themselves and a man in a suit stepped out. Narcissa and Marlene stepped inside, clutching their bags. It smelled like things Narcissa didn’t want to think about. 

“What do we do now?” said Narcissa.

“Erm-press one of these buttons maybe?” She pressed the button that said “5” and the thing began to move. Narcissa shrieked.

“Seriously, Narcissa, get a grip,” said Marlene, but Narcissa thought she looked shaken too. The thing they were in jerked and shuddered and it all seemed so horribly clumsy. The stopped suddenly.

“Oh my God, we’re trapped,” Narcissa whispered. “We’re going to die in this thing.” 

Marlene just rolled her eyes bent over, examining the buttons, and the doors opened and a woman in a leopard print jacket and blue miniskirt got on. They began to move again, and when the light flashed “5” the thing stopped and they stepped out into a long hallway. 

Their room was towards the end, and Narcissa walked in expecting the worst, but it was decent enough, with thin beige carpet and paintings hanging from the walls, and surprisingly clean. There was a large bed in the middle of the room, with a navy duvet and plush pillows.

“Well,” said Marlene, setting down her overnight bag beside the bed. “Maybe we should get something to eat. I’m starved.” Her voice had gone quieter, softer, and Narcissa knew Marlene was thinking about the bed, because she was thinking about it too.

“I suppose,” said Narcissa, in the most casual voice she could manage.

She set down her bag and went to the loo to wash up, then followed Marlene back down to the lobby. 

“Wait,” she said before they left. “Let’s mark where we are on the map, so we don’t get lost again.”

“Fine,” said Marlene. “You do it, since you know everything.”

Narcissa shot her an annoyed look and, glancing around to be sure no one was watching, pulled a quill out of robes. 

They found a little diner down the street, but it was a tense meal. Marlene stared out the window and Narcissa played with her food without really seeing it. She couldn't believe she'd risked everything to get lost in this strange Muggle city with a woman so careless she hadn’t even thought to bring a map with her. 

They spent the rest of the day at the hotel, Narcissa reading a wizarding mystery she’d brought with her and Marlene fiddling with the dials on the television set. The light outside grew dimmer and Marlene flicked the lights on, but Narcissa was exhausted.

“I think I’m going to turn in,” she said, setting her book on the nightstand.

“Okay,” said Marlene. She turned down the volume on the television. 

Narcissa crawled into bed, and closed her eyes, but they were stinging and she didn’t know why. She couldn’t make it go away, couldn’t sleep.

She didn’t know how much time had passed when she felt the bed sink as Marlene settled in next to her. She was facing away from her, curled up into a little ball, and she looked so small just then, so lost.

Narcissa watched her awhile, and all her anger ebbed away. She pressed her face against her head and whispered into her hair. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know you wanted this to be special.”

Marlene turned to face her, and Narcissa saw that her eyes were bright. “I did,” she said. “I never thought this would happen, I’m so sorry.” She gripped her pillow. “I just fuck everything up.”

Narcissa smoothed back the hair from her face. “No you don’t,” she said. She rested her forehead against her. “I have the most fun when I’m with you.”

The corners of Marlene’s mouth lifted. “Really?”

“Really.”

Marlene stroked her face with her thumb. “Will you stay here beside me?” she whispered. She sounded as exhausted as Narcissa felt.

"Of course."

Narcissa pulled up the covers and lay down beside her, curling her body against Marlene’s, and soon her breathing slowed and she fell asleep.

***

Narcissa wasn’t usually a late sleeper, but when she woke up Marlene was already up and dressed. She was sitting in a chair by the window, studying the map.

“I think I know where to go now,” she said. “We could be there by lunch, I reckon.”

Narcissa walked over to the chair and kissed her. “I knew you’d sort it out,” she said.

She sat down and looked out the window, even though she couldn’t see anything but the building next door. She’d apologized, and that was all well and good, but she wanted to do something more, something special. She remembered a cinema they’d passed on their way to the diner, and it gave her an idea.

“Why don’t you wait here? I’m going to step out for a bit.”

Marlene looked up at her in surprise. “Where are you going?”

“You’ll see.”

Narcissa put on her dress robes, which looked so much like a Muggle dress it’d be hard to tell the difference, and when she’d left the hotel she set off down the street, until she found the cinema. She looked at all the posters tacked up to the wall, but they didn’t make much sense to her. She finally chose a film with a poster of an attractive Muggle woman in a bathing suit. Perhaps it was a love story. 

“I’d like two tickets to the three o’clock showing of Deep Sea, please,” said Narcissa to the man at the ticket window.

“I’m gonna need to see some ID,” said the man.

“Pardon?”

“You need to be 18 to see that show,” he said.

This seemed rather strange, but Narcissa didn’t question it. Her age wasn’t a problem, and neither, she knew, was Marlene’s. But she didn’t have any kind of identification a Muggle would recognize. 

It was extremely risky, this. She was in another country, and she didn’t know how harsh they’d be about such things. “ _Confundo_ ,” she muttered. 

The man’s eyes went slack. “That’ll be three twenty-five,” he said. Narcissa handed him four bills and he gave her the change. “Enjoy the show.”

Narcissa practically ran back to the hotel. “I’ve got a surprise for you,” she said as soon as she’d closed the door to their room.

A smile spread across Marlene’s face. “What is it?” 

Narcissa held out the tickets.

“You got us tickets to the cinema?” She squealed, and her excitement was so infectious Narcissa squealed too. “This’ll be brilliant, I’ve always wanted to go.” She put her arms around Narcissa. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“I reckon we’ll need to get some Muggle clothes,” she said when she’d pulled away. She smiled. “What do you say to a bit of shopping?”

Narcissa didn’t know if shopping for Muggle clothes would be anywhere near as fun as shopping for wizard clothes, but she couldn’t wait to try. “Sounds perfect.”

It wasn’t an impressive place, their hotel, but it seemed to be in the middle of everything. They only had to walk a block or two before they found a shop.

There were so many racks of clothes Narcissa didn’t know where to look first. She didn’t recognize any of the names on the labels but she could tell by touching the fabric and examining the cuts that they were well-made.

“You know what I’ve always wanted?” said Marlene as they flicked through a rack of blouses. “Jeans. Really good ones that fit right.”

“Shall we have a look then?”

“Let’s do it.”

They made their way over to a shelf full of jeans, unfolding them and holding them against their legs. 

“I have no idea what any of these sizes mean, I reckon we’ll just have to guess,” said Marlene, putting a pile into her arms.

They made their way over to the changing rooms and tried them on.

“Ugh, these ones have rhinestones on them, how did I miss that?” came Marlene’s voice from the room next to her.

Narcissa had worn Muggle slacks a few times; Andy had snuck some in once and Narcissa had liked them for lounging around in. But she’d never worn jeans. She tried on a pair and examined her reflection in the mirror. They fit perfectly, hugging her waist and running smooth along her hips and accentuating her calves.

She stepped out to show Marlene.

“Holy shit, Narcissa,” she said, looking her up and down.

“You look amazing yourself,” said Narcissa, smiling. Marlene had found jeans and a top that hugged her in all the right places and showed off her curves.

“I think we’re ready for this afternoon, what do you think?” said Marlene.

“I think we’re going to be the best-looking couple in the city.”

There was a small queue of people waiting outside the cinema, but they didn’t have to wait long. Narcissa had her wand tucked up her sleeve, and when the man asked for their IDs again, she simply flicked it and he let them in. Marlene gave her a sideways smile. 

There was a concession stand inside, and Narcissa got them both a large tub of popcorn and they made their way to their seats. Marlene squeezed her hand. “This is perfect, thank you,” she said, and Narcissa knew how much she meant it.

There didn’t seem to be many people in the theatre, perhaps because it was a weekday afternoon. Just a few Muggle men sitting by themselves.They waited for the film to start, trying not to eat too much of their popcorn. The lights dimmed and some music started playing.

“Either American actors have really obscene names or that’s a really unfortunate coincidence,” said Marlene.

“I see what you mean,” said Narcissa, as “Harry Cox” flashed across the screen.

The film began to play then, and after about five minutes in Narcissa could feel Marlene’s hand freeze in their tub of popcorn. Narcissa just stared at the screen.

Marlene turned to her, mouth open. “Did you just take me to see an adult film?”

“Oh shit-I had no idea, I’m so sorry...”

“You didn’t know?”

“No. I just liked the poster.”

“So you took me to see an adult film because you liked the poster?”

Narcissa’s face was hot and she didn’t know what to say. Then Marlene burst out laughing.

They heard a voice from somewhere behind them. “Will you shut up down there? I’m trying to watch the movie.”

This made them laugh even harder. Someone turned his head to look at them and they tried to stifle it in their sleeves.

They stayed for the whole film, eating their popcorn and bursting into laughter at the most inopportune moments. As soon as the film was finished playing they ducked out of the theatre as fast as they could, before any of those men could tell them off. They were still laughing when they stepped out onto the pavement. “Well, I can’t say my first time at the cinema wasn’t memorable,” said Marlene, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

“I’ll make it up to you, promise,” said Narcissa.

Marlene squeezed her hand and gave her that look, the one she had just for her. “Should we get a bite to eat in Tituba Lane?”

“That would be wonderful.”

Marlene pulled the map out of her robes and studied it a moment. "Right," she said. "I think we'll have to take a taxi, the entrance is all the way down on Lafayette." 

Marlene leaned forward and waved her hand in the air and before long a bright yellow car stopped at the curb.

"How did you do that?"

"I saw it on television once," said Marlene as they opened the doors and got in. Narcissa had never been in a Muggle vehicle before. It was slow and a bit stale-smelling and she thought she rather preferred to fly, but it was interesting enough, watching all the people and buildings go by. She caught Marlene's eye and smiled. Marlene could be rash and impulsive but she could also be brave, and she seemed to know just how to handle anything that came up. Narcissa felt safe with her.

"Federal Plaza," said the taxi driver, pulling over at the curb. "That'll be three seventy-five."

Marlene handed her the change, and they stepped out of the taxi. Narcissa looked around at the square with its wide pavements and stately courthouses, a place not entirely unlike Muggle London.

"The entrance is in some pub called the Blind Bat,” said Marlene. “Probably it's concealed, like the Leaky Cauldron."

They walked a few blocks north, eyes on every building they passed, until the pub appeared, wedged between two tall buildings. Narcissa and Marlene stepped inside.

Narcissa felt immediately the contrast between the dark wood and candlelight of the pub and the flashing artificial lights of the world outside. A man stood behind the bar, wiping glasses, and it occurred to her just how close-knit and familiar the wizarding world was, that she could travel so far and find someplace so familiar. 

“What can I get you?” said the man, in his clipped American accent. He set down his glass and rested his hands on the bar.

“We’re just looking for Tituba Lane please,” said Marlene.

The man beckoned them to a door behind the bar, into a small alleyway. The man tapped out a pattern on a rubbish bin lid and a cobbled street appeared, not unlike Diagon Alley, except the shops were different, and there was a statue of a woman in in the centre square. Narcissa recognized her as the American witch for whom the street had been named.

“Shall we do a bit of shopping first?” said Narcissa, eyeing a jewelry shop across the way.

“I’m up for anything,” said Marlene, and they made their way inside.

Narcissa walked the aisles slowly, examining the diamonds and sapphires and pearls, until she saw a case full of necklaces so different, so unique, she stopped to look at them. Suspended from delicate gold chains were gardens of the tiniest plants, encased in glass and surrounded by water. Marlene would love one.

Glancing around to make sure Marlene wasn’t watching, Narcissa asked the man behind the counter to ring one up for her. When she’d paid, she slipped it into the handbag she’d bought at a Muggle shop that morning.

There was so much to see they decided to spend the rest of the day there, eating and shopping and just walking around, and Narcissa saw that it was so much cleaner and safer than the Muggle world outside. Something about it made her uneasy-what if her family had been right?

The light was fading by the time they made their way back to the pub, and the place was packed and smoky. They walked through clutching each other’s arms and laughing, tipsy from all the wine they’d had at dinner, and were just about to walk out the door when Narcissa felt a hand on her back and she jumped.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” said a man in flowing black robes. Narcissa saw a MCUSA badge attached to the front. “I was just wondering where you were headed?”

“We’re just going to catch a cab back to-” Marlene pulled out her map. “West 47th St. and 8th Avenue.”

The man’s eyes widened. “You visiting here?” 

Narcissa had no idea what he was on about. She nodded, raising an eyebrow slightly.

“Lesson number one: never go out into the city at night. It’s dangerous out there.” He glanced towards the bar. “See the barman? Just ask him for a room. He’ll put you up for the night. Then you can Apparate back to midtown, but be careful, understand? That can be a rough area.”

Narcissa nodded again, but this time she was grateful. She'd seen enough of that part of the city during the day to understand how dangerous it must've been at night. “Thank you,” she said.

Narcissa was fluttery and keyed-up as they walked to the counter, and she could tell by her fast walk that Marlene was too.

“Could we have a room please?” said Marlene. Narcissa thought she sounded a bit giddy and didn't know what to think. Marlene had every reason to believe they were about to sleep together, and Narcissa couldn't bear to think of the look on her face when she explained that she couldn't.

Marlene nudged her shoulder. "I've got our key," she said. "We're in room 24."

That meant their room was on the first floor. She and Marlene walked up the stairs and down a long hallway.

“Well, you’re in luck Narcissa, we won’t have to take the Muggle lift,” said Marlene, smirking.

“And we don’t have to go back into the city, so you won’t get us lost,” Narcissa shot back.

“Oh, you just had to bring that up didn’t you?” said Marlene, but she was smiling.

When they'd reached their room Marlene unlocked the door and they found themselves in a small, cozy room lit by gas lamps and paneled in wood. A single bed stood in the middle of the room, covered with plush pillows. Narcissa stared at it. It wasn’t very big.

“Well, it looks cozy,” said Marlene, and her voice had gone much softer.

“Yes,” said Narcissa absently. Marlene was staring at her and she wasn’t sure if she was shaking from excitement or nerves.

Marlene put her arms around her and kissed her. “You look sexy in those jeans you know,” she said, moving her hands down the small of her back and grabbing her arse. 

Narcissa breathed out, a nervous, shaky laugh. “So do you,” she said.

Marlene kissed her again, harder, then pulled away. “I’ve got something for you,” she said. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a necklace exactly like the one Narcissa had bought for her. Narcissa smiled but didn’t say anything. She wanted to surprise her.

Marlene placed it around Narcissa’s neck and clasped it, touching her so gently she shivered.

“It’s beautiful,” breathed Narcissa. She put her lips to Marlene’s.

“I have something for you,” she said when they’d pulled away. She reached into her handbag and pulled out the necklace she’d bought for her.

Marlene shrieked. “It’s the same one! Oh that’s funny.”

Narcissa rested her face against Marlene’s as she slipped the necklace on her. “I suppose it makes sense,” she said against her cheek. “Since we became friends in Herbology.”

“It’s perfect,” whispered Marlene. 

Marlene looked into Narcissa’s eyes, more intensely than she'd ever looked at her before, and she put her hands to her face and brushed her lips against Narcissa's cheek until she found her mouth, kissing her slowly, deeply, softly. After awhile pulled away and brushed her lips against Narcissa's neck, her collarbone, as she lowered one of her hands and ran it along Narcissa’s side, down her hips, her legs. When she brought her hand up again she reached underneath Narcissa’s blouse, stroking her stomach. Narcissa gasped into her hair.

Slowly, so gently it made her ache, she brought her hands up Narcissa’s abdomen, to her chest, almost touching her scar. Narcissa sat up straighter.

“Are you okay?” said Marlene, breathing hard.

“I’m sorry, can we just...take our time?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Marlene. She was flushed and red. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed anything.”

“No, it’s alright,” said Narcissa. 

Marlene’s eyes were full of concern as she put her hand over Narcissa’s. “Did something happen to you?”

Narcissa looked down at the bed, tracing the duvet with her fingers. “No,” she said. “Not really. It’s just...I don’t know...”

Marlene cupped Narcissa’s face with her hands. “You can’t mess this up you know. I promise.”

Narcissa tried to tell her with her eyes how much this meant to her. “I know.”

“If you want, we can wait. There’s no rush.”

Narcissa nuzzled her face and kissed her cheek, and when she pulled away they sat side by side on the bed.

“I reckon it’s going to be a bit uncomfortable sleeping in these jeans,” said Marlene after awhile.

Narcissa pulled out her wand and conjured two nightgowns. “I hope these are the right size, that’s a tricky spell.”

Marlene smiled. “Knowing you they’re probably perfect.” She kissed Narcissa on the cheek and stood up.

Narcissa waited until Marlene was in the loo, then pulled back the covers on the bed and slipped out of her blouse and jeans. She liked them, but it was a relief to get them off. 

She looked down at her chest, at the jagged scar that ran across it, between her breasts and along the edge of one, almost down to her stomach, picturing the way Marlene’s face would fall when she saw it. Marlene had always thought she was so beautiful, but she wasn’t. Not really. 

The door to the loo opened and Narcissa started a little. She picked up a sheet and clutched it tightly to her chest but she could tell by the look on Marlene’s face that she’d been too late. 

Marlene sat down beside her and put an arm around her but Narcissa couldn’t look at her.

“You don’t have to tell me, I know it’s awful,” she said. 

“I wasn’t thinking that at all,” said Marlene softly. “What happened to you?”

Narcissa looked down at the sheet she was clutching. “Just an accident. It happened a long time ago.” She couldn’t bear to tell her the real reason. Marlene would never want anything to do with her again.

Marlene rested her face against Narcissa’s. “I still think you’re beautiful.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No.” Marlene stroked her face and looked into eyes. “I love you, Narcissa. I love you so much.”

Narcissa looked back into those eyes that always knew her and something was giving way inside of her. She loosened her grip on the sheet and let it fall. 

Marlene looked at her a long moment, then she kissed her deeply, slowly, as she traced the scar with her hands. Narcissa ran her fingers through her hair.

“Put your hands on me Narcissa,” Marlene whispered when she’d pulled away.

Narcissa pressed her lips to Marlene’s as her hands ran along her collarbone and down her breasts and Marlene moaned into her mouth as she stroked them, over and over again. 

“You’ve been wanting to do that for ages, haven’t you?” said Marlene when she’d pulled away, and Narcissa laughed against her face.

She reached down and caught the edge of Marlene’s nightgown, pulling it up over her head as Marlene helped her, and sat on Marlene’s lap, facing her, wrapping her legs around her as they kissed and stroked each other’s skin and moved their hips together. Marlene’s hands reached around her back and unhooked her bra and Narcissa pushed it off her and threw it onto the floor, gasping as Marlene brushed her lips against her breasts. She reached around to the clasp at the back of Marlene’s bra and tried to prise it loose with her fingers. 

And it wouldn’t budge. _Shit_. This would have to happen, just when she wanted to look like she knew what she was doing. She worked faster, pushing the clasps in as hard as she could, but the damn things wouldn’t move.

“Something wrong?” said Marlene.

Narcissa’s face was hot. “I can’t get it loose.”

Marlene rested her forehead against Narcissa’s and smiled. “But you do this for yourself all the time.” 

Her voice was teasing, affectionate, and Narcissa knew she wasn’t making fun of her. She started laughing and Marlene laughed with her. “Here,” she whispered. She reached back and unhooked it, and Narcissa stared at her as it fell away. She was fucking _gorgeous_.

She pressed herself against Marlene, not realizing until just then how much she’d been aching for her, how much she needed to feel her bare skin against hers, and as they kissed and rocked their hips together she caressed every part of her she could reach. 

Marlene pulled away and shifted a little, and Narcissa got off her lap as she pushed herself back on the bed and lay down. Narcissa pulled off Marlene’s knickers, then her own, watching the way Marlene's stomach rose and fell with her fast breathing. Narcissa got on top of her, cupping her face with one hand and looking into her eyes, so full of love and longing, and it was just them, in their own world, and nothing else mattered.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Narcissa breathed, tracing her lips with her finger. She put them to Marlene’s mouth and Marlene gently sucked them. “You mean everything to me.”

“I love you,” breathed Marlene as Narcissa’s fingers slipped out from between her lips. Narcissa put her hands to her face and Marlene put her lips to hers and they kissed gently, playfully, then harder, faster, as their bodies moved together in a steady rhythm, so in tune it was as though they were reading each other's thoughts. Marlene moaned into her ear.

Narcissa felt her and heard her and saw her and those words washed over her. _I love you, I love you, I love you_.

She'd been so afraid it would be strange, being with a woman, but Marlene's body was like home, and she stroked her, and caressed her, and kissed her, moving her lips across her breasts, down to her stomach, the inside of her thighs. She stopped there, breathing hard, so afraid of going further, of doing something wrong. Marlene reached for her hand and stroked it.

Narcissa took a breath and kept going, and she learned everything about her, the smell of her sweat and the taste of her skin and the feel of her on her tongue, the way she arched her back and whimpered when she was close and the way she cried out and drew her knees up to her stomach when she came and lazy way she smiled at Narcissa when she kissed her after.

When her breathing had slowed she raised herself up and pinned Narcissa beneath her.

“Now you’re going to get it, gorgeous,” she whispered.

Narcissa moaned as Marlene’s hands moved across her body, caressing every part of her, as her lips moved down breasts, her stomach, her thighs, her warm tongue making her arch her hips and moan louder as she teased her, and when she came it rocked through her so hard she buried her face into her pillow to stifle her cries. 

Marlene lay down next to her and kissed her, her hair damp with sweat, and Narcissa buried her her head in her shoulder, dazed and spent and breathing hard.

“Those nightgowns didn’t last long, did they?” said Marlene into her hair.

Narcissa pulled away and rested her forehead against Marlene’s, lazily stroking her breasts. “I didn’t even put mine on.”

Marlene laughed. “You’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, don’t tell me you haven’t.”

“You’re not wrong.”

Marlene traced Narcissa’s face with a finger. “So tell me something,” she said. “Have you ever had a sex dream about me?”

“That’s a bit personal.”

“Are you serious? We’ve just had sex and you think it’s too personal?”

Narcissa laughed. “All right. I have. I had one last night actually.”

Marlene gave her a teasing smile. “Did you really? I have them all the time.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Marlene laughed and Narcissa brushed back a strand of damp hair from her face, mouth forming the question she’d had for a long time, and wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to. “Have you ever done this before?”

Marlene’s apologetic look told Narcissa everything she needed to know. “A few times,” she said. “There was this girl I used to fool around with back in sixth year.”

Narcissa was quiet. She wondered who it’d been. Violet, perhaps.

Marlene cupped her face in her hands.“It wasn’t anything like this," she said softly. "You’re the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with.”

"Is that really true?"

"Really," said Marlene. She kissed the corner of her eye. “Love you, daffodil.”

Narcissa clasped her hand and buried her head in her shoulder again, breathing in that earthy scent she loved so much, and together they fell asleep.

***

Narcissa wasn't sure what time it was when she opened her eyes, but there wasn't much light coming in through the window, so she supposed it must have been early. Marlene had turned in her sleep and was facing away from her, her back curved, and Narcissa watched as it rose and fell with her breathing. 

She reached out and traced the ridges of her spine, the rises and hollows of her back, all her freckles like miniature constellations showing the way home.

Marlene shifted and turned to look at her. "Well that's a nice way to wake up," she said, smiling and kissing her lips. Her expression turned serious. "Can I ask you something?" she said, and her voice was so much smaller than usual, so uncertain.

"Of course," said Narcissa, smoothing back her hair.

"Do you wish I was more slender, more like you?"

"No," breathed Narcissa, and she tried to tell her with her eyes how much she meant it. "I think you're perfect."

And Narcissa ran her hands down Marlene's side, along every curve, and as she slipped it between her thighs Marlene gasped and moaned into her hair. 

***

They'd fallen asleep again, and Narcissa woke up with her arm still draped over Marlene's stomach. She smiled as she felt her breathing and looked down at her. Her mouth was open and there was a little trickle of spit at the side of it and she looked so beautiful, so fragile, that it scared her. She'd been so afraid to fall in love with her, and now that she loved her she was afraid to lose her.

Marlene began to stir, and Narcissa took a breath and waited for her to wake up, waited to tell her everything she'd been feeling, and Marlene was just opening her eyes when there was a tap at the window. Narcissa turned her head towards it, almost on instinct, and that's when she saw the owl.

She stood up, her insides tight, breathing fast.

Marlene propped herself up on an elbow. "Is everything all right?"

“There’s an owl at the window.”

Marlene sat up as Narcissa threw her nightgown over herself and opened the window. She didn’t recognize it, but her heart was still racing. Her hands were shaking when she took the letter in her hands and slit it open.

“Oh my God.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning summary: Narcissa is afraid to let Marlene see her because of her scars, and changes while Marlene is out of the room, but Marlene comes back before she can cover up and sees her. Narcissa tries to cover herself up again and Marlene tells Narcissa she is beautiful and that she loves her. Narcissa lets the sheet fall and as they make love Narcissa realizes she has fallen in love with her. Afterwards they snuggle in bed and Narcissa asked Marlene if she's ever made love before. Marlene tells she's fooled around a bit, and Narcissa is a bit disappointed but Marlene reassures her that she's the first person she's ever fallen in love with, and tells her she loves her again, they fall asleep holding hands. The next morning Narcissa wakes up early and starts running her hands along Marlene's back. Marlene wakes up and asks Narcissa if she wishes she were more slender, like her. Narcissa assures her she is perfect, and they make love again. They fall asleep and when they wake up, Narcissa is about to tell her she loves her when there is an owl at the window. Narcissa opens the letter and sees something shocking that will be revealed in the next chapter.


	16. Chapter 16

Marlene shot out of bed and stood next to her. “What is it?”

Narcissa didn’t want to tell her, but she had to.

“It’s your father. He’s been attacked.”  
  
“No!”

“He’s still alive,” Narcissa added quickly. “He’s in St. Mungo’s."

“We have to go see him. Now.” Marlene’s voice was breaking and her lips trembled.

Narcissa took a deep breath to steady herself. She’d always relied on Marlene, on her steadying presence and quick thinking. Now it was Marlene who needed her.

“We need to arrange a Portkey with MCUSA,” she said as she put on her Muggle clothes from the day before. “And we’ll have to go back to the hotel to get our things.”

Marlene didn't say a word as she pulled on her Muggle blouse and jeans and her hands were shaking so badly she couldn't work the buttons on her blouse. Narcissa buttoned it up for her.

“Ready?” she said. Marlene gave an absent nod, face pale.

They walked down to the pub, where Narcissa asked the barman for directions. There was an Apparition point on Tituba Lane that would take them close to MCUSA headquarters.

Marlene held her arms out to ready herself Narcissa could see them shaking, and she knew she'd never be able to do it.

“Hold on to me,” she said softly. Marlene grabbed hold of her arm and gripped it tightly and together they spun into the air.

Seconds later they came out in the midst of skyscrapers so enormous they blocked out the sun. They walked a block or two, and in a whirl of colour a stately white building appeared. Narcissa knew without even reading the letters carved into the stone what it was.

Her parents often popped into the Ministry of Magic, and she’d been there a few times. This place felt much the same-high-ceilings, marble statues, polished wood floors. She didn’t really pay much attention to any of it until she saw the massive clock along one wall, with different colours around it. She didn't really know what it meant, it didn't seem to tell the time, but its hands were pointed at red, and it was a warning, she was sure of it, a warning meant for her.

Two men appeared, waving secrecy sensors. “Present yourself to the visitor’s desk,” one of them said when they’d finished.

Narcissa explained the situation to the witch behind the desk, and when she’d examined their wands and given them each a badge, they made their way to the Department of Magical Transportation, which was on the ground floor.

Narcissa welled up in frustration when she saw the queue of people lined up, probably for something stupid and pointless like arranging a holiday or a connection to the Floo Network. She had half a mind to push her way to the front and tell them all to shove off, but she knew it'd never work, so they stood and they waited. Narcissa held Marlene’s hand and squeezed it, wishing that small thing could take away her pain, that she could draw some of it into herself somehow.

It felt like hours had passed when their number was finally called. The bored-looking witch behind the counter looked up at them.

“I need to arrange a Portkey to London, as soon as possible please,” said Narcissa.

The witch looked down at a piece of parchment and made some complicated movements with her wand. “I can arrange a Portkey from Tituba Lane , departing 6 o’clock this evening,” she said in a monotonous voice.

Narcissa glanced at Marlene, who shook her head frantically.

“You can’t get anything earlier?”

“’I’m afraid not, we’re very busy at the moment.”

Narcissa glanced around and lowered her voice. “Please. It’s an emergency. Her father is in hospital, it’s very serious, he could be dying.”

The woman glanced at Marlene, who was pale and shaken, but her expression didn’t change.

“Sorry, can’t help you.”

Narcissa slapped her hand down on the counter and the witch jumped in her seat. “You will arrange a Portkey, and you will arrange it right now, do you understand me?”

The witch narrowed her eyes and sat up straighter,. “Excuse me, miss, there’s no need to take that tone-”

“And you’ll excuse me for not giving a fuck,” Narcissa shot back. “I have a friend here who needs to get home.” She stared the woman down, fingering her wand and racking her brains for some kind of solution. She tried to picture what her father would do, if he were there. He'd stand taller and straighter, arch an eyebrow, remind them who they were dealing with. He'd be a _Black._

The Black name didn’t count for anything in America, but their fortune did. She reached into her pocket and pulled out 50 galleons, slamming them onto the counter. “There. That enough to persuade you?”

Scowling, the woman scooped up the money and put it in her pocket. “I’ll arrange a Portkey to leave West 43rd and 8th Ave. at 10 o’clock,” she said through pursed lips. “The fee is 100 galleons.”  
  
“Glad we could sort that out,” said Narcissa, handing her the money.

Marlene squeezed her hand as they stepped back out into the alley behind MCUSA. “Thank you,” she said.

Narcissa squeezed it back. “Of course.” She checked her watch. “Looks like it’ll be leaving in about an hour, so we’d better hurry and get our things.” She pulled a piece of parchment out of her pocket. “I found this in Tituba Lane, it’s a map of all the Apparition and Portkey departure points. Looks like ours is not far from our hotel."

Marlene gave an absent nod, and clutching Narcissa’s arm, and after they'd gotten their things from their hotel they walked to the alley their Portkey was to leave from. Narcissa recognized it; it wa the same alley they’d arrived in. Narcissa understood then what had happened. Instead of taking them directly into Tituba Lane, their Portkey had taken them to an Apparition point, perhaps because there were so many witches and wizards coming and going all the time. They'd walked around in circles, probably, before ending up on the street where they found the hotel.

“It feels like weeks have passed since we first came here, doesn’t it?” said Marlene, looking around the alley.

Narcissa understood exactly what she meant. She pulled her into hug, resting her face against Marlene's. “Thank you so much for bringing me here."

Marlene held her tighter. “Of course.”

They found their Portkey, a tin can with the word “Pepsi” on it, and waited, Marlene pacing back and forth and clenching and unclenching her hands.

“It’s glowing,” said Narcissa, and they bent down to touch it.

Something jerked her forwards, into a whirl of darkness, and when the colours and shapes re-formed they were standing in the alley beside St. Mungo’s.

“Let’s go,” said Marlene, and they took the rest of the alley at a run, not stopping until they’d reached the shop window. Marlene pressed her face to the glass and it vanished.

There was another queue of people standing in front of the welcome witch’s desk. Marlene looked anguished.  
  
Narcissa took a breath, steeling herself for what she was about to do, then elbowed her way through the queue.

The welcome witch looked scandalised. "Excuse me, you need to wait-"

"Listen," said Narcissa in the most commanding voice she could manage. "Her father has been gravely injured, we've just come all the way from America, and I'm not leaving here until I find out which ward he's in. His name's Robert McKinnon."

The woman glared at her a moment, eyeing the security guards and tapping her fingers on the desk. Perhaps she decided it wasn’t worth the trouble, or perhaps she knew who Narcissa was, because she said, in curt voice, “Fourth floor, spell damage, room 457.”

Narcissa took Marlene's hand and they made their way to the doors.

"Family only," snapped the welcome witch.

Narcissa glared at her, but she knew not to push it, and when she’d given Marlene’s hand a quick squeeze Marlene pushed open the doors and vanished.

Narcissa couldn’t bear to sit down, but there wasn’t really anything else to do, and after she’d paced the floor a few minutes she took a seat on a hard wooden chair and started thumbing through an old copy of _Witch Weekly_ without really seeing it.

She knew, she’d known the moment she’d seen the letter, that it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. How they could’ve found out what she’d done, she didn’t know, but this wasn’t a coincidence, she was sure of it.

And what if he didn’t make it, and it was all her fault, for going away with her?

“…was wondering if you could tell me what room Robert McKinnon is in?”

Narcissa’s head shot up. A dark-haired man was standing in front of the welcome witch’s desk, holding a box tied in red ribbon.  
  
“Are you family?” said the welcome witch.

“I’m his brother,” the man said, in a voice that was far too calm.

“He’s on the fourth floor, room 457,” said the witch.

“Thank you,” said the man. He turned around, and that’s when Narcissa saw his eyes. They were strangely empty.

She shot out of her chair.

“Mr. McKinnon,” she said.

The man stared at her. “Who are you?”

Narcissa was flying by the seat of her pants. She had do something, say something, and quickly. “I’m a friend of Marlene’s,” she said, reaching into her pocket for her wand.

“Oh,” said the man without the slightest bit of interest. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have a gift for my brother.”

Narcissa glanced around; there didn’t seem to be anyone watching. She thought the incantation with all the force she could summon. _Finite._

The man started, as though coming out of a daydream, and looked at her. His eyes were sharper now, and they darted around the lobby as though he had no idea how he’d gotten there. Narcissa tucked her wand back into her pocket and looked at him.

“Forgive me if this seems a bit strange," she said, "but do you know who gave you that box?”

The man just stared at her for a second, then looked down at the box. “Erm...no."

“Do you know about your brother?” said Narcissa, trying to steady her voice, make it gentle.

The man recovered himself somewhat and looked at her sharply. “Who are you?”

“I’m a friend of Marlene's."

The man’s face softened slightly and Narcissa knew she’d have to act quickly. She glanced around and lowered her voice. “Listen,” she whispered. “Your family is in danger, do you understand? I think you may have been placed under the Imperius Curse.”

The man looked at her strangely. “I-how do you-”

“There’s no time to explain it here,” she said. “But please, could you give me that box?”

“Of course,” said the man, and he handed it her. She untied the ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside were about a dozen chocolates.

The man was examining them with her, and when Narcissa looked back up at him she saw that his eyes had widened in shock. "Oh my God," he said softly. "You don't suppose...?"

Narciss said nothing to this, but an understanding passed between them.

"I don't know how to thank you enough," the man said.

Narcissa's legs were so shaky she thought she'd collapse. She had to summon all her strength just to speak, and she couldn't keep her voice steady. “Just very careful, do you understand? Be alert for anything suspicious.”

The man nodded, still looking shocked. “I will,” he said. He extended both his hands, and Narcissa took them. “Thank you," he said. "Thank you very much."

She gave him a small nod, and he left through the doors. Narcissa wondered if he’d tell Marlene and her mother what had happened.

She watched him through the windows, and when she turned around she started and her heart pounded.

A man in long black robes was standing near the entrance. Tarquin Travers.

He was standing with one of the security guards and he turned to stare at her. His eyes moved over her Muggle clothes and rested on the box in her hand and there was something in them, so cold and full of anger that Narcissa went rigid.

Tarquin whispered something to the guard, then strode over to her, looking her up and down. “I don’t think your new look suits you very well, Narcissa,” he sneered, every syllable thick with disdain.

Narcissa summoned every bit of strength that was left and willed her mouth to move. “What are you doing here?”

The corners of Tarquin’s mouth lifted slightly into a smile that made her stomach tighten. “I don’t think that’s really any of your concern, is it?”

“I could have you arrested for this, you know,” she hissed.

“Really? And what evidence do you have?”

“I-” Narcissa glanced around. A few people had turned to watch them, and she knew threats weren’t going to work.

Tarquin reached out his hand. “Give me that box.”

On instinct, Narcissa hid it behind her back. “No.”

Tarquin’s hands moved and Narcissa could see the tip of his wand in his sleeve. She knew, somehow, that he wasn’t going to attempt anything here, but as long as he was in this hospital he was a danger to Marlene and her family, and there was only one thing left for her to do, even if she didn’t see how it could ever work.

Willing herself to speak, not to go rigid again the way she did when she was scared, she opened her mouth. “Could I talk to you? Alone?”

Tarquin looked at her a long moment, then turned and followed her outside into an empty alley. There was a Muggle mannequin with its legs sticking up out of the skip and Narcissa wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to scream.

“Just tell me what I have to do,” she said, straining her mouth to stop her voice breaking. “Tell me what I have to do for you to leave them alone, and I’ll do it.”

“It’s not up to you, Narcissa.”

Narcissa seized his arm. “I’ll do anything. I’ll stop seeing her. I’ll go back to my family, I'll never talk to my sister again. Just leave her alone.” She threw away every last bit of pride and looked into his eyes, pleading, ready to fall on her knees and beg at his feet if that’s what it took to save Marlene. “You’ve known me your whole life. We were friends. Please. _Please_.”

Her voice was cracking, and Tarquin’s face had become so blurry she couldn't see what his expression was.

"Her father's a member of the Order, you know that, don't you?" said Tarquin.

"The-what?"

"The Order of the Phoenix. The secret society that idiot Headmaster set up to fight the Dark Lord."

"I don't understand-"

Tarquin snorted. "You can't be this naive, Narcissa." He yanked back the left sleeve of his robe and Narcissa wiped her eyes and saw the hideous red serpent burned into his skin. She could have sworn it moved, reared it's horrible head, ready to strike. It was going to kill her, it was going to kill them all and there was nothing she could do to stop it...

She fell to her knees, her head in her hands, and screamed and screamed.

Some sound was coming from far away.

"Narcissa."

_And the snake curled itself around Marlene and Marlene was screaming..._

"Narcissa!"

Narcissa's head jerked upwards. Tarquin was kneeling in front of her, concern in his eyes, looking more like the boy she'd once known.

"Calm down," he said, putting a hand to her shoulder, and Narcissa was too shocked to jerk it away. Tarquin put a hand to his face, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"I'm going to catch hell for this," he murmured. He sighed and spoke again and his voice was gentler.

"Look, I can't promise something won't happen to her father but...if you stop all this, if you go back to your family, I'll see to it that Marlene isn’t harmed, as far as I’m able, all right?"

Narcissa pushed herself off the pavement and swallowed back a mouthful of air, nodding her head because she couldn't speak.

Tarquin’s eyes flicked to the box in her hands. “I’ll need that back.”

Narcissa summoned every last bit of strength she had to keep her mind clear, to remember the right incantations.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to harm her.”

“Yeah, her. Not her father.” Tarquin’s voice became fiercer, more insistent. “I’ve been given orders, Narcissa, it’s not like I have a choice.”

Narcissa just stared at him and didn’t know what to say, and before she knew what had happened he’d siezed both her arms.

“Do you have any idea what they’ll do to me if I don’t do this?” he hissed into her face.

His breath smelled like chocolate and it was so strange so absurdly out of place she almost laughed. He must’ve eaten a few of the chocolates before he'd poisoned the rest.

His hand reached for the box, and Narcissa’s body didn’t fail her this time. She stood up and reached for her wand.

“Stay back,” she said, the wand shaking in front of her. “Don’t move, or I swear I will use this.”

Tarquin’s hands moved towards his pocket.

“I’m warning you!”

Slowly, reluctantly, he put his hands up, his face white with shock, anger.

Narcissa thought the incantation with her mind.

“ _Confundo!”_

Tarquin’s eyes went slack and he looked around the alley as though he didn’t know where he was. He didn’t seem to see her.

Narcissa was still shaking so badly she didn't know if she could Apparate, but she closed her eyes and took a steadying breath and held her arms in front of her and spun into the air.

***

Narcissa was almost at the door before she realized she was still wearing her Muggle clothes. She reached into her bag and pulled out a plain black robe and threw it over herself. She didn't know how much they knew about what she’d done, or if they’d ever forgive her if they did know, but she had to try.

Her heart was pounding so hard the bottom of her throat hurt. Her hands slipped on the silver door knocker and she had to try again.

"Cissy!"

Her father was standing there, as pale and shocked as he'd been on the night she'd left.

Narcissa stayed outside the threshold. "I'm so sorry."

Her father just looked at her, standing still as though his indecision had paralyzed him. He raised his arm and lowered it again, then raised it and patted her half-heartedly on the back.

Narcissa heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She started and looked up into the face of her mother, who'd stopped at the bottom.

She felt sick, doing this, but there wasn't anything she wouldn't do anymore. She clasped her mother's hands and looked into her eyes, making her voice as earnest and supplicating as she possibly could.

"I'm so sorry for walking out on you like that, it was a mistake.”

Her mother snatched her hands away. "Do you have any idea how this made us look? Our family's become a punchline, all so you could run off with that Mudblood slut."

So she did know, but perhaps she was just baiting her, just trying to get her to admit it. “What are you talking about?”

Her mother Summoned a copy of the Daily Prophet and thrust it into her face. Narcissa scanned the paper until she found the gossip column.

_It seems Miss Narcissa Black, youngest daughter of Cygnus III and Druella Black, has spurned the attentions of Mr. Lucius Malfoy, with whom she’d been romantically linked for several years, for the company of one Marlene McKinnon, daughter of Auror Robert McKinnon and his Muggle-born wife. According to an unnamed source from the Department of Magical Transportation, the two arranged a Portkey to New York City for a two-week holiday._

Narcissa handed the paper back to her mother and thought about murder. Whoever that unnamed source was, they didn’t know, they had no idea, that innocent lives had been put at risk so they could scrape a few extra galleons. Or maybe they did, and they just didn’t care.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, looking into her mother’s livid face, because she didn’t know what else to say. “I’ll never do it again.”

"You're damn right you won't, because you are now under my authority, do you understand? You will not do so much as step in the back garden without my permission."

Narcissa glanced at her father. He was looking back at her very seriously, and she knew that for once he was in complete agreement with her mother.

She looked down and adjusted the handle on her overnight bag. Her mother wasn’t throwing her out, she’d kept her promise to Tarquin so Marlene could be safe. That was all that mattered to her.

"I understand," she said quietly, swallowing back every horrible thing she wanted to say to them.

Her mother looked her over, as though she could see the Muggle clothes underneath her robes. "Go upstairs. You can join us for lunch later."

Narcissa nodded to show she'd heard her, and made her way to her room and sank onto the bed and slept.

***

Something was tapping her arm. She opened her eyes partway and saw Tilby standing there, looking up into her face.

“Lunch is ready, miss,” he said.

Narcissa rolled over onto her side and opened her eyes the rest of the way. “Thank you,” she murmured, without really thinking about what she was saying.

She’d never said goodbye to Marlene, never gave her any explanation. She was scared, probably more scared than she’d ever been in her life. And Narcissa had just left her there alone.

She thought of writing her a letter, but her mother would know if she used Aquila, and she didn’t have an owl of her own. She was trapped. Unless…

“Tilby?”

The elf stopped at the doorway and turned around. “Yes, Miss Cissy?”  
  
Narcissa beckoned him to come and stand beside her, in case her mother or father were nearby.

“If I write a letter, could you take it to the post office in Tinworth and mail it for me?”

“Who is you writing to, Miss?”

The back of Narcissa’s neck prickled, because she knew somehow what was coming. “Why do you ask?”

The elf’s ears drooped back. “Tilby has been given orders not to help Miss Cissy contact Miss McKinnon.”

Of course he had. Her mother never missed a thing. _Fuck._

The elf looked genuinely sorry, and Narcissa stopped herself shouting. “Thank you, Tilby,” she said. The elf nodded and left her alone.

***

Narcissa spent the rest of the day racking her brains for some sort of way out, but the answer didn’t come to her until the next day, when a great horned owl swooped down in front of her at breakfast. She knew that owl. Her parents recognized it too, and kept eating, not having a problem with Aster, apparently.

She set down her spoon and ripped open the letter.

_Dear Cissy,_

_I heard about what happened. Would you like to come over for dinner later? Send a reply with Artemis._

_Aster_

Narcissa cleared her throat, and her father looked up from his bacon.

“Aster has invited me over for dinner at her house,” she said. “May I go?”

Her father glanced at her mother, who took a long drink of tea. “I suppose so,” she said. She gave Narcissa a sharp look. “So long as you come straight home after.”

“I will,” said Narcissa.

She took a few more half-hearted bites of toast, then went upstairs to her room, Artemis perched on her arm.

_Dear Aster,_ she wrote when she’d pulled out a parchment and quill.

_I would love to._

_I need you to please do me a favour, as soon as you get this. Send a letter to Marlene McKinnon. Tell her to meet me on the coast outside Tinworth at 9 o’clock tonight._

_Cissy_

Narcissa folded the parchment and sealed it tightly in the envelope, praying Marlene would get the letter in time.

***

Narcissa and Aster got away from the dinner table as soon as they could without looking rude, and shut themselves away in Aster’s bedroom.

Aster gestured for Narcissa to sit next to her on the bed. “How are you, really? You look like hell.”

“I feel like hell,” said Narcissa, flopping back on the bed and clutching Aster’s pillow. Aster lay down next to her.

“Did something happen? Other than you getting caught I mean.”

Narcissa could barely bring herself to say it. “Marlene’s father was attacked. I took her to St. Mungo’s and Tarquin was there and...” she couldn’t finish.

Aster went rigid beside her. “He was trying to finish him off, wasn’t he?”  
  
“How did you know?”

A dark look crossed Aster’s face. “I know he joined with You-Know-Who,” she said. “He told me about it at the party.”

This reminded Narcissa of something. “You didn’t accept his proposal, did you?”

“I told him I needed more time,” said Aster. “But I’ll marry him when hell freezes over.”

Narcissa couldn’t help smiling just a bit. “Listen to you. You’ve become as rebellious as I have.”

Aster smiled back and smoothed back the hair from her face. “I appreciate you sending me that letter,” she said. “I think it would’ve been a lot harder if I hadn’t had any warning beforehand. He asked me in front of everyone.”

“He probably knew you’d have a harder time saying no.”

“Exactly.”

Narcissa closed her eyes and they were quiet again.

“Are you going to marry Lucius?” said Aster.

With all that had been going on Narcissa had barely given him a thought. She knew it was only a matter of time before her parents were after her about him. He was her friend and she cared for him, she always would, but she could never be with him. Not after what she’d shared with Marlene.

“No.”

“Tell you what,” said Aster. “Why don’t we just...I don’t know, be single together? We could string our parents along, make them think we’re getting married eventually, and in the meantime we could get jobs at the Ministry and go out to the pubs every night.”

“I suppose,” said Narcissa. She didn’t really care what happened to her anymore, and Aster’s idea was as good as anything.

Narcissa glanced at her watch and stood up. “I’d better get going, it’s almost time.”

Aster walked her to the back garden and kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry all this is happening Cissy.”

Narcissa kissed her back. “I know. Thanks for everything.”

She took a breath and spun into the air and when she stopped she was standing beside the dark moonlit sea and her blood rushed through her as she saw Marlene standing there in robes of deep blue, hair flying loose. God she was beautiful.

Marlene strode over to her, half-running. “Narcissa? What’s going on? Where have you been?”

Narcissa took in every detail of her face but she was getting blurry. All she wanted in the world was to hold that body against hers, feel her heart beating, breathe in her breath.

“Did your uncle tell you what happened?”

“He told me you saved all our lives.”

Before she could stop it Marlene’s arms wrapped around her and she held Narcissa against her so tightly she was all Narcissa could feel, all she could see or smell. Something small and high escaped from Marlene’s throat and she was gulping and hiccoughing and Narcissa’s shoulder was wet. Narcissa couldn’t push her away. She held her and stroked her hair.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” whispered Marlene, and her voice was so small, and Narcissa remembered the curve of her spine and the trickle of spit around her mouth when she slept and the smell of her skin. Oh God, how was she going to go through with it?

But the only hope she had of ever holding her again was to let her go. And maybe she never would again. But at least she’d be alive.

“Marlene, listen to me,” whispered Narcissa against her shoulder. “Things are getting more and more dangerous. He’s gathering strength, they’re going after everyone who gets in their way. Your family’s in danger, and I’m only making it worse.”

Marlene lifted her head off Narcissa’s shoulder and wiped her face with her sleeve. “What do you mean?”

Narcissa stared out at the sky over the sea, filled with stars like it had been that night they’d spent together in the grounds. “It wasn’t a coincidence that your family was targeted. It was because of me, I know it.”

She turned back to Marlene and saw the little creases on her forehead, the way it got when she was confused about something. “Why would that have anything to do with it? Dad told me he joined the Order of the Phoenix, I thought that was why-”

“You don’t know my family. They’ll...” Narcissa couldn’t bring herself to finish, to say the kinds of things her family was capable of. She didn’t really want her to know.

Marlene’s eyes were wide and bright and Narcissa could tell she was trying not to believe it. She was quiet a long time.

“Why don’t you join with me? I mean, if enough of us join up, if enough of us fight this...maybe it won’t be so bad.”

Narcissa looked her straight in the eye, needing so badly for her to understand. “Listen to me,” she said, voice low, fierce. “I know the person who tried to...” she couldn’t bring herself to say that word, _kill_. “Who tried to hurt you all. It was Tarquin Travers, you remember what he’s like. He’s dangerous. I made him promise he won’t hurt you as long as I go back to my family and you stay out of it but if you join the Order, he will kill you, do you understand?”

Marlene was breathing harder, and her voice was strained and cracked. “You mean we have to stay away from each other?”

Narcissa closed her eyes. “Yes.”

“No,” said Marlene. “We can’t do that.

Narcissa let out an exasperated breath. Marlene just didn’t get it. She'd nearly died, her whole family had nearly died, but the war was obviously some abstraction to her, some great adventure. “Don’t you understand what I’m saying? We could be killed.”

Marlene touched her face. “Well, then, at least we’ll die in each other’s arms, won’t we?” She breathed out a nervous sort of laugh, and Narcissa could tell she was trying to sound brave, trying to brush it off.

She was so close now Narcissa could smell her skin, her hair, feel her breath, fast and shallow. She imagined it, pictured herself fighting alongside her and healing her wounds and making love to her and getting up the next day to do it all over again.

Then she saw Marlene sprawled on the ground, laughing eyes lifeless, and she was sick inside.

“I can’t. We can’t do that.” Marlene opened her mouth to say something but Narcissa cut her off. “You have no idea of the danger you’re in. Please, I am begging you, promise me you won’t join up.”

Marlene pulled away from her. “And what’s the alternative? Just let him take over? D’you really think I’d be safe then?”

“I don’t know, but it can’t be any worse than it is now, can it?”

“Are you fucking serious? Think of what you’re saying. People are dying, they’re being tortured.” Marlene’s voice was shaking. “Do you know what they did to my father?” She was swallowing back air and Narcissa could tell she was trying not to cry. “The Cruciatus Curse. The Healer said it was lucky he hadn’t gone mad.”

Narcissa just stared at her, horrified, and Marlene looked back at her, and the immensity of her decision seemed to hang in the air between them. Narcissa was quiet a long time.

“I can’t do it,” she said finally. “This is the only way.”

“How could you just go back to your family like everything’s fine?” Marlene’s face was red and she was looking at her as though she’d never seen her before. “How could you just let the other side take over, after what they tried to do to me and my family?”

Narcissa couldn’t believe she could be so insensitive. “Do you think I want this?” Her voice was high and strained. “Do you think I want them to take over?” She stepped forward and took Marlene’s face in her hands. “I cannot lose you.”

She thought this would help, that it would make Marlene understand that she was only doing this because she cared about her. But Marlene’s shocked expression didn’t soften. “So that’s it then? You’re just going to go back to your family and never see me again?”

“It won’t last forever. Maybe...I don’t know. Maybe I can work something out. We could escape, go to another country-”

“And leave my family here to die?” Marlene stepped away from her. “I just don’t know how you could give up so easily.”

Narcissa opened her mouth to say something, she didn’t really know what, but Marlene raised her arms.  
  
“Marlene, please just listen-”

“Let me know when you’ve grown a spine, won’t you?” Marlene’s words were angry, flippant, but Narcissa could hear the hurt in them.

With a faint pop she’d vanished, and it was only when she was gone did Narcissa realize she’d never told her she loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It killed me to write this chapter...but this won't be dark and depressing, promise :)
> 
> These last few chapters are going to be a bit more action-oriented, because I feel like Narcissa is a total BAMF when she wants to be and that side of her wasn't really explored much in canon. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and for all the kudos, I really appreciate them!


	17. Chapter 17

Narcissa had slept in too late, and she was dabbing perfume on her neck with one hand while rummaging around in her drawer for her stockings with the other. Her hand groped frantically around the drawer her fingertips made contact with something flat and smooth and she knew without looking what it was.

She picked up the photograph with the very tips of her fingers and held it close to her face. Nymphadora, just a few days old, wriggling out of her blankets with her bright pink hair. She’d be nearly seven now, but in Narcissa’s mind she was frozen in time, forever four months old and rolling around on the floor, just as she’d been the last time she saw her.

There was a knock at the door and her father’s muffled voice. “Better hurry, Cissy. You’re going to be late.”

Narcissa tucked the photograph away and pulled on her stockings, nearly tripping over herself in her rush to get them on. With a quick glance at herself in the mirror, she left the room and went downstairs, where her father was waiting beside the fireplace. He gave her a slice of toast and as Narcissa ate he pulled the Floo powder off the mantel and stepped into the fireplace.

“You’re coming into the Ministry today?” said Narcissa through a mouthful of toast.

“Yes, I have some business with the Minister.” He sprinked some powder over himself. “Ministry of Magic!”

Narcissa finished her toast and wiped her buttery hands on a handkerchief, then stepped into the fireplace after him. “Ministry of Magic!”

Narcissa spun into darkness, then stepped out of the fireplace into the high-ceilinged atrium of the Ministry and glanced at the clock. She’d make it in time, but only if the lift didn’t have to make too many stops. Before she stepped inside she scanned a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ that someone had left lying on a table, as she did every day, to see if anyone had gone missing or been killed. It didn’t look that way. She checked the date on top, to be sure it wasn't yesterday's paper. _December 19, 1978_. She sighed with relief and stepped onto a lift.

“Morning, Miss Black,” said a young man in plum robes who got on the lift with her.

“Morning, Mr. Fudge,” said Narcissa.

She pressed the button for level nine and tried not to think too much. Five days a week she rode this lift, and every time, every damned time, she remembered the Muggle lift and the hotel and Marlene. Sometimes she almost laughed, thinking about how panicked she’d been. She wondered if Marlene remembered, if she ever thought of her. If some invisible thread still ran between them that vibrated with her thoughts and Marlene could feel it somehow.

“Miss Black?”

Narcissa started and looked at Fudge.

“I believe this is your stop?”

Narcissa stared through the open doors at the long corridor that led to the Department of Mysteries. “Yes. Right. Thank you.”

She stepped out and made her way into the Entrance Chamber, where Rookwood was waiting for her.

Her parent’s distaste at a Black daughter working for pay had been lessened somewhat when she told them she qualified for a job at the Ministry, and still more when Augustus Rookwood agreed to take her on in the Department of Mysteries, a respected position made all the more prestigious by the fact that no one really knew what she got up to there.

“Miss Black,” he said, greeting her in the traditional way with a kiss on each cheek. He glanced down at his watch. “You are one minute late.”

Narcissa had never once been late, and she looked at him, mortified. “I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again.”  
  
Rookwood’s eyes were laughing. “Don’t think of it, m’dear. Now if you’ll follow me, I have something that might interest you.”

Robes billowing behind him, he led her to Time Room, where a delicate bird’s egg sat inside a sparkling crystal bell jar.

“Now, watch it closely,” he murmured.

Narcissa watched as egg hatched and a tiny golden hummingbird emerged, wing’s fluttering frantically, and it had just reached the top of the jar when its feathers vanished and it tucked itself inside its egg, only to emerge again and take flight.

She looked up at Rookwood. “It’s Time?”

“You catch on quickly,” he said, smiling. “Yes, it’s Time. The Ministry would like us to improve its Time-Turners-right now they can only go back about five minutes into the past before things start going haywire. But there is a great deal we need to understand first.”

Narcissa’s eyes flicked towards the Time-Turners on the wall, wishing she could take one down, go back to that night in New York, relive it over and over again. Tell Marlene she loved her.

But what would be the point, really? She’d just have to leave her again. She’d have to go back and give herself a different family, a different name, and there was no way to do that.

“So,” said Rookwood, “for today we’ll be observing the bell jar and doing a few experiments.”

Narcissa nodded and pulled out a parchment and quill.

She liked the work well enough. Her mind was so busy solving problems, making observations, that she didn’t have much time to think about much else. The department was dark and cool and so quiet and still she could hear the echo of footsteps, a distant cough, a trickle of water from somewhere. But sometimes those black walls were like the bars of a cage, trapping her inside all day with no living things to touch, no fresh earth to smell, no sunlight on her face. Her fingertips ached for damp soil and smooth leaves and thorny vines and she longed to breathe the smell of living things. But she was a Black, the daughter of Cygnus and Druella, and working with plants all day was simply out of the question.

Besides, she might run into Marlene.

“Well,” said Rookwood after what felt like a few hours. “What do you say to a bit of lunch? My treat.”

Narcissa had known him over six years now, ever since her first September out of Hogwarts. He’d always been courteous and attentive, a mentor and something of a friend, or as close to one as she had besides Aster. He’d never given her any reason to think his feelings went any further than that, but she saw the way he looked at her sometimes, a stare that went on a few seconds too long, and she wondered.

“I suppose that would be all right,” she said, a note of caution in her voice.

Perhaps Rookwood sensed it, because he stood straighter, and his voice became more formal, businesslike. “Excellent,” he said. “There’s a place in Diagon Alley I’m rather fond of.”

They stepped out into the alley beside the Ministry to Disapparate, and when they’d stopped spinning they were outside a small cafe in Diagon Alley. A cold rain was falling and they ducked inside.

“Can I ask you something?” said Narcissa when they were waiting for their food.

“Certainly, m’dear,” said Rookwood, taking a sip of his gillywater.

“Do you ever think about what you would do, if you could go back in time?”

Augustus set down his glass and glanced down at the table, as thought studying it. “I don’t know,” he said. Narcissa thought she heard something in his voice, some sort of regret or sadness, but she didn’t press him, and Rookwood looked up at her. “Do you?”

“Sometimes,” said Narcissa, trying to sound offhand, as though the things she would change were minor things, like studying harder for a test or going to a party. Maybe she hadn’t done it as well as she thought, because Rookwood was looking at her closely.

“I suppose it’s normal to have regrets, isn’t it?”

Narcissa traced a fold in the linen tablecloth with her finger and thought of the sheet she’d clutched to herself the night she’d made love to Marlene. “Yes, I suppose.”

Their food came then, and as they ate Narcissa tried to keep the conversation on lighter things, the news and the goings-on at the Ministry. She didn’t want to go home when the day was done, and she was relieved to see Aster running towards her in the Atrium. She looked flushed and her eyes were shining.

“Come to the Leaky Cauldron with me? I have the most amazing news.”

Narcissa followed her into the alley and Disapparated, absolutely at a loss as to what could make her so happy. She couldn’t be engaged, the man she was seeing, Thomas, was Muggle-born and her parents didn’t know a thing about him.

They sat down at a small table and Aster ordered them each a glass of wine. Narcissa could tell by the way Aster leaned forward and fidgeted that whatever it was was about to burst out of her.

“So what is this news?” said Narcissa.

Aster let out a small squeal. “I’m going to America.”

Narcissa nearly spit out her wine. “What?”

“My application was accepted. They’re giving me a teaching post at Ilvermorny. Assistant Charms Professor. And guess what,” she said, leaning forwards. “Thomas is coming with me. We’re going to be married.”

Narcissa had never heard anything less welcome in her life. “I-that’s wonderful,” she sputtered, hoping she sounded sincere.

Aster must’ve understood how she felt, because her smile faltered and she reached across the table for Narcissa’s hand. “I’m going to miss you so much,” she said, giving her hand a squeeze. “Will you be all right?”

The answer, of course, was no, but Narcissa didn’t say this. “Of course,” she said, forcing herself to smile. “Congratulations, this is wonderful news.”

“I know you really don’t think that,” Aster said. Narcissa opened her mouth but Aster cut her off. “I feel awful leaving you like this, but...” Aster didn’t finish her sentence, but Narcissa understood what she’d meant to say. She’d been keeping her relationship with Thomas a secret for years, sneaking off to see him after work, finding remote spots for them to spend a few hours in, fending off her parent’s questions about when she was going to marry. She couldn’t live like that anymore.

“I owe it all to you, you know. If you hadn’t talked me out of marrying Tarquin...” the thought was apparently so horrifying she couldn’t finish, but Narcissa understood. She squeezed Aster’s hand and Aster squeezed it back.

“Tell you what,” said Aster. “Why don’t you sleep over Friday night, like we did when we were younger? We’ll crack open a bottle of wine and sit in our pyjamas and talk all night?”

Narcissa gave her the smallest smile. “Sounds perfect.”

***

Narcissa had a roaring hangover when she walked into the house on Saturday afternoon, and winced when the door closed behind her.

“I’m glad you’re here finally,” said her mother. “Your auntie Walburga and uncle Orion have invited us over for dinner.”

Fucking perfect. She already had a splitting headache and now she’d have to listen to her aunt rant about Mudbloods for two hours. She wondered if she could make herself ill.

“I’m looking forward to it,” she said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. She went upstairs to change into new robes and put her hair up. It was lank and clinging to her face.

When she’d taken her robes off she reached down and touched the necklace around her neck. She’d never taken it off, not once, since that night Marlene had placed it around her neck. She was too afraid she would lose it. She closed her eyes and tried to feel Marlene’s fingertips brushing against her skin as she slipped it on, the way she’d brushed her lips against her cheek. She lay back down on her bed, running her hands along her body, trying to ignore the connection with her own mind, imagining they were Marlene’s, slipping them down her stomach, between her legs, until she forgot about everything.

“Cissy?” Narcissa sat up and stared at the door. She knew her father was standing just outside. “Are you almost ready dear? We’re about to leave.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” said Narcissa. Breathing hard, she got up out of bed and threw on a set of forest green robes. She pinned her hair up quickly, not worrying too much if she’d got it right, then went outside with her mother and father and spun into the air.

When they stopped they were standing in the square outside Grimmauld Place. It looked the same as it always had, garbage and broken bottles strewn over the pavement. There was new graffiti on the skip; it now said “Eat the Rich.” Narcissa had a sudden image of Walburga’s head on a platter.

When they rapped the knocker Walburga opened the door and greeted them all while Orion stood and watched with no expression his face whatsoever, except perhaps vague boredom. They went to the drawing room for the customary pre-dinner drinks and Narcissa saw that Bella was already there. Narcissa avoided her eye as she sat down. Bella had been distant with her ever since she’d run off with Marlene. When Kreacher announced that it was time for dinner she sat down next to Regulus, who'd just gotten home for the Christmas holidays.

“How’s school going?” she said to him as the plates were filled with food.

Regulus gave her a jaunty smile. He was taller now, though still on the small side for a nearly grown man, and his voice was deeper. “Brutal,” he said. “N.E.W.T year is worse even than O.W.L year.”

Narcissa smiled back. “You’re not wrong,” she said. “I think all I did was revise for three months straight.” She was quiet, thinking of all those evenings spent in the library with Marlene.

“So,” said Walburga, cutting up a piece of pheasant. “How are things at the Ministry?”

Narcissa could hear the disapproval in her voice but did her best to ignore it. “Very well, thank you,” she said, sitting up straighter. “Mr. Rookwood and I are doing some cutting-edge research.”

That shut her up. Rookwood was pureblood, and well respected in their world. Walburga turned to her father and started talking to him and Narcissa tuned them all out for awhile, until they’d finished eating and Walburga took drink of brandy and looked round at them all.

“What do you say to a séance after dinner?”

Narcissa had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. Every once in awhile Walburga would get drunk and try to contact all the dead Black relatives. Once she spent an hour talking to someone she thought was Phineas Nigellus only to find out it was just Sirius throwing his voice. She’d locked him in his room for two days.

“Sounds lovely,” said her father, but Narcissa knew he was just trying to humour her.

Narcissa caught Regulus’s eye and they went to the sitting room, where Kreacher brought them some extra pudding.

“Thanks Kreacher,” Regulus grinned.

“Master is most welcome!” said the elf, eyes watery. He bowed and left the room.

“He adores you,” said Narcissa, smiling.

“Yeah, well,” said Regulus, but his ears were red and Narcissa knew he was chuffed.

They ate their rhubarb crumble in silence awhile, Narcissa scraping every last bit of it from the bowl. She wasn’t as sure of what to say to him now as she had when they’d been children. He hadn’t been any different towards her, after she’d run off with Marlene, but she supposed they didn’t really have that much in common. Then she remembered how much he loved Quidditch.

"How is Slytherin doing this year?" she asked him.

Regulus swallowed a mouthful of crumble. "We beat Gryffindor a few weeks ago," he said, wiping some crumbs from his mouth. "I think our chances are good this year, with Potter gone."

"And with you as Seeker," she said, smiling. Regulus smiled back at her, and she felt closer to him than she had in a long time. She reached out and touched his arm.

Regulus gasped and jerked his hand back as though something had hurt him, and as he rubbed his forearm a rush of memories came back to her, Lucius rubbing his arm and Tarquin pulling back the sleeve of his robes and the truth smashed into her like she’d flown into a wall.

He'd joined up. The little boy with the toy broom and the tousled hair and too-big ears was fighting alongside the Dark Lord.

She stared at him as though she'd never seen him before. "Oh my God."

Regulus stopped rubbing his arm and put it at his side. "What?" he said, trying to sound casual, but Narcissa could her something in his voice, a warning maybe.

"How could you do it?"

"You act like I've done something horrible," said Regulus, but he wasn’t looking at her.

Narcissa didn't know what to say. She knew if she pushed too hard, if she objected too much, she'd only drive him further away.

"Merlin, Cissy, you're acting like someone died."

Narcissa whipped around in her chair and saw Bella standing in the doorway. She walked over to Regulus and patted his shoulder. "You should be proud of him. He's one of the youngest to join up."

Narcissa stood up and drew her aside, lowering her voice. "We need to talk," she murmured, with a glance at Regulus, who, she knew, would be mortified if he knew what they were saying about him.

Bella followed her to the bedroom they always slept in when they stayed overnight. Narcissa paced the floor, arms crossed. "How could you encourage this? Do you have any idea what kinds of things they've done?"

Bella looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Of course. That's the entire point, isn't it?"

Narcissa stopped pacing and stared at her. "What, you mean the entire point of this war is to torture and kill everyone who doesn't agree?"

Bella stood up taller. Her hair was sticking out and her eyes were so full of fire she looked as though she'd start shooting off sparks at any moment. "The point of this war is to purify our race, get rid of the filth that's been holding us back all these years. Or do you not approve?"

Narcissa didn't know what to say to this. She'd been keeping her real feelings hidden for years, ever since she'd gotten back from New York. She'd sat through her mother's rants and her aunts tirades with her mouth shut and her eyes blank, sometimes rushing off to the bathroom to throw up after. She'd done such a good job of it no one knew what she really thought. Just like she'd been trained to do her whole life.

"I-that's not really the issue, here. It's dangerous out there, Bella. He's too young for this."

Bella smiled. "I've been keeping an eye on him."

The back of Narcissa's neck prickled. She didn't want to know. But she had to. "What do you mean?"

Bella smirked and pulled back the left sleeve of her robes. Narcissa screamed.

_Narcissa was five, and her and her sisters were playing by the sea. Bella went out into the water and a wave swept over her and she went under._

_"Bella's drowned!" Narcissa screamed. She screamed and screamed._

_Their father went out to get her and pulled her in. He tapped his wand to her chest and she started coughing. "She's fine, Cissy, it's alright," he'd said. But Narcissa couldn't stop screaming._

Bellatrix clapped a hand to her mouth. "For fuck’s sake, Cissy, shut up, you're making a scene."

Narcissa tried to steady her breathing, but Bella's hand only made her more panicky. She jerked herself away, breathing hard.

"Do mother and father know?"

"Not yet," said Bella. "But mother is sensible, she won't mind."

She was probably right about that. But it would crush their father.

Bella couldn't have been standing more than a foot or two away, but some invisible chasm had opened between them, something she couldn’t get across, so far away that if she reached out she wouldn't be able to touch her. Narcissa screwed up her face as tight as she could so nothing would come out.

Bella gave her a sharp, scrutinizing look. "Seriously Narcissa, get your shit together. You're a Black."

Narcissa didn't know what to say. She watched as Bella left the room, and only once she was gone did she sink down on the bed and bury her face in her pillow, wishing with everything she had that Marlene was lying beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're really into Narcissa/Marlene, I read a really sweet one-shot yesterday called [Right Decisions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009556) by [Malfoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houseofmalfoy/pseuds/Malfoy). It involves a pregnant Narcissa escaping with the help of Marlene (rated G)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

Narcissa hadn't left her bed all day, not even when her father had called her down for Christmas dinner. She'd had the dream again. She and her sisters and Regulus and Sirius were playing in her her garden, the one she'd told Marlene about all those years ago, and Marlene appeared there, her hair loose and her dress robes flowing all around her, and she took Narcissa’s hand and Narcissa rested her head on her shoulder and they danced as everyone smiled around them. She wanted to live inside that dream for the rest of her life and never wake up again.

There was a knock at the door and she heard her mother's voice. "Are you coming to the party, Cissy?"

Narcissa punched her pillow. Her mother had every reason to think she'd been ill for days, that's what Narcissa had told her, and she still wanted to know if she was coming to the Malfoy's Christmas party. Narcissa would have to be dying before her mother would pass up a chance to get her together with Lucius, and even then she'd probably just carry her to the Malfoy's on a stretcher and get a vicar to do a quick service before she expired.

Narcissa dreaded going, but she'd slept all day and the thought of lying awake in her dark bedroom all night was even more horrifying than the sight of all those faces at the party. There'd be large amounts of alcohol there, at least.

"I'm just getting ready now," she called to her mother. She grabbed her wand off the nightstand and Summoned her outfit from the wardrobe, a black satin pencil dress with long sleeves. She threw it over herself without much thought to how she looked, only giving her reflection the quickest glance in the mirror as she pinned her hair up at the top of her head after a few slapdash strokes of the brush. 

She made her way to the front hall where her mother and father were waiting. Traveling to another family’s house by Floo Network was considered rude unless it was close friends or families, and only then if it was an informal occasion, so they went outside to the front drive to Disapparate.

“You look lovely, Cissy,” said her father. Narcissa gave him the smallest smile to show she’d heard him. 

Her mother smiled and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Are you feeling better then?”

Narcissa didn’t know if she wanted to jerk away from her mother’s soft touch or bury her head in her chest the way she'd done when she was little. She kept her face tight and her voice flat. “Yes, I think I’m over whatever it was.”

“Wonderful,” said her mother. “Shall we go then?”

They spun into the air, and when the elf had let them into Malfoy Manor Narcissa walked into the hall with her parents and found it hot and packed with bodies, as it always was. She walked over to the drink table and avoided looking anyone in the eye. 

She’d nearly finished a glass of cider when there was a tap on her shoulder, and Narcissa turned to see Rookwood standing there, in robes of black velvet. 

He smiled and held out a hand. “Dance with me, Miss Black?”

Perhaps it was the cider, she didn’t know, but she didn’t mind the thought of dancing with someone just then, forgetting everything else for awhile. She set down her glass and took his hand.

His hand was warm in hers but he didn’t squeeze it too hard, didn’t let his hands wander or look at her too long. He was dancing with her as a friend, and she appreciated it. But her mind was a thousand miles away. 

“Something troubling you, Miss Black?” Rookwood asked after awhile. 

Narcissa started and looked at him. She was always so good at hiding it, she wondered how he knew. 

“No,” she said, trying to sound cool, composed. She felt the warmth of his hand, and she spoke without really thinking. “It’s just-I feel as though I’m growing apart from everyone I used to know,” she said, hoping he didn’t guess just who exactly it was. “Did you ever feel that way?”

“Certainly,” said Rookwood. “I have close friends I hardly speak to anymore. I think that’s a normal part of growing older, really.”

“I suppose it is,” said Narcissa, and they were quiet awhile as they made their way across the floor. 

"Everything's changing now, it seems,” said Rookwood. "Everyone's taking sides."

Narcissa realized then how strange it was, that he was here, surrounded by the Dark Lord's supporters. Perhaps he didn't know.

"But the Ministry is taking the right side, isn't it?" she said.

"Yes, I suppose so," said Rookwood, but he was looking at her rather closely, and something about it made her uneasy. As soon as the song was over she let go of his hand.

“Well, that was lovely, thank you,” she said, without meeting his eye. She dashed away to the drinks table and picked up a cocktail. She’d just tipped it to her lips when she saw Lucius out of the corner of her eye. He stood next to her and poured himself a drink.

“I’m glad to see you here, Narcissa,” he said, smiling. “You’re mother said you were feeling ill.”

Sweet Merlin, did her mother send him hourly updates on her health? 

“I’m much better now,” she said. 

Lucius smiled. “Didn’t want to miss the party, I suppose?”

Narcissa smiled back and took another drink. Lucius too, had been distant with her when she’d first come back from New York, but lately they’d been talking more, like old friends, and it was nice, in a way. He’d dated a few women in the years since they’d left school, but hadn’t asked any of them to marry him, as far as she knew. She tried not to think to hard about the kinds of things he was doing. Maybe he was behind the scenes, a tactical support person or something.

“You and Rookwood seem to be getting on well.”

Narcissa noticed that the smile was gone from his face now, and she heard something like hurt or suspicion in his voice and she was struck with the realization that after all this time, after all that had happened, he still had feelings for her. And even after the hell she’d been through it was hard not to smile.

“There’s nothing going on, if that’s what you think,” she said, playing with her cocktail stick and giving him a knowing look. “Though if he had things his way there probably would be,” she added, the drink making her voice loose, easy. 

Lucius raised an eyebrow. “He’s not getting pushy with you is he?”

Narcissa had a sudden thought, of Lucius striding over to Rookwood and pulling out his wand, and the thought was so amusing she was tempted to tell him had. “No, she said.

“Well, if he does tell him he’ll have me to answer to,” said Lucius. His voice too, was looser, freer. He looked at her closely. “How have you been, really?”

Narcissa took another drink to avoid looking at him. “Fine,” she said, watching Bella and Rodolphus waltz by. Bella looked faintly annoyed, as though she’d rather be doing something else.

Lucius watched her, shifting a bit nervously, and she thought he knew what was coming.

“The Yaxleys are having a party on New Year's Eve. I thought perhaps you’d like to join me.”

Narcissa opened her mouth and closed it again. She'd known Lucius all her life, he was safe and familiar, and yet after all this time he was still like a stranger, someone who knew her without really knowing her. 

"I'll have to check my schedule," she said, but she had a feeling he knew this was rubbish. She hardly ever went out anymore.

Lucius's face was smooth, unreadable, but she thought she could see the disappointment, or frustration maybe, in the way his lips tightened. He was just opening his mouth to answer when something caught his eye and he looked away from her. Narcissa followed his gaze and saw Tarquin standing by the doorway, and there was something about him, something about the expression on his face, that told Narcissa nothing good could come of this. 

He gave Lucius the smallest nod and Lucius set down his drink.

  
"If you'll excuse me,” he said. 

"What is it-"

Lucius had already stepped away from her. "I can't discuss it now," he said, and rushed out of the room after Tarquin.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Narcissa knew, and she stared out into the crowd and all the colours seemed to blur together and she hated all of it, hated all of them, wanted to set the hall on fire and watch it burn to the ground. She set down her drink and left the room, not really knowing where she was going or what she was doing, venting her anger through her arms and legs as she walked up and down the halls, past the portraits and shields on the wall, past empty rooms filled with old furniture and antique vases and other useless shit. 

Somewhere down the first-floor hall someone screamed, but this wasn't like any screaming she'd ever heard, this was raw, primal, an animal fighting for its life. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing and pointed her wand to herself. " _Abscondere_."

She was almost invisible now, a human chameleon blending in with the walls around her. Her footsteps light and soundless, she crept closer to the sound. 

"He's useless, Malfoy," said a voice that made her go rigid. Tarquin.

Another voice. Lucius. "The Dark Lord wants information-"

"And we're not going to get any from him," Tarquin snapped. "Might as well finish the fucker off."

Beads of sweat broke out on Narcissa's forehead. She had to stop this somehow, but how she'd ever do it without getting caught...

There was a long silence, and Narcissa could picture Lucius staring down at the man, whoever it was, face inscrutable, playing for time because deep down he didn't really want to kill anyone. She closed her eyes as though the force of her thoughts was enough to get through to him. 

_Let him go. Don't do it. You're better than this_.

"What if we had Reg do it?" said Tarquin. "He hasn't had the honour yet."

Narcissa's heart was in her throat. Regulus was in there with them.

Fast footfalls were coming down the hall and Narcissa flattened herself against a wall, praying they couldn't hear her fast breathing. A man in a long black robe was coming down the hall, and although she hadn't seen him in years she knew the stringy black hair and the pallid face. Severus.

"Lucius," he said. "The Dark Lord wishes to speak with you."

Narcissa couldn't believe what she'd just heard. The Dark Lord, in this manor, right in this fucking house, perhaps feet away from her, feet away from all those people dancing and laughing in the great hall. 

This couldn’t be real.

"Well," said Tarquin. "Are going you to do it or what?"

So stiff and shaky she could barely walk, Narcissa crept to the open door and peered inside the room. Regulus was pale and sweating, his hand shaking so badly he couldn't hold his wand steady. He was pointing it at a man who was sprawled out on the floor and Narcissa had to stop herself crying out, though his eyes were hollow and terrified, not laughing like the last time she'd seen them, Narcissa would know them anywhere, because they were just like Marlene's.

Marlene's father.

"For fuck's sake Reg. Do I have to do it?"

Narcissa could hear impatience in Tarquin's voice. She had maybe a minute, and then he'd be dead. 

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, wand slipping in her sweaty fingers. She counted to ten and pointed it at Tarquin.

" _Stupefy_!"

She’d been waiting to do it for years, and she almost smiled as Tarquin collapsed onto the rug with a satisfying thud, legs splayed at odd angles. Regulus was staring just past her, and with a flick of the wand Narcissa made herself visible again.

Regulus's mouth opened. "Narcissa? What-?"

"We need to get him out of here. Now."

Regulus's eyes were wide and terrified and his face was shining with sweat. "Do you have any idea what could happen to us if we get caught?" 

Narcissa tapped her wand to Regulus and Disillusioned him. She could do it well enough that she could barely see him, only when he moved.

"Then we'll just have to avoid getting caught, won't we?" she said, feigning a confidence she didn't feel, hands so stiff she could barely hold her wand. 

There was heaving and wheezing from the floor and Narcissa looked down to see Marlene’s father, face drenched in sweat and lips blue. She conjured a glass and filled it with water and knelt down, bringing it to his lips, tipping it into his mouth for him. He took a few shaky sips and when looked up at her there was such a softness in his eyes, all she could see was Marlene, the way she used to look at her, and she had to look away. 

"We'll have to get you out of here quickly," she said. "Do you think you can stand?"

"I think so," he said. Grimacing, as though it cost him everything, he raised himself up on one knee, and Narcissa and Regulus each took an arm and helped him to his feet, but when they let go McKinnon’s legs shook underneath him and he nearly stumbled. He’d have to be half-carried out of there, and how they were going to do it without getting caught, Narcissa didn't have a bloody clue. She tapped her wand to him and Disillusioned him, then herself, and they guided him out of the room.

“Wait,” said Narcissa, remembering something. She let go of McKinnon’s arm and knelt beside Tarquin, who was beginning to stir. She’d never done a memory charm before, but if she did it wrong and his brains were addled it was no great loss.

“ _Obliviate_ ,” she muttered. Tarquin’s eyes fluttered open and went slack.

“We need to do this quickly” she whispered to Regulus. He nodded, and they made their way down the hall, towards the staircase.

“...you have the Veritaserum?”

Narcissa whipped around. Lucius was coming down the hall with Severus. They had maybe a minute, maybe even less, before they realized Tarquin had been Stunned and McKinnon and Regulus had gone. The Dillusionment Charm didn’t make them invisible, it simply made them blend in with whatever was around them. They could still be seen, especially when they moved.

“Against the wall,” she hissed. 

The three of them flattened themselves against the wall and Narcissa prayed no one bumped into them. She strained to hear their voices. 

“Perhaps McKinnon subdued them,” said Severus. He sounded cool and detached, as though describing a scene in a play he was watching.

“That's absurd!” shouted Lucius, who in contrast to Severus, sounded frustrated, almost afraid. “You saw how weak he was, there’s no way he could’ve taken on Travers and Regulus himself.”

There was shuffling, indistinct murmuring she couldn’t make out. She thought perhaps Tarquin might’ve come to.

“Severus, go and search the manor for him. He couldn’t have gone far.”

There was a swish of fabric and as Severus strode down the hall Narcissa flattened herself against the wall. A portrait muttered from somewhere above her and she could smell burning candles and Regulus’s sweat and the alcohol on her own breath and she studied the way the candlelight played on the polished wood of the banister, remembering how she used to slide down it when she was little.

Severus was almost on them now. His eyes flicked in their direction, then stared straight ahead down the hallway. He was almost past them…

His elbow jabbed her arm. Severus started, then turned slowly to stare at them, reaching out a hand.

Narcissa had never seen the Dark Lord, but she’d heard about him. Heard how his eyes were snakelike slits and his voice was high and cold and almost inhuman. They would be the last thing she ever saw or heard. 

And she’d never be able to tell Marlene that she loved her. 

She closed her eyes and waited.

“Who’s there? Reveal yourselves.”

Neither of them said a word, but she knew he could hear their breathing, because she could hear it too.

Severus glanced down the hall, towards the room where Lucius and Tarquin were. Lucius was shouting and Tarquin sounded dazed. 

Severus lowered his voice. “Listen to me. I can help you, but we have minutes. Perhaps seconds. Do you trust me?”

This had to be a trick. Narcissa kept her mouth shut tight, but before she could stop him Regulus spoke.

“It’s me, Sev. And Narcissa and McKinnon.”

Severus turned sharply and looked at a point just beyond Narcissa’s face. His eyes formed a question but there was a noise from the room beyond and his face became hard and set again. “Stay with me,” he said. “And don’t make a sound.”

Sticking her mouth in her robes to stifle the sounds of her own breathing, Narcissa followed Severus down the hall to the staircase, clinging tightly to McKinnon to make sure he didn’t stumble. 

They’d just reached the bottom of the stairs when there were fast footfalls behind them. Lucius and Tarquin were making their way towards Severus. Narcissa tried to stop herself breathing but it only made her breathe harder. 

“Travers’ memory has been modified,” said Lucius. “He doesn’t remember what happened.”

So Narcissa had done a memory charm. She’d have to remember to give herself credit for that if she ever got out of there alive. 

“I’ve searched all the rooms on the first floor,” said Severus. His voice was as cool as ever but Narcissa saw his hand twitch over his wand. “No sign of them, but they may have tried to escape through the laundry chute.”

Lucius’s nose crinkled in disgust the way it did when someone did something stupid. “Travers, go check the laundry chute,” he drawled.

Travers looked indignant. “Why do I have to check it?”

“Because you’re smaller than I am,” said Lucius. Travers shot him a dark look and went back upstairs. Narcissa imagined him sliding down the laundry chute into a pile of Lucius’s dirty pants and even though she’d never been in a less funny predicament in her life, she almost laughed. Fear was strange that way. 

Narcissa could practically feel the frantic whir of Severus’s thoughts. “Someone should check the fireplace in the sitting room on the ground floor in case they tried to use the Floo Network,” he said. “I’ll check outside.”

Lucius gave him a stiff nod and left down the stairs. When he’d vanished down the corridor Severus beckoned to them, and they followed him down the staircase. 

They’d just reached the door when she thought she heard voices coming closer. They were mere inches away from the door. Severus reached his hand and pulled it open, and Narcissa had put one foot out when McKinnon stumbled over the threshold.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered when they’d picked him up, breathing hard. 

“Don’t worry about that now,” said Narcissa. “We’re almost there.” She squeezed his arm and as Severus held the door open she and Regulus half-dragged him across, hoping like hell no one looked to closely, or wondered why Severus was holding the door open. 

Severus closed the door behind him and Narcissa let out all the breath she’d been holding in for the last twenty minutes. 

Hiding behind a hedge to be sure they weren’t seen, Narcissa tapped her wand to McKinnon and he reappeared. “Can you Apparate?” she asked him.

McKinnon gave a shaky nod. “I think so,” he said. He put a hand to Narcissa’s shoulder. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough,” he said. He looked into her eyes a long time, searching them, and Narcissa wondered how much he knew, how much Marlene had told him. She wanted to give him a message, wanted him to tell Marlene that she still thought of her, still loved her. Her mouth opened, then closed again.

“You’d better go,” she said, glancing behind her. “They could be coming any minute.”

McKinnon nodded and began to spin, and with a loud crack he was gone.

Narcissa sank to the ground with her head in her hands and there was a rustle of grass as Regulus sat down behind her, rocking back and forth with his face in his hands.

“I am so fucked,” he said, voice strained and tight, like he was trying not to sob, or scream.

Narcissa pulled her hands away from her face. “What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?” Reg was almost laughing now, his voice high. “You can’t just walk away from the Death Eaters, Cissy. They’re going to fucking kill me.”

Narcissa didn’t know whether she wanted to hold him close or tell him off for being stupid enough to join them in the first place. She’d just opened her mouth when Severus spoke.

“There are those who can offer you protection,” he said in a soft voice. “In exchange for certain…services.”

Narcissa looked up at him as though just realizing he was there. In all her fear and single-minded determination to get Marlene’s father to safety, she’d never once stopped to wonder just why Severus had helped them. 

“What do you mean?” she said.

Severus glanced past them, to the manor house beyond, lights twinkling in it’s windows like sinister eyes. 

“I’m talking about the Order,” he said. 

Regulus glanced at Narcissa, and she could tell he was thinking the same thing. This was a trap, it had to be. He was going to get them to defect and kill them both. Narcissa gripped her wand so hard her fingers hurt.

“The Order of the Phoenix?” said Regulus, and Narcissa knew he was playing for time, knew he was reaching for his wand just as she was, because she could see his hand moving inside his robes.

“I don’t know of any other Orders,” he sneered.

Narcissa stood up and faced him, readying herself for a fight. “What are you playing at Severus?” she said, holding her wand in front of her. “Why are you doing this?”

Severus’s eyes flicked towards the wand in her hand. “I was only trying to help you,” he said. “But if you’d rather get caught and killed, I won’t stop you. It would certainly make things simpler for me.”

Narcissa didn’t lower her wand. “But why are you trying to help us? Why did you help us set that man free? You’re a Death Eater.”

Regulus’s mouth opened as though understanding something, and he looked at Severus with something like awe. “You defected.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and Narcissa could hear the admiration in his voice. Regulus had always looked up to Severus, like he was an older brother, someone to take the place of Sirius.

Severus looked back at Regulus and said nothing, but that was its own answer, in a way. And Narcissa remembered something, a memory from another life, of Severus sitting on the castle steps with a red-headed Muggle-born girl. She lowered her wand.

“Thank you,” he said, rather sarcastically. Narcissa saw that his hair was as stringy as ever and so thin his robes hung off him like a bedsheet, and he still had the look of a gangly teenager, but there was something about him, a haunted look on his face, that made him seem older.

Regulus lowered his wand and stepped closer to him. "I want to join the Order. I want to fight."

Severus looked at him a long time, as though deciding something. “Very well,” he said. “You’d better go see Dumbledore straightaway. I'll cover for you but I think it inadvisable for you to return here. You're not exactly good at hiding your feelings.”

Regulus's mouth twisted as though he was going to make a retort, but his face slackened and he nodded. She supposed there was really too much truth in that to deny it. 

Severus turned to Narcissa. “You’d better get back to the party. Someone’s bound to notice you’re missing.”

Narcissa couldn’t think of anything she wanted to do less. "No," she said. "I want to see Dumbledore, and I want to do it now."

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Narcissa bristled. “There’s no need to take that tone with me.”

“My apologies,” said Severus, not sounding sorry at all. “I just thought, given the dangers-”

“I think I can handle it, thank you.”

"Aren't they going to wonder where you've gone?"

Narcissa shrugged. She'd deal with that later.

Severus looked at her a moment, then nodded. Narcissa had just put away her wand when there was a swish of fabric and low muttering. “ _Obliv_ -”

Narcissa whipped out her wand before he could finish the incantation. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Severus kept his wand up and narrowed his eyes at her. “The Dark Lord happens to be an extraordinarily powerful Leglilimens,” he snapped. “If he were to read your mind and discover my true loyalties-”

“What, and you think I’m in regular contact with the Dark Lord? I’ve never even seen him.”

“But your family-”

Narcissa stood up straighter and glared at him. “We don’t invite him over for dinner and drinks you know.” Yet, she added to herself. Her aunt and her mother would probably be delighted. 

Severus stared at her a moment, a stare so intense she felt like her skull was being scraped. Images of old memories flashed before her mind, images of her sister and her parents and Marlene and he'd just begun to see them together in New York when she shut them down. 

“You’re a natural at Occlemency at least,” said Severus, still looking at her too closely.

“Yes, well, that comes with being a Black,” said Narcissa. Always hide your true feelings, that should’ve been on the family coat of arms right next to Toujours Pur. 

"I'll let it go for now," he said. "But if I get caught because of you and he finishes me off I'll make sure he takes you out with me."

Narcissa made a face and with a swish of his cloak Severus turned on his heel and started walking back up to the castle.

"Is he always like that?"

"Just to people he likes," said Regulus. He gave Narcissa a small smile. "You'll get used to him." 

The night was strangely quiet, without even the sound of the wind in the trees. Regulus glanced back towards the manor. "We'd better get going," he said. 

Narcissa nodded, concentrating with all her mind on the Hogwart's gate, and together they spun into the air. 

***

Narcissa had forgotten the castle smell of damp stone and chalk dust and burning candles. Every breath made her think of Marlene, and she wanted to stay there for years and she wanted to get away. 

They stopped outside the entrance to Dumbledore's office. 

  
"Do you know the password?" said Narcissa. Regulus shook his head and Narcissa let out an exasperated sigh, wondering how she could've overlooked something so obvious. She was just about to turn and find Slughorn or somebody when the door open and Dumbledore stood there, in robes of magenta over his nightshirt and fuzzy slippers shaped like Kneazles.

"Ah, Severus said you'd be coming," he said, and Narcissa wondered how he'd done it so quickly. "Come in." He beckoned them to the spiral staircase and they stood together as it moved on its own. 

Narcissa had been to his office a few times, for academic awards and dueling trophies. It was a fascinating place, with the silver instruments and the phoenix on its perch, but she was far too preoccupied to pay much attention to it now. 

"So," said Dumbledore, sitting behind his desk and putting the tips of his fingers together. "Severus tells me you two wish to join the Order."

"Yes Professor," said Narcissa, forcing a confidence she didn't feel.

Dumbledore gave them each a swift, piercing look. "It will, of course, mean quite a bit of danger to you both. Especially to you, Regulus. Am I to understand that you are a Death Eater?"

Regulus looked down at the floor and gave him the smallest nod.

Dumbledore said nothing to this, but his silence was so loud with disappointment even Narcissa squirmed. 

He turned to Narcissa. "Am I to take it your family doesn't know about the change in your loyalties?"

"No, Professor."

Dumbledore stared into the space ahead of him, apparently thinking. "I believe you work for the Ministry, Miss Black?"

  
Narcissa thought she knew what was coming, and didn't know what she thought of it. "Yes, for the Department of Mysteries."

"Excellent," said Dumbledore quietly. "Then you are well placed to do a bit of espionage. Can I ask you to do this?"

Narcissa was shaking now, but she nodded. Dumbledore turned to Regulus. "I think you know, Regulus, what I must ask you to do."

Regulus just stared at him without saying anything. He looked pale and wide-eyed as though staring down an oncoming train.

"It will be exceedingly dangerous for you. Lord Voldemort-"Narcissa and Regulus both jumped at the sound of the name-"is a powerful Legilimens. If he were to look into your mind and see..." he let his words trail away, but Narcissa knew what he meant to say, and she knew Regulus did too. He swallowed hard. 

"I shall arrange with Severus to teach you Occlumency," he said. "He is already an accomplished Occlumens."

He was quiet again, thinking, and after a long silence he stood up. "If you are both ready, I shall induct you." 

Narcissa glanced at Regulus, and she could see they were thinking the same thing. That they weren’t ready, that they’d never be ready, but there was really nothing for it now. 

Dumbledore stood up and pulled out his wand. 

“Do you, Narcissa Black and Regulus Black, pledge allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix?

“We do.”

“Do you promise to fulfill your duties to the Order to the best of your ability?”

“We do.”

“Do you promise to remain loyal to the Order, even to the point of death?”

Narcissa’s hands were shaking and Regulus swallowed hard. “We do.”

“Then I induct you as members of the Order of the Phoenix.”

Dumbledore waved his wand around them and a golden ribbon shot out, winding itself around them before it vanished. The bird sitting on a perch beside his desk gave a low, beautiful cry.

Narcissa felt as though she should have transformed somehow, that it should have left some mark on her, but when she caught her reflection in the window she was the same, the same pale face, the same thin arms. Her forehead was glistening with sweat. 

“Regulus, I suggest you return to Malfoy Manor at once. I shall notify Severus. You’ll need to stay close to him for the time being.” Regulus nodded and left the room.

“Miss Black, it would be a great help to us if you would be so kind as to make regular reports to us. Our headquarters aren’t far from here, in Montrose."

"Montrose?" said Narcissa, and her heart beat faster. Marlene's family lived in Montrose. Dumbledore looked at her a bit sharply, and she wondered how much he knew, or suspected, about her and Marlene. 

“Indeed. Our next meeting is tomorrow evening."

Narcissa was so overwhelmed she almost couldn’t speak. “Right. I’ll be there.”

"Excellent," he said. "Oh, and before you leave, I ought to show you our special form of communication. You know how to do a Patronus Charm?"

Narcissa had managed a corporeal Patronus only once, during her N.E.W.T examination, but she nodded and took out her wand, hoping she'd be able to pull it off again.

She closed her eyes and remembered the way it felt to fall asleep beside Marlene.

" _Expecto Patronum_."

A silver swan shot out her wand, just as it had the last time she'd done it, and Narcissa watched as it flew around the room.

"Excellent," said Dumbledore. "Now point your wand at it, and say the incantation ' _communicare_."

Narcissa pointed her wand at the swan. " _Communicare_." The swan stopped as though waiting for her to speak to it.

"Now all you need to do is give it your message, and it will send it to whomever you ask. It's a much faster and more reliable form of communication than owls, and it has the advantage of not being intercepted."

"Right," said Narcissa. She watched as the swan soared to the window and flew away, as though searching for something.

“Good luck, Miss Black,” said Dumbledore. His eyes were warm but he looked serious, the lines on his face deeper than they’d been when she was at school.

Narcissa hurried out of the castle, barely aware of what she was seeing, her only thought that she was about to see Marlene for the first time in nearly six years.


	19. Chapter 19

Narcissa propped her head in one hand as she stirred her porridge. She’d been so restless and excited she’d barely slept.

“I saw you talking with Lucius last night,” said her mother, a smile curling her mouth. “And then the two of you disappeared for awhile. Getting reacquainted were you?”

Narcissa set down her spoon and stared at her. She couldn’t believe that her mother was sitting there at the breakfast table hinting that she'd shagged Lucius as though they’d just been doing a waltz or something. Granted, it was the sort of thing Marlene might do, but she was funny at least.

“That’ll do, Druella,” said her father, a faint flush creeping up his face. “Did you have a good Christmas, Cissy?”

“Yes, it was nice,” said Narcissa vaguely. She glanced at the window, where the bare branches of the hawthorn tree scraped against the glass.

“Did Aster tell you her news?” said her father, and Narcissa turned back to face him. He was looking at her rather sympathetically.

“Yes,” said Narcissa. “She left the day before yesterday.”

“Such a selfish girl,” said her mother. “Her mother could hardly stand to show her face at the party."

Narcissa supposed this might’ve had something to do with the constant barrage of subtle insults from her and Walburga, but she didn’t say anything.

“Oh, I don’t know,” said her father. “Ilvermony is a prestigious school. It’s certainly an achievement, acquiring a teaching post there at her age.”

Her mother blew her father’s words away with a disapproving sniff. “Not as prestigious as Hogwarts. It was founded by a Mudblood for Circe's sake. And anyway it's nowhere near as prestigious as becoming a Travers.”

Narcissa choked on her porridge.

Her father got out of his chair and thumped her on the back. “Are you alright, Cissy?”

“I’m fine,” said Narcissa when she could breathe again. Her mother looked ready to say something, and Narcissa stood up, unable to stand a second more of her blather. “If you’ll excuse me.”

“Don’t hole yourself up in your room all day, Cissy, Bella and Rodolphus are coming over for lunch,” her mother called after her.

“I won’t,” said Narcissa, privately thinking that she would, and as she climbed the stairs she wondered if there was some way she could get herself out of it. Drink poison, maybe. Just enough to make herself sick.

She picked up a book Aster had given her before she left, one of the mysteries she loved so much, but she couldn’t really focus on it and stared out the window a long time, thinking of Marlene, the way her eyes laughed, the way the bridge of her nose crinkled when she thought something was funny, the way her forehead creased when she was upset. The way she cried out with total abandon, holding nothing back, letting Narcissa see and hear every part of herself. She would’ve given everything she had just to smell her skin one more time.

She opened the top drawer and took out the photograph Alice had taken of them when they’d been friends together at Hogwarts. Marlene’s eyes sparkled like she was telling one of her filthy jokes and Narcissa was bent over laughing, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed out loud.

She put the photograph back and stared out the window, wondering what she would say to her, how she would look at her. Would Marlene want to be with her again? And would she be brave enough this time, if she did? She didn’t know.

She sat down on her bed and thought about what she’d say at the meeting, what Dumbledore had wanted her to do. And then it came to her, so suddenly there was no question of her not knowing. She could spy on her own family.

She paced the room, thinking about what she would do, what she would say. If she knew Bella at all, she knew it wasn’t going to be the least bit easy. Bella was one of the most intelligent people she’d met, or ever would meet, likely.

She was so deep in her own mind she lost track of the time, and nearly jumped when her father knocked on the door. “Better get ready for lunch, Cissy. They’ll be here any minute.”

“Just getting ready now,” she called back. She put on her forest green robes and pinned her hair up, checking her reflection carefully, hoping she didn’t look too nervous. She powdered her face to cover her sweat.

Bella gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. “Happy Christmas, Cissy,” she said, and Narcissa couldn’t read anything into her voice.

“Happy Christmas,” she said, looking into her eyes and trying to look like she meant it, wishing she did, that they were just ordinary sisters spending the holidays together.

They sat and chatted awhile before lunch, and it wasn’t until after they’d finished their pudding and had all sat down in the sitting room that Narcissa had a chance to talk to Bella. But they weren't alone, and how she was going to get anything out of her like this, she had no idea.

“So...have you seen Regulus lately?”

Bella gave her a sharp look, but her eyes were bright, amused, as though she knew exactly what Narcissa was trying to do and relished the challenge.

"I saw him this morning," she said.

"Did you stop by Walburga and Orion's then?" said their mother.

"No," said Bella, looking straight at Narcissa. "We had a different engagement." She took a drink of cider, mouth turned up at the corners.

"Was he well?" said Narcissa.

"Not particularly," she said, and Narcissa thought she looked genuinely sorry. Her heart pounded, because she knew he'd been punished, perhaps severely, for what had happened.

But he was still alive, at least. Perhaps Severus had managed to teach him something.

Narcissa tapped her fingers on her glass, wondering what to say next. She rather thought asking how their attempts to overthrow the government were going would be something of a giveaway and almost smiled at the absurdity of it, as though she was asking about a home renovation project. "So I see there's been a lot of good news lately."

"What do you mean?" said Bella.

"I mean all those blood-traitors resigning from the Ministry."

"I'm rather pleased to hear that, Cissy," said her mother, a note of surprise in her voice. A smirk played on Bella’s lips and Narcissa prayed she wasn’t being too clumsy.

“They've been taking them down one by one, if that's what you mean," said Bella. "It’s only a matter of time before they’re all finished.”

She looked straight at Narcissa, and Narcissa knew exactly what she was doing. She was goading her, hitting her right where it hurt, trying to get her to betray her anger, her fear. Narcissa kept her face impassive. She was a Black too. She could play this game.

“Is that because of...him? The Dark Lord?"

Bella shot her a sharp look, because they both knew perfectly well it was.

"Likely," she said.

"Well, he certainly has the right idea, hasn't he?" said their mother. "It's been getting out hand for years, someone had to step up and do something."

Narcissa's father shifted in his seat and leaned forward, eyes fierce. "But think of what he's doing. All those innocent people, you can't me tell it's worth that."

Her mother looked cool and unconcerned. "Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, you know that."

Her father pounded his fist on the side of his chair and Narcissa nearly jumped. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him so agitated. "These aren't necessary sacrifices! He's killing innocent people for no good reason!"

The colour rose in her mothers face and her voice was just as heated. "And what do you think those people would do to us if they knew what we were? You think they'd just let us be, do you? That they wouldn't round us all up like they did in America?"

Her father opened his mouth and closed it again, then leaned back into his chair. "I don't know," he said.

Her mother smiled and Bella's eyes flashed towards Narcissa, a triumphant smirk on her face.

Her father quickly changed the subject, and it wasn’t until a few hours later, when Bella went to get a book out of her old room, that Narcissa got a chance to speak with her alone.

Bella was running a finger along the books on her shelf and humming softly to herself. She’d always had the most beautiful voice of the three of them. She could have been a singer, in another life. Maybe she still could. Narcissa hoped so.

She walked up behind Bella. “So...is it difficult. You know, to get in?”

Bella smiled. “You aren’t thinking of joining, Miss Innocent?”

“No,” said Narcissa, struggling to keep her voice even when all she wanted to do was slap some sense into her. She looked around at all of Bella's old things, her ceramic dolls and jars of frogspawn and the little wooden flute she used to play.

"Why did you do it?" said Narcissa.

Bella ran her fingers along the spine of the book she was holding. "Because I wanted to be part of something," she said. "I wanted to show everyone what I could do."

Narcissa bit her lip, thinking. She'd have to be so careful about what she said. "Do you really think that's the best way to do it?"

Bella raised an eyebrow. "I don't need a lecture from you, little miss perfect," she said. "And by the way, nice try."

Something in Bella’s eyes told Narcissa she knew. She knew exactly what Narcissa had been trying to do. She was like a child about to play a trick.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Going to report me to the Ministry are you? Or perhaps the Order?"

Bella was watching her and the corners of her eyes crinkled the way they did when she was amused by something. _She knew something_.

Narcissa breathed hard and willed herself to stay calm, not to show any emotion. "Of course not."

Bella picked up the book and stopped at the doorway. “For your sake I hope not." She picked up a stack of books and stopped at the doorway. "Enjoy your holiday, Cissy,” she said, laughter in her voice.

Narcissa just stared after her.

The clock on the wall chimed and Narcissa realized she was late to the meeting. She dashed down the front hall and out the door without even throwing her cloak on, sticking her arms out and twisting in the air.

When she reappeared she was standing in front of the same tidy cottage she’d stood in front of when she was leaving for New York with Marlene, and part of her wished she could just go back, do it all over again. But then she’d have to relive the last six years, and the thought of it was more than she could stand.

Hands sweating, she grabbed hold of the brass door knocker and rapped on the wood.

Marlene’s father opened the door. If he was annoyed that she was late, he didn’t show it. He squeezed her shoulder. “So good to have you here Miss Black,” he said, and she could tell by his voice that he meant it.

Shaking so hard she was afraid everyone would see it, she followed him into the dining room, a cozy room with white walls and a tall stone fireplace and vases of flowers on the tables. Narcissa wondered if Marlene had grown them.

Narcissa had imagined a room full of people, but only around a dozen were seated around the honey-coloured table, and Narcissa couldn’t believe what she was seeing. A dozen people, against an entire army of Death Eaters and Inferi and who knew what else. Narcissa nearly laughed out loud at how bloody hopeless it all was, but if they were going down she was going down with them, she was determined of that now.

“Usually there’s more of us, but some have had to go into hiding,” her father said, as though he knew what she'd been thinking.

Narcissa looked them all over until she found who she was looking for, until she saw that head of auburn hair. Marlene was chatting to the woman next to her, an attractive, serious-looking woman about their own age, and didn’t see her.

“Everyone, this is Narcissa Black. She's just been inducted into the Order.”

Marlene whipped around in her seat and stared at her, mouth slightly open. Narcissa looked back, trying to tell her with her eyes everything she still felt, but Marlene’s expression hardened and after only a second or two she looked away.

The people sitting round the table stood up to greet her and Narcissa found herself looking into the round, smiling face of Alice Fortescue. Or perhaps it was Longbottom now; Frank stood beside her and as Alice wrapped her in a hug Narcissa caught a flash of gold on her hand.

“So good to see you again,” she said into Narcissa’s shoulder.

“You too,” said Narcissa, and she meant it.

Frank took her hand in both of his. “Glad to have you with us,” he said.

Narcissa glanced from one to the other. “Are you…?”

“Five years now,” said Alice, still smiling.

Narcissa stifled her jealousy and forced herself to smile back. “That’s wonderful, congratulations.”

Alice flushed and hugged her again and Frank put a gentle hand to the small of her back as they walked over to the table and took their seats. She shook hands with a few other people, a man named Alastor, who had a rather creepy-looking magical eye that moved in every direction, settling on her a bit more often that she thought necessary, and another man whose young face was lined and worn, as though he hadn't had a good night's sleep in awhile.

“Remus Lupin,” the man said, extending a hand.

Narcissa shook it. “Nice to meet you,” she said, doing her best to ignore the shabby state of his robes.

When he'd gone the woman who'd been talking with Marlene stood in front of her.

“Dorcas Meadowes,” she said, and Narcissa wondered how well they knew each other, if there was anything going on between them.

“So good to meet you,” said Narcissa, trying her best not to hate her. There was no reason to, really. Unless she was dating Marlene, in which case Narcissa hoped she’d get gored by a dozen Hippogriffs. Slowly.

Dorcas turned and sat down, leaving Narcissa face to face with Marlene. She’d cut her hair short but it looked beautiful on her.

“Glad you could join us,” she said stiffly, and there was nothing in her voice, in her face, to show that she'd known every part of her, that she'd once held her as they'd fallen asleep, that she'd ever been more than just another classmate. Narcissa hadn’t expected her to be happy, not really, but she’d thought she’d be hurt, or shocked, or at least angry. She’d heard it said once, that the opposite of love wasn’t hate, it was indifference, and this cold greeting was far worse than if she'd shouted at her, if she'd glared at her and stomped out of the room. Narcissa held her gaze but she run out of the room and cry like she was fourteen.

“Well, I suppose we ought to get started,” said Marlene’s father as he sat down. He nodded to Dumbledore.

"Sirius couldn't make it?" someone said as they settled into their chairs, and Narcissa realized with a jolt that Sirius was in the Order too.

"No, he's on a mission with James and Lily," said Frank.

Dumbledore looked round at them all. “This meeting of the Order of the Phoenix will now come to order,” he said, his deep voice filling the room.

“Any new business?”

Marlene raised her hand.

"Miss McKinnon?"

Narcissa turned to Marlene, glad for the excuse just to look at her. She was wearing a forest green jumper that fit her just right and set off her hair she was just as beautiful as she'd been the last time Narcissa had seen her, only she wasn’t smiling now and her eyes weren’t laughing as much. She was serious, determined, purposeful-and gorgeous. So bloody gorgeous. And loud and funny and big-hearted and Narcissa didn’t see how she’d ever be able to stay away from her.

“I’ve been tailing Yaxley and Travers,” she said, and Narcissa could tell she was trying not to look at her. “They seem to be looking for something. From what I’ve heard I think they’re planning a raid, but I don’t know when or where.”

“Indeed,” murmured Dumbledore. “Does anyone else know anything about it?” Narcissa thought his eyes flicked towards her.

There were murmurs and shakes of heads around the table.

“Thank you, Miss McKinnon. See if you can get more information from them. If it is a raid they’re planning innocent lives are at stake. I believe they killed about fifty Muggles the last time.”

So they had been killing innocent people, all those years Narcissa had been cloistered away in her family's home and the Ministry. She wondered if everyone around the table was thinking the same thing.

Dumbledore looked at her. “Miss Black? I know it has only been a short time since you were inducted, but do you have anything to report?”

Her face was hot, as though they could all see her clumsy attempts to get anything out of Bella. "No," she said, face hot, sure they all thought she was a failure, and she couldn't bear to look at Marlene. She stared straight ahead into the vase of flowers on the table. There were daffodils there, but Narcissa didn’t dare read too much into it, or hope that Marlene had grown them on purpose, to remember her.

Dumbledore asked the rest for their reports, and the talk turned to other things, missions she had nothing to do with and other Order members who were in hiding. Narcissa was only half-listening, steeling herself for what she had to do, terrified and excited both, because just maybe Marlene would see how serious she was.

Maybe she'd love her for it.

Narcissa hadn't heard Dumbledore dismiss them, but she saw people shifting in their seats and standing up. Fluttery and giddy as she used to be when they were in school together, Narcissa rose from her seat and sat down next to Marlene, who was talking to Dorcas Meadowes again. Narcissa could tell by the way her back stiffened that she knew Narcissa was there.

Narcissa could picture the bare skin beneath her robes, could feel the ridges of her spine as though they’d left a physical imprint in her memory.

Marlene must’ve sensed eyes boring into her, because she turned around with an eyebrow raised, as though Narcissa was being impertinent just being in the same room with her. Just the way Narcissa had always looked at her before they'd become friends.

Payback was such a bitch.

"Do you need something?" said Marlene, as though Narcissa was a rude child who'd interrupted her.

What Narcissa really needed that moment was to slide underneath her chair with her face in her hands and eat a pint of ice cream and cry. But she kept her face calm, her voice even.

"Actually I was wondering if I could speak with you about something. Alone."

Marlene's eyes went cold. "Anything you have to say to me you can say here."

Narcissa glanced around and lowered her voice. Dorcas had struck up a conversation with someone else.

"I want to help you. I know Tarquin and Corban-Travers and Yaxley, I mean. I could help you get information out of them."

Marlene's eyes narrowed. "I don't need your help."

"Please. No one knows I'm in the Order. I can spy for you."

"We already have spies."

Narcissa heard the message hidden under her words. _You’re not that special._ She bit her lip and glanced over at her father, who was talking with Dumbledore and Alastor. She wondered if Marlene's father had told Marlene what she’d done. Probably. Almost certainly.

“Listen," she said, "I want to help you, I want to fight with you.”

Marlene gave her a sharp, cold look. “It’ll be too dangerous for you. Just go back to your nice comfortable home and keep spying on your relatives, that’s what you’re here to do, isn’t it?”

Narcissa sat up straighter, her old pride flaring up. “I’m perfectly capable of fighting, you know. I happen to be a duelling champion.”

“Yeah, what, six years ago? I imagine you’re a bit rusty.”

A surge of frustration went through her, at Marlene's flat-out refusal to see any good in her at all.“Don’t you know what I’ve done? You’re being really ungrateful.”

Narcissa regretted the words the moment they were out of her mouth. She hadn’t saved her father’s life expecting something in return, she’d done it because it was the right thing to do, and because she cared for him.

Marlene slapped her hands down at the table and glared at her. “It never would’ve happened in the first place if it hadn’t been for your nasty little friends,” she hissed.

The room had gone quiet as everyone turned to stare at them. Marlene’s father cleared his throat.

Marlene flushed red. “If I could speak to you. Alone.”

Narcissa bit back her retort and followed Marlene into the back garden, furious at her refusal to understand, her insistence that she was somehow complicit in all the horrible things that were happening.

“They are not my friends,” she said. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through, how alone I’ve been for the past six years?”

“And whose fault was that Narcissa? I practically begged you to join up. And you just went back to your family like a little coward. Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me, risking my life every single day and watching my friends get tortured?”

The words stung her, made her realize just how cut off from her she was, that she was just some girl Marlene used to know. Her real friends were the people who’d been fighting alongside of her for the past six years, and she hated them for it. Her voice rose.

“I was trying to protect you!”

“I didn’t need you to protect me, I needed you to be here with me.”

“If I’d done that we'd probably both be dead by now.”

“Yeah, well, we’re probably all going to be dead soon anyway, the way things are going.”

Something in her voice shocked Narcissa out of her anger. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we’re losing, Narcissa. They're picking us off one by one and it’s only a matter of time before they get us too.”

Narcissa didn't know what made her do it, maybe it was the fear in Marlene's voice, but she stepped up to her and put a hand to her face.

“Then at least we’ll die in each other’s arms, right?” she said softly.

Marlene’s face was so close she could feel her breath come faster.

“You think you can just come back here after six years and have everything be ok,” said Marlene, as her eyes flickered down to Narcissa’s lips.

Narcissa closed the distance between them, kissing her full on the mouth, breathing in that scent she'd missed for so long, running her fingers through her hair.

Marlene kept her mouth shut tight and her arms at her sides, but something gave way in her, and she grabbed the back of Narcissa's head, thrusting her tongue deep into her mouth and pressing her hips against hers, with a hard intensity Narcissa knew wasn’t love, wasn’t even lust, but the raw desperate need that had been building up over the years, a need she understood because she felt it too.

Marlene pulled away and kissed her neck as Narcissa buried her face in her hair.

“Oh God I’ve missed you,” Narcissa whispered.

“So have I,” Marlene whispered back.

She backed Narcissa up against the stone fence at the edge of the garden, running her hands down her breasts and her stomach as she kissed her again and again. Narcissa needed her so badly her legs were weak and she moaned into her mouth.

Marlene jerked herself away, flushed and breathing hard and looking shocked by what she'd done.

“What did you have to start kissing me for?”

Narcissa didn’t know what she’d been expecting her to say, but it wasn’t that. “What are you talking about? You’re the one who had your tongue halfway down my throat.”

“Yeah, well, that’s...look, I can’t be doing this right now. Especially not with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Marlene turned and walked back to the cottage, arms crossed over her chest. “You know exactly what it means,” she said without looking back.

Narcissa just stood there, clutching the fence and staring after her.

There was hurt and anger there, she’d seen it in Marlene’s eyes, felt it coursing through her body, but there was something else there too, she felt it in the way Marlene had kissed her, how she’d touched her, how she’d whispered to her.

_So have I._

Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

***

Narcissa’s mother was there to meet her when she got back from the meeting.

“Where were you? You’re late for dinner.”

“Sorry,” Narcissa said, as casually as she could manage. “I had an owl from the Ministry.”

“On Boxing Day?”

“Well, it’s a rather important project we’re working on.”  
  
Just as she’d hoped, the prestige of top-secret Ministry projects was enough to shut her mother up. Being an Unspeakable had its advantages, she was grateful for that much.

“Well, you’d better wash up and join us,” she said.

Narcissa picked at her food a few minutes and excused herself, wondering just how long she could keep lying to them and get away with it. She’d spent the last six years keeping her head down, toeing the line, making vague promises to get back together with Lucius, and all she could hope was that she’d built up enough goodwill to keep them off her back.

She was just making her way upstairs when her mother cornered her.

“You’ve been going out an awful lot lately,” she said.

“Yes well, as I’ve said, we’ve been very busy.”

Her mother gave her a sharp look and Narcissa knew perfectly well she didn’t believe her. “You wouldn’t happen to be seeing that girl, would you?” Her mouth twisted like she’d tasted acid.

“Of course not,” said Narcissa, looking her straight in the eye. "I haven't seen her in years."

Her mother glanced away for a moment, and her voice softened. “You know, I was five years younger than you when I got married. It’s time you settled down. You’ll be much happier.”

“But I’m not even seeing anyone.”

“And that’s the whole problem, isn't it? You’ve been stringing us along for years and it's gone nowhere. I’m going to write to Abraxas and arrange the engagement.”

Narcissa couldn’t believe she’d be so controlling. “What? No.”

Her mother’s eyes flashed. “Yes, Cissy.” She moved in closer, so close Narcissa could smell the wine on her breath. “You will do it, or it all stops, do you understand? No more outings, no more job at the Ministry. Enough is enough.”

Narcissa just started at her, not believing what she’d heard. Her job at the Ministry and her work with the Order were all she had left.

Her eyes were stinging and her mother was becoming blurry. She stormed upstairs to her room before she could say anything more.

She understood then, that she’d never been free, never would be free. She was a picture on the family tapestry, an heirloom to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.

All part of being a Black daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just writing the ending now, so the story is pretty much finished :) I think I'll keep posting once a week just so you guys aren't flooded with updates. The last few chapters will be kind of action-packed but there will be fluff and romance too.
> 
> I made a mistake with the timeline-since Regulus is still in his last year at Hogwarts it should be 1978 instead of 1979. I'm going to fix that right away. I've also added a bit of background Severus Snape/Regulus Black but it won't be too intense because I know that's not everyone's ship. 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	20. Chapter 20

Narcissa was like a trapped animal trying to escape its cage. She didn’t have a clue how she was going to free herself this time, how she was going to get out of the trap her mother had put her in, but she wasn’t going to give up without a fight, she was determined of that.

She remembered what Marlene had said at the meeting, about her tailing Tarquin and Corban, and the moment she woke up the next morning she threw some robes over herself, and pinned her hair up rather carelessly. She went downstairs and grabbed a piece of toast from the kitchen, stuffing it into her mouth as she dashed down the front hall.

"Where are you off to?" said her mother, who was drinking tea in her dressing-gown.

"I'm going to meet Lucius," said Narcissa. She knew her mother would be sending an owl to Abraxas, asking whether she’d been there or not, but she’d figure it out later

Her mother smiled. “Really? Good for you. And when you get back we can start making plans, I thought we'd book Tintagel Castle for the ceremony."

Of course her mother would want the most extravagent location possible for the wedding, nothing less than the birthplace of King Arthur himself was good enough for a Black daughter. And yet, as deeply as she resented it, as much as it scared her, a part of her loved her for it, wanted to please her, wanted to walk underneath the stone archway in a magnificent dress as everyone watched her.

But that woman wasn't who she was anymore. Or at least she didn't think so.

“That sounds lovely,” she said as she pulled the door open. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her mother’s face.

She thrust out her arms and spun into the air, praying Marlene hadn’t gotten started already and gone off without her. She didn’t really have any idea what her plans were.

The cottage was quiet, as though it were still asleep, and Narcissa walked up and down the back garden until the door creaked and Marlene stood there in a long black traveling cloak.

She narrowed her eyes at Narcissa. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Narcissa hadn't really expected Marlene to be happy to see her, but she’d hoped for a friendlier greeting than that. "Good morning to you too," she said, aware of the edge to her voice and regretting it.

Marlene made an exasperated noise and made to Disapparate.

"Wait!"

Marlene stopped with her arms in the air. "What?"

"I want to help you." She put a hand to Marlene’s arm. "Please. This could save save lives."

That seemed to have done it. Marlene looked out across the garden and back at her. "Fine," she said. "But this is strictly Order business, do you understand?"

"Of course," said Narcissa, but she had to tighten up her mouth to hide her smile. Marlene shot her an annoyed look as though she knew perfectly well what she was trying not to do, and Narcissa was struck with the realization that, after all those years, Marlene still knew her as well as she knew herself.

"So where are we going?"

“Malfoy Manor. That’s the place they’re using as a base.”

"Right," said Narcissa, as if she had no idea, as if she hadn’t just been there a few nights before. Marlene gave her a sideways look but didn’t say anything.

When they’d stopped spinning they were standing in the front garden at Malfoy Manor, behind a tall shrub, its branches bare of any leaves that could hide them.

"We’d better Disillusion ourselves,” said Narcissa, pulling out her wand.

Marlene shot her an annoyed look. “I know that. I’m not new at this you know.” She didn’t say it, but Narcissa knew what she was thinking. _Unlike you._

They tapped their wands to themselves until they blended in with the shrub in front of them and waited. There wasn’t much room for the two of them, and Narcissa was so close to Marlene she could feel the warmth of her body, her breath on her face.

“Don’t try anything,” said Marlene’s disembodied voice.

Narcissa almost laughed at the absurdity of trying to kiss her while she was invisible.“What makes you think I want to?”

“Oh come on Narcissa, you're the one who started snogging me yesterday.”

“And you gave as good as you got, if I remember correctly.”

“Well, I won’t do that again,” she said, with such intensity Narcissa supposed she meant it.

The morning air was still, the only sound the distant chattering of birds from the garden, and Narcissa nearly jumped when she heard shuffling and rustling and a loud smacking sound. She turned towards the sound and watched as a licorice wand hovered in mid-air and started to vanish. Narcissa remembered the Hogwarts broom closet all those years ago and let out a snort.

"Are you eating a licorice wand?"

"What?" said Marlene through a mouthful. "It's got carbohydrates. We could be here awhile, you know."

"I know," said Narcissa, trying to stifle her laughter. Marlene was so close she could smell the licorice on her breath. "You wouldn't happen to have another one, would you?"

Narcissa couldn't see her, but she knew somehow that Marlene was shooting her a surprised look. 

“Yeah, I've got heaps," she said. "Here." She pulled one out of her pocket and handed it to Narcissa, her fingers brushing against hers as she put it in her hand.

"Thanks," said Naricssa, taking a bite. She loved the taste of licorice.

They stood there for what felt like an hour, waiting, without a sign of life from anyone. The manor was still and quiet, as though asleep, and Narcissa imagined the people inside, still hungover from all the Christmas revelry. There were things that went on in back rooms, illicit potions and wild parties that ended with everyone in bed together. Narcissa hadn’t taken part, but she’d heard the stories, and she knew Lucius went to them.

Narcissa was starting to doubt whether Tarquin and Corban would emerge from the manor at all.

“I’m going in,” she said, standing up and brushing the dead leaves from her robe.

Marlene made an indignant noise from beneath her where she was still crouched behind the shrub. “Oh that’s right, I almost forgot, they’re all your friends, aren’t they?”

Narcissa couldn’t believe she’d be so insensitive. She didn’t have a clue what it had been like for her all those years, having to be around those people. “They are _not_ my friends.”

“If they really weren’t your friends you wouldn’t just be walking right up to their house and going in, now, would you?”

Narcissa stamped her foot in frustration. “That’s not-you just don’t get it, do you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re so miserable and misunderstood. Just go on and do it, won’t you?”

Narcissa let out an exasperated noise and strode towards the manor, venting her frustration through her long brisk strides.

When she reached the front doors she slipped a small vial up her sleeve, something she'd swiped out of her father's potion stash on a whim, and held it there with her thumb.

She closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath before rapping on the silver serpent knocker, shutting as much down as she could, willing herself not to think about anything that might give her away.

“Miss Black!” said the little elf, Dobby, with a deep bow.

"Hello, Dobby," said Narcissa, who'd always liked him. "I was wondering if I could speak with Lucius.”

Dobby's ears drooped back and Narcissa wondered what kinds of secrets he was keeping. "I'm afraid he's indisposed, miss," he said.

Hungover most likely, and lying in bed with some pretty young thing across his chest. Narcissa would have to use her fall-back plan. "Is young Mr. Yaxley here?"

The elf's expression brightened. "Yes miss, right this way."

Narcissa followed Dobby deeper into the manor. The place felt different somehow, suffocating, as though the Dark Lord’s presence had sucked all the fresh air out of it. Hooded figures walked past her, muttering in low voices, and there was rough shouting and the bitter, earthy scent of potions being brewed somewhere. She longed for a child, knew Lucius would expect one, but the thought of a little one growing up in all this was more than she could stand.

The elf gestured her into the sitting room, Corban was talking with Tarquin, their voices low and earnest.

"Miss Black is here to see you Mr. Yaxley," squeaked Dobby.

Corban stood up, startled.

"Narcissa? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I didn't have any other plans for today, I thought we'd catch up," she said, hoping they bought this, because she'd been rather distant with them since they’d left school, and she hated Tarquin with the fire of a thousand suns. "We didn't really see each other much at the party."

Corban seemed taken aback by this, but to her relief gestured for her to sit down on the sofa with them. Narcissa pinched the vial between her thumb and forefinger and held it there. Beads of sweat ran down her chest.

"Would you care for a drink?" she said, pulling out a bottle of cognac. Tarquin and Corban raised their eyebrows, impressed, or at least she hoped so.

Narcissa stood up and made her way to a small table at the other end of the room, conjuring three glasses and filling them with amber liquid. Blocking her hands from view, keeping the vial concealed beneath the long cuffs of her robes, she poured a few drops of potion into two of them.

"Here you are," she said.

"Cheers," said Tarquin, grinning. He really was an idiot.

They each took a drink, Narcissa relishing the warmth that spread through her body, but she only took a few sips. She needed her wits about her.

"So," she said. "Do you have any plans this week?"

Corban looked her right in the face, eyes concealing nothing, and his voice became flat, expressionless. "Well, I told the Dark Lord I'd be doing some scouting before the raid but really I'm just going to go to the pub and get pissed and try to get a date for the New Year's party. I usually like to tell them I'm a dragon-catcher for the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures but it never works."

“Anything more...exciting?”  
  
"Oh, well, tomorrow night there's a raid on Ottery St. Catchpole."

"Really?" said Narcissa, as though this were the most interesting thing in the world. "Do you know what time?"

"Midnight. That way we catch them by surprise, you see."

"Yes, very clever of you," she said. Tarquin and Corban made no response to this, their faces still blank, and she supposed they weren't really in their right minds. Which was just as well; her attempt had been sort of clumsy.

But she had what she needed. Now there was nothing for it but to wait until the potion began to wear off, and she sat and listened to as they droned on about intimate details of their personal lives, praying no one walked in.

It was one of the most agonizing half-hours of her life.

"Mr. Yaxley and Mr. Travers," squeaked Dobby. Everyone turned to look at him and Narcissa saw that his eyes were large and scared. "The Dark Lord wishes to see you, sirs."

Tarquin and Corban stood up. Something was changing in their eyes, and they became more shrewd, more aware. If they realized what had happened, or the Dark Lord looked into their minds, she was done for, and she had only seconds.

She drew her wand out of her robes and held it concealed in her sleeve.

" _Obliviate,_ " she muttered, pointing it at Tarquin. Just as Corban turned around she did the same to him.

She could tell by their befuddled expressions that it had worked.

"What are you doing here?" said Corban.

"I was just looking for Lucius."

Corban smirked. "He's having a lie-in," he said.

"Oh. Well. Perhaps I'll see him later then," she said. Corban nodded to her, still looking confused,and a bit wary, but to her relief they left the room.

Narcissa almost ran out of the manor before remembering that she'd need to stop and see Abraxas, to keep her mother from getting too suspicious. She found him out in the garden, examining a Wiggentree sapling.

He straightened up when he saw her. "Cissa," he said. "I didn't realize you were here."

"I was just looking for Lucius," she said, and Abraxas glanced away from her and shifted on his feet. She supposed he knew what Lucius was up to.

"Did you have a good holiday?" said Narcissa, trying to smooth over this sticky moment.

Abraxas recovered his usual dignified manner. "Yes, very enjoyable, thank you." He gave her a small smile. "Walk with me?"

Narcissa nodded and fell in step beside him as they walked through the sprawling garden Narcissa had always admired so much.

"I was so pleased to hear about the engagement," he said. “Although I do hope one week is enough to make all the arrangements.”

Narcissa stumbled over her feet and Abraxas gave her a steadying hand to stop her falling. “One week?”

He looked at her strangely. “You didn’t know?”

“She might’ve neglected to mention it,” she muttered, thinking vaguely of spiking her mother’s dinner with Doxy venom.

“Yes, well, Lucius seemed rather surprised himself,” he said, and Narcissa had a sneaking suspicion Lucius wasn’t any happier with it than she was. He seemed to enjoy being a bachelor.

"It's just been Lucius and I here the last several years," said Abraxas, conveniently leaving out the evil wizard currently taking up residence in his manor, plus the dozen or so Death Eaters always coming and going. “It’ll be nice to have you around.”

Narcissa muttered something indistinct, because she couldn’t really say the same.

“And it will be so lovely to have children running around this manor again.”

Either he didn’t have a clue what was going on in his own house, or he was mad, Narcissa wasn’t sure which.

“Yes, I suppose it would be.”

There was a loud rustle in the shrubbery and Narcissa’s head shot towards the sound. Abraxas looked at it closely.

“Just a porlock, likely,” he said, but he sounded unsure.

“Most likely,” said Narcissa, willling him not to go and check. She wasn’t sure what he’d do, if he found Marlene there. “If you’ll excuse me, I really should be going.”

“Oh yes, of course,” said Abraxas, recovering himself. “I hope to see you again soon, Cissa.”

Narcissa said a hurried goodbye and made as though to Disapparate, waiting until Abraxas was out of view to duck back into the shrubbery, praying Marlene hadn't heard anything.

“Well?" said Marlene, and there was nothing in her face to show she knew what they’d said. She had no idea how she was going to get out of the wedding without giving herself away, and didn’t want to think about it. Her tense muscles slackened with relief.

"I've found out when the raid is,” she said. She glanced around the garden. She could Abraxas’ cloak in the distance as he walked across the lawn. “Let’s get out of here first.”

They spun into the air and reappeared in the McKinnon’s back garden.

“It’s tonight, at midnight. In Ottery St. Catchpole,” said Narcissa in a rush, waiting to see the smile spread across Marlene’s face, the admiration. The longing.

Instead Marlene looked skeptical. “How’d you do it?”

Narcissa reached into her robes and pulled out the vial. “Veritaserum,” she said, barely suppressing a squeal. Now that she’d actually managed to do something right, the whole spy business was becoming rather exciting.

“Where’d you get it? That’s a controlled substance, isn’t it?”

Narcissa just looked at her, not really knowing how to explain why her family happened to have controlled substances lying round their house. Clearly it was one of those old wizarding family quirks she took for granted, like her aunt and uncle’s house-elf head display.

Marlene narrowed her eyes at her. “Why’d you come back, really?”

Narcissa was taken aback by this. The conversation wasn’t going at all the way she expected. “Because I wanted to help you. I saw what they did to your father.”

“Yeah, well, they did that years ago and you just ran away. What changed?”

“I don’t know-”

Marlene made an indignant noise.  
  
Narcissa’s voice rose. “I couldn’t stand back and watch it anymore, alright?” She stepped closer to Marlene, making her voice softer. “And I missed you. I missed you so much.”

Marlene’s expression didn’t soften. “I don’t believe you,” she said. Her eyes grew colder. “You know what I think? I think you’re working for them. I think you’re a spy.”

Narcissa couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. “What? How on earth could you say that?”

“You’re just like the rest of them. I mean, yeah, maybe you sort of changed, but as soon as things get the least bit dangerous you just look out for number one and to hell with everyone else. I should’ve seen you for what you were.”  
  
Narcissa’s face was hot and she balled up her hands into fist. “How dare you?” she said into her face, voice low, fierce. “I risked my life back there. Do you know what would’ve happened if they’d caught me? I think you’re just jealous that I managed to get the information.”

This had struck a nerve, she knew it. Marlene made an exasperated noise. “Oh yeah, I’m really jealous of someone who’s been hiding away like a sheltered little princess and finally managed to do something useful after six years.”

“Excuse me? I’ve been working for the Ministry for six years, I haven’t been doing nothing.”

“Yeah, well, you haven’t been risking your life every single fucking day of the week like I have, have you?”  
  
Narcissa’s thoughts were a confusing mess and she thought of Marlene and Dorcas and how much they’d done compared to her and her face burned. “Yes, I know, you’re brave and perfect and selfless and I’m just some spoiled little princess that no one can stand.”

“Sounds about right.”

Narcissa glared at her and Marlene glared back and they stood there, inches apart, staring each other down, breathing hard. Before Narcissa knew what was happening Marlene backed her up against the stone fence and kissed her neck and her chest over and over again as she hiked up both their robes.

“I thought you couldn’t stand me,” Narcissa whispered.

“I can’t,” breathed Marlene. “But I need you.”

The shrubbery was dense enough that they couldn’t be seen, even without leaves on the branches, and Narcissa bit on the sleeve of her robes to keep from crying out as Marlene slipped her hand between her legs. There was no love in this, no emotion. They were just two desperately thisty people drinking each other in. Narcissa ached so badly it was almost painful and she gasped and buried her head in Marlene’s shoulder as she came.

“Keep going,” whispered Marlene, voice so weak Narcissa knew she was close. Narcissa's fingertips slipped back between her legs and moments later Marlene gripped Narcissa’s shoulders and let out a low moan. But she didn’t rest her head on her shoulder, didn’t even look at her.

When her breathing slowed she started to walk away.

“Where are you going?” said Narcissa.

“Just leave me alone,” said Marlene over her shoulder.

“But-”

Marlene turned around. “What, you thought we’d get back together? Because it’s not going to happen. I won’t let you hurt me again. Ever.”

“Wait-”

Before Narcissa could say anything more, Marlene went into the cottage, slamming the door behind her.

***

Narcissa was on holiday until after New Year's, so she holed herself up in her room the rest of the day, taking out her wand and practicing every hex, jinx and curse she could think of, slicing it through the air like a sword and venting all her rage and frustration and helplessness through her body. She practiced until she was too tired to hold her wand up, collapsing on the bed and fanning her sweaty face with the sleeve of her robe.

When she’d cooled off she was chilled, so she peeled off her robes and slipped into a hot bath, sighing as the warmth washed over her, sinking into the water until it was almost to her face.

She rested her toes on the front of the bathtub and examined her legs. She'd been in such a daze for so long, sometimes weeks went by before she remembered to shave them, and they were in dire need of it now, by the looks of it. She picked up her razor and shaved them smooth, running her hands along them and remembering the way Marlene's legs had felt against hers, when they were tangled up so tightly she couldn’t tell where she stopped and Marlene began. She didn’t see how she’d possibly end up in bed with her that night, but it wasn't going to stop her from trying.

She stepped out of the bath and dried off, wrapping a towel around her hair and another around her chest, and went to her wardrobe to find something to wear, something practical enough to be comfortable when fighting Death Eaters, but stylish enough to look good doing it. Better than Dorcas Meadowes anyway.

But there was one rather serious problem-nearly all the Death Eaters were people she knew. There was no way she could let them see her. She dug all the to the back of the wardrobe and pulled out a plain brown robe with a deep hood, draping it over herself and examining reflection in the mirror. Rather drab, this, but she could always accessorize with some footwear. Pumps were out of the question, obviously, but her knee-high leather boots would do nicely.

She took off the robe and stowed it into the pocket of her Ministry robes, then pinned her hair up and waited.

Around half-past eleven she head her parents low voices in the hall, on the way to their room. She waited until they’d closed the door and it was quiet before creeping down the hallway.

She shut the door behind her as softly as she could and hid behind a hedge to change into the brown robes she'd stuffed down her front, putting her hood up and hoping no one would look too closely.

Only once she was ready to go did she realize there was a chance she might not make it back alive. Her legs were rigid and her teeth clenched and she glanced back at the house with its lighted windows, but there was really no question of her not going. She'd show Marlene she was wrong, that she’d never hurt her. She’d never leave her side again.

She took a deep steadying breath and spun into the air.

***

The village was as quiet as the manor had been, as though the houses had slept all day. She gripped her wand and looked all around her, expecting to see cloaked figures, but there weren't any.

Nor were there any Order members, that she could see, and she wondered if she'd gotten the wrong place.

She walked down the street, glancing all around her, until she saw a figure in long robes crouched down beside a hedge, combing his hair and holding up a hand mirror. Something about his profile was familiar to her.

“Regulus?

The man put down his mirror and looked up at her.

"Narcissa?"

"What's going on? What on earth are you doing?"

She could have sworn Regulus was blushing. “I was just, you know.” He mimed combing his hair.

“What, you have a date with one of the villagers?”

Before Regulus could answer there were fast footfalls as Severus strode up to them. Regulus hastily put away his comb and mirror and Narcissa had faint idea of what was going on, though why he’d comb his hair to impress Severus, she had no idea. The man didn’t seem to have any concept of personal hygiene.

Narcissa turned to Severus. “What’s going on?”

"The Death Eaters are looking for information on the Potters," he said. "There was a rumour that they might be hiding in this village."

"But why are they after the Potters?"

Severus grimaced, and there was something in his his eyes, some unspoken terror, that told Narcissa that these people meant something to him. "He wants them to join his ranks, and they’ve refused to do it.”  
  
"Oh my God. He's going to kill them for that?"

"Yes," said Severus, in a clipped voice. There were faint cracks in the air and he looked up sharply.

"They're coming," he said. He turned to Regulus. "Let's go."

Regulus didn't move.

"Did you hear me? We need to join them. Now."

Regulus swallowed hard but stayed where he was. Severus put a hand to his shoulder and got right in his face. "Don't be such a coward."

The word ignited something in Regulus and he snatched his arm away, eyes fierce. "I am not a coward."

"Then prove it."

They were staring at each other, breathing fast, their faces inches apart, and Narcissa could have sworn Severus’s eyes flickered towards Regulus’s lips.

"Alright," Regulus breathed. "Let's do it then."

He was pale and shaken and Severus siezed the front of his robes. "Have you learned nothing from me? Keep your emotions in check."

Regulus started as though coming out of a trance. "Right," he said, his face becoming hard and set. "Right. Let's go."

Severus turned to Narcissa. "The other Order members will be arriving soon. If they'd been here waiting already the Death Eaters would've known someone tipped them off." He smirked at her. "You've got a lot to learn."

He swung his cloak over his shoulders and walked away before Narcissa could make a face at him or say anything in reply. Maybe Regulus was right, she'd get used to it, but so far he was insufferable.

She made her way down the street, looking for a place to lay low until the others arrived, mortified by her blunder. She'd just ducked behind a hedgerow when a door was blasted apart and someone screamed. There was a thud of footfalls as people ran down the street.

" _Crucio!_ "

Narcissa recognized Corban’s voice, and it didn't surprise her in the slightest. She'd known him since she was five years old and he was a complete tosser.

The man in front of him collapsed, screaming and twitching like he was on fire, and a pain shot through her as though some of his agony were being drawn up into himself. She pushed her wand with her thumb until it was sticking out the sleeve of her robe.

" _Stupefy!_ "

Corban slumped to the ground.

Narcissa ran to the man, who was groaning and rubbing his arms. "Can you get up?" she whispered.

The man shook his head.  
  
"Someone's there! They got Yaxley."

Narcissa's head shot up and she saw a figure in a silver mask striding towards her.

Hands shaking, body so tight she could hardly move, she pointed her wand to the man on the ground. " _Abscondere,_ ” she muttered. He was concealed now, but Narcissa could hear his heavy breathing and the rustling of his clothes as he writhed on the ground. "What's going on-what's happening-where am I-?"

"Stay here until you're able to get up, then get out of here as quickly as you can, do you understand?"

Before the man could reply she heard the beginnings of an incantation, and almost without conscious thought she raised her wand and pointed it at the masked figure who'd followed her.

" _Incarcerous!_ "

Ropes shot out of her wand, binding him, but there were more heavy footfalls and Narcissa knew it was over, knew there was no way she could take on twenty Death Eaters or however many there were on her own.

" _Stupefy-"_

" _Protego!"_ Her shield charm knocked the Death Eater off his feet, but no sooner had he fallen then a jet of light shot her and everything went dark.


	21. Chapter 21

"Miss Black? Are you alright?"

A gentle hand was tapping her cheek and Narcissa looked up into the face of Remus Lupin. 

Narcissa rubbed the side of her head and felt a hard lump there. "What happened?"

"You were Stunned. It's all right, we got one them and the rest scattered."

Narcissa sat up. "Is Marlene here?"

"Yes, she's with Frank and Alice and a few of the others, they're fighting Death Eaters. We’re a bit outnumbered I’m afraid." 

Narcissa stood up and drew her wand. "Where are they, do you know?”

Remus gestured towards the centre of the village. “Over there, I think.”

Without another word to Remus, Narcissa pelted towards a knot of people near the village square, more than half of them in masks and hooded robes. 

Marlene was face-to-face with one of them, dodging and swerving and shooting hex after hex. One of the masked figures raised his wand and pointed it at her chest.

“ _Stupefy_!” Narcissa bellowed, her shout muffled by the hood. The masked figure slumped to the ground.

Marlene gave her a sideways glance. “Thanks,” she said, and Narcissa could tell by her voice that she didn't know who she was. She sounded much warmer, much kinder, as though she were talking to a friend. 

Before Narcissa could open her mouth to say anything in reply another Death Eater drew his wand and pointed it at her. The force of Narcissa's Shield Charm knocked him sideways. 

“ _Incarcerous_ ,” she muttered. Ropes shot out of her wand and with a twisting motion she wrapped them around the Death Eater. 

Marlene glanced at her again. “That you Dorcas?”

Narcissa was about to lower her hood when there was screaming from somewhere above them. A woman was leaning out of her first-floor window as her house went up in flames around her.

“We’ve got to help her,” said Marlene, running towards the house. Narcissa followed after her, wand out.

“ _Aguamenti_!” shouted Marlene. Narcissa did the same and jets of water shot out of their wands, but they barely touched the flames, which kept raging, spreading through the house.

“It’s no good,” said Marlene. “I have to go in there.”

Narcissa looked at her, and she seemed so much smaller somehow, so fragile, so breakable. The thought of her going into that burning house made Narcissa sick inside. "What? No."

Marlene’s face was flushed with the heat of the flames that reflected in her eyes, wide and scared, but her mouth was set and tight the way it got whenever she’d made up her mind about something. “What’s the alternative? I can’t just let her die.”

Narcissa looked from Marlene’s eyes into the blazing cottage and up at the woman’s desperate face. When she’d joined the Order she’d pictured herself working undercover, spying on her family and her Ministry colleagues, staying behind the scenes. Letting other people do the dangerous work, like she'd been taught her whole life. 

Looking out for number one, in other words. Just like Marlene had said. 

But she didn't have to be that person anymore.

“I'm going in with you,” she said. Marlene gave her a quizzical look, and Narcissa wondered if she recognized her voice, but she didn't say anything.

Narcissa stepped across the threshold with Marlene, sweat breaking out all over her body, scalp stinging from the heat of the flames. Marlene was choking and retching from the smoke. 

“Here,” said Narcissa, and she performed a charm on them both to protect their heads. 

Marlene rested with her hand against a doorframe, catching her breath, and Narcissa looked around for a staircase.   
Marlene siezed the back of her robes and pulled away just as a beam fell from the ceiling. They had minutes, if that. 

They crawled up the staircase, following the sound of the woman’s screams, and found her in a first floor bedroom. She took one look at them, at their strange, bubble-like heads, and screamed harder, purple in the face, but she didn’t push them away when they each took an arm and draped it over their shoulders. Half-carrying, half-dragging her, they made for the staircase, but it was covered in flames. Narcissa stood there for what felt like hours, staring at the fire, watching as it burned though the Axminster. Fascinating thing, really, fire. But it was going to hurt a lot when it burned her.

The woman screamed. Narcissa’s head whipped up and saw Marlene’s mouth move, but couldn’t hear her through the bubble surrounding her head. Marlene gestured towards the bedroom, but Narcissa didn’t understand. She shook her head.

Marlene tapped her wand to herself to make the bubble vanish and Narcissa did the same.

“We’re going to have to jump,” said Marlene.

“Are you mad?” 

Marlene let out an exasperated noise. “We’re witches, I think we can manage it. Let’s go.”

They dragged the woman to the bedroom window and Narcissa looked out, the cool air like a miracle on her burning skin. They were twelve, maybe fourteen feet up. Narcissa raised her wand and muttered the incantation for a Cushioning Charm, praying it worked, or they’d be spending a lot of time in St. Mungo’s and the Order would be two members down.

“What are you-we can’t jump, there’s nothing there!” shouted the woman, voice high and hysterical. 

“Just trust us,” said Marlene. She climbed to the window ledge. “Watch.”

Before Narcissa could shout out she’d jumped out the window, landing on the pavement as softly as if there’d been a pile of sawdust there, and Narcissa remembered Andromeda and the abandoned barn all those years ago. 

She turned to the woman. “Just close your eyes and jump. It’ll be alright.”

The woman stared at her, then back towards the doorway where the flames were creeping along the floor like cats ready to pounce. She took a breath and jumped. 

Narcissa waited until the woman had been pulled to safety, a knot of people surrounding her, and closed her eyes.  
She heard Andy’s voice in her head, imagined Marlene waiting for her at the bottom, and arms and legs shaking, she climbed onto the window ledge. Something fell from the ceiling and hit her face and chest, but she didn’t know what. She thought it would hurt if it was fire, but she didn’t feel anything at all. She threw herself off the ledge.

An invisible cushion surrounded her like a bed and she sank back into it, spent and shaking, but she knew as soon as she’d closed her eyes something was wrong. Her skin was being scraped raw, every nerve burning in pain and she opened her mouth and screamed and screamed.

Someone knelt down beside her and pulled back her hood.

“Oh my God. Narcissa.” Marlene sounded like she was crying and Narcissa wondered if she’d been burned too.

“It’s going to be ok,” said Marlene, voice shaking. “I'm going to send for help.” She lifted her wand in the air and muttered something and through her screaming and her blurry eyes Narcissa could've sworn a silver swan shot out of it. Its light surrounded her, soothed her, filled her with hope, but after a moment it went away, and Narcissa didn’t understand where it’d gone.

A woman knelt beside her, was it Dorcas Meadowes? Narcissa clenched her jaw shut to keep from screaming out loud but some deep sound she couldn’t stop was coming from her throat and she hoped Dorcas was going to Stun her, or even kill her, because she had to be dying.

"Let me," said Marlene.

She was lifted onto Marlene’s lap as something cool, something miraculous, spread across her face. Marlene ripped open her robes and with the gentlest touch she rubbed something across her chest and its coolness spread over her skin until the pain stopped. Narcissa was so spent, so relieved, that before she could stop herself she’d collapsed into Marlene’s lap.

Gentle hands lifted her and Narcissa pressed her face against Marlene’s neck as Marlene held her and stroked her hair, crying with her, as though Narcissa’s pain had been her own. There was something on her face, some thick paste, but Marlene didn’t seem to care. She cradled Narcissa’s head with one hand and laid the other on her bare chest. Narcissa felt the high-pitched keening escaping Marlene's throat.

“It’s alright,” said Narcissa against her neck. “I’m okay.”

“I thought-I thought you were dying…” Marlene was wailing now, and Narcissa would’ve smiled if the skin on her face weren’t so sore and tight.

“I’m going to take you home with me,” said Marlene, stroking her hair. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Narcissa nuzzled her neck with her face, leaving a glob of paste there. “I know you will.”

"I should've known it was you," said Marlene, half-crying, half-laughing. "Who else wears knee-high leather boots to fight Death Eaters?"

Narcissa let out a shaky laugh. "Your patronus," she said. "I thought it was an otter?"

"It was," said Marlene. "But it changed a few years ago. I don't really know why."

"Can I see it?"

"Okay," said Marlene, sounding worried, as though Narcissa wasn’t in her right mind. Marlene raised her wand and a silver swan shot out of the end, soaring in the air around them.

Narcissa's arm was so weak she could barely hold her wand, but she drew it from the pocket of her robes. She didn’t need to bring up a memory. Seeing Marlene’s swan was enough. 

" _Expecto Patronum_."

The two swans circled each other in mid-air and then rested their heads together, as though each had found a missing part of itself. 

Marlene stroked her cheek and buried her face in her hair. 

Fast footfalls were pounding against the pavement and Narcissa looked up into the face of Bella, face twisted in some half-crazed smile, hair flying all around her with some strange electricity. 

"I _knew_ it, I knew you were with them."

She raised her wand.

Narcissa stared at her. “Bella, please.”

Bella stopped short and stared at her, breathing hard. “How could you do this?"

Marlene stood up before Narcissa could pull her back. “Don’t you touch her!” she shouted into her face.

Bella looked taken aback only a moment, and then a smile played on her lips. “I wouldn’t be so quick to defend her,” she said. “Considering someone in her own family helped plan the hit on yours. A shame it didn’t work.”

Marlene’s mouth opened in shock and Bella smiled wider. “Didn’t Cissy tell you? Or did she not let you in on that?”

Narcissa knew what she was doing. Bella was taunting her, tormenting her, so that the last thing she’d hear before she died was how the woman she loved had betrayed her.

Narcissa fumbled for her wand, but she was too weak to hold it.

Bella was standing over Marlene, wand pointed at her chest, but her hand was trembling and her mouth couldn't seem to move. Seconds passed, and still Bella didn't do it. 

A rough voice shouted, and the three of them turned to see the Death Eaters scattering as Dumbledore shot a spell with such force it made the ground underneath them shake. Bella put her mask back on and ran with them, vanishing into the air with a crack.

Narcissa slumped back on the ground, face in her hands, knowing Marlene was gone, she was alone.

A hand stroked her back. "Narcissa?"

Narcissa looked up but Marlene's face was too blurry to see her eyes.

"It's okay-"

Narcissa put her face back in her hands. "No, it's not. You see what my family is, you see what they're like."

Marlene knelt down beside her. "You're not your family, Narcissa."

"Look at them. My own sister, look what she's like."

Marlene put a hand to her face. "Look at me," she said softly. Narcissa raised her head. 

"Look at everything you've done here tonight. You saved someone's life and almost died doing it. Look at your sister. She and Ted have been a big help to us. You are _not_ your family."

Narcissa wiped her eyes and saw that Marlene's face was as full of emotion as it had been the night they'd made love. She buried her head in her shoulder.

"Everything's going to be alright," said Marlene. "I'm going to take you home with me."

Narcissa's panic surged through her, as though she'd been numb and had finally regained her feeling. She raised her head.

"You can't."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella saw us together. They're going to go after you again. I can't let that happen."

Marlene's eyes widened and Narcissa knew she realized how serious the situation was. 

"You have to go into hiding, do you understand?"

"But the Order-we can't lose any more members."

"They're going to come after you, I know it."

"We'll be careful, I promise. We'll put extra protection round our house."

Narcissa opened her mouth to argue, but she saw how determined Marlene was, and closed it again. Her family were all skilled fighters, her father was an Auror. Perhaps they'd be alright. 

"Is there someplace safe I can take you?" said Marlene.

There was really only one answer to that, because there was really only one place left to go. And Narcissa had no idea if they'd even want her there.

“Ted and Andromeda’s,” she said. 

Marlene lifted her up by the arms. “Can you stand?”

Narcissa’s legs were so weak they almost collapsed beneath her. She shook her head.  
“It’s alright, I’ve got you.” She put her arms around Narcissa’s waist and held her close, and together they spun into the air.

***

Marlene rapped hard on the knocker and Andy stood in the doorway in a blue silk dressing-gown, looking just like Bella in the dim light.

“Marlene, what-oh my God.” Her eyes moved over Narcissa’s face, over her ripped robes and blistered, paste-covered skin. “Cissy? What’s happened?”

“I’ll explain in a bit,” said Marlene. “Right now we need to get her to bed.”

Andy took Narcissa’s other arm and draped it over her shoulder and they half-carried Narcissa up the stairs, to the same bedroom she’d slept in when she’d stayed with them years before. Andromeda pulled back the duvet and the sheets and Marlene lifted her onto the bed. 

Maybe it was falling onto the bed, she didn' know, but she was shaking and so dizzy she couldn't see straight and the room was getting dim. Or maybe there just wasn't much light, it was so strange this room, nothing like her one at home. She remembered her mother singing to her.

_Jinny the witch flew over the house, to fetch a stick to lather the mouse_

"Narcissa!"

Marlene sounded scared and Narcissa didn't know why.

"She needs liquids," Andy's voice was saying.

A soft hand stroked her face. "Everything's going to be alright," said Marlene's soft voice, and Narcissa knew it would be.

Cold metal touched her lips and a salty liquid trickled into her mouth.

"It's a fluid-replenishing solution," said Andy. "It should start working right away."

The liquid flowed through her, and her shaking stopped. The room became brighter and clearer and she could see Marlene's face looking down at her, but her eyes were so heavy she could barely keep them open.

"She's going to need a lot of rest," said Andy. "But she'll make a full recovery."

Marlene bent over her and whispered into her hair. "You were amazing tonight."

"So were you," Narcissa breathed back.

She sank back into her pillows and fell asleep.

***

Narcissa woke up screaming. Marlene was trapped in the burning house, surrounded by hooded figures and they were closing in on her and she couldn't get out.

"Cissy!" Andromeda was shaking her and Narcissa saw that it was light outside.

"Marlene-where's Marlene-"

Andromeda sat down beside her. "She's fine, Cissy. You've had a nightmare, that's all." She stroked Narcissa's hair. "She told me what happened. That was a brave thing you did."

"What's going on?" asked a small voice, a voice Narcissa didn't recognize. A pink-haired girl in bright blue pyjamas was standing in the doorway, eyes wide and frightened.

Andy stood up and put an arm around the girl's shoulders. "Nymphadora, there's someone you should meet. Do you remember I told you about your aunt Cissy?"

The girl nodded.

"Well, that's her, in the bed."

The girl just stared at her with her mouth open, and Narcissa realized what an impression she must've made, face covered in paste and screaming.

"She's barking, mum," the girl whispered.

Andy knelt down in front of her. "I'm going to tell you a story," she said. "Last night, your aunt Cissy and her friend saw a woman trapped in a burning house. And do you know what they did?"

"What?"

"They went inside the house, and they rescued her. And that's why your auntie has that paste all over her face, she was burned. And it was scary for her, so she had a bad dream about it."

The girl's eyes widened in comprehension. "Oh." She stared at Narcissa again, leaning forwards with one foot held out in front of her as though she wanted to move closer. She glanced back at Andy, who smiled, and bounced towards the bed, sitting on the end with her legs kicking the mattress. She pulled a ginger newt of her pocket and took a bite.

“That was wicked," she said. Before Narcissa could thank her, a stream of words flowed out of her mouth. "You're very brave. Do you have a racing broom? Do you like turtles? Do you have any pets?”

Narcissa wasn’t sure which question to answer first, so she “I have an owl,” she said. “Her name is Thea."

“That's a nice name, I like owls,” she said through a mouthful of biscuit. Narcissa felt a bit of it hit her face. “I don’t have one yet but I found this goldfish once, his name’s Bob.”

“Can I see him?”

“No, he’s dead. I gave him too much food. I think I’d like to get a cat next, only I’d get a friendly one, my friend Charlie has a cat and he's dead grumpy, scratched me in the face once just because I tried to pick him up by the tail, wasn’t that nasty?”

“I suppose it was.”

“But I reckon I’d be grumpy too if I had all those boys running round my house. Charlie has four brothers, did you know? Two of them are twins. I can’t even tell them apart. This one time they almost set fire to the house even though they’re only babies.”

Andy ruffled Dora’s head. “Why don't we let Aunt Cissy rest awhile, then you can show her your beetle collection."

The girl wiped her hands on her pyjamas and followed Andy out of the room, tripping over the rug on the way out. 

Narcissa smiled a little as she sank back into her pillows, but she kept seeing Marlene in the burning house, and couldn't get back to sleep. She got her wand off the nightstand and held it out in front of her. 

" _Expecto Patronum,_ " she muttered. The silver swan shot out the end. " _Communica_." The swan paused and looked at her, waiting for her to speak. 

"I just wanted to see that you made it home alright. Please be careful." She paused, the words on the edge of her tongue. _I love you_. But she wanted to tell her in person, to hear her say it back.

She nodded to the bird, and it soared out of the window.

Her legs were still weak and shaky, like she'd just gotten over some illness, but she paced the room, arms crossed, knowing if Marlene was safe she only had minutes to wait. 

Too much time had passed. Narcissa was about to go outside to Disapparate when a silver bird flew through the window and spoke in Marlene's beautiful Scottish lilt.

"We're all safe, don't worry. I’m staying with mum and dad and they’ve put extra protection round our house. We're being very careful. Get some rest now daffodil."

The swan vanished, and Narcissa wished it were one of those Muggle records that she could play over and over again.  
She heard her voice in her mind as she fell asleep.

***

Narcissa had barely been able to sleep the next few days. All she could see when she closed her eyes was Marlene in that burning house. But now she was having a different dream, a much nicer dream, and Marlene was standing by a moonlit window in a filmy nightgown so sheer Narcissa could see right through it, and when she turned and saw Narcissa watching her, she crawled across the bed towards her and pulled it off...

The alarm clock went off, and Narcissa pounded it down with her fist and sank back into her pillows, trying to fall asleep again and finish the dream.

There was a knock at the door and she heard Andy's voice. "Better hurry up Cissy, or you'll be late."

Narcissa sank back into the pillows and closed her eyes on last time, before resigning herself to the inevitable and getting out of bed. After she'd had a quick bath and dried her hair she dabbed some perfume on her neck and threw her Ministry robes over herself.

Ted was putting a bowl of hot porridge on the table with one hand while pouring orange juice for Dora with the other.

"Careful," he said to her. Dora promptly knocked the glass over, spilling juice all over the table. 

Dora looked up at Narcissa, her face solemn. "I'm dead clumsy."

"I'll get that for you," said Narcissa, smiling. She cleared the spilled juice away with a flick of her wand.

"Thanks," said Ted, who despite all the chaos looked as mellow and easygoing as ever. "I'd better get going, but I'll see you later."

He kissed Dora and Andy and hurried out the door.

"You'd better get going too," said Andy, with a glance at the clock. Narcissa nodded and took a few quick bites of porridge before going out into the front garden to Disapparate. This would be her first day back at work after the holidays and she wanted to be a few minutes early. 

Rookwood was waiting for her in the entrance room, as he always was. She thought his eyes were shrewd, calculating, but maybe that was just nerves, making her see things that weren't there. This would be her first time spying on the Ministry, a task made all the more overwhelming by the sheer size and grandeur and impenetrability of the place, and she wasn't sure how she was going to do it.

"I thought we'd experiment with the Time-Turners today," he said.

"Right," said Narcissa, hoping it wasn't too complicated. It was too early in the morning for her to wrap her head around time travel.

And just at that moment, another version of herself appeared out of thin air, clutching the time-turner.

"Ah," said Rookwood, sounding amused. "looks like we've decided to try them out today."

Narcissa looked herself over, mouth open. She'd seen a lot of strange things in the Department of Mysteries, but this had to be the limit. Her future self's hair was an absolute disaster-hadn't she bothered to look in a mirror? Her future self looked a bit miffed and raised an eyebrow at her. They stared at each other for what felt like an hour before Rookwood gave her the time-turner.

"That was about 10 minutes. I think that might be the limit to what they can safely handle. Here," he said, handing her a time-turner. "I would like you to go back ten minutes. Three turns should do it."

Narcissa turned it three times and sure enough, there was her other self-her past future self? It was too early for this. Rookwood was speaking again, the same words as before.

Her past future self was looking her up and down and looking entirely too judgmental. Narcissa raised an eyebrow before she realized how ridiculous the whole thing was.After what felt like an hour, her other self took the time-turner and vanished.

"Excellent," said Rookwood, beaming. "It worked beautifully. Shall we take a break, then?"

Narcissa nodded, and she and Rookwood made their way to the tea room off the Atrium and when they'd poured themselves a cup they sat down at one of the tables. Narcissa sat there tapping her fingers against her cup, no clue what to say. When she was little she'd imagined spies crawling into tight spaces or crouching behind doors and listening in on conversations, but she'd come to find that spying was mostly trying to get information out of ordinary conversations without sounding like a prat and giving everything away.

"So, I heard that Caradoc Dearborn resigned," said Narcissa. 

"Yes, I hear he has a bad case of scrofungula," said Rookwood.

"Do you suppose that's really true? Do you think..." Narcissa glanced around the tea room and lowered her voice. "Do you think he might've disappeared?"

"It's certainly possible. It seems like people are disappearing right and left." He gave her a shrewd look as he sipped his tea. "A very astute observation, Miss Black. Perhaps you ought to join the Order."

Narcissa raised and eyebrow and tried to act as though she had no idea what he'd just said. "The Order?" 

"The Order of the Phoenix. But surely you know about it?"

Narcissa had the strangest feeling he knew more than he was letting on. "No. I've never heard of it. Are they connected with the Ministry?"

Rookwood let out a small laugh. "Goodness no. They don't trust any organization that operates outside their control. Although I hear the Order have spies inside the Ministry."

"Really?" said Narcissa, raising her cup to her lips and taking a long drink so he wouldn't see her face. "And is it true the Death Eaters have spies inside the Ministry?"

"So I've heard," said Rookwood, and Narcissa could've sworn she sensed something in him, some wariness that hadn't been there before, but perhaps she'd imagined it because a dark look crossed his face. "Terrible things they're doing," he said, scowling. He took one last long drink of tea before setting down his cup. "Well, shall we get back to it, then?"

Narcissa nodded and followed him back to the Department of Mysteries, wondering how she'd ever get anything out of him.

They were nearly done for the day, when Rookwood went to another room to talk with one of their colleagues. Making sure she was alone, she took one of the Time-Turners and slipped it into the pocket of her robes. She’d lose her job if anyone found out about it, but she had the strangest feeling she was going to need it. 

***

Dora hugged her legs the moment she walked into the cottage that evening.

"Cissy!" she squealed.

Narcissa smiled and ruffled her hair but Dora didn’t let go, and she shrieked with glee as Narcissa hobbled across the room with her.

"For Circe's sake, Nymphadora, let your aunt have some personal space," said Andy, smiling. 

Dora let go and Narcissa went upstairs to change out of her Ministry robes and let her hair down. When she turned around Andy was standing in the doorway. 

"She loves you, you know," she said, but she wasn't smiling and Narcissa knew something was wrong. 

"I wish you'd been here all these years, Cissy,” Andy went on. “She would've loved to have had you in her life."

Narcissa had known, deep down, that Andy couldn’t have been happy with her, for just vanishing from their lives all those years; she wasn’t happy with herself. But just the same, her words stung. Narcissa crossed her arms and sat down on the bed. 

"Don't you think I know that? Not a day goes by I don't think about it."

"Then why-"

Narcissa couldn't keep her voice from rising. "Because I didn't have a choice, that's why. Don't you know what they tried to do to Marlene's family? What was I supposed to do, just let them try to kill her?"

Andy didn't say anything to this, just sighed and leaned against the doorframe. Narcissa remembered something Bella had said, something horrifying. She was quiet a long time, playing with the folds of her robes.

"There's something I need to tell you."

Something in her voice must have told Andy how serious this was, because she sat down on the bed next to her. "What is it?"

"Bella told me someone from our family helped Death Eaters to go after the McKinnons."

"Oh my God," muttered Andy. "Was mother involved?"

"I don't know."

They sat in the silence of their shared horror. It was so quiet they could hear the wind in the eaves and another sound, a faint knocking. Andy stood up and pulled back the curtains. 

"It's father."

Narcissa stood up. "Are you serious? What's he doing here?"

"I don't know."

Andy hurried out of the room, Narcissa following behind her, and she watched as Andy pulled the door open and stood and stared at their father, her hands at her sides.

Her father stared back at her and cleared his throat. "I owe you an apology, Andromeda," he said. "Seven year’s worth, really. I do hope you can forgive me."

Andy didn't say anything to this, but she beckoned him inside. "Won't you come in," she said, and Narcissa couldn't believe how well she was handling the whole thing. She wasn’t sure she’d be so forgiving, even though she was guilty of the same thing, really.

Her father took a few tentative steps into the room, taking off his hat and looking all around him, trying to catch a glimpse of his grandaughter, she supposed. Nymphadora stood on the stairs, clutching the banister. Ted strode forward and extended his hand. 

"Edward Tonks," he said. 

Her father hesistated only a second, hand at his side, then he brought it up and shook Ted's hand. 

"Pleased to meet you," he said, with such warmth in his voice Narcissa knew he meant it.

Andy took Dora's hand and led her to her grandfather. She looked up at him with wide eyes and didn't smile.

"This is your grandfather, Nymphadora. My father."

"Hello," said Dora, but she still looked scared, and Narcissa understood how confusing it must have been, to finally meet her own grandfather after all that time.

"Hello, Nymphadora," said her father, and his eyes were bright. Dora stepped back and clung to Andy's waist.

"Well," said Andy, after a rather awkward pause. "Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee, a drink?"

"Actually, I need to speak with Cissy," he said, in a voice so serious Narcissa wanted to run from the room and cover her ears.

But not knowing was worse.

"What is it?" she said, heart pounding.

"It seems Bella told your mother about you. How you...joined the Order. And how you were with the McKinnon girl. She's...very upset." 

Narcissa knew this was a massive understatement. Her mother was in a white-hot rage, stamping her picture from the family tapestry just like she'd done to Andy.

Her father cleared his throat. “She’d already made arrangements for the wedding. It was supposed to be the day after tomorrow.” 

Narcissa stood silently, every muscle tense, waiting for the ultimatum she knew was coming. 

“She says she’ll take you back. But only if you give up the Order and come home.”

And marry Lucius, she supposed.

Narcissa opened her mouth. “I-” She didn’t know how to finish. Then she remembered Marlene.  
"Did she say anything about the McKinnons?"

"Not exactly," said her father. "But…well you know how she is. It’s probably best if you come home."

Narcissa didn’t know what to say.

Dora burst into tears.

"Oh sweetheart, it's alright," said Andy, wrapping her up in a hug. 

Ted picked her up and held her in front of him. "Tell you what," he said. "Why don't we go upstairs and I'll read you Babbity-Rabbity?"

"Will you do the voices?" said Dora in a small voice.

"Of course," said Ted. He set her down and they went upstairs, hand in hand.

Her father played his hat in his hands. "Well," he said. "I supposed I'd better get home."

"Why not stay?" said Andy. "Surely you don't want to go home, with mother in such a state?"

Her father looked away from them, thinking. "Perhaps I will sometime," he said finally. "But I think not tonight."

He put his hat back on his head and looked at Narcissa closely. “Are you coming, Cissy?” he said.

Narcissa looked back at him but couldn’t move, couldn’t open her mouth, as though her indecision had paralyzed her.

“There’s something I need to do first,” she said finally.

She Summoned her traveling cloak and draped it over her shoulders with one hand while she fumbled with the doorknob with the other. 

"Where are you going, in such a hurry?" said Andy, following her to the door.

"I'm going to see Regulus," said Narcissa, and without another word she stepped outside and vanished.

***

Regulus had told her he'd been staying with Severus, at his mother's house in a place called Spinner's End in Cokeworth. She'd always supposed Severus wasn't all that well-off, with his poorly-cut hair and and Black Country accent and lack of manners, but nothing could've prepared her for the sight of those falling-apart, soot-streaked and graffitied houses, empty windows staring out like dead eyes, shards of broken glass scattered across the pavement. She hurried along the street until she found the house number Severus had given her. She stepped up to it an knocked.

No one seemed to have heard her. Narcissa could hear raised voices and pressed her ear to the door to listen.

"...not working hard enough!"

"How am I supposed to learn with you yelling in my face all the time?"

"...because nothing else gets through to you. Do you have any idea what kind of danger you're in, knowing what you know?"

"Yeah, but I still don't see why you're being so miserable about it-"

"Because someone needs to take this seriously. This could change everything."

"I know, I know, I'm just..."

There were muffled footfalls and the creaking of a couch and she thought Regulus had sat down. Another creak; Severus was sitting down next to him. His voice was calmer, more comforting. Another long silence. She wondered if they were holding each other, or kissing. She waited awhile before knocking.

A hand yanked back the curtains and Severus looked at her, like a ghost in an abandoned house. The door opened.

"Inside, quickly," he said.

"Cissy," said Regulus, and he wrapped her in a hug and clapped her on the back as though he thought he'd never see her again. Narcissa didn't understand the urgency, but she hugged him back just as tightly. 

"Listen," he said as they pulled away, looking more serious than she'd ever seen him. "There's something I need to tell you, but you cannot tell anyone. Promise?"

A memory came to her, of Regulus spiking Bella's drink with laxative potion and making her promise she wouldn't tell anyone, but this Regulus was much older, much more serious. 

"I promise."

Regulus glanced around, peeked out the curtains and turned to face her, one hand in the pocket of his robes. He pulled out a heavy locket with a serpentine S carved on it.

"What's this?" said Narcissa, running her fingers along it. She could have sworn it vibrated with a strange pulse.

"It's a Horcrux," said Regulus. "The most evil kind of Dark Magic. It conceals part of the Dark Lord's soul."

Narcissa snatched her hand away from it in horror. "So he can't be killed as long as this exists?"

"Exactly."

"Oh my God," she muttered. "He's invincible. 

"Not quite," said Regulus, with a fierce look. "I intend to destroy it, we just have to figure out how."

"How did you find out about this?"

Regulus scowled. "Kreacher," he said. "The Dark Lord used him to help hide it in a cave. He would've died if I hadn't sent him home."

"You were there?"

Regulus swallowed hard, and Narcissa knew he was seeing something he didn’t want to remember. "Yes," he said quietly. "It was awful...there was this lake filled with Inferi...if Sev hadn't found me...."

Regulus put a hand to Severus's arm and Severus flinched, but he didn't move away. The two of them locked eyes and Narcissa knew something had passed between them, something huge, something that had changed them both.   
Narcissa's head was so full of what she'd just heard she almost forgot what she'd come there to ask him.

"Have you heard anything about the McKinnons?"

Regulus and Severus exchanged glances.

"What? What is it?"

"They mean to take out all of them," said Severus.

Narcissa fought to think through her panic. "But they haven't got them yet?"

"No."

Narcissa lifted her wand out of her pocket and sent the silver swan flying into the night, then paced the tiny sitting room, stopping to look out the window for any sign of silver. 

Regulus had just put a hand to her shoulder when the swan appeared.

"We are safe, don't worry. We're going into hiding with the Longbottoms. Don't send any owls, they may be intercepted. I'll see you soon daffodil."

Narcissa let out all the breath she'd been holding, then bid goodnight to Severus and Regulus, legs weak.   
She spun into the air, but she didn’t go back to Ted and Andy. She’d tried so damn hard, tried everything she could to break free, but there was no fighting the fate that had been written in the stars for her.

***

Narcissa had locked herself in her room all day, sleeping, and didn’t get up until her mother knocked on the door.

“Are you well?”

Narcissa just stared at her. She was one day away from a marriage her mother knew perfectly well she didn’t want, to a man she didn’t really know anymore, and her mother was asking if she was well. Narcissa didn’t know if her mother was really that thick, or if she was being obtuse on purpose. 

“I’m fine,” she said, lips tight.

“Wonderful. I’ve got your dress here, you’d better try it on in case we need to make any last-minute alterations.”

Narcissa sighed and stood up, facing the tall mirror in the corner of her room.

“Breath in, Cissy, so I can do these last buttons up.”

Narcissa sucked in her breath and tucked in her stomach until her the dress smoothed over her waist, turning her into something slender and magnificent and enviable. Like a statue, a prize, something for the Malfoys to add to their collection.

“There,” said her mother, straightening up and looking into the mirror with her.

Someone in a white dress stared back at her, but she didn’t know who it was. She touched her arms to make sure she was real.

She heard a voice from a long time ago. Marlene.

_Just let it out, Narcissa, I know you think it’s funny._

Narcissa remembered the way Marlene had flung the Snargaluff pod at the girl who’d insulted her and almost smiled.

_You’re not half as dignified as you like to think you are._

Marlene had always seen what no one else did.

_I knew there was more to you than what everyone said._

What the hell was she thinking?

“I’m sorry,” she said, turning to face her mother. “I can’t do this.”

Her mother’s forehead creased. “Cissy-what?”

But Narcissa paid no attention to her as she undid the buttons on the back of her dress and flung it off. 

Her mother looked scandalised. “Cissy, listen to me-”

“No,” said Narcissa, pulling her plain black robes over herself. She Summoned a few things from her room and didn’t look back.

But she had no idea how she was going to save Marlene.

***

Narcissa was standing at a desk in the Time Room, drawing little stars and spirals all over her parchment, not really paying attention to anything Rookwood was saying. 

"Are you alright, Miss Black?" said Rookwood. 

Narcissa's head shot up. "Yes, I'm fine." 

Rookwood gave her a warm sort of look. "Come, Miss Black, there's no need to hide anything from me." He looked at her closely. "I have many connection in the Ministry, you know. I could help you."

Narcissa would always wonder, years later, what made her do it. Maybe it was that his eyes were so earnest and open, with no trace of guile, no sign that he was hiding anything. Maybe it was just because she was desperate.

"It's the McKinnons. The Death Eaters are after them. I know some of them, they'll stop at nothing."

Rookwood stood up straighter, forehead furrowed in concern. "If you tell me where I can help them. I can have a detachment of Aurors sent to their house."

Narcissa looked at him, thinking. There was something about him that had never sat right with her, and yet he seemed so sincere. And what choice did she have? The Order were badly outnumbered.

"They're with the Longbottoms. In Upper Flagley.”

"Right," said Rookwood. "I'll notify the Aurors straightaway." He looked at her again. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off? You look like thunder."

Narcissa nodded and swept out of the room, up to the Atrium and into the little alley beside the Ministry, but she didn't go home. She ran up the deserted street and pounded on Snape's door. A woman answered the door, a woman she didn't know, but she looked just like Severus.

"Is Severus at home?"

The woman must've seen her panic, because she looked startled and concerned. "Yes," she said. "It'll just be a moment."  
Narcissa waited just inside the door as the woman went upstairs, shifting on her feet and wringing her hands.

"Severus," she said the moment he'd come downstairs. "Have you heard anything?"

"No," said Severus. "I know they're planning something, but I don't know the particulars."

"I've told my colleague Rookwood," said Narcissa. "He said he'd send a detachment of Aurors."

"You told Rookwood?" said Severus, eyes wide, and Narcissa knew there was something terribly, horrifically wrong. 

"What? What is it?"

"Rookwood's a Death Eater."

Narcissa collapsed on the floor. 

Someone shook her shoulder, and she looked up at Severus's face.

"Narcissa, listen to me," he said, and his low voice calmed her, made her head clearer. "You must alert the Order. I'll see if I can hold them off."

He extended a hand and helped her up, but the moment she got to her feet Severus grimaced and clapped his hand to his arm. 

"Quickly," he said, and without another word he ran out the door. 

Arm so stiff she could hardly move it, Narcissa closed her eyes and summoned every bit of strength she had left, trying to think of something, anything, happy enough to conjure a Patronus. Her head was a mess of thoughts, coloured images swirling around in her eyes, images of Marlene screaming.

"Help me," she said, feeling stupid, because there was no one there.

Then she heard her voice.

_I love you Narcissa. I love you so much._

The silver swan shot out of her wand and flew around her, just as it had when Marlene had saved her life, and its glow was like a talisman.

" _Communica_ ," she said, and the swan stopped and waited for her. 

"They are coming. Get out if you can. I am on my way."

She pulled out her Time-Turner. Just in case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 I'll have the last chapter and the epilogue up next Wednesday!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get pretty steamy again in this chapter, so if you feel more comfortable skipping it, just jump ahead to the first scene break :) The epilogue is absolute tooth-rotting fluff, so it's totally optional :)

Fear was so strange. When it was little things, ordinary things, like spiders and public speaking, she’d sieze up and shake, sometimes so badly she couldn't even move, but now that Marlene’s life was in danger her need to save her, to go to her, to do _something_ overpowered everything else, clearing her head and pushing her on.

The Longbottom’s cottage was quiet and still and at first she wondered if they’d managed to escape somehow. But as she walked closer to it she knew something was wrong, she shouldn’t have been able to get so close, with all the protections they'd placed around it.

There was a crack in the air and hooded figures blasted the door off its hinges and broke though the windows. Somewhere in the garden someone shouted.

Narcissa steadied her breathing, then pulled the Time-Turner out of the pocket of her robes, praying ten minutes would be enough, because she didn't dare go back further. What had Rookwood said? Three turns?

Everything distorted like melting wax, and then she was standing in the Longbottom’s back garden and the door was on it's hinges and there was a light in the window. But she couldn't get through the protections around it. _Shit._

Concentrating only on Marlene making it out safely, she conjured her patronus and sent it soaring through their window.

Shifting on her feet and watching for any sign of approaching Death Eaters, she waited. Within minutes Marlene was rushing out the back door, waving her wand and breaking through the protective enchantments.

“What’s going on?” said Marlene, eyes wide, alarmed.

Narcissa couldn’t look at her face. None of this would’ve happened if she’d kept her head, been a little less trusting. If she hadn’t been a Black.

“Narcissa?”

Narcissa met her eyes and only then did she realize that her past self hadn’t sent the patronus yet. “They’re coming,” she said. “The Death Eaters. You have to get out of here.”

For what felt like minutes Marlene stood there and stared at her. Some sort of understanding came into her eyes, and she turned on her heel and ran back to the cottage, Narcissa running behind her.

Alice met them at the door. “Marlene? Narcissa? What…?”

“The Death Eaters know where you are,” said Narcissa, unable to stand the unspoken truth at the end of the sentence. _Because of me._

“But the protective enchantments...”

“They have spies inside the Ministry who can undo them,” she said. “We need to leave as soon as possible, they could be here any moment now.”

Alice nodded and hurried down the hall, to find Frank and the rest of Marlene’s family, she supposed.

Everyone gathered in the front hall.

“Where do we go?” said Frank.

“Hogwarts, I suppose,” said Marlene’s father. “It’s about the only safe place left.”

They murmured their agreement and Marlene’s father opened the front door.

“Wait,” said Marlene. Everyone turned to look at her.

“I don’t think we should leave,” she said, and Narcissa saw that though her eyes were bright with fear her face was set and determined.

“Are you mad?” said Alice.

“Think about it,” said Marlene. “If we all go into hiding, the Order will be seven members down. We can’t afford to lose that many people. And they’ll just find us eventually, anyway. I say we alert the rest if the Order and take out as many of them as we can.” She looked around at them all, eyes fierce, as though willing them to agree with her. God, she was beautiful when she got like that.

Narcissa didn’t know what to think. Her arms and legs were rigid and she was shaking, and if anything happened to Marlene because of her carelessness and stupidity she would never forgive herself. But she could sense how determined she was, how resolute, and she’d never leave her to fight alone.

She stood next to her and pulled out her wand. “If you’re fighting then so am I,” she said.

Marlene didn’t say anything, just looked at her, and Narcissa could see by her eyes how much this meant to her.

Marlene’s father let go of the door handle. “I think she’s right,” he said. He went to stand beside Narcissa, and slowly, with murmurs and anxious glances, the rest of them pulled out their wands and made themselves ready.

Marlene raised her wand and conjured a silver swan, giving it her message and sending it soaring out the door.

“Right then,” she said. “Some of us should Disillusion ourselves and wait outside, catch them by surprise.”

Frank nodded to Alice. “We’ll do it,” he said. He squeezed Alice’s hand and they went outside, followed by Marlene’s brother.

Marlene was just about to say something when a silver swan shot through the open door. “ _They are coming. Get out if you can. I am on my way.”_

Marlene whipped around and faced Narcissa, face shocked, disbelieving. “Was that you?”

“It’s a long story,” said Narcissa, who despite working in the Time Room for the past year still couldn’t wrap her head around it.

They had seconds now. Her past self would be getting ready to Apparate, and the Death Eaters had arrived around the same time she had.

There was a crash as the front door was blasted off its hinges and the tinkle of shattered glass as more broke through the windows.

Marlene was ready.

“ _Stupefy!”_

One of the masked Death Eaters fell to the floor with a thud.

“Nice one,” said Narcissa in her ear. Marlene turned to look at her, half smiling, half terrified.

“Watch out!” shouted a voice, and Marlene just dodged a jet of green light.

Narcissa whipped around and glared at the masked figure.

“ _Incarcerous!_ ” she bellowed, and ropes shot around him. She stared into his face. “Don’t you ever fucking touch her again, or it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”  
  
Marlene looked her up and down. “You’re sexy when you do that.”

Narcissa started to smile when another jet of light shot passed them.

“ _Protego!_ ” Marlene bellowed, and the force of her Shield Charm knocked the masked figure backwards.

Narcissa pivoted out of the way of yet another jet of light, glancing around the room. There were four of them in the house, three of them outside, but there were more than twice as many Death Eaters.

But if they were going down, Narcissa was going down with them.

“If the rest of the Order aren’t here in five minutes I’m going to kill them all,” said Marlene as she shot a hex at one of the Death Eaters and missed.

There was a scream and thud and Narcissa turned to see Marlene’s mother sprawled across the floor.

“Mum!” Marlene ran and threw herself over her.

Narcissa knelt down and checked for a pulse. “She’s just Stunned,” she said, sighing with relief.

Perhaps it had been some sort of trap, she didn’t know, but as she knelt down over Marlene’s mother three Death Eaters converged on them.

“ _Protego!_ ” shouted Narcissa and Marlene in unison. One of the Death Eaters staggered backwards but two of them raised their wands and Narcissa knew it was no good, they were finished…

“ _Stupefy!_ ” said a voice Narcissa hadn’t heard in years but would know anywhere. Sirius.

He stared at her, eyes narrowed, then raised his wand again, pointing it right at her chest.  
  
Marlene threw herself in front of him and grabbed his arm. “No! It’s okay, she’s with us.”  
  
A confused look crossed his face. “She’s...?”

“A member of the Order, yeah.”

Sirius squinted at Narcissa as though he wasn’t sure whether to believe her. Then he nodded. Narcissa nodded back. She’d missed him, but there’d be time to catch up after, enough to make up for all those lost years.

If they made it out alive.

About a dozen Order members were striding around the room, wands drawn, shooting and dodging hexes and curses. Narcissa let out a long breath and looked at Marlene. She was duelling another masked Death Eater, face flushed and shining, eyes fierce, beads of sweat running down her chest, and Narcissa imagined the bare skin under those robes, that gorgeous chest of hers...

“I know you like my body Narcissa but we need to focus here,” said Marlene as the Stunned Death Eater fell to the floor.

“Right,” said Narcissa, and she raised her wand and parried a curse just before it hit her.

More than half the Death Eaters had been Stunned or captured, but some of them had revived, and Narcissa could see them shuffling on the floor and sitting up, reaching for their wands.

“We should be duelling to kill,” growled Sirius from beside her. “Enough Stunning.” He raised his wand at the nearest Death Eater. “ _Avada-”_

“Sirius!”

Regulus pulled his mask off and faced his brother, eyes wide with terror. “Please.”

Sirius stared at him, eyes wide and shocked. His wand trembled in his hand.

“He’s with us, Sirius,” Narcissa said. “He’s a spy.”

“Is that true?” said Sirius sharply, still staring at Regulus. Marlene nodded.

Sirius stared at him a long time, breathing hard, face lined in shock and confusion, all those years of hurt and distance hanging between them. After what felt like hours something changed in his face, the smallest glint of recognition, the slightest softness around his mouth. He gave Regulus a small nod and Regulus threw his mask to the floor and stood beside him.

"What are doing, you'll break your cover," Narcissa hissed.

"It doesn't matter anymore," said Regulus, drawing his wand and ducking as a jet of green light shot past him.

" _Incarcerous!"_ he bellowed. "As soon as we're done here Sev and I are going off to hunt-" he glanced around and mouthed the word. "Horcruxes."

"What-you mean he has more than one?"

"That's what Sev and Dumbledore think."

Horror washed over her, horror at what they were fighting, horror at these masked people who were trying to finish them off.

There weren't many of them left now, at least, but when Narcissa looked across the room and saw the tall, graceful masked woman taking on three at once, as easily as though they were children, she knew exactly who it was.

Bella turned to look at her, but with her mask on her expression was impossible to read. She raised her wand at the three people facing her. “ _Avada-”_

“No!” Narcissa ran to her and pointed her wand at her chest.

Bella stood there, breathing hard, not saying anything. She took her mask off.

“Going to kill me then, Cissy?”

Bella must’ve known she wouldn’t. She was taunting her, that had to be it, but Narcissa couldn’t understand why. “Of course not,” she said.

“But you’re furious with me, aren’t you Cissy,” Bella whispered, her warm breath on Narcissa’s face. “You’ve thought about it, haven’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

Bella smiled a little. “I mean I was the one who went after them the first time. Travers and I tortured her father. I helped him poison the chocolates.”

In spite of all the things she’d done, in spite of how deep she’d gotten in, the truth crashed over her like massive wave and she could barely breathe. But Bella wanted this, wanted to knock her down, wanted her to lose her equilibrium. She closed her eyes and took a breath to steady herself.

She remembered the way Bella’s hand had trembled when she’d aimed it at Marlene. How she could’ve killed her, and hadn’t.

“You’re better than this, Bella. There’s still some good left in you.”

Bella looked back at her and she could see it, could see the storm raging inside of her. The confusion, the hurt, the hesitancy.

Narcissa pleaded with her eyes. _Come back to me, Bella._

Bella looked back at her, and for just the smallest moment Narcissa saw the little girl making shadow puppets under their blanket tent.

But then she faded away. Bella raised her wand and pointed it at Marlene.

“ _Avada-”_

Narcissa raised her wand. _“Incarcerous!”_ she bellowed, collapsing to the floor, because capturing her sister, knowing she’d be carted off to Azkaban because of her, cost her everything she had.

She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Narcissa-”

“ _Avada-”_

“No!”

Narcissa shot up and grabbed Marlene around the waist and they toppled to the ground, Marlene’s body against hers, face below hers, and even in her panic Narcissa remembered the Hogwarts grounds all those years ago, when Marlene had saved her from Greyback.

It was time Narcissa paid her back.

“ _PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!”_ she bellowed. Tarquin went rigid and slumped to the floor.

Narcissa stood over him. “You will never touch her again,” she shouted into his face. “Do you hear me, you foul little bastard? You. Will. Never. Touch. Her. Again. _Incarcerous!”_

Ropes shot around him and he lay on the floor on his back, completely helpless.

There was a thud of pounding footsteps and Narcissa looked up to see around a dozen Aurors running into the room, rounding up all the captured Death Eaters. Their masks had slipped off and Narcissa saw so many people she knew, people she'd known her whole life, but Lucius wasn't with them. He'd never see things her way, never really accept what she'd become, but she couldn't help wondering if he'd stayed away on purpose, to avoid hurting her. She hoped so.

She collapsed onto the floor, spent, exhausted, shaking, as though all the fear she'd kept down was finally rushing out of her. She watched as Bella was led away by one of the Aurors, deliberately avoiding her gaze, by the looks of it. She put her hands to her face.

Marlene knelt down beside her and stroked her hair, and Narcissa fell into her arms. They stayed like that a long time.

After what felt like hours Marlene helped her up. She looked around the room, to the corner where Frank was cradling Alice in his arms, stroking her hair. To the sofa where Severus had a placed protective arm around Regulus's shoulder while casting murderous looks over at Sirius, who was glaring back at him. To Remus who'd collapsed on a chair, exhausted. To Dorcas, who was tending to Marlene’s family, healing their wounds. She loved all of them so much.

But it was Marlene she turned to. Her face was streaked with sweat and her lip was bleeding but she was the most beautiful thing Narcissa had ever seen, or ever would see. Without another thought, without caring that everyone could see them, she put her hands to her face.

Marlene gripped the back of her head and kissed Narcissa so hard she could barely breathe.

"I love you," said Narcissa as she pulled away and kissed her face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," said Marlene. She put her lips to Narcissa's ear. "You were amazing,” she whispered. She took her hand. “Come with me."

She took Narcissa's hand and led her out into the garden, where they spun into the air, and when they reappeared they were in a quiet village, the same village where Marlene’s parents lived. They walked through the streets until they came to a greenhouse with a little shop beside it, and Marlene unlocked the door and they climbed the narrow staircase.

The little flat was covered in plants, plant in pots on shelves and ivy climbing up the walls and even an umbrella flower hanging from the ceiling. A poster of the Montrose Magpies had been tacked to the wall and there were bright blue throw pillows on the sofa and an empty coffee mug and crumpled-up crisp packet on the table. The place was filled with _her._

She followed Marlene into her bedroom and closed the door behind them. Narcissa put her hands to Marlene’s face and they kissed slowly and deeply, all the years of unspoken words flowing from their lips.

“I never stopped loving you," Marlene whispered against her neck as she unbuttoned Narcissa’s robes.

“I can’t even tell you how much I missed you,” Narcissa whispered back as she slipped out of her robes and helped Marlene out of hers.

Marlene ran her hands along her bare arms, her back, her stomach, the inside of her thighs, and every stroke of her fingertips made her shiver, every touch felt as loud as though she'd never been touched before.

Marlene worked her hands around to Narcissa’s back and unhooked her bra, flinging it into the corner and stroking her breasts. Narcissa grabbed the clasps of Marlene’s bra and pushed them together.

“Not having trouble again, are you?” said Marlene, voice teasing, affectionate.

Narcissa snorted and leaned her forehead against Marlene’s. “I still can’t get it loose,” she said, and Marlene laughed with her.

“I’ll get that,” she said, nuzzling Narcissa’s cheek. “At least you’ll have plenty of time now to practise.”

Narcissa laughed and kissed her, but as the kiss built in intensity and her hands explored Marlene's bare skin Narcissa needed to be closer. She gripped her back and pressed herself against her and maybe Marlene felt it, maybe she needed to be closer too, because she held Narcissa tighter, running her hands along her back and kissing her neck and her shoulders, pressing her thigh between Narcissa’s legs and making her moan softly.

She'd never been in Marlene's bedroom before. The bed was unmade, the pillows askew, the sheets soft and warm-looking and Narcissa knew they'd be filled with her scent. She led her over to the bed and Marlene lay on top of the sheets, breathing hard as Narcissa fell over her, hair falling into her face, lips and tongue meeting hers, deep and hard, before moving down to her neck and her breasts and stomach as she slid her hand between her thighs. Marlene gasped and moaned as she pressed her fingers into Narcissa’s back.

Narcissa kissed her mouth and pressed her hips against her, aching so hard it almost hurt.

"Do you like this?" she whispered.

"Yes," whispered Marlene, "but maybe not so hard."

Narcissa looked down into her face and saw that she was smiling a little, as though she knew why Narcissa was pressing down so hard and loved her for it. Narcissa eased back a bit.

"That's-oh," said Marlene, her whisper fading into a moan and Narcissa laughed and kissed her shoulder as they found a rhythm together, listening to each other’s breathing, sensing what the other needed. Narcissa pressed her body against Marlene’s, needing her close, to melt in to her, to become part of her. She gripped her tighter and threw her head back as Marlene broke into a sweat beneath her, the scent of her skin and the sound of her moans pushing her to the edge.

"Come for me Narcissa," whispered Marlene. "You're so close."

Narcissa breathed her in and cried out as her legs tightened up and shook, coming so hard she shivered. When her breathing slowed she kissed Marlene's shoulder and shifted her position, Marlene breathing hard and whimpering underneath her, and after awhile Narcissa felt her draw up her legs as she cried out loud.

"I love you," said Narcissa against Marlene's face as she lay down beside her. "I love you more than anything. I'll never leave you."

Marlene kissed the corner of her mouth and Narcissa felt that her eyes were wet. "I know. I love you too."

Narcissa buried her face in her shoulder and they fell asleep.

***

Narcissa set her suitcase down and pulled Andy into a hug. "Thank you for everything," she said against her face. "

"Of course," said Andy, squeezing her tighter before letting go. "See you in a few weeks."

Narcissa turned to Ted, who wrapped his arms around her. "It was so good seeing you again," she said.

"Same here," said Ted. "You're welcome anytime."

Narcissa let go and knelt down in front of Nymphadora.

"You'll take good care of Thea for me while I'm gone?"

Dora wiped the chocolate off her face with her juice-sticky hands, leaving a large streak there, and gave a solemn nod. "I'll feed her every day and let her out to hunt at night," she said.

"I know you will," said Narcissa. She opened her arms and Dora nearly knocked her over falling into them.

"Behave yourself."

She could feel Dora laughing. "I probably won't," she said with an impish grin as she pulled away.

Narcissa took one last look at them all before Andy opened the door for her and she stepped into the front garden to Disapparate.

Her suitcase was so heavy with clothes she dropped it on the ground the moment she hit solid ground.

Marlene smirked. "Oh, I forgot we were putting on a fashion show, I thought we were just going on holiday."

Narcissa flushed and glanced at the stuffed suitcase. "Andy took me shopping the other day. I suppose I got a bit carried away."

Marlene stepped closer to her. "I hope you packed some tight jeans," she said, putting her arms around Narcissa's neck. "They really show off that arse."

Narcissa smiled and kissed her, a light, playful kiss, then looked over her shoulder at the rusted watering can lying on the ground, glowing faintly blue in the bright sunlight.

"We'd better grab that," she said.

"What, your arse?"

"The Portkey," said Narcissa, more amused than exasperated.

Marlene took her arms from Narcissa's neck and hurried over to the watering can, Narcissa following her, clutching her suitcase.

With a sensation like a hook they were jerked into darkness, and when they stumbled onto the pavement they were surrounded by buildings so tall they blocked out the sun, the sound of sirens and voices and rumbling trucks filling their ears.

"I think this is the same alley as last time," said Marlene, looking all around her. She turned to face Narcissa. "Should we Apparate to Tituba Lane then?"

Narcissa gave her a small smile. "I don't know. I think I feel like an adventure, what about you?"

A crooked grin spread over Marlene's face. "I like your thinking."

"I just hope we can find it again."

"I think I remember," said Marlene. She pulled out a worn and faded map and Narcissa was struck with the realization that she'd kept it all those years, to remember her by. Marlene glanced up and looked back at her, a small smile on her lips, and Narcissa knew she understood.

"Right," she said, looking down at the map. "It's on 47th St. and 8th Ave. That's not far from here."

Narcissa followed Marlene until they'd nearly reached the hotel, but as they passed by a cinema she hung back.

"You go on ahead," she said. "I'll catch up with you in a bit."

Marlene looked at her strangely, but she didn't question it. "Alright," she said. "Meet you there in a few minutes, but be careful, ok?"

"I will."  
  
Narcissa waited until Marlene had gone into the front doors, and as she stepped up to the ticket booth she couldn't stop herself grinning.

***

The lobby was the same as she remembered it, the same cracked yellow chairs, the same flickering television, the same stale-tobacco smell, only there was a young man at the counter now.

"I've already got us a room," said Marlene. "As long as we don't die on the lift we should be fine."

"Oh very funny," said Narcissa, but she was smiling.

After a rather awkward lift ride in which a man with a mohawk and a woman with a safety pin through her nose did everything short of shagging, they reached their floor. Narcissa followed Marlene to their room.

The room too, was just as she remembered it, with its blue carpet and plush pillows and paintings hanging on the wall. A television was propped on a stand.

Marlene sat down on the bed and Narcissa pulled the tickets out of her pocket. "I got you something," she said, handing one to Marlene.

"Star Trek: The Motion Picture," she read. "Well, it doesn't sound like an adult film this time."

"I should hope not," said Narcissa. “That last one was awful.”

“It was funny though,” said Marlene, smiling. She patted the bed. "It doesn't start for a few hours."

Narcissa crawled into bed beside her. "I like your thinking," she whispered.

She unbuttoned Marlene's blouse and jeans as Marlene did the same for her, and they made love slowly, tenderly, taking their time. When they were finished Narcissa curled her body around Marlene, kissing her shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?" said Marlene, stroking Narcissa's hand.

"Of course."

Marlene turned around and faced her. "How did you get that scar?"

Narcissa glanced away from her a moment, but when Marlene stroked her face she looked back into her eyes and she knew that she could tell her anything.

"It happened when I was seven. My mother and my grandfather-my father's father- got into an argument. My grandfather would go into these rages and lose control of his magic and...I got hit. My father was able fix the worst of the damage but it was too late to keep it from scarring."

Marlene put her arms around her. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"You still love me even knowing what my family is like?"

"I still love you."

Narcissa nuzzled her cheek. "Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful anymore?"

"Of course. Will you still love me when I'm old and grumpy?"

"Always. Will you still love me when we're surrounded by screaming children?"

Marlene pulled away and looked at her, eyebrows raised. Then her face spread into a slow grin. "Even then." She kissed the corner of her eye. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you daffodil."

Narcissa smiled back at her and snuggled into her shoulder, and she was free. She was the air and the sky and the light.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Narcissa poked her head into the kitchen, where Marlene was spreading frosting over a two-layer cake.

"Is that just about ready?" she said. "They'll be here any minute."

"I think so," said Marlene, setting the knife down and examining her work. "I hope this turned out alright, I'm useless at baking."

Narcissa looked at the uneven cake and the lumpy frosting and tried to find something to compliment. "Well, I'm sure it tastes delicious."

Marlene raised an eyebrow. "Is that your way of telling me it looks awful?"

Narcissa kissed her. "It looks wonderful. Thank you for working so hard."

Tiny footsteps slapped against the wood floor and when Narcissa turned around Draco was standing there, looking up at her.

"Cake?"

Narcissa knelt down in front of him. "No, Draco, not yet."

"Please?"

Marlene conjured some streamers and balloons out of her wand and Draco shrieked with excitement. "Tell you what sweetheart," said Marlene. "How about we decorate the sitting room with these?"

Draco grabbed a handful of streamers and balloons and followed Marlene into the sitting room.

Narcissa had just set the cake on the table when there was a knock at the door. She hurried through the front hall to answer it.

"Cissy," said Narcissa's father, wrapping her up in a hug and clapping her on the back. As he let go he looked around the hall. "Where's the birthday boy?"

"Papa!" shouted Draco, running pell-mell towards his grandfather and crashing into his legs. Narcissa's father scooped him up and lifted him into the air. "So how old are you again? Seventy-eight?"

"Fwee!" shouted Draco.

"Three? Can't be. You don't look a day older than two."

Draco chortled and as her father set him down he looked at her, face serious. “Mother sends her regards,” he said.

Narcissa didn’t say anything at this, just nodded. Her mother had fallen into a nervous collapse after Bella had been sent to Azkaban and Narcissa had married Marlene, but she seemed to be coming out of it. She really had no choice but to accept it, if she wanted to have anything to do with her and Andy.

Marlene's parents and brother arrived next, showering everyone with kisses and holding two packages.

"Grandma!" shouted Draco, as Marlene's mother scooped him up in a hug.

There was another knock at the door and Narcissa opened it expecting to see Andy or Regulus or Sirius, but found herself facing two people she recognized from a long time ago. "You made it!"

Aster swept her up in a hug and when she let go Narcissa hugged her husband, Thomas.

"I wasn't sure I'd be able to get away, but I didn't want to miss this," said Aster, and Narcissa was struck with the realization that she'd picked up a heavy American accent. She'd only had traces of it the last time Narcissa had seen her.

"Thanks so much for coming," said Narcissa, as she hugged her again.

No sooner had Aster and Thomas sat down and greeted Marlene then five more people showed up at the doorstep, the three Tonkses and Severus and Regulus. Narcissa ushered them inside and showed them to the sitting room, which was filled with balloons and streamers.

Not long after Alice and Frank arrived with their little boy, who was holding on to his mother with one hand and clutching a package with the other.

“Neville!” shrieked Draco. He ran to the doorway to greet his friend and the two began tossing balloons back and forth.

Narcissa walked up to Alice and kissed her cheek. "We're just waiting on Sirius," she said.

The adults all took their seats and watched as Draco and Neville raced across the room, chasing after Nymphadora. Sirius breezed into the cottage a few minutes later, handsome and windswept and holding a long thin package. Severus's face hardened into a scowl and Regulus shot him a warning look.

“Well,” said Narcissa. “Shall we have lunch then?”

Slowly, in fits and starts, everyone stood up and made their way to the table in the dining room, where all the food had been laid out. There were glasses of pumpkin juice for the children and pitchers of beer for the adults and soon the conversation was flowing smoothly, everyone talking and laughing. Narcissa glanced over at Marlene and smiled. She’d been so worried about messing up, but the party was going beautifully.

After he’d finished his cake, Draco toddled up to Narcissa and tugged on her sleeve. "Can I open presents now?" he said said softly.

Narcissa glanced at Marlene, who nodded and smiled. "Alright, Draco.” She reached into the pile of presents in the corner. “Here,” she said. “This one’s from Neville.”

Draco ripped open his first package, a miniature Quidditch team that had been enchanted to fly. Draco shrieked as they raced around his head.

“And here’s something from Sirius,” said Narcissa, handing him the long thin package.

“A toy broom!” Draco shouted as he ripped it open. He made to sit on it when Narcissa spotted potential disaster and put a hand to his arm.

“Wouldn’t you like to open the rest of your presents?” she said.

She handed Draco another, rather lumpy package and Draco ripped it open.

Sirius looked over at Severus and Regulus and snorted. “A toy cauldron? You actually got him a toy cauldron?”

Severus’s lip curled. “I wouldn’t expect you to appreciate anything that would encourage intellectual stimulation.”

Sirius scowled. “Are you calling me stupid?”

“No,” said Severus, voice thick with irony. “I was merely suggesting that you have an under-developed intellect.”

Sirius opened his mouth to retort when Narcissa’s father cleared his throat. “Here, this one’s from Dora,” he said, handing him another present.

Draco tore open the wrapping paper and held up a bag for everyone to see.

Narcissa stared at it with her mouth open and looked over at Andy. “You let her get Draco dungbombs?”

Andy’s eyes widened. “What? No-Nymphadora, you told me you were getting him chocolates.”

Nymphadora shot them a sheepish grin. “Sorry,” she said.

Narcissa picked up the bag with the tips of her fingers. “I think we’ll put these away until he’s older,” she said.

She winced, expecting Draco to burst out crying and reach for the bag, but he was so happy with his other presents he barely even noticed. He and Neville exclaimed over his toy broom, as Sirius watched them and cast smug looks over at Severus and Narcissa was starting to seriously question the wisdom of having the two of them in the same room.

As the afternoon wore on Draco and Neville became quieter and more subdued, and by dinnertime Draco looked ready to fall asleep on the rug.

Frank bent down and scooped up Neville. “I think it’s time to go now, kiddo,” he said.

Neville put a sleepy head on his father’s shoulder. “But I don’t want to go!”

Frank ruffled his hair. “You’ll see Draco in a few days.”

Alice smiled over at Marlene and Narcissa. “Hardly a day goes by that Neville doesn’t ask if Draco can come over and play.”

Narcissa smiled. “Well, we’ll have to come over soon then, won’t we?”

"Yes," said Alice, "and we'll have Harry over too, so the three of you can play together."

Draco smiled a little at this. "'Bye Neville," he said.

In groups of twos and threes the rest of the guests began to leave, until it was just Narcissa’s father left.

He scooped Draco up into one last hug before turning to hug Marlene and then Narcissa. “Oh, I almost forgot, Lucius sends his regards,” he said.

Narcissa smiled to herself. Lucius had managed to weasel his way his way out of Azkaban, as she knew he would, and was enjoying the bachelor life at his manor house. “Tell him I said hello,” said Narcissa.

Draco’s head looked rather droopy, but Narcissa knew he’d never stay asleep if she put him to bed too soon, so they made a light dinner out of the leftovers from the party and Marlene gave him warm bath.

“I’ll take him,” said Narcissa when he’d been helped into his pyjamas. “You’ve worked so hard today, you deserve a break.”

“Thanks,” said Marlene, kissing her on the cheek.

Narcissa carried Draco to his room, with its bright yellow walls and the block letters on the shelf that spelled his name. Draco Cygnus McKinnon-Black.

“Did you have fun today?” she whispered as she tucked him into bed.

“It was the best day ever,” murmured Draco’s sleepy voice. “I love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart,” said Narcissa. She shut off his lamp and closed the door behind her.

She walked down the hall, expecting to go downstairs and see Marlene sprawled out on the sofa with a glass of wine, but she was surprised to hear the sound of running water.

“Come here you,” said Marlene from the bathroom.

Narcissa walked in to find Marlene standing there wearing nothing at all, skin flushed in the light of dozens of candles. The bath was filled with steaming water and two wine glasses were set on the edge.

“It’s perfect,” breathed Narcissa, watching the way the candlelight flickered across Marlene’s bare skin. She’d seen her body so many times, but she never stopped being beautiful.

Marlene kissed her and reached for the buttons on her robes. “Better take these off,” she said.

She helped Narcissa out of her robes and stepped into the bath. Narcissa fell into her arms and slipped down into the water, resting her head on Marlene’s shoulder, their legs tangled up together.

“Do you ever regret it?” said Marlene. “Not having a proper wedding I mean?”

Narcissa smiled, remembering the little church on Tituba Lane they’d ducked into on a whim one night on their trip to New York. The minister, a stooped old man with hardly any teeth left, was the only one there, and if he was put out that they were asking to be married on the spot, he didn’t show it. He’d just smiled and found a few of his friends to be witnesses and afterwards she and Marlene had gone and had dinner at a dive on the Lower East Side, where they’d nearly been mugged by a woman in a fur coat.

“No,” said Narcissa. “I think it was perfect.”

Marlene smiled and kissed her hair.

“Oh, did I tell you?” she said. “Flora is retiring, and she’s left me the greenhouse.”

Narcissa sat up and looked at her. “So it’ll be all yours then?”

“That’s right.” Narcissa squealed and kissed her and when they pulled apart Marlene’s expression turned serious. “I suppose now that I’m taking over you’ll have to re-apply and everything.”

“What?”

“Well, I can’t give you an unfair advantage just because you’re my wife. And to be honest, you still can’t prune Shrivelfigs properly.”

Narcissa just stared at her. “Are you serious? I have to re-apply?”

“Better watch your tone, Narcissa, I’m your employer now.”

Narcissa sat back and looked indignant.

Marlene burst out laughing. “You thought I was serious?”

“I-well-”

Marlene stopped laughing and rested her forehead against hers and stroked her arms. “Actually, I was going to make you my partner. So it’ll be all ours.”

Narcissa opened her mouth and closed it again, unable to find the words to show what this meant to her. Marlene understood, just like she always did. She pulled Narcissa closer and kissed her, a deep slow kiss that made her toes curl.

When they pulled apart Narcissa rested her head on her shoulder and nuzzled her neck, wondering how she’d ever gotten so lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!! And thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and subs, I appreciate every single one of them! I had a blast writing this, I hope you enjoyed reading it <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [maria-de-salinas](https://maria-de-salinas.tumblr.com/)


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